Give Me A Reason To Live
by rachelcullen77
Summary: Bella has a dark past. When Edward steps into her life she doesn't know what to do. Can he help her get over her past? Is she strong enough to survive? And what happens when the past comes back to bite her? E/B, OOC, AH.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, I hope you enjoy, please don not read if you do not like rape/cutting fics. This chapter has disturbing events in it.**

**Thank you to the Beta's over at Project Team Beta and thanks to thedarknessofthemoon! xxx**

**I do not own**.

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Chapter 1

I stood in the bathroom, tears streaming down my pale face, holding a knife in my left hand. The light emitted by the dull glow of the bulb above my head bounced off the silver blade, shooting rays of light dancing across the bleak room. My top was on the floor, with cold wet cloths splattered around me. The fresh red cuts stood in stark contrast to the stretched, silver scars and purple and yellow bruises, ever constant reminders of the hell my life had become. She hated me. Well, both of them did. My mother and her boyfriend. I couldn't call her 'mother' though. A mother is supposed to love and cherish you, not beat you up every day. And when _he_ did anything to me, she didn't stop him. All I had to do was speak, and in a second one of them would be attacking me. They pushed me, hit me and scarred me-deeper than what I could do to myself with my own knife.

But the knife helped. It did. Some people might think I'm strange and crazy doing it, but they're wrong. I just try to get away. It takes everything away, it really does. Even if it's just for a second, I know that they aren't there, waiting in the darkness for me. I could escape with the pain this brings.

The knife bit into my arm, just above my elbow and I didn't cry out when it snagged against my skin, putting up a little resistance as the knife pushed deeper in. I was used to the pain now. I smiled when the deep crimson blood began to flow freely out of my new wound. I smiled wider as I felt the rush of the dopamine through my body; raising my heart rate and making me shake with adrenaline.

I wasn't stupid though. I never cut myself below my elbow, never. It was far too dangerous. I didn't want to kill myself, just get away from it all. The satisfaction flowed through me as the blood dripped onto the dull, white flooring, falling into the cracked patterns the tiles were decorated with. I looked at the cut in weird fascination, proud that I was able to control this one thing. This was why I never wore t-shirts; I couldn't leave myself bare to the world, showing them what I truly was. No one must ever know my secret. No one would ever understand.

I couldn't tell anyone even if I had the choice. Bella Marie Swan. The one seventeen year old in the country who didn't have a soul to turn to. I had no one. No friends, no boyfriend, not one loving, caring person who saw me for what I really was: frightened.

Love is a strange thing. It surrounds most of us all the time. You see it when you walk down the street, you see it in your own house. But I didn't. I'm not loved. I've grown up knowing that fact. It didn't hurt as much as it used to but I could still feel the pain, gnawing at the inside of my heart, trying to get out. I had to shut it in. I had to stay blank and empty. It's the only way you can survive if you live a life like mine. I'd wondered what it must feel like, to be loved. I'd read the great love stories and imagined myself in place of the heroines. But it doesn't bring any satisfaction. When I stepped out of the day dream I always realized the same thing. I am alone. I am not loved. I never will be.

I bent down slowly, trying to avoid stretching my back too much. The painful bruise, courtesy of James, took my breath away if I moved too quickly or turned the wrong way. I picked up one of the cool cloths and held it against the flow of my blood. I pressed the other cloth against my bruise, hoping it would ease the ache I felt there with the slightest move.

How long I waited there, I do not know. But after the pain in my back eased and the blood stopped trickling from the small cut, I took the cloths away and washed them out in the sink. The water colored red as the blood that gathered was released down the drain. I put the knife and both my cloths into the secret compartment I had found at the back of the cupboard. I stood up and slipped the top over my head, my skinny arms covered by the long, black sleeves. I re-tied my long brown hair and stood looking at myself in the mirror.

I knew the reasons I had no friends, why no boys ever asked me out, except when they were dared to. You could see that I had no life in me. My eyes never sparkled like everyone else's did. They were just there, pointing out that I was dead inside. But it wasn't me that caused this.

_They_ were the real reason. They'd ruined my life. They terrified me until I was too scared to even ask them something. They thought it was funny. When one hit me, the other would laugh and gloat by their side. Ever since I was 5, when my mother found James, this was what happened. He had changed everything.

The girls in my class thought I had some sort of skin disease because I insisted on getting changed alone, away from the prying eyes and mocking laughs of my schoolmates. I was constantly jumping at the slightest noise. The boys at my school would shoot out at me and try and scare me, just to laugh at how scared it made me. They didn't know what they were driving me to do. My eyes filled with tears as I realised, once again, how worthless everyone thought I was. I looked up at the single light bulb hanging from the ceiling, in an attempt to hold back the tears threatening to spill again. Other people didn't have to go through this. Why me? What had I done that should cause this much pain as revenge? Self pity swallowed me whole. They were right, they always were. I was useless, there wasn't any point in me being here. I blinked fiercely, forcing the tears to stay in my eyes. I had cried enough. I grabbed the sink and squeezed tight. I took a deep breath and managed to gain control of myself somewhat. I looked in the mirror; nobody would know what had just happened.

I wiped away the tears and pressed my ear against the door. There was no noise from behind it. It meant I could safely escape to the freedom of my room. I unlocked the door and ran across the hallway to my room, shutting the door quietly. I turned around and yelped with fright, my body reacting immediately, shaking slightly in fear. My mother was on the bed. This wasn't good.

"What are you doing, Mum?" I hated calling her 'mum', it was a sign of affection. It was wrong to use it. I wished with all my might I was brave enough to call her Victoria, but I knew that would bring a punishment, one I didn't want to face.

"Sitting waiting for you, you little bitch. And don't you dare talk to me like that, it's my house and I'll do what I want, okay? Next time, I won't warn you!" I nodded.

"Why were you waiting?" I whispered. I didn't want to know the answer. Had I done something wrong again? I noticed two large cases on the floor."And why are the suitcases there?" My mind came up blank at this point. Victoria smiled evilly, her smile reaching her scarily, glinting eyes and making me even more terrified.

"I want you to have everything you own packed. You are leaving tomorrow." What? Were they chucking me out onto the street? My eyes widened and Victoria's face lit up at my discomfort.

"Where am I going? Mum, what are you doing?" Even I could hear the terror in my voice. I would get punished later for being so scared of her.

"You're going away." Still the evil, glinting smile. What the hell was happening?

"Mum, tell me where I'm going!" I said, absolutely terrified. She stood up, towering over me and her voice boomed, seeming to echo around the room.

"You're going to a care home, you stupid, ignorant girl! You should be glad we're not throwing you out!" She brought her hand up and swiped at me. Her hand connected with my cheek making a sharp crack and I cried out, falling backwards against the wall besides the door and bringing my arms up to protect myself from anymore hits. Victoria came towards me and swung the door open, to smash into me, the handle sinking straight into my ribs. She slammed the door again and then she was gone.

I walked over to my bed and sank onto it, yet more tears filling my eyes. I curled my knees to my chest, hoping that would keep the hole in my chest together. The information was still sinking in. I knew they had always hated me, but now they didn't want me. I had always assumed this would be my life forever. I had a routine: school, a fight, a cut, probably another fight, bed. It was a horrible routine but it was there. And she had kept me. Maybe I'd been hoping that part of her had wanted me, seeing as she still kept me, seeing that she hadn't given me away. But she was doing that now. No doubt James had given her the idea. Oh god, I was stupid. I was a naïve little cow. To think they might have wanted me. Me! No one could want me. At least I was getting away though. I had that tiny bit of hope that where I went would be good, that I might be loved. That I could finally get away from the abuse.

So I packed. Everything. Everything I had.

And the knife.

Just in case.

I looked at my watch. It was 7 o'clock and I guessed I wasn't getting tea but I went downstairs anyway, just to try. Victoria looked up as I walked in. She pointed to a lump of bread on the counter and I went and took it, nibbling at the edge. It was stale.

"James is coming over tonight so I want you to stay upstairs all evening, do you understand?" I never came downstairs anyway. And I would never come down by choice when he was here. He scared me almost as much as Victoria. I nodded and left the room, going to back up to my room. I ate the bread quickly. Now there was nothing to do. I had no books, they were all packed; books were the one thing that Victoria had allowed me to have.

I got ready for bed and lay down staring at the blank wall across from me, trying to ignore the pain that was pushing at my boundaries. I curled up, wrapping my arms around my body and eventually fell into a restless sleep.

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?" I looked bleary eyed at my clock. 3:16 AM. Great, her boyfriend was here. James crashed into something. I heard it hit the floor with a loud thump. He was drunk.

"Calm down, woman! I was just down the pub!" He was slurring his words and I heard another crash as he banged into something else downstairs.

"IT'S 3:16! YOU'VE BEEN THERE ALL NIGHT! I MADE YOU DINNER, YOU UNGRATEFUL COW!"

"WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED IF I WOULD BE HOME!" Another crash. Then footsteps came storming up the stairs. A door slammed at the other end of the corridor. Maybe now I could get some sleep. James would stay downstairs and sleep in the couch. I closed my eyes again but they shot open when my door creaked open. The room was in almost pitch darkness yet I could just make out a silhouette in the doorway, standing there, watching me. I could smell alcohol in the air. It was James. I trembled slightly in fear, my breath hitching as I inhaled. What was he going to do? If I was lucky I might get away with a couple of bruises. If not, a broken bone looked likely. James was always worse when he was drunk. He staggered through the doorway, shutting the door behind him.

"Belllllllaaa? You awake?" he slurred, creeping eerily through the darkness to my bed. My eyes were adjusting to the darkness now and I could see him stalking across the room. He flung back the covers as I lay shaking in fear. He looked down at me with something foreign in his eyes.

"You know, you're a beautiful girl." No, please no. He couldn't be! He trailed a hand across my cheek and down my body, to the hem of my top. No, no!

"J...James, please! Don't do this!" He growled at me before he heaved himself on top of me.

"I know you want this. All the time, you look at me with need. You're so beautiful. You're always calling to me, every moment of every day." His hand slid under my top and I trembled at his touch.

"Please, don't!" The tears were running down my cheeks. He grabbed the sides of my top and ripped it off me. I whimpered and tried to get away from him but his grip was too tight.

"Don't try to run, Bella. Or I'll make this worse." I cried out and he hit me sharply.

"Do not talk, Bella." So I just lay there while he did it, trying not to think. It seemed to happen in flashes. His mouth was on mine, forcing his tongue down my throat as I tried not to wretch in disgust; his hands were on my breasts, squeezing them hard, making me bite my lip to stop from crying out with pain; he was stripping me down, making me strip him too, with shaking hands. And then he did it. He forced himself into me, causing me to cry out as the pain level grew to the extreme as he invaded my body, thrusting in hard, gripping my hips and forcing me around like a rag doll. I closed my eyes and cried, trying to wish it all away. Somehow, I was watching it from elsewhere. A tiny girl, with a brute of a man on top of her, was crying. The girl was silent though, as if her tears had been drawn on with white crayon. The light zigzagging across her face and the man's animalistic grunts made it seem like a horror scene. I suppose it was. Slowly, I felt myself being drawn back to the girl and when I opened my eyes, I once again could see him on top of me. I let out a strangled cry, as much as I could manage before he clamped a rough hand down over my mouth.

When he finished he collapsed beside me. I tried to get as far away from him as possible but he pulled me closer. I tried to hit him, anything to get away from the disgusting monster in front of me. I was numb, not comprehending what had just happened. I just knew I had to get away from him before he did something else. Suddenly he fell out of the bed and lay on the floor, out cold. Isn't it ironic that my rescue came in the form of alcohol, just like it began? I curled myself in a ball, my fingers scratching at my face, trying to force the pain away. My endurance was over and it wasn't long until I fell into a sleep full of nightmares.

***

I was woken up by the sound of a loud crash. Victoria stood in the doorway, glaring at me with all her might. James was still lying naked on the floor. I wrapped the covers around me tighter, desperate to get a bigger barrier between everyone and me. Never had I thought that he would do that. I knew he was bad and horrible, but what he did was beyond my imagination. My mind flashed through what I remembered of last night and I curled up even further away from the creature on the floor, my mind warped with what he had done.

"You bitch," Victoria said so quietly I almost didn't hear her. Was she being serious! Her boyfriend had just raped me! I started crying, loud, rasping sobs.

"But...b...but he...he...r...raped me!"

"YOU LIAR!" She threw something at me and it hit my head. "YOU FUCKING LIAR! YOU SLEPT WITH HIM! YOU BITCH! YOU'VE TAKEN EVERYTHING FROM ME, YOU FUCKING WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT! GET FUCKING DRESSED THEN GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

"Please! He raped me!" She just slammed my door. Sobbing uselessly, I got up, stepping over the horrific reminder of last night on the floor. I got dressed quickly, my mind reeling. How could she think I slept with him willingly? Did she not see how distraught I was? Her words bore into me, eating away at me like little flies, desperate to break Bella down to a small shell of a person. They had succeeded.

James stirred on the floor. I backed into the corner, terrified he would do something to me again. My body was sore all over from him and I felt so dirty. I was covered in the stench of him, like a whore. The alcohol mixed with sweat and a faint odour of semen made me gag when I took a breath. My body shook at the memory of him entering me and the pain it brought to me. He looked up at me, smiling wickedly while I crouched in the corner away from him. He pulled on his clothes that lay strewn on the floor from last night. They still smelt of alcohol. He nodded at me to go to the door ahead of him. I sneaked along the wall to the door, not wanting him out of sight for fear he might attack me from behind. I saw him pick up the suitcases and I quickly went down the stairs, my arms wrapped around my body, holding myself together.

_You're getting away from here, you're getting away from here._

I kept repeating this in my mind, the thought giving me hope. Victoria didn't say anything to me, just glared, and appeared to be trying not to throw something at me.

"Get to the car," she growled at me. As I went to the door, James swung the suitcases round and they hit me. I fell to the floor, the wind knocked out of me. Victoria stepped over me and went to the car. James, though, he helped me up. He ran his hand along the back of my thigh and over the slit between my legs. I started shaking again. Not again, please not again.

"Please. Don't do it!" He looked at me and I turned and ran to the car. I stepped in, sweating and still shaking after the encounter with James.

_You're getting away from here, you're getting away from here_.

I repeated my mantra over and over on the drive to the airport. I sat hunched up on the seat. No one spoke a word to me. James shot dirty wink after dirty wink at me through the mirror and I cringed every time and eventually closed my eyes, desperate to get away from them both. But when I closed my eyes, all I could see were flashes from last night. I couldn't get away from it. Everywhere I turned it was there, waiting to terrify me and hurt me.

I looked at the gate we went to. It read Seattle. I was going to Seattle? That was miles away. I lived in Phoenix.

James sat next to me on the plane. I started shaking as soon as I smelt him near me. He rested his hand on my thigh and I whimpered. His dark eyes glared at me and I got the urge to cry out. Someone would hear me and they couldn't do anything about it! James must have seen something in my eyes though. He released me and turned to talk to Victoria. I was left alone for the journey. Left alone with the dark memories, jumping along the edges of my vision, every so often one of them breaking through. My own personal horror movie. I wanted to die. I wanted to die so much then but I wanted something more than that. Just one thing, is that too much to ask for? Please, someone, give me a reason to live.

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**This chapter is the only one that is so bad. It will get better quite quickly.**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


	2. Chapter 2

**And here is chapter 2. I hope you enjoy. We meet Edward here. He's a bit of a badass. **

**Thank you to those over at Project Team Beta and thedarknessofthemoon. This chap wouldn't have made it without them.  
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**Disclaimer:I do not own anything belonging to Twilight.  
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BPOV

"Hey, Isabella. I'm Elizabeth Masen, and I'm in charge of Teen Hope Home." Elizabeth stuck out her hand and I nervously shook it. She couldn't hurt me, right?

"It's Bella, actually." She smiled in understanding.

"Welcome to Teen Hope. We're part of the organisation that has a site just above Seattle. Our house here however, is more of a permanent home to teenagers who run away, or whose parents are no longer able to take care of them, as in your case."

They couldn't take care of me? You have got to be kidding me. They didn't fucking want me! They were dumping me, after ripping me apart so I would never be whole again.

"I hear that your parents are moving across to Europe. Maybe we can pay for you to go stay with them for a while during the summer."

Europe? They were moving to _Europe_? They hadn't mentioned a word. Was that what they were just telling the care home? So they seemed less evil? I wanted to sit down and cry.

"My husband, Edward Mason, is our 'chef' in a very loose sense of the word." A tall man with dark hair waved from the corner of the room where he stood. I lifted my hand up in a quick gesture but looked down at the ground quickly, sweeping my hair forward to hide me from everyone.

"This is Carlisle Cullen, he helps me with the running of this place. He's also our first aider." Carlisle was blonde and pale. He smiled at me kindly from where he stood.

"And this is Renee Dwyer. She will be your social worker." The woman moved forward and shook hands with me and then Victoria and James.

"Oh! I almost forgot. Esme Cullen is getting the young people ready to meet you, making them look vaguely presentable, you know?" I smiled slightly again, though I kept my eyes to the floor. "Now, Bella, would you be okay with Carlisle showing you your room while I have a talk with your parents?"

Yes I had a problem. I couldn't be alone with him. What if he was like James? I looked up at him and he was smiling. Someone who looked so nice couldn't be like him, could he? I nodded blindly and let fate take its course. I went over to my suitcases and started to pick them up, but Carlisle stopped me.

"Don't do that Bella, I'll get them."I nodded then quickly glanced at my parents; Victoria narrowed her eyes slightly, but I knew I was the only person who would notice. Carlisle picked them up and left the room. I followed behind, making sure to keep some distance between us. He led me up a flight of stairs and along a corridor. I counted three doors on either side before he stopped. He pushed the door on the left and motioned for me to go in. I walked in, making sure not to get anywhere near him. There was a bed against the opposite wall, a wardrobe, a chest of drawers and a mirror. The carpet and the walls were white. It looked much cleaner than where I stayed before. But sterile. It looked like a hospital. That scared me.

"Esme, and no doubt Alice, will take you shopping tomorrow to choose paint and stuff." He put the suitcases down and turned back to me.

"Who's Alice?"

"She's one of our young people. She's a shopping addict." For the third time that day I smiled nervously and looked back at the floor.

"Bella, are you okay?" I looked up to see Carlisle walking towards me. I started panicking, and my breath hitched. I backed away and felt my back hit the wall. Carlisle kept walking till he was right in front of me. He's going to hit me. No! I thought I would get away! Please! I couldn't believe this was happening. I thought that by moving here I would leave this behind.

"Bella, I won't hurt you," he whispered. He sounded sincere but I couldn't be sure. I could never be sure anymore.

"You don't know that." I looked him straight in the eye and he seemed to back off.

"Come on. Let's go back down." He went ahead of me, seeming to realise that I didn't like him near me. It wasn't that I couldn't be near him, I was just too scared of him being another James. I couldn't trust him.

When we were back outside Elizabeth's office, Carlisle knocked on the door.

"Come on in you two," Elizabeth called. I walked in behind Carlisle and flinched when I saw Victoria. She mouthed the word 'slut' at me and I quickly looked back at the ground. They couldn't do anything to me here, could they? I tried to wipe my face of all emotion, knowing my terror would attract attention. And it did.

"You okay, Bella?" Carlisle looked at me sideways and I nodded quickly, making my face even blanker.

"I'm fine!" I said slightly too fast and high pitched.

"Bella! Apologise to Mr. Cullen now. That was a disgraceful tone. We may let you off with that at home but not somewhere else," Victoria scolded me, her voice hissing into my ears. My chin dropped to my chest as I felt my cheeks heat up. She had to have a go at me, and now everyone here would hate me.

"Sorry, Carlisle," I whispered so quietly they would have had to strain their ears to hear me. I moved my hair to cover my embarrassment and to hide the tears that filled my eyes.

"Bella! It's Mr. Cullen to you." My cheeks grew redder, and Carlisle looked sideways at me and then at Victoria. Then he folded his arms and glared at Victoria.

"And it's Dr. Cullen to you!" Carlisle said to her. I almost laughed when I saw her face. She was completely horrified.

"S...s...sorry D...Dr Cullen," Victoria managed to stammer out. Carlisle looked at me again and winked slyly. I gave him a small smile but quickly went back to my hiding place behind my hair. Elizabeth coughed and stood up.

"Anyway, you can say your goodbyes and then Bella can meet everyone who lives here and get a tour of the house. Would you like a minute alone?" She seemed to ask this cautiously, as if already aware of a discord within her family but without knowing enough to intervene.

Victoria jumped in immediately.

"Yes please! That would be lovely." Elizabeth stood up, as did the others still in the room. Carlisle looked back at me and hesitated in the doorway before a sharp tug from someone pulled him outside.

Victoria and James stood up and beckoned me to them. Victoria put her hand on my shoulder and dug her nails in. I tried to get away from her grip, but she was holding too tight.

"Good riddance, Bella. One day I will get you again, do you understand? You're not free." She narrowed her eyes at me and went to the door to wait for James.

"Bella, I swear to God if you tell anyone what happened I will kill you, and anyone who gets in the way," he said in a low voice. He brought his hand up and caressed my cheek. I flinched away and let out a whimper, trembling. He glared at me and brought his hand up to hit me properly, but Victoria grabbed his fist.

"You can't, you idiot! Not here!" He released his grip on my cheek, growling loudly. I was still trembling when they gave me one last look before stalking to the door. I followed after them, trying to stop shaking, but I couldn't. I wasn't safe. They would come back and I couldn't even tell anyone. If I did they would kill me. I went out the door and Carlisle was looking at me strangely. He knew what had just happened. He must have heard me whimper. I went pale and dropped my eyes to the floor again, begging him silently not to say anything. Elizabeth led them to the door and then they were gone. Renee left as well.

"I'll be back soon, Bella!" she said before following James and Victoria out the house.

Carlisle and Elizabeth led me along the corridor while Edward went along to what I assumed was the kitchen. They took me to a large living room. I looked around in interest, seeing portraits on the walls, obviously drawn by someone here. The room was a warm yellow and was very bright. I quickly dropped my eyes to the floor in case someone noticed me gawking. I raised my eyes slightly more to see some people my age standing across the room. There were 8 of them. A beautiful woman was coming across the room towards me and held out her arms to hug me. She had a brilliant smile and light brown wavy hair; this must be Esme.

"Hey, Isabella! I'm Esme." She smiled warmly at me, and I couldn't help but smile back. For the first time in months I felt lighter, like the weight from my shoulders had lifted slightly, all because one person had smiled properly at me. I moved my eyes back to the people across from me. They seemed to be in two separate groups.

"It's Bella."

"Sorry." She smiled at me, and I smiled back nervously.

A tiny girl with short spiky hair stepped forward first and ran to hug me. I giggled slightly at her over-the-top manner.

"I'm Alice, and you and I are going shopping tomorrow! Please tell me you like shopping?" She said all of this so quick that I could barely understand her.

"Um, I've never really been." I looked back at the ground, my smile sliding quickly from my face. Victoria had never allowed me to go shopping. I wasn't allowed anything that I wanted, she would buy me all my clothes. Luckily she bought long sleeved, unrevealing tops. I chanced a look back up at Alice. She looked..._surprised?_

"You've never been shopping?" she said slowly, pronouncing each syllable. I shook my head and let my hair fall back over my face.

"Why not?" There is was, the question I didn't want to answer.

"Um, I...I just haven't." I looked up again, and she was smiling.

"I can show you everything then!" she squealed. Okay, Alice seemed extremely hyper and it seemed to be having a slight affect on me. I smiled at her, and she smiled back. She reached back and pulled a blonde curly haired guy forward.

"This is Jasper." He smiled at me and lifted his hand up. I flinched backwards slightly, terrified he was going to slap me but he just wanted to shake my hand. My cheeks went red as I took his hand.

"Sorry," I muttered quietly, looking back at the ground. His grip was too tight around my hand and I shook a little before tearing my hand away and gripping both of mine together. I tried to tell myself that he wasn't going to do anything to me. His face was friendly and he seemed to have an aura of calm about him. I relaxed minutely when I looked at his apologetic face. Only minutely though. I still wasn't safe.

"You don't know what you've gotten yourself into, Bella. After tomorrow, believe me, you will never want to shop again," he drawled in a Texan accent, trying to put me at ease. I smiled slightly, but my muscles were tense and I probably ended up grimacing more than anything else. The other three people who were in Alice and Jasper's group of sorts came over to us.

"Rosalie." A stunning blonde girl raised her hand before glaring in the opposite direction. Great. I'd made an enemy already. The boy, or maybe man, standing next to her however was what had my attention. He was so tall and looked freakily scary. My fingers twisted together as my mind fought to give me some confidence.

_Don't run away, Bella. Don't. Just act calmly._

"Hey! I'm Emmett," the guy said. He smiled cheekily at me, and my fears dissipated quickly. I couldn't be scared of someone who smiled like that. He had a similar smile to Alice-you just had to smile back! Someone to the side of Emmett cleared their throat and my gaze moved to the person there. My breath caught in my throat as I looked at him. He had golden brown hair, except it wasn't brown, it had hints of red in it. It fell sexily into his eyes. His dark green piercing eyes. Looking at them I felt like he already knew everything about me, he was looking into my soul. My eyes blatantly trailed down his body. He was wearing a black shirt with the sleeves rolled up showing his strong forearms. My fingers twitched as they tried to reach out to touch this god, just to check he was real. But my mind shied away from him. Someone so good could only do something horrible. He would hurt me, wouldn't he? I met his gaze again and he smiled crookedly at me. My knees almost gave way beneath me with the unknown emotions that ran through my body. He reached out and took my hand, shaking it gently, trying not to scare me. My heart started beating faster and I fought to stay in control of my terror. Somehow, I knew then from gazing into his eyes, that this person could not hurt me.

His skin against my own was slightly rough, but silky smooth as well. His grip was warm and my body didn't want me to let go. He smiled at me.

"I'm Edward, Edward Cullen." Did that mean that Carlisle and Esme who worked here were his parents? I didn't dwell on that fact too long, his eyes were all consuming and demanded all my attention. He took my breath away. He still held onto my hand and something weird was flowing between us. I wondered vaguely if he felt it too, but someone coughed and my shield was back up. I dropped his hand and moved backwards. We had gotten closer to each other during the few seconds, though it felt like hours. My eyes fell to the floor again and my hair fell over my face. Suddenly I felt someone's hand on my cheek and I took a sharp intake of breath. _Please don't hurt me_, I thought. I looked up and Edward had his hand out. He tucked my hair behind my ear and brushed his fingers along my cheek. But the feeling didn't make me want to run away. Now I knew it was him, I felt...safe. There was something I didn't understand that ran from me into him. I wanted more of it.

"Don't hide, Bella," he whispered. His voice. It was like god damned velvet. When he spoke my name, it was like honey falling from his lips.

"Well sorry to break up this lovely gathering!" A cold voice broke me out of my reverie. I looked to Edward's right. The other 'group' was standing there. A blonde at the front had her arms crossed and was glaring at me. Okay make that total of enemy's up to two.

"I'm Lauren." She came forward to give me a hug. A fake hug. She dug her fingers into my shoulders and whispered in my ear.

"Edward Cullen is mine." I could feel my shield growing stronger; my shield that I hid behind, not letting anybody close enough to see the true me; the shield that closed off my life to my eyes. My shield protected me from all the hurt out there. Behind my shield, I didn't live. I was just there. My eyes were becoming dark and hollow again, and I couldn't smile; I couldn't try and put on a face for everybody else. This girl didn't know what she had just done to me. I was well acquainted with nails, mainly Victoria's. I found myself wishing that this Lauren had to go through what I had. She would never hurt anyone then.

"Jessica." A bored looking girl waved her hand from where she was. The last person was a guy. He had spiked up blonde hair and was leering at me. My eyes grew wide as he came towards me.

"I'm Mike." He put his arm round my shoulder and slapped me on the back. I jumped away from him, my eyes filling with tears. I moved backwards until there was a least two metres between us. He had hit me. I stood shaking while the Mike looked at me like I was crazy. I looked around, and everyone else was looking at me with the same expression. Except Edward. He looked at me with concern, which then turned to anger as he turned to Mike. Mike started walking towards me with his hand outstretched. I backed up more until I hit the wall. My breath caught in my throat as I realised I had nowhere to run to. But then Edward stepped in front of me, blocking Mike from getting to me.

"Leave her alone you asshole, can't you see she's fucking scared of you?" he growled in a low voice. I let out a breath when I realised I was safe from him.

"I just wanted to apologise," he retorted. Edward gave him a shove on the shoulder.

"Well don't, okay?" His eyes were like daggers, stabbing at Mike when he looked at him. Mike held up his hands in defeat and walked over to his entourage. Everyone looked back at me and my cheeks grew hot. I realised my hands were still clenched in fists. I released them, taking a deep breath and looking at the ground.

"Bella, are you okay?" I looked up and Edward was standing right in front of me. I looked into his eyes and nodded slowly.

"Sorry." My voice came out quieter, and I reddened again. How much attention did I need to bring to myself? He brushed my hair out of my face and neither of us spoke. I was speechless as I looked at him.

And then it all ended. My head was on fire all of a sudden. Nothing caused it; it was just there. I couldn't breathe. It was so sore. I could hear myself screaming in pain but I couldn't stop the inhumane noise I was making. My hands were on my head, my eyes scrunched up. The pain was going to kill me. My body twisted and my knees gave way. The room went black before I hit the floor.

EPOV

"Edward, you have to get up! A new girl is arriving today, and the place needs to be looking good! Get up!" I groaned and flung the covers off me.

"I'm up Mom!" My mum was Esme Cullen. Both her and my Dad worked and lived here at Teen Hope Care Home. That meant I had to stay here too. Me and my sister Alice. Alice liked it more than I did. This place was a fucking hole. Most of the people who came here were strange. Lauren for one. She had a fucking obsession with me, and it was getting over the top. No doubt the girl arriving would be just as weird. Every once in a while someone decent would come along. Jasper, Alice's boyfriend for one, as well as Emmett and Rosalie, a couple my mum had found on the street. We were the permanent group that had lived here for years and weren't planning on leaving anytime soon. I knew though that Carlisle and Esme had other plans. They were planning on buying us a house. A big one, so that when Alice turned 18 she could come and join us too.

The others kids came and went. There were three of them at the moment: Lauren, Jessica and Mike. Soon to be four. The five of us had grown up together. Esme and Carlisle were the only parents they had ever known. They didn't want to leave. I think my parents were even thinking of adopting them, but I know nothing so that could be rubbish. I threw some jeans and a t-shirt on and was just two steps out my room when my sister came and marched me straight back.

"Fuck off Alice, I don't need your help. I'm dressed fine." She glared at me and carried on looking through my wardrobe.

"Here," she said curtly, throwing me a shirt.

"Alice," I groaned, "You know I hate fucking shirts!"

"Yes, but Mom wants you to wear one." I shook my head at her.

"Tut tut, Alice. It's Esme and Carlisle here, you should know that by now!" I snorted. Apparently if we called them mum and dad it would make the other fuckers feel like shit. Like I cared. She glared at me and walked out the room. I sighed and put the shirt on, knowing it wasn't worth a fight. I dragged my ass downstairs and sat at the table across from Jasper. He nodded at me.

"You been Aliced I see?"

I grunted in reply.

"Have you?" He nodded. I shook my head as our topic of conversation came into the room wearing a dress. Fuck, it was like bloody Angelina Jolie was coming. I still didn't understand why we had to dress up. I mean I don't think the girl will care much. It will be some fake chick who will no doubt try and do a Lauren with me. Speaking of which, Lauren came through the door. Her eyes lit up as she eyes the seat beside me.

"Shit," I muttered. Jasper laughed under his breath.

"Morning, Edward," she said in a low 'I think I am so sexy but really I sound like a whore with a dick in my fucking throat' voice. I hate that shit. I grunted in reply. As I was reaching across to get some toast she put her hand on my thigh, extremely close to my goods. I jumped up.

"Will you keep your fucking hands off me?"

"Edward," Esme warned. I almost groaned. Blah blah blah, watch your language. Easy for her to say, she wasn't the one getting felt up by a blonde slut. Oh no, you have Doctor Carlisle to do that. I sat back down and glared at Lauren. She got the message and turned round to face Jessica. I sighed and once again reached for some toast. Emmett patted me on the back in understanding. I glared at him and he laughed.

"Calm down, Eddie boy."

"Do not call me Eddie," I said through gritted teeth. He raised his hands, the picture of innocence. I grabbed my mug of coffee and swigged it down. Fuck, that felt better.

"Right everyone listen up. Isabella Swan will be arriving at about two. The house has to be clean by then. Alice, she'll be staying on your floor so can you, you know, 'befriend' her of sorts." Alice nodded, looking excited. She loved it when new people came. I couldn't care less about this Isabella.

"Lauren, Jessica, and Mike, I want you three to tidy the living room. And I mean tidy. Nothing is to be on the floor. Alice and Rosalie, do you two want to do in here and the kitchen? Emmett, you can do the toilets, and Jasper and Edward I want you two to vacuum. Edward, do downstairs, Jasper, do the stairs and your corridor, including the room Isabella will sleep in. Once you've finished eating get started immediately. And I want you in here for lunch at one."

Emmett groaned.

"How come I have the worst job? It's not fair." Nobody replied. I couldn't be bothered to do anything for one stupid girl. What was so special about her? She was just another kid who was being forced to come here. Having been here so many years, I had lost my sympathy for the people who come. Almost all of the time, they could have fixed their lives by themselves. That's why they leave almost immediately.

When everyone else started getting up, Jasper and I stayed put while Alice and Rose stood up to start the dishes.

"So, what do you think Swan will be like?" I grunted again. I didn't care what she's like.

"You know, Edward, you better not be mean to her. She's going to be my friend. I'm going to take her shopping," Alice warned me.

"You know, if you want her to be your friend babe, maybe taking her shopping isn't the greatest idea." I laughed at Jasper and nodded in agreement. She hit him with a tea towel. Jasper grabbed her and pulled her onto his lap, kissing her.

"Get a fucking room."

I stood up when they didn't stop. "I guess I'll leave then."

*******

My hands and legs were fucking killing me. Hovering is harder than it looks. It fucking hurts! I slumped onto the sofa when I finished. Lauren came and sat next to me. I groaned and stood up, desperate to get away from her. I quickly left the room and went to the dining room. I sat between Emmett and Jasper so that when Lauren came she couldn't sit next to me. Smart thinking, Cullen. By half past one, Esme was panicking.

"Edward, hurry up! We need to get it tidied up in here!" I smirked and deliberately started eating slower. She glowered at me, so I sighed and stuffed the rest of the sandwich into my mouth.

"Now, everyone get into the living room. I will do these dishes and then come to make sure you all look okay." Alice grabbed me from the chair and pushed me to the living room.

"You better be nice, Edward Cullen." I nodded in agreement. But if she was a bitch, then I wasn't promising anything. Alice glared at me some more before turning to Jasper. Rosalie was complaining to Emmett about having to get everything ready for this new person. She agreed with me, which was fucking amazing! We didn't agree on anything. Esme rushed in then.

"Everyone Isabella had arrived! She's slightly early." She looked around the room and her gaze fell on me.

"Edward, be nice."

"Why is everyone picking on me?" I asked her indignantly. Okay, I knew why they were picking on me. I was the 'bad guy' of the house. What that really meant was that I didn't put up with any shit.

"We're not picking."

I nodded sarcastically. She sighed and gave up.

"Just behave. That means everyone."

And then they walked in. _And so the show begins_, I thought. But then I saw her. She was an angel. I stopped breathing when I saw her. She was beautiful. Her brown hair fell across her face as a cover as she looked at the ground. She looked up when Esme hugged her and I saw her eyes. Holy fuck. Her eyes were deep brown. But they were so sad. They called to me and I felt myself drowning, and she hadn't even looked at me. She looked so hollow, but there was something in her eyes. Fear.

"Hey, Isabella! I'm Esme," Esme said when she hugged her, and I saw her smile. She lit up the room. Her eyes seemed to sparkle, yet something still lurked beneath the surface.

"It's Bella." I smiled. Bella suited her better.

"Sorry." Esme apologised to her. Then Alice practically attacked her. I heard her giggle slightly and I swear my heart almost stopped at such a beautiful sound.

"I'm Alice, and you and I are going shopping tomorrow! Please tell me you like shopping? We can have some girl bonding time." Bella looked overwhelmed and I struggled not to laugh. But her face fell slightly, and I frowned. Why was she so upset?

"Um, I've never really been." There was something more to it though. What the hell had happened to her? Why the fuck was she so scared? Why? Why? Why?

"Why not?" Alice jumped in.

"Um, I...I just haven't." I saw something flash in her eyes, but I couldn't work it out. All I knew was that she was scared, and I would do anything to protect her. And I hadn't even fucking met her.

"I can show you everything then!" Alice practically burst my eardrums when she squealed. Poor Bella didn't know what she had gotten in to. Alice reached back and pulled Jasper to her.

"This is Jasper." You know he does have a mouth Alice! Jasper reached out with his hand, and I saw terror flash over Bella's face as she flinched backwards slightly. I narrowed my eyes. Who the hell had fucked her up so badly?

"Sorry." Bella's cheeks went red and she used her hair as a shield again. She shook Jasper's hand, but I noticed she was shaking slightly. And then she pulled her hand back and clasped them both together, as if scared that someone would touch them again.

"You don't know what you've gotten yourself into, Bella. After tomorrow, believe me you will never want to shop again." Bella smiled slightly but, her eyes didn't light up like before. Her smile was tense. It wasn't real. When Rosalie and Emmett walked over, I did too. I had to get closer to her.

"Rosalie." I saw Bella's face flush and her hands twist. Rosalie was being her usual bitchy self. I fought the urge to growl at her.

"Hey! I'm Emmett." He smiled at her. At first she seemed terrified when she looked at him but after he smiled she relaxed again and smiled back. A proper smile this time. Emmett made people smile like that. And then she looked at me. Finally. Her eyes blatantly undressed me as she looked me up and down. She finally looked back at my face and I was able to see her gorgeous face. Her eyes were beautiful. She had full red lips, which were just begging for me to kiss them. Her skin was pale and looked smooth. I wanted so much to touch her. I smiled at her and she swayed slightly. Forgetting that she hated it when Jasper shook her hand I reached out to grasp hers, but she met me in the middle. Yes, Edward fucking Cullen was being a gentleman. I was actually fucking shaking her hand. I heard her breath hitch when our skin touched. Unconsciously we had been moving closer together. I could smell her sweet scent. I just wanted to bury my nose in her hair. She was a goddess. I tried not to snort when I realised I hadn't even told her my name yet.

"I'm Edward, Edward Cullen." I could see the wheels turning in her head as she made the connection between my parents and I. Then dear old mother had to ruin it. She coughed and Bella went red again. She dropped my hand and moved backward. She looked at the ground again and her hair fell forwards, hiding her beautiful face. I couldn't stop myself. I reached forwards and my fingers swept her hair out of her face and put it behind her ear. I brushed against her soft skin. I wanted to keep my fingers against her forever. I was in heaven.

"Don't hide, Bella." She looked back up at me, her brown eyes staring at me, boring into me and eating at my soul. I vowed then, I would figure Bella out and I would save her from her ever-consuming fear.

"Well sorry to break up this lovely gathering!" I broke Bella's gaze to turn and glare at Lauren.

"I'm Lauren." She walked up to Bella and put her hands tightly on Bella's shoulders and whispered something to her. I could see Bella trembling. What the fuck had she said to her? When Lauren backed off Bella's eyes were hollow again. Hollow and empty. My heart broke a million times as I looked at her. She looked so broken. I would fucking kill Lauren.

"Jessica." I heard Jessica speak but I was too absorbed in Bella to take any notice. I couldn't take my eyes off her. And then fucking Mike came up to her.

"Hi. I'm Mike." He put an arm round her and slapped her on the back. All of a sudden Bella jumped back from him, petrified, the fear in her eyes obvious. Why the fuck had he hit her? Was she okay? She looked around the room and her gaze fell on me. She was shaking, and I could see tears in her eyes. Then Mike started walking towards her. Bella backed off but she reached the wall and the look in her eyes tore me apart. She was fucking helpless and broken and Mike was fucking terrifying her. Well he wouldn't fucking touch her. I stepped in front of her, facing Mike.

"Leave her alone you asshole, can't you see she's fucking scared of you?" I spat at him.

"I just wanted to apologise," he retorted. I shoved him back.

"Well don't, okay?" I growled. He would not hurt her. He held up his hands and back off. I turned round to face Bella. She was staring at the floor again, her hair hiding her again. I moved till I was right in front of her.

"Bella are you okay?" She looked up at me and nodded.

"Sorry." Why the fuck was she apologising? I didn't say anything though. I just tucked her hair behind her ear again so I could see her. When she looked at me, time stood still. All I could see was her and her beautiful eyes. Fuck those eyes. They were going to kill me.

And then she started screaming. Her hands reached for her head.

"Fuck." I didn't know what to do. Her body twisted and her knees gave way. I caught her and abruptly she stopped screaming. I looked down at her. Her eyes were closed but she was still breathing.

"Edward put her on the sofa," Carlisle told me. I placed her down as Esme herded everyone else out. He placed his hand on her forehead.

"Edward she's scorching. Go get me a cool wet cloth." I ran out of the room shaking and was back within 10 seconds. I dropped down beside her and stroked her cheek. We waited, the other adults behind us. Come on Bella, wake up. I repeated this in my head, waiting for her eyes to open. 5 minutes later they did. I breathed a sigh of relief as she looked up at us in confusion.

"You fucking scared me, Bella," I whispered. I continued to stroke her cheek and she smiled slightly at me.

"How do you feel, Bella? What happened?" Carlisle asked her. I helped her sit up properly and watched as her eyes danced back to her previous fear.

BPOV

I looked around the adults waiting for an answer. My gaze wandered back to Edward's and he smiled slightly. He took my hand and began stroking that with his thumb, instead of my cheek.

"I...I...don't know. I just felt this pain in my head. It's gone now." Carlisle looked at me in confusion.

"Has this happened before?" I nodded.

"Has anything happened to you that could have caused recurring pain? An injury at school? A fall?" I looked into Edward's eyes and then looked away.

"No." That was a lie. I knew what had caused this, but I couldn't tell them. Not now, not ever.

A few months ago, James had come in drunk. He's come up to my room and thumped my head against the wall 17 times. One for each year, he said. One for each year since I'd ruined his life.

I looked back at Edward. His eyes were narrowed and I looked away quickly. He knew I was lying. He could tell.

"Look, I'm fine! It's over." Edward squeezed my hand, and I looked back at him. He smiled at me again, that crooked smile that had nearly brought me to my knees. Suddenly, I felt like I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to so bad. I coughed and looked away quickly but the electricity was still there and I couldn't get away from it. I looked up. Carlisle was staring weirdly at Edward and Edward was staring back. Okay so they definitely were father and son.

"Edward," Esme said slowly.

"Why don't you give Bella a tour while I talk to the others about what just happened?" I reddened, embarrassed that I had to be discussed. I was a head case. Edward smiled widely.

"Sure!" he jumped up and pulled me up. He held me round my waist and for a second we were pressing against each other completely. It seemed he realised it too as he took a breath in quickly. I looked up at him and his eyes were burning. Once again though somebody coughed and we broke apart immediately.

"Come on," he murmured to me. "Let's get away before the Spanish Inquisition starts."

* * *

**So I did actually research this condition that Bella has. It is real! Anway, please review with any thoughts!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here is chapter three. A big thank you to Veespa, thedarknessofthemoon and ProjectTeamBeta. This chap would not have made it without them.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer.  
**

* * *

Chapter 3: Damaged.

_I'm scared and I'm alone  
I'm shamed and I need for you to know_

_I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say  
And you can't take back what you've taken away  
Cause I feel you, I feel you near meI didn't say all the things that I wanted to say  
And you can't take back what you've taken away  
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me_

_Damaged by Plumb_

BPOV

"Bella! Wake up!" What? Victoria? Where was she? My back was aching like she had just hit me.

"Bella!" I groaned and one of my eyelids lifted up. Alice, I think her name was, was inches away from my face. I squeaked and jumped backwards, wincing as I landed on my back, right on my bruise. Alice caught my look but luckily she chose to not say anything, instead grabbing my duvet and pulling it off me. I winced as I landed on my back, right on the bruise. It was then that I realised it had been a dream. They were gone. I was here; I had friends of sorts.

"Alice!" I curled into a ball, trying to get the warmth back.

"But Bella, we have to go shopping! Or we won't have enough time! I just want to let you have some fun."

"Alice it's a Saturday! We have all day! The shops won't close early!"

"So?" Alice's pout distracted me and she looked so miserable.

"Please Bella?" She looked so miserable, with her puppy dog eyes. I groaned again.

"Fine. Give me a chance to wake up though."

She squealed and jumped onto my bed.

"Can I choose your clothes? Please, please, _please_ Bella?"

I nodded reluctantly. She squealed again and ran to my newly unpacked wardrobe. She flung open the doors then ran back to me.

"Bella! You need to get up! Go shower!"

I sighed and swung my legs over the side of the bed.

"Uh, where exactly _is_ the shower?" I asked hesitantly. She was back at my wardrobe and flicking through all my clothes at top speed.

"Second door on the right from this room," she told me, not looking up from my clothes. "Hey, Bella, do you have anything other than long sleeved shirts in here?"

I looked down at the ground, biting my lip.

"Uh no. I don't wear short sleeves."

She looked up at my response, something foreign to me in her eyes. Concern I think. Luckily, she once again didn't mention it and went back to looking at my clothes. I sighed in relief and walked to the door. I picked up a towel that Alice, I guessed, had dumped on my bed.

"Thanks," I murmured to her holding up the towel.

"Sure sure," she said, engrossed once more in my terrible wardrobe. I walked out into a deserted corridor and tried to creep quietly along. Of course nothing ever works in my favour. I tripped over the flat floor and let out a loud squeak as I almost fell on my face. I looked up, worrying that I had woken someone. Luckily no one was there. I shook my head and walked into the bathroom, this time managing to make the 10 metres without tripping over. I didn't realise that my shoulders were still tense from the dream until the hot water ran down my back. I groaned as they relaxed and I rolled my shoulders back gratefully. I washed my hair quickly, not wanting to keep others from getting a shower. As I stepped out I realised I hadn't brought anything to walk back to my room in. Alice had my clothes. I didn't fancy the prospect of putting my dirty pyjama's back on. I looked at the towel and sighed. It wasn't that far? No one would see me in a towel? Right? I wrapped it around me tightly and gingerly stepped out of the room. I nearly jumped in shock when I saw who was leaning against the wall, smirking that smile that had me at my knees. His gaze undressed me as he looked me up and down and I blushed, just at the look in his eyes. His eyes were lingering at the hem of the towel. I cringed as I realised it didn't leave much to the imagination. His mouth was slightly open as he looked at me and his eyes wide.

"Sleep well?" I looked up to see him smirking at me again. I blushed redder and looked away from his gaze. In the pit of my stomach I felt a slow build of fear but I pushed it down. Edward wouldn't hurt me...right?

"It was okay."

"May I ask, what was with the squeak?" he said with an eyebrow raised slightly, still smirking at me. He knew what he was doing to me. I flustered and clutched my towel around me tighter.

"You heard me?"

He nodded and I groaned.

"I...uh... tripped."

The corner of his mouth slid up as he smiled, but tried not to laugh. "You do that a lot?" he asked.

I narrowed my eyes, "Yes. What's it to you?"

He walked up to me slowly until he had me pressed against the wall. He leant his forward until his mouth was at my ear.

"Next time, I'll catch you," he whispered, his cool breath making me shiver. He moved backwards slightly and smirked knowingly at me. I blushed and made to go off but he suddenly grabbed my elbow and turned me back to face him. He wasn't smirking anymore. His face was hard and his eyes dark with anger. I wasn't afraid of him though. He brought me close to him and his fingers ran over the top of my arm gently. And then I remembered. I went pale and almost sank to the ground. My cuts. They were showing.

"What happened to you, Bella?" he whispered. He lifted my chin so he could search my eyes. I was shaking and whatever he saw in my gaze made him angrier.

"Bella, who the fuck did this to you?" I tore my arm from his and backed away slightly.

"I did this to me," I managed to stutter out as the tears threatened to spill from my eyes. "Don't tell a soul," I pleaded before turning away from him and running to my room. I shut the door and turned round breathing deeply.

"Bella!" Crap, I'd forgotten about Alice. I went to my bed, hoping to hide my scars if I slid under the covers.

"Are you okay?" She looked at my pale face, frowning. I nodded quickly, whilst praying to god that her brother wouldn't tell anyone. She looked at me suspiciously but once again didn't take her concern any further. It was like she was afraid of something, like she was treading on eggshells around me. Everyone had been like that. Everyone except Edward. He had treated me normally yesterday, but now he knew part of my secret. He would never want to speak to me again. He could now see the real me, the one who is broken inside, broken so much that it was impossible to piece me back together.

"Anyway, here." She tossed me a shirt and a pair of jeans. "We need to get you some skirts Bella, and some t-shirts." I looked down at the jeans in my hand and frowned.

"Alice, these aren't mine." She looked sheepishly away from me.

"They are now. I bought them ages ago but they were too long. You're really skinny so they'll fit you perfectly. Now just get changed and I'll be back in 5 minutes to do your hair." She skipped out the room and I quickly got dressed, though taking time to examine the scars on my arms. The most recent one was still tender. My arm was burning where Edward had touched me but he left no mark on my arm, just on my heart. I threw the shirt over my head at the same time as Alice skipped back into the room.

"Perfect, Bella! But wait; undo a couple of buttons on the shirt." I did as she asked and Alice clapped her hands together. "Now you're perfect!" She moved me over to sit on the bed, facing away from the door.

"Are you always this hyper?" I asked her. She nodded and I laughed, something I hadn't done in a long time. She had brought a hairdryer with her and she plugged it in. Just as she was about to start there was a knock on the door. Alice went over and opened it. To my surprise Edward was standing there. He had a towel round his hips, and his hair was dripping water over his bare chest. My breath caught as I looked at him. Almost immediately I blushed and turned back around. He chuckled lightly before speaking to Alice.

"Bella left her stuff in the bathroom," he told her.

I turned back around and sure enough, he passed my pyjamas to Alice. She nodded and shut the door before I could say anything. She put them on my bed and came back to the hairdryer, without saying anything, as if the most heart stopping moment of my life hadn't just happened. As she dried my hair I found myself dreaming of Edward and the possibility that he didn't find me completely weird and crazy. It was a small possibility but it was there all the same.

"There, I've finished!" Half an hour later Alice had finally finished my hair and make-up. I don't know how some people actually enjoyed getting made up. It was awful. But I could live with it. If it meant I could have friends. And Alice did make me smile. It was good to be able to relax for a change.

"Good, I'm hungry. And I need coffee." I yawned, proving to her that I was still exhausted. We walked down the stairs together, Alice talking about what she wanted to get me when we went shopping. There was just one problem with her plan. I didn't have any money. None at all. I was never given pocket money and I wasn't allowed a job but I'd tell her later. As we were walking into the dining room I caught my foot on the floor and fell forwards. But strong arms caught me before I could hit the floor.

"Told you I would catch you," a warm voice whispered in my ear. He helped me up, not releasing me from his grip when I was standing. His hands were splayed across my stomach, his fingers wide. I could feel all of him as he pressed me close to him.

"Exactly how often do you fall?" he whispered to me.

"A lot," I admitted.

"Looks like I'm going to have my work cut out." I could feel him smile against my neck and I laughed quietly. I moved my head away from his voice and I caught Alice's gaze. She was smirking and then I realised that the whole room was watching us. I blushed and dropped my head to the floor, my hair covering me and broke away from his grip. I walked over to Alice and she handed me a plate while smiling knowingly at me.

"Thanks," I muttered whilst grabbing a mug. I wandered over to the coffee machine and looked at it quizzically. I hadn't a clue how to work this.

"Let me," said the same warm voice from earlier. Edward worked it quickly and as we waited he looked down at me.

"I won't tell," he said quietly and my eyes widened.

"Thank you," I whispered. He poured me some coffee without another word. He was about to move off but appeared to change his mind.

"Would you like to sit next to me?" I nodded and couldn't help the smile that my face made. He smiled back at me and put his hand on the small of my back, guiding me to where he sat. We were surrounded by his group. Emmett and Jasper smiled at me but Rosalie ignored me.

"So, Bella, I see you've been 'Aliced'," Jasper said while Emmett laughed loudly.

"Poor you!" Emmett exclaimed.

Alice slammed her plate down on the table next to me and I jumped slightly. She sat down huffing.

"I'm not that bad. And she enjoyed it, didn't you, Bella?"

I looked at her pouting and struggled not to laugh.

"Sure I enjoyed it, Alice," I said sounding fake to my ears and everyone else except Alice apparently. While everyone laughed, and even Rosalie cracked a smile, Alice just gave them looks as if to say 'I told you so.' She could be so gullible sometimes. Edward offered me some toast and I took some, after taking a long mouthful of coffee. Emmett and Alice continued to make snipes at each other as we all ate. I was taking a bite of my toast when I looked across the table and saw Lauren glaring at me. "Keep. Away. From. Him." She mouthed at me. Suddenly I wasn't so hungry anymore. I put the toast on my plate and folded my arms over my chest. Alice turned to me and raised her eyebrows.

"I thought you were hungry, Bella?"

"I was. I've just lost my appetite." I lowered my head, flicking my hair down. I chanced a glance at Lauren but looked away quickly.

"Bella," Edward whispered into my ear. His hand brushed my hair back, once again his fingers leaving a burning trail. "Please don't hide." I looked at him and he met my gaze. I tried to convey through my eyes what I thought. That he would leave when he got too close, when he saw how broken I truly was. He lifted his fingers again and brushed them against my cheek.

"I'm not going anywhere, Bella," he murmured softly. I breathed in sharply. How did he know what to say to me? But then, he hadn't seen right inside me yet. He didn't know everything yet. He hadn't seen the mess I was. He would leave, despite saying that. I knew he would. Everyone always left.

Someone scraped their chair noisily against the floor and our gaze broke as we turned to look. Everyone was looking at us with their mouths agape. Lauren was standing glaring at me. She was the one who moved had her chair. Jessica and Mike stood up as well and they left the room together, Mike turning and winking at me. I shuddered in horror while Edward narrowed his eyes and I felt him shake slightly next to me.

"Bella, are you ready to go, dear?" Esme broke the silence and I nodded standing. Alice jumped up as well.

"Let's go!" She grabbed me and practically ran out the room. I turned back to face everyone in the room.

"Help?" They all broke into laughter and Alice glared at me before pulling me to get my coat.

"We haven't got much time, Bella!"

"Alice, we have all day."

"Yes but, Bella, we have a lot of shops to go to!"

"As far as I'm aware we have one shop to go to, Alice," Esme said as she led us to the car.

"Esme! Please! We have to take her clothes shopping! Please, please, please?" I tried not to laugh at Alice's pleading. "Bella's never been shopping properly before!" The feeling of wholeness left me then. It was embarrassing, having to say I'd never been shopping.

"Fine, Alice, but do not wear poor Bella down. The minute I see her tired or not enjoying herself we're going home okay?" Alice nodded wildly. Esme laughed slightly while I wrapped my arms around my body. My worries about money were coming back. I couldn't pay for what Alice would no doubt want me to buy. How could I tell her? Do I just say it? Yes, I'll just say it. I took a deep breath.

"Alice?" She twisted round from the seat in the front to look at me.

"Yes, Bella?"

"I...uh...I...um I...don't have...any money." It was Esme who answered.

"Bella, we have a fund for people who are settling down with us with financial difficulty. I'm sure I could delve into that for some clothes." She winked at me through the mirror. I felt my eyes go wide in shock.

"But I can't let you do that! I'm sure there are others who need it much more than me."

"Bella, its fine. We want to give you this. It's about time something good happened to you." She muttered this last line under her breath but I still heard. My face reddened and I looked down. What did she mean by that? What did she know? I believed Edward when he told me he wouldn't tell, but where did she get that line from? Did Carlisle tell her my strange behaviour from yesterday? He must have. My cheeks grew even redder. Why did I have to be the strange one?

"We're here!" Alice screamed from the front breaking me out of my reverie.

"Already?" I asked, amazed.

"We all like to drive fast," Alice explained as she jumped out the car. Esme and I managed to get out more calmly.

"Alice! ALICE!" Alice turned back to us, frowning.

"We're not at the mall," she whispered, her head drooping.

"That's because we need to get paint and things like that first! Then you can take Bella shopping and do whatever you like."

We were looking at paint when Alice came running up to us after going off somewhere.

"Bella! Oh my God, you have to see this wallpaper! It's so cool!" Esme looked and me and motioned for me to follow Alice. She was in the next isle holding a roll of the most amazing wallpaper ever. It was making me dizzy to look at, but it was so amazingly cool! It had purple and orange and black and white hexagons in circles! It was crazy and I loved it.

"That is amazing, Alice!" She looked at me smugly.

"I told you I was good."

"You could do one wall that, and just leave the others white." I nodded in agreement. "And then we can get you purple pillows, and a rug!" Alice clapped her hands together in excitement. Esme rolled her eyes at her daughter's behaviour and made her way towards the till.

"Alice, come on. We'll get pillows at the mall," Esme announced.

Alice grinned in delight and ran after Esme. I still thought it was really weird that they didn't call their parents mum and dad. I made a note to ask them about that later. I followed after them at a slower pace.

"Bella! Hurry UP!" Alice shouted exasperated at my slow pace. I moved even slower and laughed at the glare she gave me. She stomped out the store as I reached Esme at the till.

"Sorry about Alice, Bella. She tends to get very worked up about shopping and fashion. She's a smart girl really. Except when it comes to shopping. Ask her about the Brontë sisters and you would be amazed."

"No, no! It's okay. Really, I think it's kind of funny."

Alice was standing by the side of the car, with her arms folded and pouting. When we reached her she didn't say anything, just looked away and climbed in. I stifled a giggle but I think she heard me. We reached the mall in 5 minutes, after going through mountains of traffic and paying a fortune on parking. Alice chirped up and turned around to face me.

"So, Bella, I have a list for what we need to get." And to my astonishment she took out a long list from her pocket and began to read from it.

"Pillows obviously, and other things for your room, some skirts, a few dresses, some smarter outfits, high heels, underwear, accessories, make-up—"

"Alice! Stop! You'll scare her off!" Esme stopped her mid flow. "Listen, you will not get anything that Bella does not want, do you understand?" Alice nodded meekly then smiled brightly when Esme handed her a gold credit card. She jumped out of the car and Esme and I followed suit.

"I have to go do the food shopping and get some other things for people. It's Elizabeth's birthday next week. Anyway I'll meet you two at the car in 4 hours okay? No later, Alice." Alice nodded then grabbed my arm and pulled me to the lift.

From then on I managed to block out most of it. She dragged me through numerous shops and had me trying on the most ridiculous outfits. Including cocktail dresses! When am I ever going to wear one? Unfortunately, when I asked that question she came up with an answer.

"Elizabeth is having a party of sorts." Luckily, I managed to find a short cardigan that she approved of so my secret was still safe. For now anyway. We were eating lunch when she brought up the inevitable.

"So, Edward?" she asked casually.

I choked on my sandwich and took a gulp of my coke. I looked up at her, my cheeks red, and tried to answer as nonchalantly as possible.

"What about him?"

She smirked at me. "You two seem to get on well."

"We do," I answered, trying to keep my face as calm as possible. She frowned.

"He likes you, you know."

I choked again and this time it took longer for me to recover. Did she just say he_ likes_ me? She laughed at my response.

"What are we? Second grade? And he doesn't, Alice. He's just being friendly," I told her, my voice low. She whistled.

"No, no, no. Edward doesn't do friendly with the new kids. He hates them. He doesn't do the talking thing and he definitely doesn't catch them when they fall and continue to hold them. Nor does he walk up to their room in a _towel! _And he looks at you differently. And look what he did yesterday with Mike? He likes you!" She sang the last line and I glared at her.

"Alice, be quiet! People are looking at us."

She settled down but continued to bother me for details.

"You like him too."

"I know," I admitted. What the hell? Did I just tell her that I liked her brother? Damn it. How could I like him though? All the others scared me! But Edward...he was...different. I felt...safe with him.

She smiled smugly at me.

"I know you do. You have this weird electricity whenever you're near each other."

"Alice, you cannot possibly know that. We've been a room together twice."

She shrugged her shoulders.

"It's true. He likes you, Bella," she said. I sighed.

"Alice, he does not. Now can we please change the subject?" Thankfully she agreed and soon we were off for another 2 hours of torture. I'm not even sure what she bought. I just went along with it. She tried to get me into a t-shirt but I politely refused, while secretly fighting off the demons that were threatening to consume me after that small reminder of what I was.

What I am.

*****

Finally. We were back at the car. My arms were practically dropping off with the weight of the bags. Esme was there waiting. We had to put our bags in the back next to me because there was no room in the boot. I was pretty sure Alice had just bankrupted her mother. Alice reluctantly gave Esme the card back. She played some music and I closed my eyes. When I opened them again we were back at the home. I got out and Alice and I dragged our bags upstairs, where I collapsed on my bed. She sat down next to me. "See? Shopping is fun."

I grunted in response to her absurd statement. Fun wasn't the word I would use. I sat up again.

"What do we do now though?" I asked.

"We usually just muck around. Come on, let's go find everyone else." She led me out of the room and we went along the hallway and into another room.

"Wow! Bella survived!" Emmett cheered from the bed. Rosalie was leaning against him looking bored while Jasper was sitting on the couch. Alice ran to him and hugged him while I stood awkwardly in the doorway.

"Bella." His voice brought me spinning round and there he was. Edward was standing behind me, holding some drinks. I quickly moved to the side to let him through. He dumped the cans on the bed and motioned for me to come sit next to him. We sat down on the floor and he pulled me onto his lap. My eyes widened.

"It's comfier," he told me in reply to my questioning look. I blushed as he wrapped his arms around me. I saw Alice give me a knowing smile from across the room and I fought the urge to glare at her. He didn't like me. He couldn't like me. I was broken. Nobody wanted something broken. He was being polite. That was all. Despite repeating this in my mind, I laid my head on his shoulder and breathed him in. This could be the only time I got to be close to him. He started playing with my hair and I ended up being completely distracted from the conversation. All I could think about was Edward and how close he was to me. I felt myself getting sleepy so I jumped out and went out the door mumbling something about the toilet. I washed my hands and splashed cold water over my face. That woke me up. I stared at myself in the mirror and tried to see something good. But I couldn't. There was no reason at all for Edward to like me. Rosalie was gorgeous, Alice was exceptionally cute and even Jessica and Lauren were pretty in a slutty kind of way. I was just bland. Bland and boring. Nothing special. I knew that. I'd had that yelled into me since I was 5. I shook my head to get rid of the memories invading me and walked out of the room.

"Bella?" Mike was there when I got out. He ran his hand through his hair, trying to be sexy, but honestly, it just made me want to puke.

"Yes?" I said impatiently. My breathing had quickened up with reminders of him from yesterday. The slight terror was underneath the surface, but was still there. He walked towards me and I backed down the corridor. He didn't get the message but kept walking towards me. His steps were bigger than mine and he quickly caught up. My feet froze and I tried to call for somebody but my mouth wouldn't make any sound. He leered at me, reminding me of James. I knew I was shaking but Mike didn't notice. He just kept walking and walking until we were pressed against the wall.

"I knew you liked me, Bella." And then he kissed me. When his lips pressed against mine a scream filled the hallway. It was only when Mike backed away looking at me in confusion that I realised it was me. Except it wasn't Mike that was walking away it was James. I looked around. NO! They were everywhere. I could see them everyone, running out of every room. James and Victoria, everywhere. One of them walked towards me but I shrank back. I ran, half blinded by my tears into the one room where nobody was. My room. I ran to my drawer, throwing the clothes onto the ground. I threw off my shirt and picked up the knife. I gasped when the knife cut down deep. And then my head started ringing. The ringing mixed with my sobs and then someone was in my room. I caught sight of bronze hair and green eyes but I couldn't get past my pounding headache. I moved away from him, terrified he would be like James. He came over to me and grabbed the hand with the knife in it.

"Drop the knife Bella. Please." His eyes bored into mine and I felt consumed. I let go and collapsed onto the floor. He caught me and held me up while he pressed something to my bleeding arm. He looked into my eyes the whole time.

"Bella, I'm here. You're safe. No one is going to hurt you." And I believed him. But then the pain in my head multiplied again, and again and again until I was struggling to keep my eyes open.

"Edward?" I whispered, my throat working overtime to help me speak.

"What?" Concern loaded his eyes and they filled with pain at my face.

"What is it Bella?"

"Edward," I groaned as the pain increased. And then it was over.

"EDWARD!" I shrieked, a high pitched, pain filled cry that filled the whole house, as my world faded into darkness.

**********

**A/N**

**Thank you for reading. Please review.  
**

**I am sorry if Alice appears Juvenile, she is just trying to help Bella settle in and make her feel comfortable. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Here is chapter four! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer : I own nothing relating to Twilight.  
**

* * *

_You come to me with scars on your wrist  
You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this  
I just came to say goodbye  
I didn't want you to see me cry, I'm fine  
But I know it's a lie._

_This is the last night you'll spend alone  
Look me in the eyes so I know you know  
I'm everywhere you want me to be.  
The last night you'll spend alone,  
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go,  
I'm everything you need me to be._

'_Last Night' by Skillet_

EPOV

I woke up from my dream of Bella to the cutest, most adorable sound in the world. Holy shit. I, Edward Cullen, just said the words 'cute' and 'adorable'. Soon I'll be growing a fucking vagina. I listened carefully to the footsteps I knew were Bella, going past my room. When I heard a door shut, I jumped out of bed and went to lean against the wall opposite the bathroom. I told myself I just wanted to shower before a line started to form but honestly, I just wanted to see Bella. This girl had turned me into a completely different person. And I'd known her for one fucking day.

I'd spent all night dreaming of Bella Swan. Her long, sweet-smelling hair, her full, dark lips, her gorgeous, deep eyes. Her fucking eyes. I swore that every minute of every shitty day would be spent getting those eyes to sparkle. She was unfuckingbelievable. She was everything I needed. I was blinded by her. Blinded by the most precious person that ever has walked this earth. Christ, I really sounded like a fucking girl.

But then she was there. And every coherent thought just flew from my brainwashed head. She was there in a towel. Just. A. Fucking. Towel. Shit, and you could almost see everything from where it stopped on her long, pale legs. Oh Jesus, they went on forever. Her skin was so creamy and her hair was dripping water down her whole body. I lifted my eyes to her face and she was staring at the ground. Again. But her cheeks were red, she was blushing furiously. Was my gaze really that suggestive? I smirked as she raised her eyes to mine.

"Sleep well?" She blushed at my words and looked away.

"It was okay." God she was sexy when she was nervous.

"May I ask what was with the squeak?" I raised an eyebrow at her and gave her the smile that seemed to affect her so much. It must have been my lucky day, as she blushed and looked away from me again.

"You heard me?"

I nodded at her and she groaned. Fuck, wouldn't I want to hear that noise when I was kissing her.

_Jesus Christ, Cullen. She's fucking scared of everyone. You can't. Ever. Be a fucking friend and not just a dick._

"I...uh...tripped." That brought me back to the conversation. I felt my mouth twitch as I tried not to laugh. She was clumsy. She had tripped so often yesterday.

"You do that a lot?" I asked, knowing the answer. She looked at me and narrowed her eyes. She looked beautiful when she was angry.

"Yes. What's it to you?" she asked me. I walked up to her, keeping my eyes locked to hers. She started breathing erratically and I hoped it wasn't from fear. _Please, don't let it be from fucking fear._

"Next time, I'll catch you," I whispered in her ear. I blew against her ear, and she shivered. I resisted the urge to kiss her on the neck, instead, moving back slightly, I smirked at her again. She blushed again and I tried not to grin too wide at how I was affecting her. If only she knew what she did to _me_.

As she turned away something on her arm sparkled in the light. I frowned slightly and focused my eyes on her arm. And then I saw them all. Loads and loads of well placed, glittering little scars over her arm. I reached out and gently took hold of her and as she turned back to me, her face grew pale. I ran my fingers over the hundreds of pretty little patterns that decorated her arms. A decoration of hurt. What the fuck had happened to her? Did she do this? Or did someone else do this? I tried to control my emotions as visions of someone else hurting this angel went through my head.

"What happened to you Bella?" I whispered, afraid that if I tried to speak properly I would yell to the world in desperate pain. Pain that came from Bella, that she had lived through this torture. Bella didn't look at me, so I lifted her chin so that I could see her eyes. The pain behind them was clear. The mask she put on was down and she had bared her soul. These cuts were a part of her. They told a story and fuck me if I wasn't going to find out what that story was.

"Bella, who the fuck did this to you?" I said through clenched teeth, my anger at this horror still simmering at full heat beneath the surface. Bella looked frightened once again at my questioning. She wrenched her arm from mine and backed away, once again hiding beneath her dark shield of terror.

"I did this to me," she said. My mind stopped and it was hard to even comprehend the figure in front of me. I looked at her in shock and the pain in her eyes brought me back to the surface. What had made her do this? "Don't tell a soul," she pleaded desperately, before turning and running back to her room. Stunned beyond comprehension, I staggered into the bathroom and sat on the floor.

Bella, self harmed? Bella? Self-fucking-harmed? Why would she do this? What could have driven her to this? She needed help. But how the hell could she get help? I couldn't tell anyone. Not after seeing her break to pieces in front of me when she asked me not to tell. She had broken down when I saw them. She didn't want anyone to know, and how could I refuse her? I would keep her secret and I would fucking save Bella Swan. I would make her better. I would make her smile again. This girl had changed me. I _wanted_ to help her. I wanted her to smile at _me_. I wanted everything to do with her. Bella fucking Swan was my life now. She was everything to me. She was different and in so much pain. No one, ever, should be so hurt. Bella Swan needed me, and I would be there until she told me to go. Because, I tell you what, I liked Bella Swan; I liked her way more than I should and I would do anything to make her happy.

I stood up, my resolve strong and showered quickly, desperate to reassure the angel that had been brought to me. When I stepped out I noticed she had left her things behind. I shrugged and wrapped my towel around my hips. I picked up her stuff and made my way along to her room. Of course, Alice had already ambushed her. My dear sister opened the door, looking me up and down and sneered in disgust. I saw Bella turn around and I swear she stopped breathing. Of course, she blushed and swung her head around faster than I believed possible.

"Bella left her stuff in the bathroom." I handed the stuff to Alice and noticed that Bella had turned around again and was openly admiring me. I smirked and Alice glared at me before slamming the door in my face. I chuckled softly and walked to my room, thankfully managing to miss my usual morning attack from Lauren. For the first time in a while I thought about what I would wear. Ten minutes later I was struggling and I was tempted to call on Alice. As soon as that thought went through my mind I quickly just threw on a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. Wanting help from Alice was like asking for free torture. I stood by my door and listened. Then, 20 minutes later I heard Bella and Alice walk down the stairs. I followed closely behind and then the inevitable happened. As she was walking into the dining room, Bella caught her foot on something and began to fall. I ran forward and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her against me.

"Told you I would catch you," I whispered to her. I helped her stand up, but I couldn't release her. I kept my arms around her, spreading my fingers across her stomach and relishing in the feel of holding her.

"How often exactly do you fall?"I whispered to her, leaning my head forward so I could speak into her ear.

"A lot," she admitted and I tried not to laugh.

"Sounds like I'm going to have my work cut out for me." When I finished speaking I couldn't help but keep my lips against her soft skin. I smiled against it and she laughed quietly. All of a sudden she broke away from me and slithered across the room to Alice, head down, hair across her face. I frowned at Alice who just shrugged and made a half-hearted gesture to everyone else. Then I realized. They were all watching. Emmett and Jasper were shocked and staring at me in disbelief. I felt Carlisle and Esme's reproving frowns on my back and I turned to them and tried not to glare too much. Did they actually think I would fucking hurt her? If so, they were sadly mistaken. I turned back around to see Bella struggling with the coffee machine and somehow I managed to get across the room without running like a lunatic to help her.

"Let me," I said when I was a step behind her. I took the mug from her grasp and worked it quickly. I glanced sideways at Bella who was blushing again. Does she ever not though? Looking at her just heightened all my feelings for her. I noticed her long sleeves and it brought back my previous decision.

"I won't tell," I said quietly. I saw her eyes widen but she refused to look at me.

"Thank you," she whispered. I didn't want to badger her so I kept quiet. Once I'd finished I began to move away but then something popped into my head. Christ, why didn't I think of it sooner?

"Would you like to sit next to me?" She nodded and turned to me, smiling widely. Her eyes were fucking sparkling. Well fuck me. I, Edward Cullen, had made Isabella Swan smile. I smiled back at her, a genuine smile, one of the only a few genuine smiles in the past couple of years. Unable to keep my hands off her, I put my hand on the small of my back and led her to our part of the table.

"So, Bella, I see you've been 'Aliced'," Jasper said while Emmett laughed loudly. Christ, it was like a fucking earthquake when he shook like that.

"Poor you!" Emmett, rather stupidly, said. Two seconds later, the slam of a plate indicated Alice's arrival.

"I'm not that bad. And she enjoyed it, didn't you, Bella?" Alice pouted at Bella and Bella seemed to be struggling not to laugh.

"Sure I enjoyed it, Alice." I burst into laughter at the fakeness of her words and everyone else joined in. I handed Bella some toast and watched her as she ate. Everything she did was beautiful. I gazed at her in wonder and when she abruptly stopped eating, I frowned. My eyes narrowed when I saw her glance across the table then look back down, hiding her face with her hair. I looked up and saw Lauren sitting smugly. She winked at me and I tried not to gag. I instead leaned in to Bella.

"Bella, please don't hide," I told her. I brushed her hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. She looked up at me, trying to tell me her story through her eyes. But the only thing I saw was loss. And fucking hell, she would never lose me. I was here for eternity, if she'd have me. I finally had something to live for.

I saw her tell me how scared she was. That she was broken. But it didn't matter to me. I still couldn't leave. I didn't want to.

"I'm not going anywhere Bella," I told her. I brought my hand back up and brushed my fingers gently along her cheek. Fuck. Bad idea. Now that I had touched her again I didn't want to stop. My heart was beating faster and faster, and it took everything I had not to just kiss her right then and there. She inhaled sharply when I touched her and I couldn't break away from our intense stare. We were slowly getting closer and closer. I couldn't think of anything else, except the sweet smell of her. Her eyes were wide and her breathing was shallow.

Then, someone's chair scraped across the floor. I jumped slightly and the intense emotions I had been feeling ended as I turned to see Lauren glaring at us both. Jessica and Mike stood up too and they walked out, but not before Mike winked at Bella. I glared at him, my hands clenching at my sides. He was a sick fucking pervert and he'd never get near enough to touch Bella if I had any say in the matter. When I looked around again everyone was still staring at us and there was an awkward silence until Esme spoke up.

"Bella, are you ready to go, dear?" Bella nodded and stood up immediately and my heart twisted slightly as she moved away. Alice had also jumped up and was dragging Bella to the door. I half rose out of my seat to help her but sat back down. Alice wouldn't hurt her. When Bella got to the door she turned back around.

"Help?"And that one little word had me in stitches again. Bella really was the most extraordinary person I had ever met.

"So, Edward?" I was knocked out of my daydream by Jasper, smirking at me.

"You like her! You want to hug her! You want to kiss her!" Emmett sang as he started dancing like some giant bear around the kitchen.

"Emmett, shut up before I hit you," I said through clenched teeth. Emmett just laughed while Jasper looked at me thoughtfully.

"You really like her don't you?" he asked, hitting the nail right on the head, as usual. I sighed.

"Yes I do."

"You know, the heat from you two...wow." I smirked at Jasper's words. It was pretty amazing. I thought of the way we had looked at each other. It was like no one was there but her. She was my life.

"You're doing it again, Edward." I looked at Jasper, confused.

"Doing what?"

"The whole dreaming of Bella thing. Looking away into the distance."

"Getting gooey eyes."

"Bella! My love!"

"Oh for goodness sake! Grow up!" Rosalie stood up and stormed out of the room.

"Emmett, for fuck's sake, what's wrong with her? Why does she hate Bella?" How someone could hate her was beyond me.

"She's just struggling with how Bella was accepted so easily by you. It took her months until you would even say hi to her." I cringed at the memory. Rosalie and I had not gotten along well back then.

"I'll go talk to her about it." This was not a conversation I wanted to be involved in. I stood up, ignoring the whistles from Jasper and Emmett. Dickheads. I went quickly to Rose's room, wanting to clear the air as soon as possible. I knocked on her door and Rose said to come in.

"Oh. It's you." She lay back down on her bed, ignoring me.

"Rose, I want to apologise." She didn't say anything. "When you arrived here I was horrible and I am really sorry for it. I know that me accepting Bella so quickly hurts you and I'm sorry. But please don't hate Bella because of that, hate me."

"Bella, Bella, Bella. Is that all it's going to be from now on?"

"Rose, it's like with you and Emmett. Once someone like that comes into your life, you can't let them go. She's amazing Rose, she's so different and so unbelievably special. She's had a hard life and I will do anything to keep her from getting hurt. You've seen yourself how scared she gets sometimes. I need to help her- or at least try. Please believe me, Rose. I don't like hurting you, you're like my sister! But I need to help Bella and if that means asking you to stay away from her, then I will. Please just give her a chance, Rose. You'd love her." She sat up and looked at me. We stared at each other for what felt like hours and Rose eventually backed down.

"Fine. I'm sorry, Edward. I know how special she is to you. I can see it when you look at her. I'll give her a chance. I know what it's like to have a hard life then have someone hating you from the moment you think your life got better."

"You don't know how sorry I am for behaving like that when you came here." I walked over to her and hugged her.

"I'm sorry too. Maybe I'll save Bella from Alice!" I released her and laughed. I sat on the floor and we were silent for a while. It was comfortable though. Rose and Bella would get along well. They'd both had a hard life and would be good for each other.

Soon after, Jasper and Emmett ran into the room and I quickly tuned out the make out session on the bed and Jasper's long winded reasons of why Alice was amazing. Carlisle brought us lunch in the room, thankfully, and I was able to avoid Lauren for longer. After this morning I couldn't promise that I wouldn't start yelling at her. What had she done to Bella?

"Edward? Edward? EDWARD!" I jumped out of daze and looked around. Rosalie was shaking her head at me.

"Could you please go get some drinks? You haven't moved from there all day." I frowned.

"What time is it?"

"It's about half past three." Wow, time really had flown today. I stood up and went down quickly to the kitchen. I met Esme in the hallway on the way back and that's how I knew she was back. I ran up the stairs and I started grinning like a fucking asshole when I saw her standing in the doorway to Rosalie's room.

"Bella!" She turned around and when she saw me moved out of the way. I dumped the cans on the bed and nodded my head to get her to come after me. She sat down next to me and I don't know what the hell came over me. I reached out and pulled her onto my lap. Fuck. I was as shocked as she was.

"It's more comfy," I quickly said, hoping she wouldn't think I was too forward. Fuck Edward, ruin it when nothing has even started. She was stiff for a moment but then she leaned her head on my shoulder and I swear she started smelling me. I smiled at the thought of her doing the same as did. I lifted my hands up and ran them through her hair. I was completely absorbed in her, so much so, that I did not notice the fact that the others were talking about us. Hours later it seemed Bella jumped up suddenly. I think I heard her say, 'toilet', before she was out the room. Jasper wolf whistled at me and I rolled my eyes.

"Edward, she's so into you. Did you see her? She was almost asleep on you!" Alice was squealing in the corner and I tried not to laugh. Inside, I was hoping that Alice was right. I wanted Bella to like me.

"And anyway, we were talking about you today. She said she likes you." Now_ that_ made me sit up.

"Really?" My eyes were wide and I was across the room next to Alice in a second. Emmett burst out laughing.

"That's the fastest I've ever seen you move!" he exclaimed. I glared at him and turned back to Alice but then the sound came. It was high pitched and painful. And so 'Bella'.

"Bella," I whispered before sprinting out of the room. Bella was against the wall, Mike across from her, and she was screaming. When she stopped she looked around, but seemed terrified at what she saw. I looked at her and walked forward but she shrank back. I couldn't stop the hurt that spread through my body. She thought I would hurt her? She ran past me and into her room. I started shaking with anger and my vision turned red with anger. What did he do? I turned to Mike and yelled at him.

"What the fuck did you do to her?" I was angrier than I'd ever been. I was struggling to keep my fists to myself. I repeated myself as I began walking towards him. He backed off slightly.

"JUST FUCKING TELL ME!"

"I...kissed her." And then I broke. I started punching every inch of him that I could see. I wanted to make him pay. The fucking bastard. What the fuck was he thinking? Did he know how fucking scared she was of him?

"Edward! Edward!" Jasper and Emmett grabbed hold of me and pulled me off of Mike, who was now covered in so much blood that I didn't know where it was coming from. I fought against them but they held me.

"Edward, Bella needs you now." Bella. Bella! FUCK! She was going to cut herself. I fucking knew it. I ran into her room, slamming the door closed behind me. I was right. She had fucking blood running, no not running, fucking _flowing_ from her arm. It ran down the pale skin and began dripping onto the floor. It made red swirls against the pale skin of her arm. Through the screen of redness I saw something dark purple and yellow; bruises. They decorated her body just as much as the scars decorated her arms. I walked towards her slowly, my heart breaking with every step. My eyes were fixed on the blood, always, trailing from the cut.

As I walked forwards, Bella moved backward slightly but she didn't get very far.

"Drop the knife please, Bella." I grasped her hand with the knife in it and just stared into her eyes, trying to convey how much I cared about her, that she didn't need to do this. She gasped but dropped the knife. She seemed to fall over but I caught her and I took her top from the bed and quickly wiped the blood from her arm and held the top against the cut to stop the never-ending stream of blood. I kept looking at her, and I saw the terror that was still present in her eyes. Mike would fucking pay for this.

"Bella, I'm here. You're safe. No one is going to hurt you." They'd have to get past me, and from now on, Bella wasn't getting out of my fucking sight.

Then she seemed to start to struggle. Her eyes kept flickering and you could see the pain dancing in them. Her face would crease in pain every couple of seconds and she was starting to shake very slightly in my arms.

"Edward?" Her voice was hoarse and fuck, it shot right down my spine.

"What?" Whatever she said, I would make it better. When she didn't answer me I asked again.

"What is it, Bella?"I whispered.

"Edward." She started groaning and her face crinkled in pain, her mouth forming a grimace that was both heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time.

"EDWARD!" she yelled and then her head fell backwards in my arms, her eyes closed and her body limp in my arms.

"Bella? _Bella_?" Oh fuck, what's happened? Has she just fucking fainted? My brain started panicking. I tied the top around her arm to try and stop the bleeding. I laid her on the bed and put a jumper on over her head. I looked down at my blood stained hands, luckily the blood didn't show up much on my black t-shirt but my hands were dark. I wiped them on my top and kicked the knife under the bed as an afterthought and moved a rug over the red stains on the carpet. I breathed a sigh of relief at my quick thinking.

"Carlisle! QUICK!" My voice broke and now my own terror at losing her broke to the surface. He ran into the room, evidently having been waiting on the other side of the door.

"I think she fainted again. Can you make sure she's okay? Please! Bella?" I took her hand and crouched down at the side of the bed and stared at her blank face.

"Edward, once again, go and get me a cloth or something else that's cold. Before you go, did she bump her head on anything when she fainted?"

"No, I caught her." He looked at me, an unfathomable expression on his face. I ignored it and ran out of the room and into the bathroom just down the hall. I tossed it to Carlisle and took my position beside her again. He placed it against her forehead and began checking to make sure her airways were clear. He tapped her face slightly and Bella stirred.

"Bella!" Her eyes slowly opened again and they searched around the room. They found me and an unspeakable question filled her mouth.

"Do they...do they...?" I knew what she wanted answered. I leant forward and whispered in her ear.

"No they don't know." And the fucking relief on her face made me elated inside. I knew I should tell someone, but to see her so happy and pleased, I couldn't take that away.

"Edward, Esme and I would like to have a word alone with Bella. Could you please go get Esme?" I didn't move but looked at Bella. She was now holding onto my hand for dear life, terrified to let go. That made my resolve sound. I was not moving.

"Edward, now." Carlisle's stern voice countered my own and I glared up at him.

"I'm not leaving her."

"Edward, you are already in enough trouble, do not get in anymore." Ah yes, Mike. Well he can go fuck himself. He deserved whatever shit he got.

"Edward, leave NOW!" Bella looked desperately at me but I pried my fingers from hers and walked to the door, not taking my eyes off her once. She was now visibly shaking. I walked out the door, meeting an army of people.

"Esme, Carlisle wants you to go in." I pointed to the room and then sank down onto the floor outside her room. I would be in there if I heard so much as one fucking cry.

"What happened, Edward?" Alice knelt down beside me and placed a hand over mine.

"She was in hysterics because of _him._ And then she fainted. That's why she screamed my name. She was screaming in _pain._ And I couldn't do anything." My voice broke again and I brought my hand from Alice and punched the floor, wishing it was Mike's fucking face. Alice wrapped her tiny body around me and I held onto to her for dear life. My body started shaking with dry sobs, sobs I didn't even know where they came from. Fuck, I was really embarrassing myself here.

"Mike's in a pretty bad state. Carlisle was fixing him up when we heard Bella scream your name. So he ran back up here," Emmett told me. I didn't want to know about fucking Mike. He was a dickhead and if he ever came near Bella again I would fucking kill him.

"I hope he fucking dies." Alice leaned back and looked at me, her eyebrows raised. She didn't fucking believe me. "Alice, for fuck's sake did you hear what he did to her? He fucking sexually assaulted her!" She sighed and smiled sympathetically at me before leaving me to my anger. But then I heard her. Bella was sobbing.

"No, please! Where's Edward?" And then Carlisle's voice spoke to her.

"You can speak to him in a minute. Now can you please tell me what happened?"

"Edward, please." I could imagine her shaking, holding her hands in her head. She fucking needed me and that dickhead wasn't going to let me see her, even after he had spoken to her. It was doctors like him that made Bella feel so fucking terrified and alone. I stood up.

"Edward, you shouldn't go in there." Alice looked up at me, tiny when I was standing.

"Alice, they're not going to let me fucking see her. And she needs me! You can hear her crying! Because I'm not there! She is everything to me, and I will not let some motherfucker who thinks he knows everything mess with her when I know I could do something." I heard another louder sob come from Bella's room and was in there immediately.

"Bella!" She looked up, her pale cheeks streaked with tears and she stared at me as if she was imagining me, as if I was a ghost.

"Edward?" I ignored Carlisle and Esme's orders not to go near her and made my way to her until I was sitting next to her on the bed.

"Edward!" She suddenly assessed that it was actually me and then to my surprise, she threw her arms around my neck and began sobbing into my neck.

"Edward! They were everywhere. Everywhere I looked. They were there. And then my head. It got so sore. And you were there and you made it better, but then it all went black and I could still see them. They follow me Edward, they're everywhere." She sobbed non-stop into my t-shirt and I wrapped my arms around and laid us down on the bed.

"Shhhh Bella, it's okay." I rubbed her back soothingly and she began to still.

They won't hurt you. I won't let anyone else hurt you, ever Bella. You're safe. Shhhh." I repeated this mantra over and over until she was quiet. By then I noticed that Carlisle and Esme had left the room. Good. I continued rubbing her back and listened as she gradually fell into a deep sleep. I stayed with her; I couldn't bear to leave her. What if she woke up screaming? I would stay here and I would save her from her demons. I buried my face in Bella's strawberry smelling hair and soon I too was deep asleep.

* * *

**A/N:** **Thank you to my beta's thedarknessofthemoon, Primrose Hill and Veespa. Thank you for reading. Please leave a review!**


	5. Chapter 5

_It's been a while  
since I could say that I wasn't addicted and  
It's been a while  
Since I could say I love myself as well and  
It's been a while  
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do  
It's been a while  
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you  
But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it may seem  
the consequences that I've rendered  
I've gone and fucked things up again_

'_It's Been A While' by Staind_

**EPOV **

It was 5pm. We'd slept for two hours. I woke up from the worst, yet most fucking amazing dream I ever had. And then I found it was reality. She was still there in my arms, her chest rising and falling as she breathed slowly. Her hair was matted to her face and I noticed that the jumper I'd slipped on her now had a dark red patch on her arm. I hissed the scar, for what caused it, and for the horrific mess it was now. I gingerly picked up her arm. I rolled her sleeve up until I could just see the cut. Luckily it had stopped bleeding but it still looked horrendous. There was dried blood surrounding it and the long, deep cut was partly closed over. There was some light purple bruising around it and I cringed at the sight. I brought her arm slowly up to my lips and pressed them to it, blowing lightly on the cut, as if thinking that a kiss could make it better. What a fucking joke.

"What are you doing?"

I looked at Bella and her eyes were wide open, staring at me in confusion. My heart fell and I dropped her arm gently. She didn't fucking like it.

Story of my life.

"Sorry; I didn't mean to. I'll go." I climbed out of bed but her hand reached out and grabbed me. My skin burned where she touched me.

"Please don't go. I was just...shocked." The way she said it, made me think there was something more to what she was telling me. I turned back around and lost myself in her deep eyes.

"Why? Why would you be shocked?"

She hesitated, but I continued to look her in the eyes and just hope she'd answer.

"You...make it feel better." Her face turned red and she quickly looked to the ground.

"Make what feel better?"

Surprisingly she looked up at me and the passion in her voice was clear when she replied.

"Everything," she whispered.

I stared at her, my mind unable to comprehend. Had she just said what I thought she said? I made her feel better? _Me_? Edward fucking Cullen? She just looked at me, and fuck I knew how much that took to look me in the eyes. Her eyes were wide, and Jesus she looked gorgeous. Her lips were slightly wet and they were so full and God, I just leaned in subconsciously. But she leaned in too and I could almost taste her.

"Edward?"

_Shit! That MOTHERFUCKER! GO TO HELL YOU DICKHEAD! COULDN'T YOU SEE I WAS BUSY!?_

Bella quickly backed away from me and I turned around to face Carlisle.

"I see you two are awake?" Neither of us answered his rather obvious question.

"Edward, I would like a word. Bella, are you okay? How is the pain?"

She nodded and chanced a glance at me that Carlisle caught. I turned to face her and smiled. She blushed and I winked before following Carlisle out the room. He led me to his office where lo and behold! My dear mother sat along with the other bitches that ran this dump.

"Edward, we would like to talk to you about your relationship with Bella." Carlisle was the first one to speak.

"Well I'd figured as much." Wow, I managed to speak without swearing at him. That is definitely an improvement.

"Well we were discussing last night, the fact that you two have a rather...different relationship."

"Different meaning I don't want to fucking beat her up?" And there goes the swearing.

"Language, Edward, but yes."

"And?" I asked. So what if I liked her. What was their problem? Carlisle looked over at Esme.

"We don't think you should conduct a relationship with her," he told me simply.

_What the fucking hell? _

"You mean you don't want me to have sex with her," I snorted and Carlisle looked away from me, the tension in the room obvious.

"It doesn't matter what it is. We don't want you to go any further than being friends."

"Well fuck that. I like her, I like her a lot. And you are not taking her away from me. Plus she likes me too. You really want to upset her?" I smirked at him and he glared back.

"Edward, I have said what I wanted to. Do NOT mess with Bella, do you understand me? I don't want you to have a relationship with her."

"Yes, I fucking understand you. Doesn't mean I'm going to obey you." Hell if after today I wasn't going to fucking kiss her. I've never wanted to kiss someone so much before, and fuck me but I knew she wanted it too.

"Edward!"

"Carlisle, calm down." Esme placed a hand on his arm and he managed to get his temper back under control. I rolled my eyes. This was like a fucking soap opera.

"Second thing, and this is serious, Edward, has she told you anything about her past? About her breakdown today, or about the pain in her head? Anything at all?" Elizabeth's voice was much calmer and I was able to speak more politely to her. I thought about the cutting, but I'd promised Bella I wouldn't tell. Fuck me if I was going to break her trust.

"No, nothing at all." But holy shit, was I going to find out.

"If she tells you anything of importance please come to one of us so we can help her." I nodded, lying to them. I would only come to them if she said I could.

"And finally, about this incident with Mike." Carlisle spoke up again and I growled at the name.

"Fuck Mike, I'd kill him if I could. He fucking kissed her! That is what started her breakdown! And if he does anything to her again, he will wish he was never fucking born!" They stared at me in shock, probably surprised at the amount of emotion I was showing. But if anyone hurt her, I would kill them slowly and painfully. No one else would ruin her life. Esme glanced at Carlisle and then Elizabeth, giving them a look I didn't understand.

"Thank you for telling us what upset Bella," Esme said. "Just stay away from Mike."

I nodded. I would quite happily do that.

"Um, you might want to speak to Lauren about her behavior to Bella. She didn't eat breakfast because of Lauren. I don't know what happened though," I added, trying to be civil. Esme nodded in understanding.

"Thank you, Edward. And please try and be less of a..."

"Dick?" I suggested. Esme looked at me reproachingly.

"Be nice around Bella okay? Just be careful. She's had a rough life." Esme finished and I nodded. It wasn't until Carlisle started talking that my temper began to rise again.

"Edward-"

I stood up angrily, interrupting him, without even knowing what he was going to say. I knew it was stupid, but I was sick of being told what to do.

"Well tough, _Carlisle_, because if she wants it, then guess what, we'll have one. I'll be whatever she fucking wants me to be," I said as I stormed out the room.

"Edward!" An arm was flung over my shoulder and I growled at Emmett.

"Leave me alone. I'm going to see Bella. I'll bring her down and we can talk."

"Edward, she's not three; she can walk herself down the stairs."

I glared at him, threw his arm off me and walked up the stairs. Bella was sitting on the bed, with her knees pulled up to her chest and staring into the distance. She'd changed her jumper so the blood red patch on her arm wasn't there anymore. I could tell she was struggling to keep herself together; her breathing was erratic and very fast.

"Bella?" I ran over to her and wrapped my arms around her. I rocked her against me, stroking her hair. "What happened?"

"I could see them, Edward. I could see them."

"See who, Bella?" She looked up at me, her eyes dark and hooded.

"Them, Edward! Them!" She started getting worked up and panicky so I just nodded and calmed her down again.

"Okay, Bella, it's okay. I won't let them hurt you. No one will hurt you again." I would find out who fucking hurt her. I would find out everything.

"Bella, Alice and everyone are waiting for us downstairs, they all want to make sure you are okay." She nodded and I wiped away the tears she hadn't shed. She looked up at me and I couldn't understand the look in her eyes.

I helped her stand up and wrapped an arm around her waist, winking at her from the side. She giggled slightly and I smiled. That was what I was after. We walked down and into the living room. Thank fuck that Lauren and that god-damned bastard Mike weren't there.

As soon as we entered the room Bella dropped her head to the floor and moved her hair to cover her face. I frowned and resisted the urge to move it out of her eyes. She was obviously not comfortable. Alice smiled brightly at Bella; I saw Bella's eyes dart around the room and she looked up a bit more when she saw who was in the room. No one to be fucking afraid of. I pulled her onto the sofa and kept my arm wrapped around her.

"So, Bella! Are you feeling better now?" Alice asked chirpily.

Bella nodded and blushed darkly, her eyes dropping to the floor again.

"Anyway, we were thinking of going out this weekend. Do you two want to come? I can dress you up in some of your new clothes! We'll have so much fun!"

Bella looked like a deer caught in the headlights. I stifled a laugh.

"Where exactly are you thinking of going?" I asked Alice.

"You know the club one3one? Well it has an all ages night every Friday so everyone will be able to get in. Even Bella and I! So I was thinking we could go there! And it's stiletto night! So, Bella, we can go shopping again! We need to get you some club clothes!" I looked over at Bella who was still frozen.

"But you got me that dress…" she stuttered. Alice tutted and shook her head.

"That's for Elizabeth's party on Wednesday night."

"So what do you think, Bella?" I asked her. She looked over at me, her eyes wide.

I leaned in and whispered in her ear, "It'll be fun, beautiful; I'll look after you." I leaned back to look at her eyes and she slowly nodded.

"Fine, I'll go."

I smiled at her brightly. For once I couldn't fucking wait. I'd have Bella and it would be amazing. Oh and fuck we could dance, and grind, and-oh shit. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat as I tried to re-adjust my pants after that thought. _Get your mind out of the fucking gutter, Cullen._ I saw Jasper look sideways at me and then he burst out laughing. I glared at him.

"Cut it out," I said under my breath as everyone else looked at him.

"Jazz, what's so funny?" Alice asked. I narrowed my eyes at him, daring him to say anything.

"It doesn't matter," he said, highlighting his southern drawl to placate Alice. Her eyes softened and she didn't inquire anymore into it. Jasper sniggered silently at me once Alice had turned around but thankfully, he didn't say anything. Maybe this club thing wouldn't be as good an idea as I'd previously thought.

I turned back to Bella and was once again consumed by those deep brown eyes. I would do anything to see them peeking up at me through her lashes as she wrapped her luscious lips—HOLY FUCK! _Get a grip, Edward. She is not someone you just fuck!_ Jesus, everything she did made me want to kiss her. Fucking Carlisle. He was the one who brought this up!

"So, Bella, what was your life like in Phoenix?" Emmett asked a simple question but Bella froze and her eyes glazed over. My hands clenched slightly as she winced. And again, and again, and again , she kept on wincing. What the hell had just happened?

"Bella?" She didn't hear me. "Bella?" She didn't even glance my way. Fuck it, I thought and I took matters into my own hands. I was not going to watch her in pain. I knelt in front of her, ignoring the weird looks from the others, and took her face in my hands.

"Bella, listen to me. You're safe, I'm here, no one will hurt you," I said quietly, trying not to let the others hear my words. I saw her eyes fill with confusion when she saw me and she struggled to realize something. But then they filled with relief, focusing on me, and she let out a breath I hadn't realized she'd been holding. I climbed back onto the sofa and pulled her onto my lap. I wrapped my arms around her tight, and sent everyone in the room a look so they knew not to mention it. Emmett looked horrified at what he'd done.

"Don't worry bro," I mouthed at him. He nodded but still looked a bit upset. Bella looked up at me, her eyes back to normal but with something still lurking in the background. I raised my hand to her cheek and stroked down her cool skin. Her skin turned a gorgeous shade of pink and her eyes grew hot as she smiled up at me, for once unembarrassed by my attention and keeping my gaze. I smiled back at her and this time she looked down again, but her eyes met by chest and she blushed again.

"Sorry, I'll move," she started but I held her tight and wouldn't let her go. I smirked at her and she blushed and tried to look anywhere but me, but as she looked around the room she was met with winks and knowing smiles. She settled for my chest in the end and leaned her head against me. Her aroma of strawberries and freesia filled the air and I brought her hair to my nose and inhaled. Alice looked at me weirdly again but didn't say anything.

"So anyway, as I was saying, Bella, we can leave tomorrow morning. Rose, do you want to come?" I held my breath and waited as I looked at Rose. I wasn't sure what she would say but if she fucking upset Bella...

But we were all surprised by what Rose did. She smiled brightly at Bella.

"Sure I'll come. I think you'd look good in dark blue ,Bella, maybe we can find a dress or top in that colour. What do you think, Alice?" Bella sat up slightly and looked at Rosalie in shock, but Rosalie just smiled at her and Bella leaned against me again, though she glanced up at me, confused, a couple of times. I smiled innocently at her and she eventually just shrugged it off.

"So, what do you say to wearing a skirt?" Alice asked bouncing on her seat with excitement. Bella just looked at her.

"I don't really do skirts—"

"Oh but you'd look great in one. At least, Edward would think so," Alice said cheekily. I growled at her and she laughed her stupid tinkling laugh. It wasn't fucking like that. Not that I didn't want it to be more. After that stupid talk it was all I could think about. But I would have to leave that to Bella. I wouldn't make her more uncomfortable.

Bella had blushed redder at Alice's words.

"I'm sure he wouldn't, Alice," she said, fidgeting in my lap.

What the fuck? Jesus, she would look fucking gorgeous in a skirt! I frowned.

"Bella, you would look amazing in a skirt," I whispered to her, making her shiver when my breath hit her ear. I ran my fingers gently up her thigh and along her hip. My hands were fucking burning and my groin was getting painful. Bella's breathing hitched and I smirked slightly and brought my hand back. She shook her head slightly and I resisted the urge to press myself against her and kiss the fucking daylights out of her. She scooted slightly in my lap and my hand unconsciously fisted into the chair and I stifled a groan, though I'm sure I still made a noise by the way Jasper looked at me.

I was tense for the rest of the conversation; I never relaxed my hands and my face must have been a fucking picture. Bella kept moving in my lap and she kept waving her hair about. Every so often she would turn slightly so I would see her gorgeous eyes and her fucking lips. Not good.

When Esme came to 'announce' dinner, I breathed a sigh of relief as Bella moved off me. I saw Esme glance at me and frown when she saw Bella sitting on me. I glared at her and she didn't say anything. Bella looked back at me and I stood up quickly and wrapped a protecting arm around her as we walked to the kitchen. I sat her next to me, and to my surprise, Rosalie sat down on her other side with a friendly smile . Rosalie really was making an effort. I smiled gratefully at her.

Lauren came in and frowned when she saw who I was sitting next to, but a look from Esme halted her and she sank meekly into a different seat. Well thank fuck that they had talked to her.

When Mike walked in, I tried not to growl at him. He had a two black eyes and his nose looked like it had just been re-set. His jaw was bruised and he looked like hell. He winced with every step.

Bella's head flung around to look at me. "What happened to him?"

"I'll tell you later," I whispered. She turned around but shrank closer to me when Mike walked past her. I glared at him and he walked on quickly. It was a very awkward meal. Bella was embarrassed after her breakdown and wouldn't look up from the table. Mike and Lauren were angry and kept trying to say something but stopped when Carlisle met their eyes. And then there was me, trying to keep Bella calm. I rubbed her back every so often and she would always smile and look up, but as soon as I brought my hand away, she looked back down at the table.

Every adult in the room had their eyes on us and even I was getting fucking uncomfortable. They would glance at us whenever I would touch her and the electricity filled the whole room. Even Emmett, still slightly upset over the incident with Bella didn't make any stupid comments. The room was silent, and it was freaking me out.

We all ate quickly, and no one spoke until the end.

"So Esme, Rose, Bella and I are going shopping tomorrow. We're going out to the one3one on Friday and we need to get clothes. Is that okay?" Alice asked.

Esme nodded yes, then asked, "Bella, will you be okay?" Bella blushed and nodded.

"I'll look after her, Esme," I said sincerely, hoping she could see how much Bella meant to me. She glanced at Carlisle who was frowning but she nodded anyway. Thank goodness. At least she had some sort of trust in me. Mike left the table quickly and once Lauren and Jessica had followed him out, Bella turned to me.

"What happened?"

"Right, well after you know, he um, kissed you." Bella flinched at the reminder. "Well I kind of…..punched him."

Emmett snorted, "You did more than punch him Edward. You left him in a bloody heap on the ground."

Bella looked at me her eyes wide. And then she stood up and ran out the room. I stared after her shell-shocked. And then my eyes narrowed.

"Fuck it." And I walked out the room after her. I knocked on the door and when she didn't answer I opened the door and went in. She was lying, curled up into a ball on the bed, her cheeks glistening in the light with tears that were silently falling.

"Bella, please don't cry." I walked over to her and reached out to touch her, but she flinched away.

"Bella," I gasped, pain filling the rejection. Did she really think I would fucking hurt her?

"Bella, I would never hurt you, ever! You know that! I was so angry at Mike, at what he did to you. I did it because of you. So he wouldn't hurt you again. I'm so sorry, Bella, please!" I reached out again and this time she didn't flinch when I touched her face but her eyes still held a tiny bit of fear in them. It killed me to see her scared of me.

"I thought I'd left that behind. I never thought that even here, that it would all still continue," she said blankly.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I would never hurt you. I couldn't. Bella, you are everything to me. Please, believe me. Trust me." She looked up into my eyes and nodded slightly.

"I trust you, Edward. It was just… scary," she whispered. I climbed up next to her and her breathing hitched as she unrolled from her small ball. I kept my hand against her face as the air around us hummed. Her eyes were burning into mine and her lips parted lightly. I could feel her hot breath against my face and my body was screaming at me to kiss her. I leaned in.

**BPOV **

"You did more than punch him, Edward. He was left on a bloody heap on the ground." Emmett made this statement but I couldn't turn to look at him. Edward was like..._them? _ No, there had to be a mistake. He couldn't be like them. He couldn't! I had to get away from him, so I ran. I was always running from something. I didn't even notice the tears on my face. I sank onto the bed, curling up, hoping to stop the hole inside my chest from growing. I'd thought I was safe, and yet, the person I was closest to was the one who I couldn't trust. Someone knocked on the door but I couldn't answer; my throat was too constricted.

"Bella, please don't cry." I heard his footsteps cross over to my bed. He reached out and tried to touch me but I jumped back, to afraid that he would do something to me too.

"Bella," he said. And his voice made me stop in my tracks. He sounded like I felt. Broken.

"Bella, I would never hurt you, ever! You know that! I was so angry at Mike, at what he did to you. I did it because of you; so he wouldn't hurt you again. I'm so sorry Bella, please!" I looked at him properly and what I saw in his eyes made me believe him. He was looking at me with such honesty and care; I knew he was telling the truth. When he reached out this time, I let him touch me, and my skin felt on fire when he did touch me. I had to explain.

"I thought I'd left that behind. I never thought that even here, that it would all still continue," I said blankly, trying to bypass the memories that were hitting me.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I would never hurt you. I couldn't. Bella, you are everything to me. Please, believe me. Trust me." I looked into his eyes again and I nodded at him

"I trust you Edward. It was just… a shock," I whispered. Seeing someone that I relied on so much, do so much damage, so much _familiar_ damage threw me. But I couldn't stop trusting him. He was everything. I know it was just the second day, but already I knew I couldn't live without him. He made me think there was hope. He climbed up next to me and lay alongside me. I straightened my legs out and all of a sudden my whole body was blazing with the feel of him against him. I looked into his scorching eyes and I stopped breathing. He leaned in towards me.

"Breathe, Bella," he whispered as his breath brushed against my lips. Heat was radiating from me and I took a ragged breath. He ran his hand up my waist leaving a searing trail behind. When he got to my neck he bent my head upwards and leaned in further.

"Bella," he whispered as he stared at me. A silent question. I nodded and closed the distance. His lips brushed over mine, very slightly, and the spark flew around the room, bouncing off the walls. He smiled up at me as he moved in to do it again.

"Bella?"

Okay, what? Who? I turned around, my brain still muddled, and saw Alice standing in the doorway.

"Oops, sorry! I'll leave you to continue whatever you were doing..." she trailed off.

"No, no. Sorry, Alice." I sat up biting my lip, my face a deep red. Edward sat up too and it was only then that I noticed his breathing was just as uneven as mine.

"Um…" she hesitated in the doorway, "…I was just going to ask if you wanted to watch a film in my room. But, it doesn't matter."

"No, Alice, we'll come watch," Edward told her, taking my hand and making the fire light up again within me. I followed him rather dazed into Alice's room.

I blinked and somehow I was on Edward's knee and he had his arms around me again. Rose was smiling suspiciously at me and she and Alice shared a knowing look. Rosalie had been so much nicer today since I'd gotten back and I didn't know why. I was glad though.

When the lights went out, all I became aware of was Edward. I could feel everything from where I was sitting and the fire kept getting hotter and hotter. I was trembling and the heat went to my face. I inhaled sharply when Edward started stroking the back of my neck, which really didn't help. I hadn't a clue what the film was about. I tried to concentrate on breathing normally, but it wasn't working. And then he pressed his lips to my neck. And I moaned, shifting in his lap, my reaction shocking me. Shouldn't I be scared of that? It was like James all over again. But with Edward, it felt…_good._

"Fuck," I heard Edward say quietly and then my eyes went wide. I glanced around the room and they were all looking at us. Oh crap. I could feel myself going a deep red as they all stared at us.

"Sorry," I murmured before turning away from them all, but my eyes met Edward's whose were burning with need. I had to turn away from him. The feelings were overwhelming me, and I didn't know what to do, or what to feel; scared or lustful, terrified or expectant. As I shifted back around to face the others Edward groaned. Really loud. And his hand went into my hair and pulled it gently. What did I do? Did I _hurt_ him?

And then Emmett started sniggering and soon Jasper started too. Finally Rosalie and Alice joined in when they saw our faces.

"Sorry," I whispered to him, not looking up and I made to move across the room. But he held me back and sat me down next him, not on his lap though. I noticed his hand was still clenched to the arm of the sofa.

"Bella, it's not your fault his mind is in the gutter!" Emmett hollered, while laughing like a madman. What? _Ohhhh_. That made sense now. I blushed even harder and looked down at my knees, playing with my hands.

"Bella, it's my fault. I'm sorry. You are just far too beautiful for your own good," Edward said quietly to me. I snorted at that and he frowned. He didn't say anything though, because Jasper started in.

"Alice? You want to know what I was laughing about earlier?" She nodded eagerly and I turned to face Jasper, curious. Edward on the other hand let out a low snarl.

"Don't you fucking dare, Jasper Whitlock." Jasper looked at him and then shook his head.

"Well, when you were talking about going out to the club, Edward over there had that same little problem, though I'm not sure if it was that little. We could always ask Bella!" Edward glared at him and turned away. I couldn't blush any deeper but if I could, I would have. Everyone but me laughed. I felt embarrassed for him. He was looking anywhere but me. I took his hand and interlocked my fingers. He looked at me and I smiled slightly. I stroked his hand and this time, instead of a fire burning everywhere all at once, it gradually worked up as we stared at each other. Edward was my life now, and I knew I could not live without him.

**EPOV **

I'd kissed her. Okay it wasn't exactly a kiss. More a slight touch of lips. Her fucking beautiful lips. I sat up, slightly out of breath and tried to comprehend what Alice was saying, I was still thinking about that almost kiss. The electricity was still fucking flowing and I wanted to pull Bella into my arms and make out until nightfall. Jesus, I am _really_ acting like a hormonal fucking teenager. _You are a hormonal fucking teenager, Edward_.

"Um," Alice hesitated in the doorway. "I was just going to ask if you wanted to watch a film in my room. But, it doesn't matter." It took my brain a minute to catch up with what Alice said.

"No, Alice, we'll come watch." Anything to get away from the stupid charge that was still running through the room. I stood up and took Bella's hand. Bad fucking idea. The charge I felt between us multiplied and I quickly pulled Bella to Alice's room. She was sort of out of it, her eyes were glazed over but she was smiling so I didn't think anything of it. I didn't allow myself to think it may have been the almost-kiss. I pulled her onto my lap and thirty seconds later she looked around, puzzled by where she was. I tried not to laugh and squeezed her tighter.

Then the lights went out. Fuck. My whole body charged and it all went straight to my groin. My eyes zoned in on Bella. Her hair was over one shoulder and I could see her beautiful slender neck. I brought my hand and stroked her skin, smiling when she shivered. My fingers were trembling like a fucking girl as my heart rate accelerated and I even moved forward slightly before I could stop myself. But I caught the smell of her hair and I couldn't resist. I leaned right to her and I pressed my lips against her neck. What I wasn't expecting was Bella's reaction. She moaned and shifted against me.

"Fuck," I said hoarsely. I clenched my fists into the sofa, trying to stop from moving against her.

"Sorry," Bella murmured. Bella looked round at me but quickly turned away. But as she did so she moved in my lap again and this time my hand fisted into her hair and I groaned, my eyes rolling back in my head. And then they all started fucking laughing.

"Sorry," she whispered to me, refusing to look at me. She tried to get up but I pulled her back, just sitting her next to me rather than on top.

"Bella, it's not your fault his mind is in the gutter!" Emmett shouted, while laughing like a fucking dickhead. And that just made Bella redder.

"Bella, it's my fault. I'm sorry. You are just far too beautiful for your own good," I told her, leaning in to her. She was fucking stunning. I'd never seen anyone like her. She snorted at me and I frowned darkly. She _was _gorgeous she just didn't see it. I opened my mouth to tell her again but Jasper started talking.

"Alice? You want to know what I was laughing about earlier?" She nodded eagerly and I narrowed my eyes at Jasper and snarled like some kind of fucking animal at him. _Jesus, Edward, calm down, he's not fucking Mike. _

"Don't you fucking dare, Jasper Whitlock," I ground out. Jasper looked at me and grinned, shaking his head. Oh fuck. This would not be pleasant for poor Bella.

"Well earlier, when you were talking about the club, Edward over there had that same little problem, though I'm not sure if it was that little. We could always ask Bella." I growled at him and turned away from Bella. Fuck, it wasn't her fault I found her way too beautiful. But she took my hand and interlocked her fingers. I looked up at her, my eyes apologetic but she just smiled at me and I smiled back. This girl was amazing. My life seemed complete now that she was here. And Jesus, I couldn't wait to kiss her.

**AN: Thanks for reading, please leave a review. Thank you to my beta's (darknesofthemoon and the girls over at ProjectTeamBeta). **


	6. Chapter 6

_Was it life I've betrayed_

_For the shape that I'm in_

_It's not hard to fail_

_It's not easy to win_

_Did I drink too much_

_Could I disappear_

_And there's nothing that's left but wasted tears_

'_Wasted Years' by Cold_

BPOV

Emmett coughed loudly, breaking us apart from our day dream. My cheeks reddened, of course but Edward just smirked and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me tight against him. I couldn't help but glance down, to see if he was over his, eh, problem. Edward caught the glance and smirked wider at me. Before I had time to react he whispered in my ear.

"Like what you see, Bella?" YES! YES! YES! Naturally, my breathing hitched and I quickly looked away from him, not answering. The others looked at us and sniggered again, but were silenced when Edward started glaring angrily at them. It was my turn to snigger at them. Alice stuck her tongue out at me and I giggled before turning back to the TV. I didn't have a clue what the film was about. I sighed and turned to Edward who was still looking at me, a slight smile on his face. I nudged him gently.

"What are you smiling about, huh?"

"Well, just yesterday, I met this amazing person. She's beautiful, and she is _very_ special." The intensity of his stare made it impossible to look away. I didn't even contradict him, though I knew he was wrong.

"Thank you," I whispered. The words weren't enough to convey how much he meant to me. It was quick, way too quick-I'd only known him for two days, but I felt like I'd known him for years. I didn't know what I was feeling inside. It was strange and different from anything I'd ever felt before, but it felt good. And I _craved_ more of it. Like when we were on the bed. My breathing picked up at the memory. Just that slight brush of his lips against mine had made me weak at the knees. I wanted to feel more. I wanted to feel all of him. His green eyes continued to bore into mine and I was assaulted by every fibre of him. He smirked slightly and brought his hand up and placed it on my neck, causing me to close my eyes in pleasure as he rubbed his thumb over my lips.

"Bella," he murmured. My eyes opened involuntary and I was once more attacked by his blinding eyes. "Alice seems to be trying to get your attention." He smirked and I frowned, getting myself out of the day dream quickly and trying to smile when I turned around to face Alice. She was grinning at me and I sighed and rolled my eyes. She was taking this way too far.

"Bella, come on!" I looked at her quizzically. She sighed and got up, over-exaggerating her movements. "We need to decide what you will wear tomorrow! Come on! Rosalie you come too! We have a lot of new clothes for her." Alice winked at Rosalie and she stood up much quicker than normal. I looked suspiciously at them.

"What do you want?" I asked carefully. Alice just looked innocently at me.

"Nothing, Bella." She rolled her eyes. "We just want to try some clothes on! Now come _on!" _I sighed and got up slowly and reluctantly. My heart was instantly colder without Edward's touch. It was pathetic. _Grow up Bella; you've only known him two stupid days. You shouldn't like him as much as you do. Get your head screwed on tighter!_

After my little pep talk I was dragged to my room by Alice and Rosalie. Alice ran and jumped on the bed.

"So, Bella?"

I looked at her expectantly.

"We need to make you look gorgeous for Edward, so he'll think about you ALL day, when we are away." I laughed nervously at her words.

"It shouldn't matter what I wear, I'm sure he won't be thinking of me," I said, looking away. Rosalie snorted and sat down next to Alice, leaning back on her elbows.

"Bella, seriously, he won't be thinking of anything else once we've had our way with you." Alice looked at me thoughtfully and then her eyes brightened. I tried to stifle an exasperated groan as I flopped onto the floor.

"Please?" she asked quietly.

I looked up at her and she was staring at me, pouting.

"Fine."

"Great! So anything? Any of your...new clothes?" she sneakily asked. I nodded at her words, not really paying attention. Then a huge smile lit up her face and I was reminded of what we bought.

"No, Alice! You cannot make me wear that skirt!" I stood up quickly, my hands on my hips, glaring at her. She frowned at me.

"Bella, you just said you would wear whatever I said; therefore I say you are wearing the skirt. No arguments!"

I stood, speechless as she walked over to the bags we had previously dumped on the floor. She rummaged through, throwing the offending item at Rosalie. Rosalie whistled when she looked at it.

"I'm not wearing it, Alice. We are going shopping; it's not a fashion parade!" I exclaimed. Rosalie snorted and Alice looked at me incredulously.

"Bella, it is a SHOPPING CENTRE. Of course it's a fashion parade." She said the words slowly, as if she thought that I somehow couldn't understand. Great. Now there is someone else thinking I was stupid. I tried to control my emotions as I could sense the smile dropping off my face.

"Alice, I am going to bed. I will not be wearing a skirt tomorrow. If you are lucky, I might wear that Abercrombie and Fitch shirt you bought me, okay? Now please, could I just go to sleep? I've had a really long day!" I begged her. Yeah right. I wasn't tired. I just wanted to get away from her. _I'm sure she didn't mean it, Bella,_ I told myself as both Rosalie and Alice left the room, Alice looking like a dog who'd had its tail trodden on. _But what if she _**had**_ meant it? _

I shook my head and quickly changed into some chequered pyjamas that Alice insisted were a must have. Who was going to see me in my pyjama's anyway? She didn't need to buy me super expensive ones. But at least it was better than James's dirty t-shirts. I shuddered involuntarily at the thought. I peeked my head out of my bedroom and looked down the empty corridor. It was safe to go. I quickly ran into the bathroom down the hall and managed not to trip. I brushed my teeth quickly and washed my face. I tried not to look in the mirror but I still managed to catch glimpses of myself. Like usual, my eyes scared me; they were so dark, and haunted. It was like the life had been sucked from them. But that couldn't be right. No. I refused to think about being empty. _They aren't here, Bella. You can have a life again. _I sighed and gave up trying to convince myself otherwise. I would always be empty. I couldn't be fixed, even by the most wonderful of people. Speaking of which, I opened the door and was once again met by Edward, leaning against the opposite wall.

"You were going to bed without saying good night?" He smirked down at me and I completely forgot all my worries. How could I think about them when I had Edward with me? I stuttered out a response.

"Um...eh...yes....I....um...was?" It came out like a question and he shook his head slightly, chuckling to himself. He put an arm on the small of my back and led me back to my room.

"So, are you looking forward to your shopping trip with Alice and Rose?"

I groaned and he laughed.

"We told you she was bad, but did you listen? No!" He laughed again and turned his head to look at me. I was amazed as his smile grew as he looked at me. My eyes lit up in response to his smile. Never before had someone looked at me like that. My heart soared, though I didn't recognise the look in his eyes.

"Bella, I believe this is your room?" I looked up, somehow surprised that we were here. He pushed open the door and I walked in. I turned around, only to be quickly pressed against the wall. I could feel his body running along the seams of my own and I gasped in shock. The fire inside me burned like nothing I had felt before as he ran his lips along my jaw. I could feel myself drowning in the feel of his lips on my body. My body heated up more and more and eventually I squirmed against him, desperate to get some friction between my legs.

"Good night, Bella," he whispered as his cool lips ran down my neck and across my collarbone.

"Don't go," I managed to make out, unable to stop myself from saying so. He chuckled lightly against my skin before raising his head to stare into my eyes.

"Bella, there is nothing more I would rather do, than stay here with you." He moved his head around the side of my face. He gently nibbled on my ear and I whimpered something incoherent as my hands flew up to grasp his shoulders tightly.

"Bella, you have to go to bed." And with that, he was gone.

_What the-_

_Did he just-_

_How the-_

_Where'd he-_

_Wow._

I couldn't even form a proper thought. _That_ was how much he affected me. I groaned loudly and flopped down onto my bed. My blood was still coursing through me, and I had the desire rub my legs together. What the hell had he done to me? My mind raced through it again, remembering how I got goose bumps all down my back when he caught my ear in his lips. I threw a pillow over my head and tried to block out all thoughts of Edward. But I couldn't. I tried counting sheep, but that didn't help. I moved on to dogs, and then elephants, and then platypuses, each animal getting weirder and weirder until eventually I fell into a restless sleep.

----

_I was in the hallway of my old house. It was empty. I couldn't hear anyone. I thought I was safe. I turned around but then James was there. Victoria stood behind him, holding something in her hands. He grabbed me and flung me against the wall, bracing his arm against me so I couldn't move. I was too frightened to call for help. And besides, it was useless. No one would come. Victoria walked up to us but I still couldn't see what was in her hand. Suddenly, she grabbed my mouth, forcing it open and stuffed something into my mouth. I almost choked at the taste of it. It was soap. My nose started running, and tears were beginning to run down my cheeks. I tried to shake my head, desperate to get some air into my lungs. And then someone punched me. The blows kept coming and I started seeing stars in front of my eyes. James dropped me and I spat the soap out. I tried to crawl to the bathroom to retch but James grabbed me and kicked me in the ribs. I cried out as he did it again and again and again._

"Bella! Bella! Wake up, please!" My eyes flew open and I started choking, my hands flying to my throat.

EPOV

I smirked as I left Bella speechless in her room. I went into my room, coincidentally next door to Bella's. I heard her groan loudly. I chuckled. How I fucking loved non-soundproofed rooms. I threw my t-shirt off and flung on a pair flannel bottoms. I stretched my arms above my head and then climbed in.

An hour later I was still fucking awake. I could not get that image of Bella whimpering beneath me from my mind_. _

_Jesus Christ Cullen, move along! It's not as if you were fucking her! _

_Yeah, like I could 'fuck' Bella. She is way more important than that._

_Going all sappy are we?_

_Fuck off._

I am going insane. I really am. She's been here two fucking days and I am obsessed. Get a grip. I groaned silently and watched my clock as the hours slipped by and my mind stayed tuned on Bella Swan. When it got to 1 AM and I still wasn't asleep I sat up and turned my light back on. No way was I going to get any rest tonight. Not when I knew she was in the room next door, with her huge eyes and her full, red lips. CHRIST! I moved painfully, trying to relieve some of the pressure in my groin.

And that's when I heard it. At first I just passed it off as a random noise that this stupid place makes, but then I heard it again. Someone was crying. But it wasn't crying, it was more like quiet shouts of pain. And it was coming from Bella's room. I was out of the room before I could curse. I opened her door, almost slamming it behind me and ran across to the bed. She was thrashing around in her sleep, her face scrunched up and her cheeks glistening with tears. She whimpered in pain again and again, and each cry was accompanied by a wince. I had to wake her up.

"Bella! Bella! Wake up please!" Her eyes flew open and she sat upright, clutching her throat. She was choking and all I could do was stare in horror. Her eyes were blazing with fear and her face had a slight sheen of sweat over it, brought on by her nightmare. My senses kicked in and I rubbed her on the back.

"Breathe, Bella. You're okay. No one is hurting you."

She took a couple of deep shaky breathes and then looked up at me, new tears forming in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry Edward," she cried out as the tears fell down her cheeks. What the fuck? I took her in my arms and lay down on the bed, holding her tight against me. I stroked her hair and tried to calm her down.

"Shhhh, Bella, it's alright," I murmured. Her sobs grew quiet but her body still shook.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" I asked her cautiously, not wanting to push her too far. She sniffed and nodded into her chest.

"It was them again. They were there. And they...they kept doing stuff to me." She started sobbing against me again and I left it at that. I would find out one day.

"Bella, please calm down. You're okay, they can't hurt you. I'm here, love."

Bella's breathing hitched as she looked up at me. _Holy shit_. Did I just say what I thought I said? I couldn't have! I called her _love_? By the look on Bella's face I could tell that it had slipped out. Jesus, now she was going to go all weird and stupid on me. Way to go Cullen. I gazed into Bella's eyes, trying to apologize but she looked away and snuggled her head into my chest. She hiccuped and sniffed before speaking.

"Please stay with me, Edward." Her voice was hoarse from crying, and slightly muffled. It was only then that I realised that her face was against my bare chest. Meaning her fucking lips were against it too. _Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck_. I shifted away from her but she moved closer, pressing her whole body against me and my growing hard on.

"Please, Edward?" she asked, her voice hesitant now. Wait, had I not answered yet?

"Of course I'll stay."

Bella gingerly wrapped her arms around me and moved her lips across my chest. Involuntarily, I stiffened and Bella giggled slightly.

_Way to go, loser._

She would think I was a total dickhead since I couldn't control myself around her. I sighed and held her tighter against me. I might as well get it when I can, right? I buried my nose in her hair, her exquisite scent assaulting my senses. She wrapped her legs through mine and we lay there, completely together. Bella fell asleep first. Her breathing evened out and I soon felt her relax in my grip. It wasn't long after that I fell asleep too, my dreams filled with pictures of Bella.

*****

"Are they _awake_?"

"Does she know that her _mouth_ is on his _nipple_?"

"Why is he eating her hair?"

"Is his hand on her _breast_?"

"Emmett, shut up with the questioning! They'll hear you!"

My Bella induced haze was fading and I stirred, my eyes opening minutely. Alice, Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett stood at the end of the bed, staring at us like we were fucking zoo animals. I felt Bella stir against me, and instantly my morning wood sprang up.

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath. Bella frowned at me.

"What?" she asked, her voice husky in the morning. I nodded in their direction.

"Oh," she simply said and then blushed the most adorable shade of red. I couldn't help but reach out with my fingers and stroke along her cheek, making her go even redder. Emmett made puking noises and we both turned and glared at him.

"What the fuck are you even doing in here?"

"Well," Alice began. "I came in to wake Bella up so we could get ready to go out, but you were in here as well! And the sight was too cute to keep to myself so I went and got everyone else!"

"Cute?" Emmett said, snorting. "I think more like 'bloody-hot-grope-sucking-session' is a more accurate name."

I rolled my eyes at his crudeness. Bella turned to stare at me.

"You were feeling me up?" And for the first time in my whole fucking life, I, Edward Cullen, got embarrassed.

"No, I was not," I said, flustered.

"Edward, yes you were. Your hand was on her breast," Rosalie accurately stated. Bella blushed again and I groaned.

"But I didn't mean to! I was _asleep_!"

"You mean you don't want to feel me up?" I looked up at Bella in disbelief and was met with her big, brown eyes, staring at me like fucking Bambi.

"Bella, what on earth are you talking about?" What the fuck was going on? Hell, we hadn't even kissed yet and she wanted me to grope her. Not that I didn't want to, I just, fuck. I pinched the bridge of my nose and took a deep breath.

"Bella, I—" I looked up as the five of them burst out laughing.

"Your face!" Jasper managed before going off in another fit of laughter.

"Get out now!" I snarled at them and the four at the end of the bed left, still laughing. Bella on the other hand, had stopped and was now looking at the ground, playing with the hem of her trousers. Her arms were unintentionally pushing her breasts together and I stared at them for a few seconds before I managed to get a grip on myself.

"So you thought it was funny did you?" I growled playfully. She looked up at me through her eyelashes and I saw something flash through them, before they turned bright as I winked at her before leaping and pinning her to the bed. I sat over her legs and she giggled. I raised an eyebrow at her before grinding my hips into hers. I was prepared to feel overwhelmed, but what I was not prepared for was Bella's reaction. Her eyes rolled back into her head and she moaned loudly. The sound made my insides melt and I yearned to do it again, but like a gentleman, I forced myself not to.

"Not so funny now is it, Bella?" She shook her head at me meekly, her eyes filled with need. Her lips called me and I leant down, desperate to feel her lips against mine properly.

"EDWARD!" Alice hissed through the door before rapping on it lightly. "Carlisle's coming! Get out of there!" _Oh shit_. If I was found here, they'd fucking murder me.

"Bella, I will explain later," I whispered before jumping off the floor and running out the room.

BPOV

I'm not quite sure what just happened. After Edward ran from the room, his sister came back in.

"Bella! Shopping time! Go shower!" she told me. I frowned at her.

"Why did he leave?" I asked. It was now Alice who frowned slightly.

"That's not for me to tell you. He'll tell you later." She started rummaging through my clothes and I sighed.

"Alice, I know what I'm wearing, now please, just leave me alone to get dressed!"

She sighed and dragged her feet out the room. I grabbed a pair of tight jeans and one of the tops she had bought me yesterday. Just because I didn't want her help, didn't mean I wasn't going to _try_ and look good for Edward.

There was a towel at the end of the bed which I assumed Alice had brought in with her. I picked it up and walked quickly, but carefully down the hall to the shower. Luckily, no one had gone in yet and this time I was able to get dressed in the bathroom. There was no one against the wall when I left the room this time, _thank goodness_, I thought. I was not ready to deal with the whole Edward thing yet.

I had spent the whole night with him. I still didn't know how he got there or what happened between us. He had ground his goddamned hips against mine for goodness sake! Did that mean he liked me too? But how could I be so into him when we had only just met? It wasn't possible! I groaned and forced myself not to thump the wall. My mind was a maze of unanswered questions that kept forcing themselves to the front of my mind. I sighed again, walking down the stairs with the hope that somebody would be about.

When I reached the kitchen, most of the others were already sitting there. Edward stood up when I came in and smiled. His smile quickly froze, freezing mine in the process. But Edward got a hold of himself, shaking his head lightly and came over to me quickly.

"You look amazing Bella," he whispered, his voice close to my ear. And that made my decision. I didn't care if I had only met him three days ago. I. Wanted. Edward. He pulled back from me and smirked once more, making me blush a thousand shades of red, before leading me to the table and sitting me down next to him.

"One black coffee for you," he said passing me a cup of steaming coffee and the sugar bowl. _Wow_, I thought, _he'd been paying attention yesterday. _I smiled up at him.

"Thank you," I said and he passed me over a plate. I looked up to find Esme looking at me thoughtfully. She was leaning against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest. When she caught me looking she smiled and I returned it. Carlisle came through the door and said something to her. She replied and then he turned around to look at me. He frowned darkly and I blushed and looked away. I turned to Edward who was glaring at his father in hate. My eyebrows creased as I tried to work out what was going on. I looked back up to Carlisle and Esme. Esme now stood with a restraining arm on Carlisle who looked ready to kill Edward. My head flicked back to Edward who was shaking now, his fists clenched on the table.

"Edward?" I mimicked Esme and put my hand against Edward. Almost instantly, he seemed to relax and I breathed a sigh of relief when he faced me, his eyes nowhere near as black as they had been.

"Yes, Bella?" he said sweetly, running his hands along my cheek and brushing my hair behind my ear.

"What's going on?" When I said this his eyes darkened slightly, but he smiled before I could say anything about it.

"Nothing," he told me. I continued to persist.

"Edward, I saw what happened. Tell me what's wrong. Please?" He looked into my eyes and seemed to give in.

"Later, okay? When we are alone. When we're not being watched like hawks," he added under his breath. I frowned but decided to leave it alone. It would do no good to exasperate him further. He didn't say anything throughout the rest of the meal, and I kept my eyes down at the table, feeling awkward. I ate quickly and stood up as soon as I had finished. I left, not once looking at Edward. I ran up to my room, trying to ignore the implications of the encounter I had just witnessed. Why was Carlisle so annoyed at Edward? Was it because of me?

"Bella, I'm sorry."

I jumped and squeaked embarrassingly. I flung my body around and Edward was in the bedroom, wringing his hands nervously. He looked up sheepishly at me through his lashes, and I motioned for him to proceed, whilst curling my knees to my chest. He hesitatingly took a step forward and shut the door.

"You see, um, Carlisle, um has a problem, you could say, with me and you."

"Problem?" I asked numbly. Everyone had a problem with me.

"No, no, no, Bella! Not that kind of problem!" He ran across to me and grabbed my hands in his. I let him run his fingers run over my soft skin as he continued to justify what he had said.

"I meant he has a problem with you and I getting..._together_."

"Why would he have a problem with that?"

He released my hands and stared down at the floor.

"Because, every girl I have ever been with has been a 'onetime' thing. You know, fuck 'em then drop 'em. He thinks I'm just after you for the sex—" His face darkened at this but he continued. "—and he thinks that you will get hurt. By me. _Bastard_," I thought I heard him say quietly.

"Why does he think that, Edward?" I knew he could never hurt me, at least not physically. After yesterday, there was no doubt about it that he could ever hurt me like _that. _

"Because every one of the girls I fucked were obsessed with me. And I broke their hearts. But I could never do that to you, Bella, never. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did." I heard the sincerity in his voice but...

_What if I wasn't as good as the others he had been with?_

_Stop being pathetic Bella,_ I told myself. But I couldn't be sure. I knew I wanted him, so, so much. But what if I wasn't good enough for him? What if I was awkward and rubbish and ugly? Once again I reminded myself that I was broken. Of _course_ I would be worse than the others.

"Bella, what's wrong?" His tone was worried now and I gazed into his eyes, completely lost.

"Edward, it's just, it's just—" I stopped. He looked at me, confusion written all over his face. "Nothing, it doesn't matter."

His eyes narrowed but he didn't press any further.

"Bella! Hurry UP!" Alice skipped into the room, beaming like a Cheshire cat. I groaned.

"Wish me luck!" I said, trying to make my voice cheerful. I slipped my shoes on quickly and grabbed my coat, managing to put it on before Alice grabbed me and dragged me off for the second trip to the mall in just a few days.

Rosalie and Alice spent the whole journey discussing what would look good on me.

"Definitely dark blue," Rosalie said.

"Yes, and that purple that she is wearing looks really good too!"

"Not yellow, it would make her skin look weird."

"Yeah, but it would depend on the shade I suppose."

I tuned out after that and closed my eyes. My mind jumped straight to Edward. I bit back a frustrated groan. I couldn't even go _shopping_ without thinking of him. That was just great.

"Bella? Bella?" Alice sang. My eyes flickered open and she was leaning right over me. "We're here!" she explained. _Good_? I climbed out of the car and followed Rosalie and Alice who walked into the mall like they owned the place.

The first shop we went into Alice grabbed stuff from every shelf and flung them into my arms. It was all short skirts and revealing tops. I had to stop her.

"Alice Cullen, stop," I said in my most forceful voice. "I do not wear short sleeves—" I threw 4 of the items back at her. "I do not wear midriff revealing tops either—" I then threw another 2 of the items back at her. "And I most definitely do NOT wear tartan Mini-skirts!" I threw back the one that she had just given me. I now had in my arms, two tops and a black mini-skirt. I mean it couldn't hurt to try could it?

"I told you, Alice!" Rosalie said while smirking at Alice and winking at me. Alice frowned and dumped the clothes on a stand before hurrying off to find something else. Luckily, she did not find anything else that met both her and my needs.

"Fine, Bella, go try those things on. But we are not finished yet. You are not wearing any of that to a club." She scowled at me and I danced happily to a changing room with just three items. I slipped into the skirt and one of the tops. I froze when I looked at myself in the mirror. It was so _short._

"Bella are you alright in there?" Alice asked timidly.

"It's so short," I managed to stutter out. I heard rather than saw the door being opened. Damn it for the magnet locks.

"Bella, wow! What the hell is wrong with that?" Rosalie whistled.

"Bella, you look amazing! We are so getting that skirt! And the top!" I looked at them more carefully. I suppose it wasn't too bad. I could live with short. Maybe. If I was high on coke! What was I thinking? I couldn't possibly wear this.

"No, I can't get this. I'm not the kind of girl who wears skirts."

"But, Bella, you look so good!"

I shook my head firmly.

"Do you want me to try on the other top or not?" Alice huffed at me and nodded angrily before storming out of the tiny room.

I quickly threw on the other top, only to take it off immediately. It was HIDEOUS! I knew Alice would agree.

"Alice, this one is dreadful. I'm going to chuck you the clothes over. Can you please put them back while I get changed?" I heard her grumble and sigh as she clattered about, picking up everything I had thrown over.

I changed, slower this time, and walked casually out of the changing room to see Rosalie waiting for me. I smiled nervously to her, still not sure what had made her change towards me so fast.

"Alice is just buying herself some things; we can wait for her outside." We moved out the shop and sat down on a bench. There was a bit of an awkward silence until we both spoke at once.

"I'd like to—"

"Could I—" We both smiled at each other and I motioned for her to continue.

"I'd like to apologise for behaving so rudely to you when you first arrived here. I had a hard time settling in with certain people and it was horrible seeing that the two of you got on so well."

"I'm guessing we're talking about Edward right?"

She nodded. "He really has never taken well to newcomers - except you. I was jealous. Jealous that you had something I didn't, something that made you so much more special to him."

I snorted at this.

"Oh but Bella, you are that bit more special to him. I have lived with Edward for years and never once have I seen him half as happy as he is when he is around you. His whole face glows and he can't look away. It's as if he's blinded by you."

I couldn't speak. My mouth opened and closed like a fish. Rosalie chuckled.

"I'm serious Bella. You've changed him."

I finally found my voice again. "B...but I only met him a few days ago?"

"That was my problem, but Bella it doesn't matter that it was only a few days. It was a love at first sight moment. You cannot change that."

"Love?" I spluttered out.

"Yes, Bella, love! You would believe me if you saw how he acts around you. He constantly has to have his hands on you—"

"That's lust, not love," I interrupted.

"Bella, don't be silly. It's not like that. He plays with your hair, and holds your hand and strokes your cheek. A guy after sex doesn't do that."

"But then why does Carlisle have such a problem with us getting together?" I was glad I was finally delving deeper into the mystery of this. Rosalie sighed.

"He talked to us about it yesterday. He said that something really bad had happened to you, and that he would not let anybody hurt you anymore. Edward came under that category of hurting you." My mind had stopped with her sentence. They couldn't know anything could they?

"H...how?" I managed to say, trying not to look like I was caught out.

"Edward is, well was, a bit of a man-whore to be honest. And Carlisle didn't want to see him use you the same way he did with all those girls."

"How many were there?"

Rosalie frowned. "I can't tell you that, Bella."

"There was that many?"

Her frown deepened.

"Fine. About 25." 25? Is that big or not? I knew nothing about a teenage boy's mind.

"Has he had any longer relationships?" If he hadn't lasted with anyone else, how did I know he would last with me?

"Well, relationship is a loose sense of the word, but there was one. Her name was Tanya and they fucked for about 6 months before she moved to New York."

"What was she like?"

"Blonde hair, big boobs, fake tan, you know the sort."

_Everything I'm not then. _

"Bella, do not be ridiculous. He likes you because you _aren't_ like that," Rosalie said. I didn't even realize I had spoken out loud.

"Are you sure Rosalie?" She smiled brightly at me.

"Bella, already he worships the ground you walk. Trust him; he won't let you down." I thought over Rosalie's words carefully. If it was true, then I was the luckiest girl in the world. If not, I was the most gullible girl in the world.

I spotted Alice coming out the door and I smiled up at Rosalie.

"Thanks Rosalie." She smiled back at me.

"No problem Bella." She turned serious and she reached out to touch my arm. "And if you ever need someone to talk to about..._things_...please come to me. I know what it's like to have no one to turn to." With that we stood up and were off. Again.

**AN: Thank you to my beta's, thedarknessofthemoon, Ally Carlson and the ProjectTeamBeta girls. **

**Thanks for reading, please review. **


	7. Chapter 7

_When you hear them saying "Trust me"  
Don't wait to see what's next  
Thrown to the wolves  
Forever trusting  
Raised in a form of living hell  
Sing a one note song of rage  
live and die within your heart  
So beware in the shadows_

'_Family Tree' by Megadeth_

Alice didn't notice our serious faces. She handed me a bag she held and I frowned at it.

"Why are you giving me this?" Her bright eyes sparkled and it made my frown deepen. "Alice," I groaned. "What did you _do_?"

"I may have bought that skirt for you," Alice said sheepishly.

"Alice!" I groaned, ignoring the stares of passer-bys. She rolled her eyes at me.

"Bella, grow up. You looked fantastic. It's going to kill Edward." She giggled slightly.

"Did you talk to her, Rose?" Alice asked. Wait a sec, they had _planned_ that? And here I thought Rosalie was just being nice. Did she even mean what she said?

"Sort of, Alice. I didn't get to the juicy bit though!" Rose exclaimed. _Juicy?_ I thought. That can't be good.

"Juicy?" I asked timidly. Alice laughed darkly.

"Oh, you just wait, innocent little Bella. Now come _on_! We need to get you something to wear! And I know exactly where to go." Rosalie jumped about excitedly.

"Yay!" she squealed. "I love this shop." Rosalie grabbed one of my arms and Alice grabbed the other. I was pulled along the mall, practically running to keep up with them. We came around the corner and was met with a bright, yellow, neon glowing sign. It read 'SHIRTLESS'. I froze as I looked at the crop tops and see-through shirts in the window.

"No way," I told them.

"But Bella, this is the place to get your club clothes. And there is a more conservative section. Please Bella?" She looked at me, pouting, with wide round eyes. I groaned.

"Fine! I'll go in. I'm not saying I'll try anything on though," I warned them. They both nodded hard and fast, obviously desperate to get me into the shop. _I must have a death wish_, I thought wryly.

They ran forward eagerly and I followed reluctantly after checking that no one was watching me enter. _Just breathe Bella, it can't get any worse. _

I walked in and was met face to face with a very gay man. He was wearing tight, gold sequined shorts and a purple shirt. He had on red, pointy cowboy boots. I blushed as scarlet as his boots and looked around him to see Rosalie and Alice struggling to keep from laughing.

"Can I help you at all, pretty lady?" he asked in a nasal voice. And then he slapped my ass. My body convulsed and my breathing quickened, despite knowing he wouldn't hurt me. He looked down at my breasts. I flinched away from him, but he wouldn't stop staring.

"We need to get you into something a bit more tight and revealing, honey," he said in the same nasal voice that burst my eardrums. And then it happened in slow motion. I saw his hands move upwards and he pushed my breasts together and up. I couldn't stop him. I gasped and my body convulsed again.

"What are you doing?" I managed to say, hissing.

"You have great boobs, honey. We just need to get them out!" He squeezed them harder and my hand moved forward and hit him across his face, a loud slap echoing around the store. When I drew my hand away, there were 5 red marks on his face, searing into his cheek. He gaped at me.

"Why did you slap me, lady?" he asked, indignantly.

"I didn't slap you," I hissed. "I high-fived your face." I said this more confidently than I felt. Inside, the little girl was crying out, wanting to be comforted. The tears started when I walked away, silently running down my cheeks. I made my way to Alice and Rosalie who were looking at me in shock, having abruptly stopped laughing.

"Alice just choose me something, I want to go home," I said quietly, looking at the dark floor. I sniffed and wiped away the ears from my face but more just fell.

"I'll take her to the car," I heard Rosalie say. Alice passed Rosalie the keys and we both hurried out of the shop. We walked in silence to the car. Occasionally, I saw Rosalie half lift her hand, as if to wrap her arm around me but she would always drop it. We both climbed into the back seat of Alice's car and it was then that she started to speak.

"Bella?" she asked nervously. Rosalie was never nervous. She was the most confident person I knew.

"Bella, honey? Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" The tears fell down my face slightly faster. I wanted more than anything to tell her what was wrong. How could I tell her that it had reminded me of my past? How could I explain everything? I couldn't. He would kill me, I knew he would. I shook my head, my brown hair slapping against my cheeks.

"I...I...c...can't," I sobbed. My voice broke on the word 'can't.'_ Someone please help me_, I pleaded inside my head. Rosalie frowned at me, her worry line creasing on her forehead.

"Bella, we can help you," she told me, her face serious and her eyes laced with concern. She was wrong though. No one could help me. I shook my head at her. Before she could say anything else, Alice climbed into the car. She was breathing heavily and her cheeks were slightly red as if she'd been running. She threw a bag in the back next to Rosalie and I.

"Bella, what happened?" she asked, noting my still tear-streaked face. I couldn't reply. Rosalie and Alice exchanged a look.

"Let's get you home, Bella," Rosalie said, squeezing my shoulder before climbing into the front next to Alice. I closed my eyes and surrender to the blackness. I could hear Alice and Rosalie whispering to each other up front.

"And she wouldn't tell you?" I heard Alice say.

"No, not wouldn't. _Couldn't." _There was silence for a couple of minutes as Alice started the car.

"I called Edward," she said. Rosalie sighed loudly.

"I think he loves her Alice. Have you seen him? And the way he was with Mike? It's going to kill him to see her like this." Alice made a noise of agreement.

"Do you think she's told him anything?" There was another silence as the car purred its way through the journey.

"No, I don't think so. She can't tell him either."

Something happened then. My whole body seemed to blank out and was consumed by the never-ending darkness. I couldn't hear anything. I tried to open my eyes but I couldn't do that either. My arms wouldn't move and now words couldn't come out my mouth. My breath quickened as the black overtook my world. Suddenly, they were there. Both of them. They were walking towards me and my body started shaking, shuddering wildly. I struggled to break free from this nightmare but my arms pulled against something. I looked down and saw ties against my arms and legs, keeping me from moving anywhere. I was panicking and it was getting harder and harder to breathe.

I looked up again and they were both standing above me. I don't know which one of them hit me first but pain suddenly exploded in a colourful burst of light. The pain in my ribs intensified and then my mouth could move again. I didn't say anything. Instead, all that came out was a cold, high shriek. The nail-biting sound continued as the sharp jolts of pain continued. Then the pain moved to my face. One loud crack followed another. My vision clouded deep red as the blood ran over my eyes. I could taste the blood in my throat and I coughed, seeing the colour splatter against my legs. I could feel someone's nails scratching against my skin, tearing into it.

"Alice, for fucks sake, hurry up," I heard someone growl and strong pressure was applied to my arms. The pain once again moved to my ribs and I spluttered, coughing up more redness as my body was beaten and again and again until I just lay there, flopping around like a rag doll. The unnatural screams coming from my body intensified when I saw James looking at me with the glint he had in his eyes that night. He leered at me and I struggled harder against what was holding me back. I felt the pressure decrease and the pain in my arms was back, the nails digging deep into my arms and scouring over them. I felt James lift his hand up to my breast and squeeze it tight. I let out one continuous scream. It lasted forever. I didn't stop to breathe. I just had to get away from him.

"Bella! Oh my god, Bella! Fuck it! Bella, sweetheart. Bella, listen to me, it's Edward. Fuck, Bella, open your eyes." An angel's voice came from afar and I stopped my screams, the picture in front of me fading a little. James seemed to get further away from me. I felt arms wrap around me and I could smell something delicious, not too far away from me.

"Carlisle, fuck, what do I do? She's a mess. Fucking hell, Carlisle, help her! Bella, love, please! Open your eyes." I felt warm hands caress my face and I sighed softly. "Bella, oh god, Bella. Fuck, look at her arms. Oh Christ, Bella, please!" The angel's voice broke on the last word and I frowned in my haze. I couldn't make the angel upset. I forced my eyes open, struggling to raise my lids but managing in the end. A beautiful face was hovering over me, his eyes filled with unfallen tears and his face looking as if he'd been tortured. His body seemed to collapse in relief. It was only now that my angel started sobbing.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," he crooned. I sat up, wincing as I did and threw my arms around him, my own sobs starting up again.

"Edward," I said, my face buried in his neck. His arms were tight around me and I cried in relief at him being here. My angel. He had saved me again.

"Oh god, Bella. What happened?" he whispered. I moved back to look at his face and wiped away the tears that lined his beautiful face like the scars that lined my arms.

"They were there again. Only this time, it was worse. I couldn't focus on anything else. I couldn't move. Edward, I couldn't do anything!" I threw my arms back around him and he hugged me again, his hands rubbing against my back soothingly.

"Oh my poor, poor, Bella."

"Ah, Edward?" another voice said. Edward's head shot up and he let go of me. I turned to see Carlisle standing there.

"Bella, I'm afraid I need to clean you up a bit."

"Clean me up?" He nodded and glanced at my arms. I looked down at them and saw deep, red gashes along them, blood still oozing from a couple them. I gasped in disbelief.

"What happened to me?" Carlisle looked at me seriously.

"You did this to yourself, Bella." _I did what?_ My eyebrows creased. "I'll explain later, Bella." He moved forward and then I glanced down again. My eyes widened in realization. My scars. He would see them.

"No!" I said and jumped up from where I sat. I ran towards the door but strong arms wrapped around my waist. I sobbed again as Edward turned me round to face him.

"No, Edward, no! I can't! You know that!" I hit his chest weakly in surrender. This was it. The beginning of the end. He lowered his head to my ear.

"Bella, I'll clean you up. Don't worry. Please don't cry, beautiful." He looked over at Carlisle who nodded strangely and handed Edward a pack of antiseptic wipes. He also gave him some antiseptic cream and a couple of bandages.

"I'll leave," he told me. As he walked out of the room, Edward turned back to me and set the things on the table. He then pulled me towards him and lifted me up until I was sitting on the table.

"May I?" he asked politely and I nodded and blushed, looking down at the floor. Edward's hands ghosted over my abdomen and his fingers slipped under my top, feeling my skin for the first time. My breathing grew quick. _Help!_ I thought. We hadn't even kissed and I was acting like a freak in front of him. Who even said we were going to kiss?

His hands grabbed the top of my top and he pulled it up over my head. I heard him gasp slightly, and then a quiet growl slipped from his throat. I looked down at my chest and saw little purple bruises dotting across my stomach. My arms looked like they'd been gouged at with claws. My cut from yesterday was still tender and the bruising still surrounded it in all its blue glory.

"Fuck, Bella." He reached across and pulled out a cloth. He started rubbing it over my left arm so gently I could barely feel it.

"Does that hurt?" he asked softly. I raised my face to his and found him staring at me intently, his eyes still filled with the un-fallen tears. I shook my head.

"It's fine." My voice was still hoarse after my breakdown. What was wrong with me? I let out a breath quickly and I closed my eyes tight for a moment.

"Bella, what's wrong? Are you okay?" My eyes flickered open and saw him gazing at me still, his eyes dark.

"Edward, what's wrong with me?" I breathed out, my voice breaking. In a second, I was in his arms again and he was rubbing my back soothingly.

"Bella, nothing is wrong with you, sweetheart." I half snorted, half cried at his response.

"Edward, you can't fool me. I see the way everyone looks at me. I know that I'm different. A _freak_."

"Oh god, Bella. You are anything but a freak. You are a gorgeous, amazing person, who's had a hard life. There is nothing wrong with you! You may have some sort of illness, but Bella, you are not a freak. You are different in such a brilliant way. Everyone here cares for you so much. We just want to help you, my beautiful Bella." I sniffed and he wiped my tears away, his cool fingers feeling good against my skin. Unconsciously, I leaned into his hand and he smiled. I felt my cheeks heat up in response and he chuckled.

"There's my girl."

I cracked a small smile and he grinned at me, his whole face lighting up. He looked back at my arms and he picked up the bandages, wrapping the line of cloth around my forearm. His fingers pressed down lightly on my arm. I could see he was trying hard not to hurt me any further.

"How are your ribs?" he asked, when he had finished. He ran his fingers lightly over my bruises and he frowned at them.

"They're okay," I whispered. He looked up at me through his lashes, his eyes a fantastic shade of green. He leaned forward slowly, keeping his eyes on mine. And then he pressed his lips against my skin. He trailed his mouth along every one of the bruises that marked my pale skin. My breaths were ragged and they came in short, sharp gasps.

"I wish I could make it better," he sighed against my skin, refusing to move his lips from my abdomen.

"You do," I told him. He raised his head.

"Oh, Bella, you are so..._perfect_." He reluctantly dragged his lips away from me and helped me put my top back on. I once again felt safe behind the dark black of my top. He helped me off the tabl top and I winced slightly as I moved my body. His beautiful face darkened again and I heard him mutter under his breath, something I wasn't meant to hear.

"I will kill whoever hurt you." I looked down in embarrassment and saw his hands, clenched into tight fists. I reached out and brushed my fingers along his knuckles and they relaxed reflexively.

"Bella, I suspect Carlisle will be wanting to speak to you." I inhaled sharply and shook my head frantically at him.

"Edward! I c...can't! I can't tell him! I can't tell you! I can't ever! Never, Edward!" I shook again, my body shuddering with silent sobs. He reached out to touch my face and bring it up to look at his eyes.

"Why can't you tell us, Bella? Why?" I shook my head again. I couldn't. He would kill me. He would kill Edward. He would kill everyone I wanted.

"Bella, please. You can tell me. Why can't you say anything?" I stared deep into his eyes. They bored into me, eating away at my heart and stealing another piece of me. Except this, I wanted to give to him. This was Edward. I could trust him. I would not let them hurt him.

"Bella," he urged, running his hand along my neck. I took a deep breath and let it out.

"Because they'll kill me."

*********

EPOV

The words Bella uttered shot through me like the sharpest arrows. No wonder she couldn't say. They'd threatened to kill her. But who were _they_? When I knew who they were, they would wish they had never fucked with Bella. I would fucking tear them apart.

I stood with my arms around her. How could I protect this beautiful creature? She was a threat to herself. How could I save her when she couldn't tell me what to save her from? I needed to speak to Carlisle.

"Bella? Let me go out and talk to Carlisle. I'll ask him not to question you just yet. You stay here and then I'll come back and we'll go to my room." She nodded her head and backed away from me, slumping into a chair, completely exhausted after her revelation to me. I quickly made my way out of the room and was met by a number of people wearing holes in the floor.

"Edward! Is she okay?" Alice jumped into my space, her voice raised slightly.

"Shhh," I warned her. "Look, I need to speak to Carlisle. Could you please go in and keep her company? Distract her with something else." I walked off, not bothering to wait for Alice to reply. I made my way straight to Elizabeth's office where I knew all of them would be gathered. I didn't knock but strode straight in. I interrupted whatever my father was saying.

"Carlisle, Esme? Could I please speak to you? In private?" I added. Esme glanced at my worried face and nodded immediately, standing up and walking towards me quickly. She pulled me out of the room and Carlisle shut the door behind us. We were in the hallway now and I looked up and down the corridor before starting to speak.

"Bella just told me something. I told her that you might want to talk to her and she started freaking out again. She was fucking hyperventilating and was screaming at me that she _couldn't_ speak to you. That she couldn't tell you, couldn't tell _me_ what was wrong. I asked her why. She said...she...she said because _they_ would kill her." I hung my head and before I knew it, I had raised my hand and there was a loud smash as my hand came into contact with the plastered walls. Carlisle grabbed my wrist and flung me back.

"Edward, that is not going to help." I growled at him.

"I am going to kill them, when I meet whoever hurt her. I swear to fucking God. I. Will. Kill. Them." Carlisle stared at me, his eyes once again filled with confusion and that same unknown emotion that he had shown back in the medical room.

"Edward, please just calm down. We will help her. But before we can do anything, we need to find out what happened to her. Get her to tell you."

"Fuck. Off. I am not fucking with Bella for you. She is worth more to me that a half ditch attempt to get information for you. I will not force her to do anything." He sighed at me.

"I am not saying to force her. That did not come out right. I meant, you could be with her if you want. Just please, if she tells you anything, tell one of us. We need to be able to help her." My eyes widened enormously at Carlisle's words.

"We can...be together? Properly?" _Bella and I? Me and Bella?_ Though I suppose, I would have been with her even if Carlisle didn't give his fucking blessing.

"Thank you," I said sincerely. It was probably the only decent thing I had said to him in over 6 months. "And I'll tell you, but only if she wants me to. I will not go against her wishes. I can't do that to her. She trusts me." He considered this before nodding.

"Fine." I started to leave but Carlisle grabbed hold of my arm again. "But, Edward, find out soon. I don't know how much more her body can endure." I nodded once and then moved off, desperate to get back to Bella. I opened the door of the room she occupied and saw Alice hastily stuff something back in a bag.

"Alice, what are you doing?"

She smiled sweetly at me, "Nothing to worry about Edward. Just wear loose trousers on Friday night." She winked at me and then left the room. Rose giggled and followed after her. My eyebrows rose after them and I heard Bella give a light laugh. I spun round to face her, my smile big enough to light a room. Bella had _laughed_. I bounced over to her and picked her up, though being carful of her bruises, and spun around the room with her in my arms. She laughed freely at my over reaction and her eyes lit up when she looked at me. I couldn't help but smile when I saw her. Her bright, hazelnut eyes were both the bane of my existence, and my reason for living.

"Come on, beautiful." I pulled her out the door and she danced lightly after me, seeming to fly across the floor. For once, she wasn't the clumsy, nervous girl that had arrived two days earlier; she was graceful and happy and _confident_.

I led her up the stairs and opened the door to my room. She stepped inside and looked around, confused.

"Yeah, this is my room," I said nervously. It was kind of weird. I had a lot of music and a giant punch bag in the middle of the room. She walked over to the punching bag and I tried not to laugh as she ran her fingers along it, her brow furrowed.

"I see you like Jacob then."

BPOV

What? Did he say Jacob? He had named it?

"You've named it?" I asked disbelievingly. It was a punch bag. How could he _name_ it? He chuckled at me and nodded.

"Guys name everything." _Everything? Did that mean he's named his....?_ I blushed and turned back around. The punch bag was right in front of me and I stumbled backwards so as not to walk straight into it. I studied it again, my brow crinkled. I couldn't get the image of Edward in front of it out of my head. I couldn't imagine how sexy he would look. The words came out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"Can I watch you?" He looked stunned and then his mouth slowly lifted into a huge grin.

"Watch me, Bella?" I blushed and walked over to his dresser, looking at the pictures he had on it.

"Bella?" he asked questionably, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist, leaning his head on my shoulder. I refused to answer but instead pretended to be absorbed by a picture of him and Alice that was there. I picked up and traced over his face. It must have only been taking a year or so ago. He looked similar to himself now. His hair was still in the usual disarray of sexiness. Before I could examine it any more, he had plucked it out of my hands and was leading me to the bed. He sat me and down and pushed me backwards until I was leaning against the headboard. I frowned at him.

"What are you doing?" I asked. He smiled crookedly at me, making my heart leap.

"I'm giving you a show, Bella," he said innocently. My eyes widened as he walked over to his music player and a song came thumping out of the stereo. My jaw dropped when I heard what was playing, Methods of Mayhems "Get Naked". Crap. I could feel the heat intensify in my cheeks as the first lyrics busted out.

_Seventy seven million dollars made_

_From watchin' me cum under the sun_

_Under my vacation._

I was finding it hard to swallow and he just stared at me, smirking his stupid face off. My already wide eyes grew even wider when his hands reached down and pulled off his t-shirt. I objected, but it was already off. My mind exploded in a wonderful array of disorder. I tried to make a sound but my mouth was frozen. Edward was a god. His hard abs were clear in the bright light of his room and I gripped tight onto the bed, trying to stop myself from reaching out to him. I swallowed loudly, unused to this reaction inside me. It was so different to anything I'd ever felt.

He walked over to a door and pulled out a pair of boxing gloves, slipping them on before walking back over to the punch bag. Just in time for the chorus.

_Cause it's them ass cheeks that make my ass weak_

_And I've been runnin' with the blue balls since last week_

He made his first punch and I jumped as his fist connected with the bag. His face was the picture of perfection, his eyes concentrated on what was in front of him.

_Get, get naked._

_Come on baby make it hot._

_Get, get naked._

_Ride the cock till you hit the spot._

Edward glanced over at me at this point and winked at me. My hands were shaking slightly as my breathing accelerated as the heat from both him and the song made me shiver in delight. I licked my lips languidly. I could feel my eyes getting heavy from the lust and I was sure my face must have been a picture.

Edward continued to smack into the punching bag until there was sweat dripping off his body. I was beyond control at this point. My mind was in hysterics. The electricity that was flowing off me in waves was unrecognisable.

_In the methods of mayhem we trust._

_It's a must so rip off yer clothes and expose yer bust._

He turned to face me and his eyes melted into mine. They were dark, so, so dark and he was staring openly at my body.

_Queen Bitch, red lipstick._

_The all black harlot call me black Barbie._

_Fuck a blow job; it's a mother fucking hobby._

_Under 7 inches, aye sorry._

The words of the song made me glance down, past the waistband of Edward's low cut jeans and I followed the V of his hips. I stopped breathing when I saw his trousers straining forward. I made some sort of non-coherent noise and I didn't know what to do. I gazed back up to his eyes, which were still undressing my body.

I stood up hurriedly and without taking a backward glance at him, I shot down the hall before I could embarrass myself by doing something to him. I ran into Alice's room and slumped onto the floor.

"Alice," I whimpered as my mind continued to play the film over and over in my head.

**Thanks to my betas! Darknessofthemoon in particular!**


	8. Chapter 8

_Every memory of looking out the back door  
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor  
It's hard to say it  
Time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye  
Every memory of walking out the front door  
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for  
It's hard to say it  
Time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye_

'_Photograph' by Nickelback_

BPOV

I slumped down against the door, my head in my hands. I heard Alice giggle.

"What happened, Bella?" she asked innocently. I glanced up at her and she tried desperately to hide her smirk, which caused me to growl at her.

"It is not funny, Alice."

She giggled again as she plopped onto the floor beside me.

"You want to talk about it?" she asked slyly. Rosalie bounced down, too.

"I don't think we need her to tell us, Alice. I think the whole house _heard_!"

I glared at her and she laughed lightly.

"Nothing happened! He was just....We were....He...the punching bag...t-shirt...music....so hot..." I trailed off and my mind went back to the image of his half naked body in my mind. He was beyond gorgeous. And he seemed to _like_ me. _Me, Bella Swan_. Someone liked _me_.

I heard both Rose and Alice giggle. I blinked a couple of times to get back into the present. I clamped my mouth shut tightly, realizing it had been hanging half open like a dog.

"Bella, explain. What happened?"

I blushed again and dropped my eyes to the floor.

"Well, he um, he took me to his room and I may have asked him to, you know, workout with the punch bag."

Alice and Rose gawked at me.

"You did _what_?"

My cheeks reddened even more.

"It just slipped out! But then, he put that _song_ on. And he took his t-shirt off and he was so- so sexy..." I ran my tongue over my lips, only half aware of the action.

"And?" Alice asked.

"And, well, he started punching at it, and everything got to be too much! I wanted to kiss him; I wanted to touch him. But...but I...I can't kiss him. I can't do anything to him!" I exclaimed. I couldn't give myself physically to Edward. Why would Edward want me? Someone tainted, so badly that she was damaged forever. I slammed my fist against the floor in anger. Why did he have to do it to me? Why? Why? Why? I punched the floor again.

"Bella! Stop it!" Alice grabbed my hand, having to get Rose to help her.

I looked up at her, my eyes dark and narrow.

"Why me, Alice? Why did they do it to me?" I whispered, no tears coming and my voice hoarse. She looked at me and her eyes conveyed how much I meant to her. I couldn't take it anymore. I sprang up and ran from the room. I tightened my hands into fists as I walked past closed door upon closed door. I bypassed my room and headed straight for the stairs I knew headed to the attic. I climbed up and choked quietly as I entered the dusty room. There were large boxes everywhere and the room was pitch black. I could see dark shadows looming over me. Shutting the door behind me, I quickly crossed the floor to the one piece of flooring bathed in light underneath a small, round window and collapsed down.

My mind tried to sort through the mess it was in. One thought jumped to my head before I could push it back down. Why couldn't it have been someone else? I bit down onto my hand in frustration. How could I wish this on someone else? How?

I tried to ignore another predominant thought in my mind: Edward. I liked him too much. What was it—day three, Sunday? It was too fast, far too fast. I didn't even know what I was feeling. I had never experienced it before. It was like a magnetic pull. I was drawn to him wherever I was. He was like the sun and I orbited round him, never pulling away, yet not having enough courage to move forward, either. It was gravity.

But I didn't understand. How could he like someone like me? Did he even like someone like me? Alice said he did. Rose said he did. He acted like he did. But what about the other..._25 girls_...before me? Alice said he had broken their hearts. Could he break mine? And then I remembered.

He couldn't break mine. Mine was already broken.

I curled my knees up to my chest and began to rock back and forth. I couldn't tell him. If I did he would leave and he wouldn't want me. But I had to tell him; Edward didn't deserve to be kept in the dark. But if I told him, James would kill me, and Edward, too. How could _anyone_ live in a world without Edward Cullen? How could I do that to him? He was amazing. _But he deserved better!_ I screamed at myself. I squeezed my eyes shut and let out an involuntary shriek.

Crap! Now they would find me. I would be questioned. I would be forced to tell them. But I couldn't tell them. Not yet anyway. I had to tell Edward first. But how _could_ I tell him? I couldn't lose him. Not now, not after every God-damned thing I had felt in the past three days. I needed to tell him; but by telling him, I knew I would lose him.

EPOV

I chuckled after Bella fled from the room. No fucking way did I know that song would come on. I just hit the play button. But God, that was luck. The tension in the room had been palpable. I could still remember her leaning forward slightly, her tongue slipping out and sensually licking her lips. I could feel my pants tug slightly and I groaned. That was going to be a problem. I flung off the boxing gloves and grabbed a towel before wiping away the sweat that had seemed to turn Bella on so much. I smirked as I pictured her small, pale hands running down over the hardness of my chest. Something leapt to life deep inside me and I clutched at the towel tighter. I thought of Carlisle and Esme together, anything to get that wonderful picture of Bella out of my head. She did not deserve to be treated like such a fucking whore. I would do this properly. I would court her, be a gentleman, anything to please her. Bella was everything I needed now. Who gives a fuck if I'd only known her three days? I sure as hell didn't. But for this to work there was one thing I needed: Alice.

Shit.

I groaned before flinging the towel that was still in my hands onto the floor.

All of a sudden, Alice came bursting into my room, followed by Rose.

"Alice, Rose!" I grinned at them. "How are you today?" Alice frowned at me while Rose hovered in the doorway, her eyes scanning the room nervously.

"We don't know where Bella went." My smile fell of my face immediately and I ground my teeth together.

"What the fuck did you do, Alice?" I snarled at her. If she had hurt her...

"We were just talking about you! Then she started really scaring me, saying that she couldn't be with you and then ran out of the room," Alice whispered, close to tears. I took a good look at my sister then. Alice and I had always been fairly close, but it seemed that when it came to Bella we were even closer. She cared for her almost as much as I did. Alice was just trying to give Bella a fun time, trying to make it seem like a home, something Bella didn't seem to ever have. I couldn't be too angry at her. Alice carried on speaking. "But we went to her room to check on her and she wasn't there. We've looked everywhere else and we can't find her. I'm sorry," she said quietly, her head locked to the floor. I ran my hands through my hair and tried to think.

"Alice, this is not your fault. Bella has just had a hard life and she's bound to get upset over some things like this. I was too fucking forward. It was my fault. But now, let's just look for her. You go and get Jasper and Emmett to help look. I'll go to Carlisle and Esme." Alice and Rose ran out of the room and I left too, going in the opposite direction towards Carlisle's office. For the second time that day, I barged in without knocking.

"Bella is missing," I said in reply to his stunned gaze. Esme sat to the side of him and stood up quickly, scurrying into action.

"What happened?" she asked. I groaned in response.

"I don't know. Alice and Rose were with her, but it was my fucking fault!" I would've punched the wall again, but I caught Carlisle's hard stare.

"Edward, whatever you may think, it was not your fault. Out of all the people Bella has been around, you are the only one that she seems to feel safe with. It was not your fault. Now, let's all go look for her. We'll come too."

"Oh, Edward, do you think she might've left the building?" Esme asked, trying to mask the worry in her voice.

I shook my head. She wouldn't have, would she? I made to leave the room, but Carlisle started speaking again.

"Put on a shirt would you?" he asked reprovingly. I turned and narrowed my eyes at him.

"Fuck off," I said slowly and evenly. We had more important fucking problems than my attire right now. I left his room and stormed my way upstairs, looking for any sign of Bella. I passed Jasper who was calling out for Bella at the top of his voice. I leaned against Alice's bedroom door and tried to think. If I were Bella, where would I go? If I were scared and wanted somewhere to hide, where could I go? It came to me in a flash. I walked across the hallway and when I reached the stairs to the attic, I made sure no one was around before climbing up the steps and slipping inside.

Fuck. She was here alright. She was a mess. She didn't look up when I entered and her head remained bowed, her body shaking as she rocked herself back and forth. She was curled up in a tight ball, looking fucking helpless. I didn't know what to say. I reached for my phone in my pocket and sent Alice a text explaining that I had found her. When I slipped it away again, Bella was still in the same foetal position.

I walked over and leaned against the slanting wall in front of her.

"I used to come up here as a kid," I said quietly. Her head shot up and her beautiful gaze became fixed on mine. Tears streaked her face and she had dirt marks where she'd wiped them away with her dusty hands.

"I would hide up here when it became too much, when I was scared, when I thought my parents didn't love me. Esme would always find me though. She'd sit with me and just hold me, telling me that I was special and that I would never be replaced by someone else who came here. We would look at pictures of Alice and me when we were small." I broke off to examine her, to look for any sign of injury.

"Are you okay?" I asked cautiously, squatting down to kneel in front of her. I pried her hands off her jeans and rubbed my own over them.

"Fuck, Bella, you're freezing." She didn't say anything in reply to either of my exclamations.

"Bella, love, talk to me." Shit, I called her 'love' again. What the fuck was with that? Why did I do it? Because it feels so fucking right, that's why.

"Please, Bella. Say something, anything." I raised my hand and stroked her cheek, wiping away some of her tears with my fingers. I brushed my thumb over her lips and she sighed as her lips parted slightly.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. I frowned.

"What the fuck for?" I asked.

She just looked sadly at me, her dark eyes brimming with tears.

"I'm sorry for not being good enough. I'm sorry for being broken. You can't want me like this. No one ever could." Fucking hell. How could she not realize that I didn't care about any of that?

"Bella," I said seriously, gripping her face in my hands. "Let me fix you. Let me in. I won't let anyone hurt you, ever again, I promise. Just please, let me help you."

Bella didn't reply for several minutes. She gazed unseeingly back at me while I held her gaze, my face determined. Then she let out a huge sigh before putting her arms around me and pulling me to her. I fell onto the floor and pulled her onto my lap immediately.

"Thank you," she whispered against my chest. I could feel her hands running along my bare back and I chuckled darkly at the irony that was this situation.

"What are you laughing at?" she asked curiously, her head lifting up so she could see my face.

"Just a fantasy, beautiful." She blushed and I smiled and leant down and kissed her nose softly. The electricity in the room hummed as soon as my lips touched her skin and I had to fight strongly against the current that was pulling me back towards her. I couldn't kiss her yet. She wouldn't want to do this so soon. It would be unfair to her. _I will be a gentleman_, I repeated in my head. Bella's head fell gently against my chest once more and her hands once more began tracing a pattern on my back.

"Could I see some?" she asked carefully. I raised an eyebrow at her.

"See what?"

"Some of the pictures. Of when you were a kid." I looked thoughtfully at her. Why would she want to see them? My mind guessed the answer quickly. I would be giving her a childhood, something she probably never had.

"Sure thing, beautiful, let me go get the albums." I placed her onto the floor, walked across the room and bent over a large cardboard box. I could feel her eyes on me and I smirked, turning back to wink at her. She smiled innocently back, looking away though to hide her embarrassment at being caught ogling. I picked up a couple of my favourite and made my way back over to her. I once again positioned her so she was sitting across my legs, her face curving into my body. Her dainty hands picked up the top one and began to weave through the pictures. Every now and then she would ask for the story behind one. I would reply, usually with some ridiculous event that had happened. She would giggle and I would smile at her, my fingers teasing their way through her hair. On some photos, the ones of me I noticed, she would graze her finger over my face as if trying to memorize everything about the photo.

"You were a hottie, Edward," she laughed softy at me. I followed her gaze to a picture of me on my 16th birthday, a little over three years ago.

"Am I not hot now?" I playfully asked her.

She giggled and rolled her eyes at me.

"Edward, you're gorgeous and you know it. Stop fishing for compliments."

I haven't a clue how long we sat there. I spent the time admiring her and memorizing her little habits. The little squeals she made when she saw something cute. Her soft laughter when she was amused. The way she would fiddle with her fingers at any opportune moment. The way she would cross her legs one way and then exactly five minutes later would cross them the other way. I was mesmerised by this goddess in front of me.

I wasn't paying attention to what was happening so when she dropped the last photo album on the ground with a loud clunk, I jumped. She giggled and bit her lip at my reaction. When she looked back at her lap, however, she frowned.

"E...Edward? Why do I have blood on my jeans?" I looked down at them. Shit. I remembered Rose mentioning something about coughing up blood in the car, but I hadn't thought to tell her.

"Bella, I think you should talk to Carlisle about that. There is nothing that I can tell you about that. I'm not a doctor. I'm sorry, beautiful." She looked at me closely.

"Do I have to tell him anything?"

I shook my head.

"Can you tell me anything?" I asked her quietly, not wanting to force it out of her.

"Edward, I...I want to. B...but I can't. I can't _lose_ you," she whispered. I nodded dully. I would find out someday, I knew that. I would protect her from whatever frightened her so much.

"Come on. We'll go see him." I stood up and pulled her up after me.

"Wait," she said. "You'll come with me too, right?" she asked, her eyes wider than normal.

"Of course, Bella. I'll go wherever you want me to go." I led her down the stairs and we were immediately accosted by Alice.

"Bella, I am so sorry. I honestly didn't mean to make you so upset. I was so worried," she said quickly.

"I'm fine, Alice. I just overreacted. It was not your fault at all." She looked at Bella and nodded slowly.

"But, Bella, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'll be there. I promise," she said quietly, her voice strong though. Bella nodded and Alice moved off. We both walked down the stairs but once we got to Carlisle's office, Bella began to slow her steps.

"I can't do this. What if there is something wrong with me?"

"Bella, I promise you, there is nothing wrong with you. You've had a hard life. That is not a disease. That is something that can be fixed and forgotten." She nodded, looking at me for reassurance and I gradually coerced her along the corridor.

This time, I had the courtesy to knock before entering. When we went in, Carlisle smiled warmly at us. It was only him in the room, and I sat Bella down before walking back over and closing the door. I stood behind Bella, my arms resting on her shoulders, ready to soothe her as necessary.

"What can I do for you?" he asked kindly. Thank fuck he didn't say anything about running off to the attic.

Bella looked up at me and I nodded at her and squeezed her shoulder tighter.

"W...W...What's....What's wrong with me?" she blurted out quickly. I could feel her muscles tensing and I felt a tear drop down her cheek and land on my hand.

"Bella, I can assure you, there is nothing wrong with _you_. You have just had a traumatic experience," Carlisle told her gently.

"I'm not stupid. I get flashbacks, I have headaches I pass out from and I cough up blood for God's sake! Tell me what's wrong with me!" Bella yelled hysterically. Her eyes were wild as she stared Carlisle down, willing him to tell her what was wrong.

"Bella, I cannot help until I know what happened to you," he said calmly.

"What?" I asked, stunned.

He glanced up at me before looking back at Bella.

"I can guess what the matter is, but I cannot go any further until I know what happened. Once I know that, I know what tests to do."

Bella started shaking, her breathing getting heavier and heavier.

"I...I can't! Please, just guess." She seemed to crumple inside and I squeezed her shoulder again, trying to give her some reassurance. She didn't move at all though. It was like she had just collapsed inwards into a little ball.

"From what I've seen, the flashbacks are possibly a sign of a serious case of post traumatic stress disorder. As for the blackouts, I don't know. For that I need more information," he told us simply. Bella made no movement to say or do anything, so I thanked him and helped her up and out of the room.

I made my way up to my room and sat her on the bed before I crossed my floor and flung a random shirt I saw on, hoping it would make Bella feel more comfortable.

"You want to talk about it?" I asked carefully, sitting down next to her on the bed. She nodded but didn't say anything else.

"So you want to talk about it? But you can't talk about it?" I guessed, reaching out and pulling her against my chest. We fell back against the mattress and she crawled so she had her head on my chest and her legs entwined in mine. It seemed as if she wanted to get as close as possible. Fuck, I would let her. I would be there for her whenever.

"Yes," Bella whispered, almost quietly in reply to my question. I frowned.

"And you can't tell...because....because they'll...k...kill you?" I struggled over the last few words and tried not to just leap up and punch something in anger at those who could harm this gorgeous angel.

I felt her head move up and down in reply against my chest. I let out a loud breath and wrapped my hands around her tighter.

"Bella, I won't let them hurt you ever again. When you feel able to tell me, I'll be there. I'll always be there for you. Just give me that chance. Let me in." I repeated those words I had said in the attic. I wanted her to feel safe, feel like she didn't have to hide anymore.

"T...Thank you," she said in a low voice. I just rubbed my hands against her back in response.

"Edward?"

"Yes, beautiful?" I asked.

"I'm just going to go to sleep. I don't want any food. And I don't want everybody staring at me. I think I've had enough drama the past few days." I chuckled at her.

"Just sleep here, Bella. I don't mind." I rolled us over so she was on her side facing me but Bella tried to get up.

"I don't want to intrude," she complained.

"Believe me, beautiful, you will not be intruding," I said. She gazed at me thoughtfully and then sighed in defeat. I relaxed my tight grip on her and let her breathe a little bit more.

"Bella?"

She murmured something in response.

"Um, tomorrow is Monday, remember?" She made another non-committal sound.

"Well, ah, Esme may not have mentioned it, but ah, well we have all finished school –except for Alice, so she and you will be the only ones who are actually going to school tomorrow."

This time I heard what she said in response.

"Shit."

I laughed and buried my nose in her hair and soon fell asleep with her.

**Thanks to my betas! Darknessofthemoon and the ProjectTeamBeta gals!**


	9. Chapter 9

_How do you hold the special victim?  
When they push you away  
When they've been  
Raped on the inside  
Torn on the outside  
The dirt and ugly from the stain that they try to hide  
Touched in private places  
Embarrassed faces  
To scared to ask for help_

'_Angel' by Blue October_

**BPOV**

Waking up was like rising from the best dream in the world. I inhaled, with my eyes still closed, and the most delicious smell filled my nostrils. I moved closer to this intoxicating scent and I felt my nose bump against something hard. I frowned and my eyes fluttered open and I was met with a pair of dark green eyes, looking down at me.

Edward had a small smile on his face, and he chuckled when he saw my expression freeze. He ran his hand gently up and down my back.

"Hey, beautiful," he murmured, and stroked my hair from my face. I smiled shyly at him, embarrassed at waking up next to him. I sat up properly and stretched, but then I tensed. My arms were stiff and I could feel a sharp twang of pain rip through my arms when I lifted them. I winced and once again, just like yesterday afternoon, Edward's gaze darkened.

"Let me see," he said, dejectedly. He cautiously moved over until he was inches from me. He rolled up the sleeves of the loose fitting shirt that Alice had given me yesterday, considering I had basically attacked my previous outfit.

I saw him bite down on his lip when he saw the red lines that graced my arms. There was a light bruising, but nothing too bad. I felt him roll up the hem of the shirt and I knew when he let out a loud groan, that he had seen the mess of my chest.

With every move I made, I could feel my ribs jolt in pain. This common occurrence alerted me to the fact that I would likely have some very dark bruising. And I was right. I looked down, and even I was horrified by the horrible patterns that graced the skin there. I felt my cheeks heat up and I tried not to let angry tears fall from my eyes. _How would Edward be able to like someone who looked so ruined? _

I felt his cool fingers move over my bruises and when he spoke, I heard his voice break.

"Bella," he said, his voice filled with some kind of unknown emotion. "I am so, so sorry, for whatever happened to you. It kills me to see you like this." I watched as he hung his head and his hands dropped from my skin, letting the shirt flop back over the exposed flesh. I reached out and, hesitantly, let my fingertips brush against his cheek. His face shot up and his eyes burned into mine, something unmistakeable in his eyes. My face tightened in recognition but I was frozen. I couldn't move; every muscle in my body was tense.

My brain went over the scene when I first saw that look; _the night with James_. I could feel my fingers shake slightly and my breathing increased. With a quiet whimper, I leaped from his bed and crashed into the corner, covering my shaking body with my arms. The panic overwhelmed me, making my vision black and the room disappear for a moment. I moaned in fear as I saw James in front of me. I hid my face, turning toward the wall, and when I turned back round, James was gone. But in place was something much worse. _Edward was in pain._

I watched, horrified at myself, as I saw his face turn from lust, to shock, to utter detestation at himself. The feeling of self loathing emitting from him was so strong that I could almost hear the thoughts running through his head. He raised his eyes to mine and they were as cold as ice.

"Bella, I am so...so sorry." His voice broke for the second time this morning, and I felt my heart break for him.

_Why had I run? This was Edward; he wouldn't hurt me. _

Breathing deeply, I stilled my shaking form and slowly got up from the floor. His eyes followed my every move. I stepped toward him, making sure he saw my determination and conviction in every step. As I got closer, it was his turn to start panicking. He backed up slightly.

"I can't hurt you," he explained, his voice strained as he pulled himself away from me.

I ignored his words and continued to walk to him. I climbed up slowly onto the bed, and I watched as his hands gripped the duvet, and he tried to move even further backwards; but he couldn't move.

I reached out and I touched his arm. He flinched and I narrowed my eyes, ignoring the pain that went through me when he did so. I carried on moving until I was almost on top of him. I took his arms and lifted them off the duvet, and then I wrapped them around me. I wrapped my arms around him too, and I moved as close as I could to him. I breathed him in, and just let him realize that I wasn't afraid. I couldn't be afraid.

His arms hung limp for a few moments, but when he saw that I wasn't relinquishing my hold, he gently placed his hands on the small of my back. I squeezed him tightly, and I felt his arms tighten minutely around me. I did it again, and this time his response was more noticeable.

I breathed a sigh of relief. His hands ran up my back and one went into my hair and began stroking it. He pressed his forehead to mine and breathed out evenly.

"I'm sorry, Bella." His eyes looked pained and I frowned, causing him to do the same.

"What's wrong?" he asked me.

"I don't want you to be upset. Please, I wasn't afraid."

He snorted in response to this.

"Bella, you fucking ran away from me. You were fucking terrified of me." I heard him growl at himself and his hands moved from me and gripped his hair tightly, almost yanking it out from the roots.

I swallowed before continuing. I released him from my grip and placed my hands over his. I tried to untangle his fingers from his hair, to stop him from hurting himself, but his grip didn't lessen. So I did the one thing I could think of. I rose onto my knees and I pressed my lips so softly against the back of his tense knuckles.

Immediately, his hands dropped to the floor and he stared at me in astonishment. I smiled sweetly at him.

"Edward, I could never, ever be afraid of you. I was afraid of a memory." My voice was strong and clear, and I knew that I would make him believe me. I kept his gaze and I could see the conflicting emotions cross his face.

Finally, he sighed and nodded. He pulled me close to him and rested his cheek against mine.

"Bella, you are everything. If I make you uncomfortable at all, please tell me, you have to promise me." He broke my embrace and his eyes were burning with something else this time as he held my face in his hands.

"Of course. Anything," I promised. _Anything to make you stay_, I thought. He smiled slightly and pressed his cheek against mine once more. I felt warmth spread through me at how at home I felt. This was where I was meant to be.

*****

"So, Bella, how are you feeling about school?" Esme asked me. I smiled up at her from where I sat beside Edward and Alice. I knew the smile that I gave was feigned, and I also knew that both Alice and Edward noticed.

"Good, yeah, I'm excited." _HAH!_ I yelled in my head. I was terrified. I wouldn't have Edward with me. He was my protector; he made me feel safe; I didn't know how I would react without him by my side. I knew it wouldn't go well.

Esme smiled brightly at me and I nodded my head numbly in response. I could feel my body tightening, and I knew I was closing in on myself, preparing for the hell that would be today. Unconsciously, my body moved closer to Edward and I jumped when I felt my arm touch his. I muttered a sorry under my breath and moved back to the middle of my seat. I heard Edward chuckle and then felt his arm wrap around me. I snuggled closer to him and smiled up at him, a blush appearing in my cheeks. He shook his head at me then rolled his eyes. I giggled and he leaned down and pressed a kiss to my forehead. Once again, a fire spread through my body at the feel of his wet lips against my skin. I could feel my face get hotter and I turned my face into Edward to hide my embarrassment at the unnecessary reaction my body seemed to go through at just the simplest touch.

As if on cue, a chorus of 'awww's' came from the group, lead by Emmett, although I am sure that Alice played a big part too. I turned to glare at her, but Esme and Carlisle caught my eye. They were both speechless. But while Carlisle was incredulous to say the least, Esme was staring at us with such joy it made my heart hurt. Her lips were curved into the sweetest smile and her eyes were soft and loving as she looked between us. I looked away before she caught my gaze.

It was five minutes later when my name was called again.

"Bella? It's time to go."

Alice and I stood up, but then so did Lauren, Mike, and Jessica.

I froze.

"A...Alice?" I asked, my words not coming out. Alice took one look at my face, and pulled me out of the room. Edward followed us.

"They're coming t...too?" My voice stuttered and Edward reached out and pulled me into his chest. I calmed slightly, but I persisted with my questions.

"Alice? Talk to me, please!" I could feel the hysteria rising, and so could Edward.

"Love, they are still in school too, but I can promise, they will not hurt you."

I shook my head wildly against him.

"I'm not going. I can't, not without you, Edward. No, I won't go." I was determined to get my way. The fear I felt around those three was too strong for me to survive without Edward.

I felt Alice's comforting hand on my back.

"Bella, I won't let them near you," she told me, in a strangely fierce and determined voice. I raised my head to look at her, and she raised her chin and defiantly met my gaze. I smiled slightly at her; at the thought of small Alice protecting me from them. It would never happen. Her face fell slightly and she tilted her head.

"Please, Bella. I'll keep you safe." Her gaze rose to Edward's and she smirked at him. "Anything less, and Edward over there would kill me."

I had to laugh at that. I clenched my eyes shut and ran over everything.

"Fine, I'll go. But if anything happens today, I am not going back again tomorrow, okay?" Alice smiled broadly at me and passed me my coat from the stand behind her. Edward let go of me so I could put it on, but he held my hand tightly in his when I was ready.

"If anything happens, call me, okay?" he murmured, his fingers running over my hand and making me shiver.

"Of course," I whole heartedly promised, and then stepped away to meet my demise.

**EPOV**

When she walked away from me, I almost reached out to grab her back. She was going to be in that school, with only Alice to help her. What if Mike came after her again? My body burned at the thought that he might hurt her again, and that I wouldn't be able to save her.

I heard someone come up behind me and I turned to face them.

"Edward, dude, it's just school. She'll be fine; you've seen how Alice can get if anyone messes with her," Jasper spoke. "Anyway, Carlisle wants to talk with us."

I frowned at him

"What have I done now?" I asked, running through everything I had done in the past few days that would get me into trouble. _Bella sleeping in your bed, dumbass. _I groaned in frustration, running my hands through my hair and messing it up even more. I was going to get into so much trouble.

Jasper and I walked to his office in silence, but when we entered, I was surprised to see Rose and Emmett already there. I slumped down into a chair and took in Carlisle's serious expression. He rested his elbows on the desk and placed his chin in his hands.

"I am sure you don't know why I have called you all here," he said very formally. I saw the others around me nod their heads in response, their expressions as confused as mine.

"As you know, most of you just turned 19; Jasper, Rose, I realize that you are a year younger, but it stands the same that you are now legally adults. We can no longer offer you the services that we did up until this point. Legally-and I have researched it time and time again- we cannot continue looking after you once you have turned 18, although, Edward, you are my son, and you are allowed to stay here." He stopped his speech and I was sure I wasn't the only one who had my mouth hanging open. _He was asking us to leave?_ I tried to speak, but nothing would come out my mouth.

It was Rose who surprised me. She was the one to speak first, but she was no longer the confident person I had come to know and love; her voice was teary and frightened.

"B...but this is our home. It's the only home I've ever known," she whispered. I saw Emmett place an arm around her and pull her to his chest. I could hear her sob into him, and it hurt me to see her like that.

"Carlisle," I said softly, for once trying to reason with him. "You can't put them out on their own. This is all they have known. They are happy here."

He looked up at me and nodded.

"I understand that, which is why I am planning on purchasing a fairly large house just down the street. It would have a room for you, Rose, and Emmett," he nodded at them, "For you Edward, and for Jasper. It's close by, and you could visit all you like. The rooms you have at the moment are space that could be for others in need."

Jasper's head shot up at this revelation.

"You want to buy us a house?" he asked incredulously. Carlisle nodded in reply.

"Can we not wait?" I asked, in a small voice. Carlisle turned to me, his mouth open in shock. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at him.

"Why would you want to wait?"

"Well, for Alice, of course. She turns 18 in just under a year; we could go then, all together." Carlisle saw right through me though.

"You mean you want to wait for Bella."

I sighed in frustration and looked away. The questions would come like wild fire now.

"Do you really like her that much?" he asked. I nodded mutely and refused to look at him. He didn't need to look at me to know that I had changed since I'd met her. Hell, I'd been in a room with him for five minutes and I hadn't sworn once.

"I see," he said thoughtfully. The tone of his voice made me raise my head and he was staring at me intently, trying to work something out.

"Okay, I'll think about waiting," he finally said. Jasper smiled and I nodded, even Rose perked her head up and sniffed, but tried to smile at Carlisle.

He nodded at each of us and stood up. I took that as my cue to leave. I hastily stood up and went out the room, not speaking to any of the others. Esme caught me striding to my room.

"Edward," she called out. I turned to her, and she was smiling warmly. "I just wanted to say, I'm glad you're finally happy. And I'm so sorry we couldn't give that to you." Her eyes were sad, but her face happy.

"I'm sorry too, for making you so upset. I never meant to-"

Esme interrupted my apology.

"Edward, don't. I'm just so glad that you are happy now. Don't worry about the past." She reached out and touched her hand to my cheek. "I do love you, Edward, never forget that."

"I love you too...Mom."

The smile that lit up her face at my term of endearment was worth whatever happened to me. My Mom didn't smile much; she works with children who have gone through hell, she sees their pain on a daily basis.

I walked away from her, after squeezing her hand, and I went and sat down on my bed to wait for Bella.

****

As soon as she came in, I knew something had happened. Lauren walked in first, her gaze smug and superior. Mike and Jessica followed, with Mike smiling at me with a glint in his eyes. Alice walked in next and her gaze was apologetic. Then she came in. Her head was down, with her hair covering her face. I immediately went to her and raised her chin to my gaze.

"Bella, what happened?" I asked, my tone worried and erratic. When I saw her dark, sunken eyes my heart stopped.

"Nothing happened." And then she walked away from me. I stared after her in shock, unable to comprehend what just happened. She had....walked away from me?

I ran up to Alice, and pulled her into the room next door.

"What the hell happened to her?" I yelled. My fingers flew through my hair, and I didn't notice the pain as I yanked it out.

"I don't know!" she whimpered. "She just went to the bathroom! And then she came back, and she was silent and wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the day. I'm so sorry, Edward," she whispered.

Anger surged through me, lighting my whole body in rage. Unconsciously, my hand raised and hit straight through the door, causing a loud crack to form in its frame.

"FUCK!" I yelled.

"Are you okay, Edward?" I heard a small, concerned voice whisper from behind me. I spun around and Bella was there. Her face was still dark and gloomy, but she looked concerned, and she was biting her lip nervously, as if trying to decide whether or not to come over to me. I looked down at my fist and I saw the red blood immediately.

"Shit," I whispered, trying to ignore the dull ache in my hand. "I'm fine, Bella," I told her, but managed to wince at the same time. She hesitantly walked over to me and picked up my hand. Her fingers traced over the soreness and I flinched slightly when she pressed a little too hard over one of my knuckles.

"Sorry," she murmured, looking at me, her eyes now filled with distress at my predicament. She brought my hand to her lips and kissed the back of it, her cool lips soothing the pain slightly.

She pulled on my arm and together we walked down to Carlisle's office. I groaned and she opened the door, smiling slightly.

"Carlisle?" she asked nervously. He looked up at her and smiled, a warm and friendly smile and I was glad to see he didn't show any surprise, or horror, at Bella holding my hand. I held up my fist and watched a trail of blood fall from my hand and drip onto the carpet. _Shit, Esme would kill me, _I thought.

Carlisle immediately got up, bringing over his first aid kit.

"Sit down, Edward." I rolled my eyes at him, but did as he asked as soon as Bella urged me. I watched her look at me with worry as Carlisle cleaned up my wound and bandaged it up.

"Do I want to know how this happened?" he asked wryly, his eyes twinkling a bit.

"No. But you may need to get a new door," I added on the end as an afterthought. To my surprise he chuckled lightly.

"Sure, Edward, sure."

And then we left the room. Bella was making sure I didn't hurt my hand as I strode along. She held it lightly in her hands and she let out a little sigh every now and then. When we reached my room she sank onto the bed and pulled her knees to her chest. She didn't look at me when I slid in next to her. I lay back and brought my arms around her. She fell onto my chest without a word and wrapped her small arms around me tightly, as if she couldn't let go.

We stayed like that for a while, and my body was completely relaxed at the wonderful feel of her there. But soon I heard small sobs beginning to come from her chest and she shook against me.

I tightened my grip on her and rubbed her back, trying to soothe her, but failing miserably.

"Bella, baby, please tell me what happened," I softly whispered to her, my voice just an undertone beneath her sobs.

To my surprise, she started speaking almost immediately, without any pushing on my part.

"I went to the toilet, Alice didn't come with me," she said, her voice numb and it cut into my heart like diamond. "I was washing my hands when she came in. Lauren," she mumbled. "Jessica was there as well, and someone else I didn't recognise. They stood before me and then Lauren raised her hand. She pushed me back, and I fell against the sink. She stood, towering over me..." she trailed off, shakily. "She told me not to have anything to do with you, to leave you alone, or they'd come find me again, and they'd do something worse. She ran her red nails along my face lightly, as if about to slap me, but then she left. I was there, just shaking. I couldn't move; all I could do was sit there, crying. But I knew I had to leave, so I stood up, and made myself look normal, and then I left."

The silence in the room after her speech left me cold and dead inside. She had already been through so much, and they had fucking messed with her again. I shut my eyes and tried to put the anger at the back of my mind, focusing on Bella. I couldn't scare her again. It had terrified me when she had run away from me this morning.

_I had hung my head, trying to get away from the pain I felt at the thought of her being hurt. The shock I felt when she touched my face surprised me, but my reaction was even worse. I was completely unprepared for the lust that flowed through my body, lighting every nerve-ending in my body. But when I looked at her, she looked frightened and then she jumped away. _

_I hated myself. I screamed at myself again and again as I saw her crumple in the corner. I had done that. I felt impossibly cruel, evil, awful, trying to think of anything I could do to make it up to her. I wanted to run away and hide, too livid at myself to even think properly. But then Bella had crawled up to me and pushed herself into my face, showing me she wasn't scared of me. _

_But every time I closed my eyes, I still saw her little form, shaking in the corner, because of me. _

"Bella, sweetheart, look at me."

She rose up and sat in front of me, struggling to look me in the eye. I held her chin in place.

"Don't let them bother you. I am not going anywhere, I'll talk to them," I said, trying not to growl at the mention of them, but I was sure I failed.

"Don't talk to them, Edward," she pleaded, her eyes filling with more tears. "It will just make it worse."

"Bella-"

She just shook her head wildly at me, her eyes flashing. So I did the one thing I could. I pulled her to me and held her in my arms. The warmth that spread through me when my arms fitted around her made me freeze for a couple of minutes. Soon I relaxed and the smile that swept over my face made my muscles hurt. Could I really....? Did I....? Was she...? Was it possible...?

Something shot through me, and I was suddenly completely convinced. I think I might just love Bella Swan.

**Thanks to my beta's, darknessofthemoon and the Project Team Beta ladies. Please review!**


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: Sorry for being update fail lately, I know I suck....hopefully this chapter will make up for it, lots of amazing things happen, including my favourite moment!!!! I can't believe it's finally happening, I'm so excited! So I hope you enjoy this! Also, I have been reposting the chapters from chapter one, having had them ALL properly betaed instead of just a few, so you may want to go back and re-read them, as they are now new and improved! Only a few important details have changed.**

**Thanks to thedarknessofthemoon, Lavender Sky and Whitlocked for betaing this chapter for me! Kisses! **

**Also, the title song for this (Nickelback's 'Gotta be Somebody' holds a special meaning to Edward. It's his theme song of sorts. Please go listen to it...Next chapter we'll hear Bella's defining song....)**

**Nice long chapter for my fav reviewer, bb120, *heart*  
**

**SO ON WITH IT......**

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* * *

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_Nobody wants to be the last one there_

_Everyone wants to feel like someone cares_

_Someone who loves with my life in their hands_

_Gotta be somebody for me like that_

'_Gotta be Somebody' by Nickelback_

**EPOV**

Bella didn't want me to talk to Lauren, but was I going to listen to her? Hell no. I would not stand for anybody hurting her, despite her staunch objections. This was _Bella_; if someone hurt her, they hurt me.

I slipped from the room when Alice had Bella discussing Elizabeth's party on Wednesday. I went quickly up the stairs to Lauren's room and knocked on the door. She answered it and her face lit up into a scary glint immediately. I tried not to vomit when I saw her try and beckon me sexily into the room, her eyes lashes fluttering 'seductively'. Hah. Bella was the only one who had me lusting: The way she'd bite her lip, not realizing what it made me want to do to her. The way her hair would fall across her shoulder exposing the nape of her neck, the way her clothes clung to her small body, making it hard to resist touching her. Fuck. I shook the distracting images out of my head and walked in. Lauren sat on the bed crossing her legs, making her skirt ride up, and showing orange, fake tanned legs.

Bella's skin's was gorgeous. Bella was so pale, like a fairy or an angel, sent to me straight from heaven. Her creamy complexion seemed exponentially more beautiful, especially compared to Lauren's. Nothing could attract me more than Bella.

I inwardly swore again at my demon self, who seemed unable to get away from the exquisiteness that was Bella.

"What can I do for you, Eddie?" Lauren suddenly purred in a nasal voice that grated at my eardrums. I scowled at her, unable to control my disgust and anger anymore.

"Why did you corner Bella today? After you were warned by Carlisle," I said. Trying to keep my voice even, but failing miserably, made an easily recognisable growl slip through the tenor of my speech. I watched her face fall and I noticed she sat up properly, pulling her skirt down a little.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she told me, looking away and reddening slightly.

"Don't you dare try and fucking deny it! You hurt her, you bitch! Leave her _alone_!" My temper burst out of control and I couldn't rein in anymore. "She's had a fucking awful life, and _you_ are just making it worse! Fuck off, and leave her, and me, alone. She is twice the person you'll ever be," I spat. I left the room, slamming the door shut behind me. My hands were clenched into tight fists, and it was straining my already hurt hand. I entered my room and slammed that door too. I was too pissed off to care anymore.

I yelled in outrage and punched the bag that was hanging from the wall. I sighed in release as I continued to hammer my fists into it, again, and again, and again. With each loud smack, I let out a low roar of anger. It wasn't just Lauren I wanted to tear apart; I wanted to kill whoever had hurt Bella, whoever had made her so fucking scared that she couldn't tell me anything. _Because she was too scared_. I let out a louder snarl and then jumped when I felt something, or someone, touch my back. I turned around quickly and fell backwards when I realized it was Bella who was behind me. She was staring at me in concern, her eyebrows drawing together and creasing between her eyes, her lips pursing in worry. She stepped forward to get closer to me and put her tiny, comforting hands on me again. My body responded immediately, and I felt my anger slowly dissipating. My tensed muscles relaxed and I sighed and closed my eyes; my body overcome with peace, just at her touch.

I felt her hands move up my chest and her palm pressed against my cheek. My eyes shot open and she had moved even closer, until she was just inches away from me.

"You went to talk to Lauren, didn't you?" she asked. Her voice wasn't angry, but disappointed. I wasn't sure what was worse.

"Bella, I couldn't let her hurt you, I lo-" I stopped in surprise as the words almost fell out of my mouth. I did it again. Almost said the words that could change my life, if she'd only let me in. _Could I really love her_? I thought, and electricity surged through my body, telling me that I could. I sighed, "I...care for you too much to let that happen. I can't see you hurt; it hurts me as well." I looked down at the ground, hoping she didn't catch my slip.

"Edward..." she murmured, and she was smiling up at me, a glow in her face, and her eyes were shining with happiness. I couldn't help but smile back at her. She looked like an angel. _My_ angel. "Don't worry. I like that you're trying to protect me. It makes me feel safe. I love it," she whispered. She wrapped her arms around me and sighed in contentment. The pride that soared through me was unrecognisable. _It was fucking brilliant. _I made her feel safe; Edward fucking Cullen made her feel safe. The feeling made me want to fly and I could feel myself screaming in joy inside. I lifted her up and spun her around, unable to contain my happiness.

This was what my life was meant to be like.

**BPOV**

"Ouch! Alice! You're burning me!" I tried to cringe away from the hot metal curlers that Alice was brandishing at me. She rolled her eyes and laughed lightly.

"Bella, stop complaining. If you just sat still, I wouldn't keep burning you!"

Alice continued doing my hair and my shoulders lifted up, in an attempt to protect myself from the heat.

Tonight was Elizabeth's party. She didn't know we were having one yet, but thanks to Alice, she would soon. Whilst Alice was dressing me up, Esme was downstairs setting things up and Edward Senior, as I'd taken to calling him, had taken Elizabeth out.

I closed my eyes, and let myself pretend to be elsewhere...with Edward.

"Bella? Belllllaaaa?" Alice's voice sounded right in my ear and I jumped.

"Sorry, Alice. I ...was daydreaming."

She smirked knowingly at me and then handed me a dress to put on.

"You put this on and I'll come back and do your make up." She left the room and I looked at the dress in distaste. It was strapless and a deep blue colour. I slid it on and it fell to just above my knees. I looked at myself in the mirror, and froze. You could see them; all of them. The tiny scars that laced my body were clear in the bright light. The newest cut was bruised, purple and yellow, and the gauze that covered it was a dark red. My heart broke at the sight of it, but not in the way you would think. Looking at the gashes...it made me want to do things....to cut myself again, to run away from my life, to just give in and leave this earth. Looking at them triggered a rush that flowed through my body as I thought about cutting myself, about the pleasure, the release it would bring. The urge began to grow and grow, but conflicting thoughts raced through my mind.....Edward, I couldn't do it to Edward....but I wanted to, so much.... I could feel my conscious self begin to lose control of my body, giving in to the overwhelming sense of familiarity, and uncontrollable need to do it. My fists clenched under the strain to fight it, my breathing changing, quickening, but then my throat started tightening.

The room started spinning and I fell to the floor. My throat was constricting; I couldn't breathe. I tried to inhale but I couldn't, no air would go through my mouth.

"Edward, help" I managed to whimper as stars appeared before my eyes. I felt myself be consumed by the blackness, and my body relaxed in unconsciousness as I was finally able to breathe.

I was only passed out for a couple of seconds. When I opened my eyes, I was still alone with my cheek pressed against the cool, wooden floor. A wave of loneliness swept over me and tears filled my eyes. I would always be alone_, alone, alone, alone_. That word ran through my ears, leaving a resounding silence in its place, which just amplified the growing hole in my chest.

I picked myself up numbly, and walked over to the bags on the floor. I pulled through the clothes and found a thin cardigan which would do as protection from the others; they wouldn't see anything, so I'd still be safe.

When Alice came through the door, she noticed my cover up, but she didn't say anything. I saw her taking in my paler than normal cheeks and red eyes. She sat me back down on the bed and I tried to go back to my happy place; except this time I was overwhelmed by a sudden darkness. I struggled to release myself, so when I opened my eyes, I was unmistakably changed. Everything was set against me; the emptiness inside me would always be there, it would never leave, however much I fought against it. I was bound by the darkness, it would always control me, and I was merely a slave to it. I knew it would always be like this; so I gave in to the desire, and from now on, these shadows inside of me would always win.

*********

"Bella, you look beautiful," Alice sighed, her face holding a small, smug smile. I looked in the mirror and spun around. The colour was okay I guess, but I couldn't see what Alice saw. I saw the bruises, and the small girl that just wanted to be free, free from the maddening rush of fear that accompanied everything I did.

"Come on, Bella, let's go!"

Alice took my hand and led me down the stairs. She was dressed in a short purple dress and she looked amazing, like always. I smirked when I saw Rosalie dressed in a shocking red dress, and Emmett staring at her hungrily. I was accosted when I reached the bottom of the stairs by a figure dressed in black. My breathing stopped when I looked up and saw Edward's dark green eyes staring down at me in awe.

"Bella, you look extraordinarily....exquisite," he whispered, his voice like velvet against my throat when he leaned in towards me. As soon as I heard his voice, I smiled. The darkness left and was replaced by the brightest light. He wrapped me in his arms and pressed his lips to my head. My heart rate increased and I shivered at his touch.

"Come on, everyone! Switch off the lights! She's coming!" Alice squealed quietly. Edward guided me over and kept his arm around me, making my heart jolt in anticipation with every step.

The door opened and the lights flew on.

"SURPRISE!" we all yelled and Elizabeth gasped in shock and then laughed.

"What are you guys doing?" she asked, her face bright.

Alice rolled her eyes. "It's your birthday, we're having a party!"

And so the night began.

*********

"Edward, please!" Elizabeth begged. The effect of alcohol had left her slightly tipsy and she swayed to the side as she spoke to Edward. "It's my birthday, Edward, please."

Edward sighed but nodded and left to go to his room. I stood up as well and leaned on the doorframe. We all waited in silence for Edward to come back down. Emmett clapped sarcastically when he came back, carrying a guitar.

"Fuck off," Edward muttered before sitting down. He strummed a few times and then looked up at me, his eyes dark and filled with the same emotion of the last few days that I didn't understand.

His fingers started moving over the strings as he started a song I vaguely recognised. His voice was deep and rustic, and warmed my whole body, sending tingles down my back.

_Blue does  
Everything I've never seen before  
Blue does everything I've never seen before_

_She's the answer to the prayer I hadn't found  
She's the answer to the silence…she's my sound  
Oh what a girl  
Oh what a beautiful girl …..she is _

When he sang the words, he looked straight at me, his eyes boring into mine. His face creased and he looked back to the guitar, his eyes looking a little wet.

_Blue does  
Everything I've never seen before  
Blue does everything I've never seen before_

_She's the answer to the prayer I hadn't found  
She's the answer to the silence…she's my sound  
Oh what a girl  
Oh what a beautiful girl …..she is _

When he sang the words a second time, I stopped breathing. He sang them so powerfully, so beautifully that I almost believed him. But that was before I remembered.

_  
Oh what a girl  
Oh what a beautiful girl …..she is_

The third time, my _heart_ stopped and a tear unwillingly trickled down my cheek. He really believed it. And that stumped me. I didn't know how to react, what to do, what to _feel_. I was shaking in disbelief.

And then he started straight into the next song, completely ignoring the fact that I was having a panic attack in the corner.

_Desperate for changing  
Starving for truth  
I'm closer to where I started  
Chasing after you _

His voice was so musical, and for some reason, all of this—_him_—the words, the way his fingers danced over the strings, had me spinning. But it got much worse.

_  
I'm falling even more in love with you _

My intake of breath was audible to the whole room and I felt eyes on me as I gazed at Edward, and him me. He never looked away, he just smiled. His eyes confirming that he meant the words he said. They were burning into me and they cut through my heart and trapped me in his gaze, I couldn't move. All I could do was keep my eyes on him, and try to breathe.

_  
Letting go of all I've held onto  
I'm standing here until you make me move  
I'm hanging by a moment here with you _

The music he was playing started to pick up and he smiled again, and my eyes zoned to his lips. Mine parted slightly, and my breath came out ragged.

_Forgetting all I'm lacking  
Completely incomplete  
I'll take your invitation  
You take all of me now... _

My head tilted and a small smile crept onto my face. Did he really mean that? Was it true? My heart melted at the thought. Then he said the words again...

_I'm falling even more in love with you  
Letting go of all I've held onto  
I'm standing here until you make me move  
I'm hanging by a moment here with you _

I didn't feel my throat tighten as he just looked at me, his eyes burning into my soul. I could feel the eyes of the others on both of us, but I didn't care. Right now, all that mattered was him and me.

_  
I'm living for the only thing I know  
I'm running and not quite sure where to go  
And I don't know what I'm diving into  
Just hanging by a moment here with you _

I heard his voice catch, and his face tightened, moved by the words of the song. As his gaze continued to bore into me with an intensity too deep to comprehend, my heart skipped a few beats, and I found it impossible to catch my breath again.

_There's nothing else to lose  
There's nothing else to find  
There's nothing in the world  
That can change my mind  
There is nothing else  
There is nothing else  
There is nothing else _

His voice rose, louder now, more confident and fierce. There was a fury in his voice, and I could see his eyes darken visibly. I didn't know what he was thinking of, but to be honest, with the waves and waves of emotion rolling from his skin, I'm not sure I wanted to know.

_Desperate for changing  
Starving for truth  
I'm closer to where I started  
Chasing after you....  
_

He seemed to focus back on me, and he started breathing normally, something in my expression calming him. He smiled, slightly hesitantly at me now, and I couldn't help the grin that flooded my face. His eyes sparkled back at me and with every second, I felt myself grow safer and safer, with Edward around.

_  
I'm falling even more in love with you  
Letting go of all I've held onto  
I'm standing here until you make me move  
I'm hanging by a moment here with you  
I'm living for the only thing I know  
I'm running and not quite sure where to go  
And I don't know what I'm diving into  
Just hanging by a moment here with you _

I kept my eyes on his the whole time. His eyes were soft when he looked at me, and I was taken aback by how much emotion they held. My eyes fell to the floor in embarrassment and I blushed.

Then I heard it. _A snicker_. It was obvious, and loud, and very Lauren.

"Does she really think this is all for her?" I heard a loud voice whisper. My body stiffened, and my breathing increased to record speed through no fault of Edward though. I felt tears form in my eyes.

_Of course he wouldn't be doing it for me. How could I be so stupid?_

Without a backward glance, I slipped out of the room and ran up the stairs to my hiding place.

**EPOV**

I finished the song half heartedly, going through the last few lyrics quickly, just to pacify Elizabeth. I stared in shock at the door where Bella had just vanished through. I'd heard Lauren's words, but how Bella could believe them, I didn't know. As soon as the song finished, I threw the guitar down, shot a dark glare at Lauren and ran out after Bella.

The hallway was silent and I called her name quietly.

"Bella?" For the first time, I noticed how much softer my voice was when I spoke her name.

She didn't answer, so I turned and walked up the stairs. All the doors were closed and I went to hers first. I knocked on the door and pushed it open.

There was no one there. I frowned and went next door to my room, but she wasn't there either. When I saw the door ajar at the end of the corridor, I could've slapped myself. Of course she'd be there. It was where she had hidden before; it was dark and no one would be able to find her. It was the perfect hiding place. I climbed up the stairs, much like I'd done before, and was relieved to see her sitting, curled up in the same protective shape as last time. I closed the door gently behind me and made my way over to her. I sat down next to her and hesitantly put my arm around her. Bella suddenly let out a loud sob and turned towards me, burying her head in my chest. I could feel my horrified face stretch into a grimace as I took her in my arms and soothingly rubbed her back. The pain in her was just as bad within me. It destroyed me to see her like this.

"Bella, you know better than to listen to them," I murmured. She let out another loud sob and shook her head wildly against my chest. And I knew what I had to say...and I knew that it was true with all my heart.

"Bella, please....I...I love you," I whispered. The conviction was so strong that I felt it surge through my body, setting every nerve ending on fire. It filled me with such wholeness that I pulled her to me tightly. I laughed at the suddenness of my words.

"I love you, Bella!" I exclaimed, pressing my lips against her. The smile across my face couldn't get any bigger.

"NO!" Bella yelled, and her hands pushed against my chest. I could feel pain rip through my body at her rejection. "NO, NO, NO!" she screamed. Her fists beat against my chest and every hit was like another sharp shock of pain. She didn't want me....Bella didn't want me....the words were like an arrow straight through my heart. I opened my mouth to speak, but the words wouldn't come out, they couldn't come out._  
_

I tried to focus on her face. But my vision was unclear, like a fog blinding me.

Her cries continued, and so did her hits, until suddenly she stopped and jumped back from me, hiding in the shadows. There was silence for a moment, until she spoke, and her voice was empty, completely lifeless.

"You couldn't love me, Edward. No one could ever love me," she said numbly. I stood up and began walking cautiously toward her. I ignored the pain that was tearing through my heart, and let myself think solely of her.

"Tough, Bella. I do, always." I stretched out my arms and moved even closer to where she was.

"No, you don't!" she exclaimed, her numbness leaving for just a second at the force of her words.

"Bella, listen to me. I. Love. You. I will always love you. You're everything to me."

"You couldn't love me, Edward." The numbness in her voice was back. "You know why?" She stepped around the corner and came to face me. Her eyes were dark, hollow, nothing inside them. My intake of breath made her look up to me, and I saw something flicker in her eyes before she grew empty again.

"Why?" I asked, stepping closer to her, until I was almost touching her.

"Because I was raped, Edward."

*********

Nothing....

I was...drained...I couldn't feel anything. I was utterly spent. Nothing was processing. I was in shock. _She'd been raped._

The words kept repeating themselves in my head. Over and over and over, like the sound of the drums when marching into war. My head was being pounded from the inside out, powerless to even conceive the idea of someone hurting her so badly....damaging her so completely that she was scarred, both physically and mentally.

I was unable to get past this, to check if she was alright. I was stunned beyond words, and then my vision went red, the anger filling my mind, filling every thought, every smell, every sight and every sound.

Someone had hurt her beyond recognition.

_So I would hurt them. _

_I would hurt them so badly, that they'd wished they'd never treated Bella like the piece of shit they had. She was worth so much, worth an unquestionable amount to me....so they would pay. The monster was unleashed. _

I walked away from her, and rested my head against a wooden beam. With a roar, I hit my head against it, trying to...I didn't even know...trying to get rid of some of the pain, of the all-consuming anger that was filling me.

"Edward, please..." I heard her whimper and I spun around, surprised at the sudden noise.

"Oh, Bella," I whispered. I pulled her to me, and my arms held her tight. "Tell me everything."

I sat down and pulled her to sit on my lap. She leaned her head against my chest and took a shaky breath.

"You know my...mother...Victoria...the man that came with her was her boyfriend...J...James," she exhaled with a sharp cry. "Ever since I was 5, they've been together. That's when it started. When...J...when _he_ came. Victoria started to...hit me...to punish me. It got worse as I got older. They'd beat me until I couldn't move, put soap in my mouth, but wouldn't let me wretch, put the sole of my foot against an iron..."

I hissed in response to that. My body was shaking, making her vibrate with me. I tried to calm down, but all I could think of was what they'd put her through; what they'd done to her.

"When I was 11, I found that if I cut myself, I could get away from it all for a few minutes...and so started my daily routine. It was uncontrollable. I would get a sudden need, and I would have to do it, or I would have some kind of panic attack.

"It wasn't until the night before I arrived here, that he did it. He came into my room..." She stopped talking, and I could feel her heartbeat against my chest quicken. "He was drunk. I tried to cry out, but he covered my mouth..." Her body shook with quiet tears and I found that my cheeks were wet too.

"Bella, I'm so sorry." The words were all I could get out. She raised her head to look at me, and I tensed, waiting for something else...something more.

"So you see? You couldn't love me...no one could." Her voice broke, and I felt my heart snap in two at the sound, so quiet, but worth so much. "Just go, Edward. Please, just go..." she wailed quietly, and I felt her body slump away from me in defeat and exhaustion, her body once again shaking with sobs.

"No," I growled and tugged her back to me. "I told you, I'm not going anywhere. I'm here to stay. You're stuck with me, Bella. I love you, why can't you understand that?" I said, my voice angry. She turned to face me, her eyes glinting dangerously in the dark room.

"Because I'm broken," she snarled at me. "You can't want me. No one can." She shook her head, and I saw another tear run down her cheek. I reached out my hand and caught it with my finger.

"Bella, please...I want you...now and forever...you're everything."

"No you don't." Her head hung and suddenly, I knew what I had to do.

I lifted her chin up so she could see me, and then I moved closer to her.

"Bella," I simply said. "I love you, never forget that," I whispered against her cheek. I pressed my lips against her cheek and I felt her shiver in response. I moved back slightly and saw her staring at me, confusion all over her face. I leaned forward, just a little more, and our lips, at long last, touched.

The world exploded then. It exploded in such a wonderful array of colours that I swear I was blinded. I moved my lips against hers and I sighed at the feeling. It was as if she was made for me; nothing had ever felt this perfect. I felt complete, as if nothing was wrong in the world. There was a fire burning through me, and when I felt her lips part, I slipped my tongue inside. I groaned loudly at the feeling; my hands ran up Bella's arms to grasp her shoulders and bring her closer to me. She was so soft, like velvet against me, and nothing could be more perfect than this moment. It was what I'd been made for; it was what I'd been waiting for my whole life. This was the moment when everything changed, when I realized that this is what I would live for, this was my reason for living. My life was made for her, to protect her, to be with her.

She tasted like the sweetest chocolate on all the earth. It was the most glorious taste in the world. One of my hands rose and gently cupped her cheek, our lips still welded together; nothing could break us apart. It was exquisite. _She_ was exquisite. She was everything. I felt her hands run through my hair and she gently tugged at it. Goosebumps shot down my spine and I shuddered. She broke away to breathe, but seconds later, her lips were on mine again. She rose onto her knees and I pulled her closer, so there was no space between us. I ran my hands up and down her back, trying to touch her as much as possible, just in case this moment was the beginning of the end.

This time it was her who controlled the kiss. The fiery burn within me was simmering just below the surface, waiting to be released, but I let her lead, using all of my self control to do so. Her small tongue slipped from her mouth, and she slowly, sensually, ran it along my bottom lip. I gasped, and then moaned at the sensation. It was unlike anything I'd ever felt before. I felt like I was soaring, too high for anyone to ever bring me down. Shock waves rippled through my body and suddenly, her hands, still twisted in my hair, were also noticeable. I could feel everything too much. Stars were clouding my vision, and all I could feel, think, and smell was my beautiful angel in front of me. I felt hazy, dizzy even, when I felt her tongue enter my mouth. When she whimpered at the sensation, I couldn't help but lean over her, pushing her to the ground. I wrapped my arms around her still, holding her head up to me. I moved away from her lips, and she mewed at the loss. I groaned against her skin.

"Are you trying to kill me, Bella?" I whispered hoarsely, my words stumbling out of my mouth, my brain too flooded by the feel of her underneath me. I moved my lips across her jaw, and journeyed down her neck. At the crook of her neck, I buried myself in her smell; it surrounded me, causing pure gold to run through my veins. I suckled on her skin, and was rewarded with a moan. The sound came from deep within her throat, and it resounded straight through my body. The fire roared inside me, and my body burned with the need to feel more of her. I felt her hands tug at my hair, and reluctantly, I travelled back to her lips. My reluctance faded when I felt her lick my lip again and my loud, rasping exhale did not go unnoticed by her. Her smouldering gaze fell on mine and I could see her eyes darken at whatever she saw in my eyes. I could feel my eyes blaze and every time her hands moved in my hair, the flaming inferno would travel all over my body; it took everything in me not to scare her and completely lose control.

"See, Bella? I want you...I love you..." I murmured, brushing my lips against the hollow beneath her ear, making her shiver.

Softly this time, I kissed her again. Instead of the raging fire like last time, this time it simmered, gradually rising until I was once again the burning mass of molten gold. My heart melted and when the realization of what we were doing hit me, the joy that filled me was unbelievable; it was beyond control. Planets shifted, stars moved, until everything was revolving around her, around this exact moment time; the moment my life began.

I felt her hips roll against mine and I inhaled quickly, shocked by the suddenness of the action.

"Bella?" a voice called. Suddenly, the door flew open and Carlisle was there. He stood there in stunned silence, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. "I...uh...I'll just go then." He turned and fled the room faster than I'd thought possible.

The realization of what I'd just done hit me, and I pulled away from Bella, sitting up and looking away from her in shame. I'd done exactly what _he'd_ done. I'd kissed her, forced myself on her. My eyes scrunched in anger at myself.

"Edward?" she asked timidly. I felt her smooth, silky hand brush against my cheek and I opened my eyes to find her inches from me.

"What's wrong? What did I do?" she asked, her voice trembling.

"Nothing!" I exclaimed, shocked, and even more angered by her words. This was what I'd achieved. I'd hurt her and she was close to tears. "You did nothing wrong. You were beyond perfect...it's me I'm angry at....horrified at myself."

"B...but why?"

"I'm just like him. I forced myself on you, not caring whether I hurt you; all I could think of was how much I needed more of you." Saying the words out loud made them so much more dreadful. "I'm so sorry, Bella. Can you ever forgive me?"

Her eyes grew wary again, and it caused my breathing to quicken, terrified of what this revelation would bring.

"Edward, of course I can forgive you. You didn't do anything wrong."

I shook my head; _she would say that._

"I love you," I murmured. "It's a poor excuse for what I did, but it's true. I love you."

"Edward, look at me!" The annoyance in her tone shocked me, and I looked up in surprise.

"Stop with the guilt right now! You're ruining this for me!"

"I've already ruined everything," I glowered.

"Edward," she growled, the sound low. "That was the most perfect, the most beautiful moment of my life. Please don't ruin it."

My eyebrows rose as I stared at her, but all I saw complete honesty in her eyes.

"Really? You're not...upset?" I asked warily, scared of her response.

"Of course not, Edward. I loved it...and I think...I think I lo—"I cut her off my placing my finger over her mouth.

"You don't have to say it, Bella. Please don't feel pressured." My eyes flickered away, but my hands played nervously in my lap. I know I didn't want to force her to say anything, that much was true, but there was a part of me, hidden deep in my chest, that longed for her to say it, for her to truly mean it.

"Edward, look at me." Her fingers pushed my chin upwards until I was eye to eye with her. "I'm not being forced to do anything, trust me. I do love you, with all my heart." Her words rang true in my ears, but the elation that throbbed through my body was like the world's greatest ecstasy. It thawed my heart and I melted into her touch. A smile graced my face and I stood up quickly, grabbing Bella in my arms and swinging her around the small attic.

"I love you, Bella!" I said, wonder filling my voice as she squealed in delight.

"I love you, Edward," she murmured against my neck. I put her on the ground and leaned my forehead against hers.

"I'm so sorry for what happened to you....please let me fix it....come to my room, and tell me all of what happened, don't leave out anything....and we can get Carlisle to help us. We can get a lawyer, and we can get them locked up, Bella."

"No!" she yelled at me, and I jumped back, startled. "They'll kill you! I can't live without you, Edward, please no!" I stood, unable to move, too shocked by the sudden 180˚ change of her mood; she was now hysterical.

"Bella, baby, Bella," I said, my voice a low undertone compared to her terrified cries. "Trust me, they won't hurt us, they won't hurt me or you ever again...please believe me...I love you...I won't let them get to me...ever. We can help you; let us help you."

She fell forward until she was sobbing against my chest, her salty tears soaking my shirt.

"They'll hurt you..." she moaned in pain, her whole body shaking.

"Bella, please...they won't. I won't let them." She said nothing, just continued her sharp cries. Each one was like a dagger to the chest; it hurt more than I'd anticipated, despite seeing her like this on so many occasions before. "Look at me, beautiful." Her teary, red eyes met mine, and I shook away the darkness that crossed my face when I saw her so helpless.

"Bella, if you do this for me, we can get them locked up...they won't be able to hurt you again."

She stared at me, her deep chocolate eyes dark with worry. And then she slowly nodded.

"Okay," she whispered, her voice weak in defeat.

"Thank you, Bella," I told her, my voice thick with emotion. "I will do everything I can to protect you. I love you, forever."

I pressed my lips against her forehead. Her skin against my lips was heaven. It was what I needed to survive.

When I looked at her broken face, tears still wet on her cheeks, I vowed then that I would be with her forever; I would love her as if my life depended on it. She was like oxygen, she was my life now.

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**AN: The songs used are 'Blue Does' by Blue October and 'Hanging by a Moment' by Lifehouse, and are the property of the respective bands. **

**Did you like their first kiss???? Over 800 words on it alone...LOL! That was the moment I was so crazy for! Please review!**


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: This chapter contains some disturbing images, so bear that in mind. And sorry for the shortness!**

**Thanks to my betas: thedarknessofthemoon, Whitlocked, and mycrookedsmile.**

**I know I said last chap we'd hear Bella's song, but yeah, that changed, but it will come up soon, I promise.**

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_I open my eyes  
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light  
I can't remember how  
I can't remember why  
I'm lying here tonight_

_And I can't stand the pain  
And I can't make it go away  
No I can't stand the pain_

_How could this happen to me  
I made my mistakes  
I've got nowhere to run  
The night goes on  
As I'm fading away  
I'm sick of this life  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me_

_Everybody's screaming  
I try to make a sound but no one hears me  
I'm slipping off the edge  
I'm hanging by a thread  
I wanna start this over again_

'_Untitled' by Simple Plan_

**BPOV**

We kissed. Edward had kissed me. He'd kissed _me. _Me.

It was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. It was my own personal heaven. When his lips touched mine, all feelings of despair disappeared; I felt whole, complete with him as we moved in sync. The passion of the kiss took me by surprise, but it chilled me to the bone with pleasure. The fear I felt for my deepening feelings was almost hidden by the joy, and happiness I felt as his lips moved against mine. The ecstasy that ran through my body was like the thrill of a roller coaster ride, just as you start the descent. It felt like I was flying all over the place; Edward took my body places I'd never been before. I felt confident, I felt bliss, and I felt complete contentment at his touch. I hadn't expected to feel such satisfaction at it, I thought that because I was tainted, I wouldn't enjoy it...but I had...because it was Edward who kissed me. I knew I was safe with him, and I knew I loved him. Nothing with him could be anything but perfect.

My mind was still spinning, incapable of comprehending the mind blowing moment that just happened. I couldn't get over something else either. I said I loved him.

I'd never been shown any love, and I wasn't sure what it meant. But if anything was love, it was what I felt for Edward. I couldn't imagine anything more wonderful. I thought about him all the time, I wanted him near me, holding me all the time. Now I had him, I couldn't be without him. I would fall to pieces without him.

And I told him; but he hadn't run away. He stayed, he comforted me, and he _kissed_ me. Instead of running, like I thought, he pulled me closer, and I let him in. I dropped my defenses, I opened my heart, and he hadn't broken it. My twisted heart felt almost whole again, complete, and I knew that with time, Edward might be able to heal me. If anybody could, he would.

But as we walked down the stairs, I felt myself closing in again. He wanted me to tell him everything, and I didn't know if I could. It knew it would be so painful that every step I'd made in healing today would be pointless. It would be back to the start, I'd be empty again.

Edward pulled me onto his bed, sitting opposite me, and took my face in his hands.

"I love you, Bella, but please, tell me everything; don't try to spare me, I need to know."

I closed my eyes; I couldn't face him, or his pain, when I told my story.

"Where should I start?" I asked lifelessly, slowly shutting my whole body off to the world.

"At the beginning. Go wherever it takes you....please, I need to know so I can help you."

"I was five, as I told you. The first time it happened, it was little things, a hit when I'd do something wrong. When James was over it was always worse; he seemed to bring out the worst in my mother. He told her to hit me, and she would, to please him. I was eight before it began to get any worse than hitting. At Christmas, James thought I'd been naughty, so he locked me in the attic. They didn't give me food for over 24 hours, and as a little girl, I thought I was dying. Then, I'd just turned nine, and...and-" My voice broke, and I took a few moments to regain some numbness. "-Victoria was out, it was just James in the house. I was watching TV, and he entered the room, carrying the ironing board. He set it up, and I thought he was just trying to be helpful. But then he came towards me, and he was so, so terrifying. I was shaking on the seat, calling for my Mom, but of course she didn't come. He grabbed my arm and pinned me down to the chair. He hitched my leg up and yanked the sock off. Then he...he took the iron, and he pressed it against the sole of my foot, and held it there. I screamed like never before, it was unbearable, unforgettable. It still hurts now, it's why I can't walk straight.

"When he did it, his face was...warped with bitterness and cruelty, and he just smiled as he watched me shriek. It was...torture...And that was when it really started.

"As I got older, and James was there longer and more often, Victoria got more violent. She pushed me down the stairs when I was almost 11, and I broke my arm, and that was the start of my hospital visits. One night, James came in drunk and he smashed my head against the wall. The doctors gave me medication, but James just threw it down the toilet. Then, when I was 11, I found some scissors in a drawer in my room, and it just happened. I realized that if I...cut myself, I would be so distracted by the pain that I could forget about my real life I lived for a few moments; it was just a few, but it was worth it. And so it started. I lost my few friends at school, because all I was dedicated to was my knife. I brought it to school once, and some pupils found me lying in a pool of blood in the ladies room. I'd slipped and bumped my head when I fell, passing out, and letting the blood from my wound flow everywhere. The school contacted Victoria, and that night, James came to my room, with his own knife. He said that if I wanted to be cut, then he'd happily do it for me. He cut right up my back, and I didn't even fight, because I knew that the pain would be enough to make me forget.

"When I was 15, there was an incident with a frying pan. I accidently fell over and knocked a vase off a desk. Victoria was washing dishes, she was holding a pan, and just threw it at me with such force it knocked me out. I don't remember anything, except when I woke up, I was lying on my bed, and I stayed there for three days, not being allowed out. I was given a couple of slices of bread and a glass of water every night, but that was all I was given. They said it would help make me pretty, that I'd get thin and everyone would like me better.

"Luckily, they locked me in with my knife. Those days were where most of the scars on my thighs come from. I had nothing else to do, so I just sat and cut myself up, desperate for a release from the pain, desperate for the euphoria that surged through my body.

"And then there was that night. It was only last week, not even seven days have passed, Edward!" I felt his arms wrap around me as suddenly, I was very aware of the burning tears on my cheeks. I'd been so out of it, I hadn't even noticed I'd been crying. I sobbed against his chest, and tried to wipe away the tears as I continued.

"Like I said, he was d...drunk, and he came in. He was t...towering over me; I was so scared. I c...called out, but he slapped a h...hand over my mouth. He smelled d...disgusting. I can still taste his scent in the air. It overwhelms me at n...night. I see him on top of me again, forcing h...himself inside. When it happened, it was as if I wasn't there. I f...floated above my body, and saw the scene from a d...different view. I saw the g...girl struggle, and it felt like I'd been r...ripped apart, and sewn back together like Frankenstein. I felt like a m...monster; I still do."

I looked up to Edward and saw eyes that were blinded with unshed tears. His face looked tortured; he looked like I felt on the inside all the time, I'd just perfected my way of hiding it.

"Edward, please..." I reached out and touched his face but he pushed me away, jumping off the bed and running to his punching bag. He started slamming fist upon fist into it. He roared and I crept off the bed, heading for the door.

His face was terrifying; the hatred, anger and pure pain were killing me to watch.

And it was scaring me as well.

This monster that had been released wasn't my Edward; this was someone so much more powerful. I'd never seen him like this, and I didn't want to again. It was like he was possessed; possessed by something I was familiar with. In a way, this monster that had been released was oddly comforting; it was too familiar though, so familiar that I had to get away from it. I knew what would happen next; I would be hit, I would be beaten, so I ran to the bathroom, where I slid helpless to the floor. I buried my head in my hands and an onslaught of images hit me. _James surrounding me, pushing into me, kissing me, hitting me, pinning me down_. The engulfment of images surprised me, in just one second, they all appeared. I shrieked at the sickening unexpectedness of the visions and jumped up, my hands knocking things wildly off the shelves. The compulsion was so powerful, I _had_ to do it, there was nothing else to do. I felt like I would die if I didn't do it. My chest was exploding with the need to feel metal against my skin.

I hit at things on the shelves in a panic, trying to find something, anything that would help me forget. I stumbled over to the cabinet and began yanking things out. A razor fell to the floor, and I picked it up in joy. This time, I just rolled my sleeves up and slid it along my wrist, a place where I'd promised myself I'd never do it; I didn't want to die. I didn't even know if I would die, but I never wanted to risk it. However, that fact was bypassed by the all-consuming need. I gasped in pleasure when finally, the slit was there and blood pooled from it, falling onto the tiles. I ran back over the vein with the razor, creating another cut, and then another. The pain sent shock waves through my system, and I laughed out loud at the sudden freeness of the physical pain. No more was I terrorized by the haunting images of my past. No longer were they the plague of my existence.

But it was just for a moment. All too soon, the images came back, creeping into my mind and re-twisting my heart. The blood stained down my arm and when James' eyes stared back at me from the vision, I screamed again, and grasped the razor as hard as I could in my wounded arm and brought it over my other. It was as if he was there in the flesh. The vision controlled me; the clearer it became, the more I had to harm myself, and the more I cut down, the clearer the vision. It was a never-ending cycle of despair.

And so, in my terror, I believed he was there. He stood next to the sink, across the room from me. His biceps were contracting under his t-shirt and I shrank back in terror as his malevolent eyes glittered with anticipation of what was to come. He licked his lips, making me whimper in memory, and started towards me.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" I cried, as James stalked toward me, his hands stretching out as if to grasp me. "NO, NO, NO!" I shrieked as he got closer. I kept sliding the razor over my skin in a desperate attempt to forget him for a moment, but the vision stayed, and so confirmed in my mind that he really was there. My arms were a mass of crimson blood and shredded ribbons of skin. It was like I was painting my body; but in fact, I was tearing myself apart, I was _killing_ myself. Every slash, although I didn't realize it, was bringing me closer to my death. As I continued scarring myself, my body was slowly starting to fail; I was losing too much blood. With every step James moved closer to me, a loud sob would escape my body and the razor would damage another part of me. "PLEASE! GET AWAY!"

The terror in my voice, and the overwhelming weakness that suddenly overcame me, made me fall to the floor, dropping loudly to the cold, hard ground. The silence from me that followed as I struggled to get back up was shattered as I heard banging on the door start.

When my vision started to blur and fog over, I suddenly became conscious of the pain that was shooting all over my body. I realized that I was struggling to breathe properly, and that there was blood everywhere, the ruby color shining through my unclear vision. I noticed my unexpected frailty and it dawned on me, quite calmly, that this was it...it was the end; if I didn't get help, I would die now. I was losing far too much blood, my body was breaking down. That's when the panic started. The horror of my inevitable death surged through my body, making me convulse in fear. I needed to get the door open now, I needed to get help, I needed Edward.

_Edward. No!_

More pain coursed through me when I thought of him, and at the repulsiveness of my actions. He'd said he loved me, but how could he love this? I was killing myself...If what he said was true, then this would kill him too. I released a low whimper of desolation. But thinking about him made determination shoot through me; I would survive, if only so I could see him just one more time.

I tried to stand up and grasp the handle, but the blood on my hands made the doorknob too slippery. I couldn't turn it. I tried again, and again, but slowly the life was slipping from me. I began to feel my eyes droop in exhaustion as I slowly faded. My breaths were becoming shallow as more blood spurted from the wounds. My head rolled back on my shoulders and hit the floor with a thump. The banging on the door increased in tempo, as if more people had joined in.

"Help," I tried to speak, but all that came out was a groan. All my energy was leaving me as my life slowly slipped away in the blood that drained from my body. _Was I dying? _I thought blankly. I whimpered weakly as my vision blurred even more and the colors disappeared. I tried to reach out, but my arm was too heavy, and it wouldn't budge off the floor, however hard I tried. I relaxed it, and let go, finally giving in to the peace that was overtaking my body. Stillness was good, and at long last I felt numb, not feeling pain, or happiness, or depression. I smiled slightly as I struggled to breathe. With a contented sigh, my eyes closed over and my heart stuttered as I sank into the darkness. _It was over...forever_, I finally thought.

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**AN: I know it was rough to read, and I apologise.**

**Please trust me on this; we have a long way to go. Please review guys.  
**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey all. Sorry for the long wait between updates, I've had exams, but they are all finished now!**

**Thanks to all who are still supporting this story, I appreciate all of you. Thank you to my betas thedarknessofthemoon, Whitlock's Girl, and mycrookedsmile. Thanks also to my lovergirl, TotallyObsess82 for reading over all this, and keeping me sane during exams. *heart***

**I hope you enjoy!  
**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight.  
**

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_You are the strength, that keeps me walking.  
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.  
You are the light to my soul.  
You are my purpose...you're everything._

_How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?  
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?_

_You calm the storms, and you give me rest.  
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.  
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.  
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?_

'_Everything' by Lifehouse_

EPOV

I kept hitting the punching bag, again and again, trying to beat the anger out of my system. I hit it until my knuckles were dark and the punching bag was stained with my blood. When I turned around, my gaze perfectly blank, Bella was gone.

Shit.

She'd run from me again, and it was my fault, again. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Why did I have to keep ruining this? What was wrong with me? I ruined everything good in my life, always. I groaned loudly in anger, and disappointment at myself, fear for Bella.

Why had I made her tell me? Why had I forced her to relive those heinous events she'd been put through? I disgusted myself more than I could think. I crept out of the room, my eyes narrowed in fury. I heard a loud crash come from the bathroom and I ran to its door and pressed my ear against it. I heard loud, inconsolable sobs coming from inside, and I knew they were Bella's; I'd heard them often enough.

I knocked on the door.

"Bella?" I asked nervously. There was no response, but suddenly Bella started laughing.

I frowned, but then froze when the screams came.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" she shrieked, and I didn't know what to do. I just stood there, like an idiot. "NO, NO, NO!" But then my fists started pounding on the door.

"BELLA!" I cried, my voice breaking from the loudness of my words.

"PLEASE! GET AWAY!" Her terrified, gut-wrenching screams continued, and kept on going and going. My banging and our combined shouting brought others running.

"Edward," Carlisle said, "what's happened? What's wrong?" I kicked the door angrily, and yanked at my hair.

"Bella's fucking in there! We need to get her out! NOW!" My banging recommenced, but all of a sudden, Bella made no more noise. There was no sobbing, no screaming....and that scared me more. She was hurt; I knew it.

"Get out of the fucking way," I muttered. I stepped back, and prepared myself. With a loud crack, my foot hit the lock on the door, and it snapped, the door swinging forward to reveal Bella.

In a pool of blood.

*****

My vision faded for a moment, and when my eyes re-opened Esme was supporting me. Carlisle was already by Bella's side.

"Bella," I groaned, and fell down at her side, still woozy from my slight collapse. It was everywhere. The blood. Red stained the tiles, stained me, stained Bella. Carlisle gently picked up her wrist and felt for a pulse. His face went pale, and my eyes widened.

No, she couldn't be dead...._no!_ How could I live without her? I'd only just found her, I couldn't lose her now.

"Carlisle, please say she's okay," I begged. "Please," I whispered, my voice cracking in anguish. He looked up at me, his eyes serious.

"There's a pulse, but barely. She's losing too much blood; we should've gotten in quicker. " _Your fault_, a quiet voice hissed in the back of mind. _You didn't get the door open fast enough_. I growled at the voice, and tried to focus intently on my father. He still had a hold of her wrist, and the whiteness of his skin against her red arms drew my gaze to them. And what was actually wrong with her.

I let out a loud gasp, and then groaned.

"NO!" I yelled in despair. I picked up the arm nearest me and ran my fingers so softly over her arm. It was in ruin. It was unrecognisable. Bits of skin hung off, it was raw and red with blood all over it. Slits were decorated over her arm, and I groaned again, but this time because I felt sick in the pit of my stomach. I dragged myself to the toilet, heaving over it.

How could she do this to herself? She'd tried to fucking kill herself.

"Fuck, Carlisle, she did this to herself!" I turned to him, screaming in his face, and he paled even more.

"What do you mean, Edward?" he asked, his face confused.

"She fucking self harms, Carlisle. She has scars everywhere. And she just tried to kill herself." My brain was still in shock. How could she.....Why......No, no, no, no. This was my fault. I'd forced her to tell me everything and it had caused her to do this. NO!

"Carlisle, do something, fuck it!" He jumped and yelled for Esme.

"Get an ambulance, now!" he told her, but she already had a phone by her ear and was speaking frantically into it.

"Edward we need to get something to stop the blood."

I jumped up immediately, and ran to the linen closet, grabbing a couple of towels. I threw them to him and knelt back down by her.

"Oh, Bella," I moaned, stroking her cheek. "Please be okay...please..." I whispered. I pressed the towel against her arm, trying to stop the blood flow.

"Carlisle, please say she'll be okay...I can't lose her, _Dad_!" He looked up at me, his face hopelessly terrified, but he didn't say anything. _He didn't know if she was going to fucking live. _

"Urgh!" I screamed in frustration, hitting my palms against my face. Blood dripped down my arms from Bella, and I scraped at my arms in vain, trying to get it off me, trying to stop it from being true.

She couldn't die, she_ couldn't_. I tried to ignore the loud sobs that were shuddering through my body, but my sight was blinded by my tears.

"NO!" I screamed again. "Fight, God damn it, Bella, FIGHT!" I gripped her hand, as tight as I could without hurting her. "Bella...please." I pressed my lips to the tip of her nose, then her eyelids then finally her lips. "Please," I begged. "Please..."

*****

"I'm fucking coming with you," I said angrily to the paramedic, who was trying to take her away from me. The man turned to Carlisle, who stared at me before nodding. I sighed in relief and ran off to the ambulance with them. I stood nervously to the side, holding her hand as they attached her to a drip, and measured her heart rate.

"Is she going to be okay?" I asked them.

"Maybe, son, maybe."

Maybe. Fucking maybe. She was going to die, I knew it. The one good thing in my life would leave, I knew it. I groaned loudly again, the tears starting again. I hated crying, it was for fucking girls, but I couldn't help it. Bella couldn't die, please, please, please no.

"You have to calm down." One of the paramedics came over and patted my back.

"What the fuck are you doing? Help her! Not me, her!" I exclaimed, my temper exploding. Tears blazed down my cheeks when Bella's heart stuttered, the sound clear in the ambulance.

"Fuck," I cried. "Fight, Bella, please..." I whispered, stroking her cheek again. Her face was pale, wet tears still collected beneath her lashes, drips of blood creating lines in the small creases of her face. My heart shattered again and again, unable to face what would undoubtedly happen. It felt like my heart was being torn apart into a million pieces, and flung onto the ground, every second another slice shredded away, until there was nothing left.

"We're here." The back doors flew open and the paramedics wheeled her off quickly. I ran after them, surprised by how quickly they got out.

"Young girl, cut herself with a razor. BP 165/40, weak breaths, she's lost a lot of blood." It sounded like a load of garbage to me, but the doctors who met us at the door seemed to understand.

"Okay, on three. One, two, three." They hoisted her onto a bed, and then wheeled the stretcher back out. I stood off to the side, biting my nails and staring at her pale face. My hands were still shaking, and only then did I notice that I was still covered in her blood. It was all over me. I felt my head spin, and I reached out to grab onto the wall. I groaned, and felt vomit come up my throat. I choked it back, ignoring the burning feeling it caused, and tried to focus on not passing out.

"Hey." A young nurse came up and placed a hand on my back. "Come on, let's get you some water. We need to wait outside." I looked at her, and groaned again. I stumbled outside, but in the hall, the light was brighter, harsher. I saw her blood more clearly now; all over my jeans, soaking my t-shirt, staining my hands. A great pressure began to build in my head, and my vision blurred, all the shapes around me merging together.

"Shit," I mumbled, before I fell to the floor and hit the ground with a loud thump. I saw feet running towards me before everything went black.

*****

"Edward," a soft voice whispered. My head was being cradled in someone's lap, and my hair was being pushed back. I opened my eyes, and tried to sit up. Someone held me around the waist and hoisted me up, moving me onto a seat. My head slumped back between my knees before I could see who it was. But when I looked down, all I could see was the blood on my clothes. My stomach cringed and I moaned.

"I'm going to be sick," I mumbled. Someone thrust a bowl at me, and I grabbed it, throwing up immediately into it.

"Fuck," I groaned, throwing up for a second time when I noticed the redness on my hands again. Someone rubbed my back soothingly, as my stomach heaved over and over.

I put the bowl on the ground and closed my eyes, trying to breathe deeply. I let my arms hang limply by my sides as the queasiness slowly subsided. I sat up again, leaning my head back against the wall so I didn't have to see her blood. I looked to my left, and saw my mother and father looking worriedly at me.

"How is she?" I asked, my hoarse voice cracking. I coughed to try and clear my throat. Esme rubbed my back again.

"They haven't been out to tell us yet," she whispered.

"How are you?" Carlisle asked me. I looked at him, and he tried to smile at me, but couldn't.

"How do you fucking think?" I slammed my fists against my legs and groaned. "Fuck, sorry. It's just..." I groaned again, running my hands through my hair.

"We understand, Edward," Esme reassured me. She handed me a bag of clothes.

"You might want to get changed and washed up." I nodded at her and took the bag. I stood up, and wobbled a bit and Carlisle reached out to steady me.

"Are you going to be okay?" I nodded indignantly at him and walked over to a bathroom. I went in, and what I saw in the mirror shocked me. I was covered in more blood than I'd realized. My face was streaked with dried crimson blood, even my hair was matted with it. I ran to the sink, heaving again, gagging when nothing came up. I stripped quickly, pulling on the new, clean clothes gratefully. I went to the sink and washed my hands, and up my arms, not wanting any more of her blood on me. I wasn't expecting my reaction to the red water. The red shapes it made as it was washed away with the water made my toes curl. It made me sicker than I thought it would, so I ran to the toilet, cursing. For the third time in less than 10 minutes, I was throwing up, my throat protesting loudly.

I wept afterwards. Wept for Bella, for her life that was on the brink; it could end either way. She could die any minute.

_So why the fuck are you sitting snivelling in the toilets like a school girl? _My subconscious spoke up, and I groaned again. What the fuck _was_ I doing in here? I wiped my eyes, glaring at the tears my hands collected, and walked back out to my parents.

"Do you know anything yet?" I asked quickly, but both shook their heads.

"Edward, she'll be okay," Carlisle told me, his eyes serious.

"But you said you didn't know," I grinded, my teeth snapping together angrily. I paced the hall. "Is Alice not here?" That surprised me.

"She was feeling a bit...sick," Esme mumbled. I narrowed my eyes, but chose not to say anything. I was feeling fucking sick and I still managed to come, I managed to be with her. Hell, I would give my life to be with her now, and stay by her side to make sure she's okay.

I sat back down and sighed loudly, staring at the white door across the hall, waiting for someone to come out of it. Time seemed to slow as I we sat there, looking like a funeral party. I still had blood in my hair and it felt disgusting when I tried to pull at it; stress had always caused me to tug at my hair.

After what seemed like an eternity, a doctor in a long white coat came through the door. My stomach twisted again; her coat was spotted with red blood...Bella's blood. Esme looked at me, her face worried again when she saw mine pale, but I waved her off.

"Is she okay?" I asked the doctor, my voice hoarse and rough. The doctor smiled, and nodded.

"She's fine. We've given her a couple of transfusions, and she's stable. She's still under anaesthetic, but feel free to go and see her. She should wake up in about an hour." She smiled again and I slumped forwards again, this time in relief.

"Thank fuck for that," I laughed, giddy with joy. _She was going to be okay._

"Do you want to go see her, Edward?" Carlisle asked me. I stood up quickly, but carefully, not wanting to upset my stomach further, and nodded wildly. He laughed, gesturing towards the door. I walked in, and sat down beside the bed. Her hair was fanned out around her, still matted from the blood. They had changed her into a hospital gown, and I frowned. She wouldn't like that. I stood up and opened the door again, calling to my mother.

"Esme, could you please phone Alice and get her to bring some clothes up for Bella? She might like them." Esme nodded and I went back in and stood at the end of the bed for a moment. Bella still looked beautiful, even now, when she was damaged. I frowned at the word; _she was not damaged_, I growled.

But then I realized that this was what she meant. This is why she didn't think she deserved me. This is why she always said she was broken, so _ruined_. She thought she was broken both physically, and mentally. What those....those vile monsters had done to her was despicable and she thought she was ruined because of it. I sank onto one of the seats and picked up Bella's hand. Both her arms were heavily bandaged, and she was attached to a drip. Her hand was pale, and heavy due to the weight of the bandages. I kissed it, my lips brushing softly against her silky skin.

I closed my eyes, keeping her hand in mine, and pictured the scene again.

_Her face; eyes shut tight, attempting to block the images from coming at her. Her lips; trembling with every breath she took, her hurried whispers slicing through the air with fear, pain, and betrayal. Her tiny hands; clenched on her lap, pulling at her jeans as she relayed her story. Her eyes. When she'd finally opened them; wide, terrified, broken...I can't put it into words how much sorrow she showed me, just from one look. And her voice...it cracked with every word. She tried so hard to stay strong, but she just couldn't. I watched her fall apart in front of me...But instead of helping, I'd turned away. I'd behaved like a monster._

The revelation cut through me like a knife on skin, hitting my heart. It was like a bullet straight through my chest. This was my fault: I was the catalyst. I pushed her away when she was at her weakest, turned away from her like I didn't care. I'd lost control, my anger surging over my carefully controlled mask as I thought of them hurting her, of someone touching her like that, like she was nothing.

But I was just like them. I hurt her by pushing her away. I showed her how my temper can rule me, and I couldn't be like that around her. She needed to believe that I would never hurt her, and I had failed at the most vital moment. She was going to hate me. My body shuddered as a dry sob shook my body. I dropped her hand, and my head fell into my hands, the day catching up with me once more.

Bella was hurt, and I was the reason. How could she ever forgive me?

_She won't, _a voice whispered in my head, and a gasp of pain left my mouth. No! _Please, God, I'll do anything_, I pleaded. _Please, please_....I moaned in pain, and thumped my hands against my head.

What I did was unforgivable. Even I knew that. I felt like I was dying with every breath, my chest hurting as I inhaled, and released my breath.

My head shot up when I heard Bella shuffle against the sheets. I reached for her hand, but froze over her. What if she hated me? What if she didn't want me anywhere near her? She whimpered, and I swear I couldn't help myself. I leaned over, kissing her lips gently, and stroking her cheeks.

"Bella," I crooned. "My beautiful, beautiful, Bella...please. It's okay, my love. I'm here. I'm so sorry." My voice broke again, and I collapsed back against the chair, loud sobs breaking through my defences.

If I lost her, because of something I did, I knew I would die. I couldn't lose her, not now, not after everything. _Please_, I pleaded silently_. Please_.

* * *

**So....what do you think? Please review, I love hearing your thoughts!  
**

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**Over and out!  
**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey guys. I had hoped to get this out sooner, but unfortunately not. So....here it is...I hope you all enjoy. **

**Thanks to all of those on Twitter and Gmail who have kept me alive today, when I broke down, I love you guys so much.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight.  
**

_

* * *

And now  
As long as I can  
I'm holding on with both hands  
Cuz forever I believe that there's nothing I could need but you  
So if I haven't yet  
I've gotta let you know_

_You're never gonna be alone  
From this moment on  
If you ever feel like letting go  
I won't let you fall  
When all hope is gone  
I know that you can carry on  
We're gonna take the world along  
I'll hold you until the hurt is gone_

_You gotta live every single day  
Like it's the only one  
What if tomorrow never comes  
Don't let it slip away  
Could be our only one  
You know its only just begun_

'_Never Gonna Be Alone' by Nickelback_

Darkness; everywhere darkness. It was so black, so cold. I tried to move, but I was stuck, something weighing me down. I struggled, completely distraught, against my invisible bonds, but still couldn't move. I couldn't hear anything but a low ringing in my ears. I tried to open my mouth, but...I didn't know _how_. The obsidian gloom in front of my eyes seemed to darken, and darken, and darken. How it could get darker though; I didn't know.

I tried to squirm about, desperately trying to escape the invisible bindings that were holding me down. I screamed in my mind, _No, no, NO! Help me, please!_

But the more I struggled, the harder I seemed to get pulled down, until suddenly, I gave up, and let everything go.

*****

It seemed like forever until I came around again, and once more recognised the pressure holding me down. This time though, I couldn't think of anything either. And it scared me. It scared me blind. I was terrified; that I wouldn't wake up again, that I would never see Edward again.

And just like that, everything exploded. Edward...Edward...Edward. Every sense screamed his name. My mouth could move again and all it yelled was Edward. It was the only word that made any sense to me in the darkness, the only thing I needed more than air to breathe. Then, I felt a whisper of movement against my ear.

"Bella, I'm here, shhhh, my love. Please don't. I'm here, I love you." It was him. It was Edward. His voice floated into my lifeless body like honey. It swirled around, caressing me, bringing me to the surface, keeping me alive. When the voice stopped, I whimpered and it started up frantically again.

"Bella, it's okay. You're going to be fine. Open your eyes, sweetheart, I'm here, I'll never leave you again."

His voice seemed to keep me grounded, and my whole body ached in my attempt to open my eyes, so I could see him, just one more time. All of a sudden, something cool and soft touched my face. I gasped, and I heard the Edward's beautiful chuckle. The coolness moved down my cheek, lower and travelled across my jaw, his fingers gently stroking my lips. His touch sent shivers down my spine. I whimpered again, and finally, the ache in my body increasing tenfold, I managed to open my eyes.

The first thing I saw was the piercing, emerald green of his eyes. They were inches from mine, his face hovering above mine. His mouth creased in an ear-splitting grin and his eyes sparkled extraordinarily.

"Hey, Bella," he said, his palm holding my cheek to face him. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine, sighing.

"I was so worried about you," he whispered, his voice breaking in pain. My body tensed as I imagined what this would have done to him, what my stupid, insensitive actions would have done. I couldn't stop the tears from spilling as I imagined him in pain.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," I cried. "I didn't mean to do it, it wasn't even intentional. He was just there, in front of me, and it's the only thing I knew to do, to try and escape...except being with you," I whispered at the end, realizing that it was true. Edward made me feel safe, and protected, and _worth_ something. He made me feel special, like I was truly loved.

"But you were angry at me," I finished quietly. "I couldn't go to you, so I did my only other option, and it didn't work. He just kept coming back, so I just kept doing it. I wasn't trying to kill myself...I could never do that to you, Edward."

I looked up at him, and was shocked to see his cheeks streaked with tears.

"God, Bella, I could never be mad at you. I'm so sorry for pushing you away when you needed me most. I was just so angry at those...fucking bastards who did this to you. I couldn't control it. I'm so sorry." He buried his head in his hands, and immediately, my body longed for the previous contact.

I reached out, but before I could touch him, and try to be comforting in any way I could, his head shot up, and he stared at me, confused.

"Wait...you said, that...it was the only thing you could do to escape, apart from...being with me?" His voice was almost in awe, and he was staring at me with such longing, such love, that I didn't know what to do.

"I...I...of course I do, Edward. You make me want to live. You make my life _worth_ living." I tried to emphasize this, but he was still staring at me, his mouth half open.

"Go on," he whispered. I smiled slightly, and the corner of his mouth turned up, his gaze one of amazement and astonishment now.

"You make me feel special," I murmured. "You make me feel like I'm the only person on the planet worth knowing. You make me feel perfect, and beautiful. You make me feel safe, and protected. You calm me down, and you keep my nightmares away. You're like my guardian angel; I feel like nothing can go wrong if only you're there. You make everything right. You make me right. You make me smile, you make me laugh, and you make me wonder if this is just a dream, because reality couldn't be so good. You're...you're everything, Edward. I love you." My voice cracked, and I gulped in an attempt to rid myself of the lump in my throat. I looked away from him, my eyes falling on my bandages. I couldn't look at him, couldn't face him running away; because he would. After what I just said, there was no doubt about it. He would have to run; I was too crazy to deal with.

But he didn't run.

Instead, I felt his hands cup my face, and he raised my gaze back to his beautiful eyes.

"You are incredible, Bella. I can't believe you're with me, of all people. I can't thank you enough. You've turned my life around." I tugged at him, and he climbed onto the bed, wrapping his arms around me tightly, while trying not to displace the drip I was attached to, or knock my arms.

"I love you, Bella. You make me want to get up each morning, and you keep me going. I never lived until I met you. I promise, I won't ever let this happen to you again. I promise I will scare away your demons; I'll always be there when you need me. Hell, I won't leave your fucking side if you don't want me to. You _are_ my life now. And I'm never letting you go again."

A quiet sob escaped from my chest, and immediately, Edward's hands were all over my cheeks, wiping away my tears and kissing my eyelids. We were silent for a few moments until I tilted my head at him in confusion.

"What do you mean by 'again,'" I asked quietly, not wanting to disturb his peaceful thoughts.

He sighed loudly, and his grip on me tightened slightly, as if willing me to stay close to him.

"Today...I...I thought I'd lost you, Bella," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. I had to strain my ears to hear him. "You looked so lifeless on the floor. You were so pale, and there was blood everywhere, on you, on me. It burned my skin." He choked back a gag and I winced at this revelation. "I screamed at you to fight it, to do anything to come back to me," he continued. "They sent me out of the room, and I was so scared that it was the last time I'd see you. I was positive you were dead. Carlisle couldn't say whether you would live or not...and that terrified me, Bella. Now that I've known what it's like to live with you, if you were gone, I would die. I couldn't live in a world without you. I need you by my side. I'm so sorry for everything, I swear, love, nothing can stop me from saving you. I will do whatever it takes to make you trust me again; I will do anything to make you happy. Please...I'm so sorry." His shoulders shook as his guilt overcame him. I pulled myself up, wincing slightly at the pressure on my arms, before wrapping them around him, ignoring the pain completely. I watched, my face anguished, as Edward wept.

"Please, Edward," I sobbed, my body crumpling inside as I saw his pain; pain that I had caused. "Please, it wasn't you...I misunderstood. That's all. I...of course I trust you." I knew, from his pain, and from his little speech, that Edward would never intentionally hurt me. It caused him too much pain. It was written all over his face, all over the way his shoulders hunched inwards, his arms in tight, a way to keep himself together. I knew the signs, and I knew that Edward was in so much pain it was impossible to comprehend.

I leaned forward, and yanked his face, narrowing my eyes when he resisted, until he was facing me, his eyes travelling around the room, anything but face me.

"Look at me," I told him, but he didn't. "Edward, look at me," I repeated, my voice firmer. He gave in, but as soon as his gaze met mine, his face creased in pain, dread, and fear again.

"Edward, I love you. I trust you. Believe me. I can't live without you. I want you by my side, I need you...I trust you, please." I slowly moved until my lips were mere centimetres from his.

"I. Love. You," I told him, firmly, and clearly, before pressing my lips against his. He was hard and unyielding to start with, but I wound my hands into his hair, pulling him closer to me, and he let go. His mouth moved softly against mine at first, setting off fireworks in my heart. I thought I might burst with the joy that soared inside me as he wrapped his arms around me, completing me. He made me whole.

His lips grew rougher, needier as our kiss continued. I moaned when I felt his tongue against my lower lip. I opened my mouth, and he slid it in, and groaned at the feeling.

"Fuck, it feels like years since I kissed you."

I chuckled slightly at his words before I pulled him back to me.

"I know the feeling," I whispered against his cheek. I ran my lips along his jaw, his stubble rubbing against my cheek in the most amazing way. I licked my lips and kissed him again, loving the way his kisses made my body feel like it was on fire. He broke away, panting heavily after a few more minutes.

"Sorry, Bella, but I'm guessing Carlisle and Esme will want to see you now that you're awake."

I froze when he mentioned them.

"What...what will they say? Do they know everything?" My voice was tight, and I didn't know what to think. What would I do if they did know everything? Would I care what Edward had told them? How much had he even told them?

"They don't know everything, love, but they know about the...self harm. I had to tell them about that. I'm sorry. But, as soon as you are out of here, you need to tell them everything, because they can help, Bella, I promise." His fingers brushed down my cheek as he climbed out of the bed.

"I love you," I whispered, gripping his hand tightly, not wanting, or willing, to see him disappear from the room. He smiled his perfect, crooked smile at me, and mouthed the words back to me. He kissed the back of my hand, and then quickly left the room.

Almost instantly, he was back, Carlisle and Esme in tow. Esme smiled warmly at me, and rushed to my side, while Edward was already at my other side. He placed my hand gently in his, and I smiled, my cheeks reddening slightly. Esme stroked my hair out of my face.

"How are you doing, Bella? We've been so worried." I noticed the red marks around her eyes, and the light lines down her cheeks from where tears had fallen.

"I'm doing okay," I told them. "I'm really fine, honestly. I just want to get back to the house." I looked at Carlisle, and his gaze was heavy as he looked at me. It was dark and troubled, and he looked like he'd aged ten years since I'd last seen him. Which must have been at the party. _Damn_, I thought, _so much had happened since then_.

"What time is it?" I asked suddenly, shocked to see that the people around me looked _exhausted_. They looked dead on their feet. Carlisle looked at his watch, and back to me.

"It's half past three in the morning. Thursday. No, make that early Friday morning. You've been out of it for a day."

I gaped at him.

"What are you doing here? Go home and sleep!" I felt a tug of panic in my chest as I thought of Edward leaving me, and I'm sure my quick, terrified glance to Edward did not go unnoticed by anyone in the room.

"I think that's a good idea. Edward can stay with you, Bella, and we'll come back tomorrow and I'll discharge you. We'll need to talk sometime too." I nodded, biting my lip, unsure about what to think about our impending talk.

"Oh, and Alice dropped off some clothes for you. Edward thought you would be more comfortable in them." He dropped the bag on the table at the door, and Esme stood up and went to join him. Her eyes filled with tears again as she looked at me.

"I'm so happy you're okay, Bella. We love you so much." She wiped at her eyes, and once more, I felt guilt wash over me.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, looking away from her, the pain too hard to deal with after everything else.

"Don't be, Bella. None of this was your fault."

I bit my lip to stop from retorting that of course this was my fault, it couldn't be _more_ my fault. But her tears stopped me. I couldn't make her feel worse.

"Thank you," I whispered as they went to leave the room. "Thank you for saving me." They nodded at me, before saying goodnight and leaving. Edward yawned next to me, and settled onto the makeshift bed that I hadn't noticed was there before.

I frowned as he settled his head on the pillow.

"What are you doing?" I asked quietly, my voice low in my throat. He looked at me in surprise, shocked to see me looking hurt.

"Um, I'm going to sleep?" he said questioningly.

"But..." I bit my lip, trying to decide whether to say it or not. Eventually, I sighed and just blurted it out. "Iwanttosleepinyourarms," I said so quickly he couldn't understand me.

"What?" he asked blankly.

"Could you, please sleep...with uh, me, in your arms?" I asked, my hope fading a bit. I didn't want nightmares tonight. I could sense my demons, the darkness that tortured me, hovering on the edge of my mind, just waiting until I was most vulnerable.

Edward jumped up immediately though.

"Of course, Bella! I'm sorry, I didn't think. I didn't want to overwhelm you right now. But I was stupid not to think about the nightmares. I'll never leave you at night again if you want." He smiled at me, and I shifted over on the bed. I smiled up at him.

"Sounds like a plan," I whispered. He flicked off the light, and then climbed into the bed next to me. He draped the blanket he had over us both, then wrapped his arms around me, and pulled me to him. I put my head on his chest, entwining our legs and getting as close to him as possible. He gently stroked my hair, and pressed his lips to my forehead.

"Night, my love. Sweet dreams."

"Goodnight, Edward."

He sang to me, a song I didn't know, and I drifted off easily, content despite the day I'd had. I was with Edward, and he would always make things right.

****

"Carlisle, what are we going to do?"

"I don't know, Esme, I really don't know. We'll have to wait and see what else she has told Edward." He sighed, and there was a pause.

"Look at them together. It's like they were made for each other," Esme murmured. Carlisle agreed quietly.

"They look so sweet, and peaceful." A strangely quiet Alice spoke up. I gripped Edward tighter as my eyes flicked open and spotted the people around the room. I groaned, and buried my head in Edward's chest. His arm squeezed me as he woke up. He looked around, startled, and then sat up, setting me carefully against the pillows. He didn't move his arm from around me, and I stayed huddled to him, needing him to stay close to me.

"Morning!" Alice chirped up, although I could see dark circles around her eyes, and they were red rimmed. She smiled brightly at me, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"What's wrong, Alice?" I asked in concern. I pulled away from Edward and held my arms out to her, wincing slightly as I did so. She frowned and then sprang forward, hugging me to her chest.

"Don't ever do that to me again, Isabella Swan! I was terrified!" I closed my eyes for a second, and took a shaky breath.

"I'm so sorry, Alice, really I am." She moved out of my arms, and her expression softened.

"Don't be." She stood up again. "Rose is here too, and Jasper and Emmett, but they stayed outside cause we couldn't all fit in."

I nodded silently, noting the tension in the room, and knowing it was because of me.

"Well," Carlisle suddenly speaks up. "I'm going to go see if the Doctor can discharge you. We'll leave and you can get changed if you want."

I nodded, and they all quickly left the room, except Edward, who hesitated.

"I'll be fine," I told him. He nodded.

"I'll be right outside, love. Just call." He left the room, and I quickly changed into the clothes in the bag. I had to wear the t-shirt because the bandages were too thick for the long-sleeved top. I sighed. I had to do everything I could to look more like a freak. There was no denying it; that's what I was.

I sat back down on the bed, and soon, there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," I said lightly, feeling awkward about controlling even this simple thing. Edward walked through the door first and sat at my side, holding my hand again. I grinned up, unable to contain my joy that _he_ wanted to touch me. Carlisle followed him in, and then a Doctor I'd never seen before.

"Hello, Isabella, I'm Doctor Clinard. I'd just like to change your bandages, check everything is doing fine, then you can go home, okay?" She smiled brightly at me, and I nodded warily, slightly worried about everyone else seeing this.

She set down the tray she had been holding onto the bed, and asked Edward to get out of the way. I started to panic, not wanting to have him away for too long.

"Shhhh, Bella, I'll be right behind you." Like he said, he moved right behind me, and placed his hands on my shoulders. I took a deep breath as Doctor Clinard began to unwrap the bandages. As they got closer to the wounds, my breathing quickened, and the white bandages soon turned red...with blood. I felt sick to my stomach as I looked at what I'd done to myself. How could I not have realized this was what happened? How could I not have noticed I was killing myself? I gagged when I saw the wounds for the first time. They were...disgusting. The room started spinning, and I felt like there was a huge pressure inside my head. My ears started ringing, and I groaned, my head falling back against Edward.

"Breathe, Bella," he urged. He stroked my face frantically, and I sucked in a breath in, trying not throw up.

"Close your eyes," he murmured, but I shook my head. Everyone else had to endure it, so I would too. I pulled myself straight again, and looked down. I let out a choked sob and bit down on my lip, hard.

"I'm so sorry," I repeated, again, and again, and again. Dr Clinard soon had one more neatly wrapped up again, antiseptic cream cooling my skin. She started on my other arm, and this time I was more prepared, but I still couldn't believe what I saw. I looked like a monster.

The intake of breathe around the room made me realize I must have said it out loud. I ignored the silent tears that fell down my face as I stared at my arm.

_Monster, monster, monster_, I yelled at myself. Dr Clinard glanced up at me, concern written over her face, but thankfully she didn't say anything. She finished quickly, and for that, I was grateful.

"All done." She gave me some cream to put on the wounds, and instructions to change the bandages every two days to prevent infection. "These will take a while to heal, Bella," she told me, placing an arm on my shoulder, and kneeling down so she was eye level with me on the bed. "But, I can promise you, without any question of doubt, you could never look like a monster." Then she did something I never expected.

She hugged me.

She put her arms around me, and pulled me tight against her chest.

"I know things may seem tough now and then, but please, don't give up. Stay strong, Bella. You have a lot of people here for you. We all want you safe," she whispered. She moved away from me and stood up.

"If you ever need anything, Bella, here is my card. My door is always open." She smiled down at me, and I felt tears come to my eyes. Why was she being so nice to me? I didn't deserve it. I had made everyone so upset, had done so much harm to so many people. I had worried everybody.

But what terrified me most, was that it could happen again, and again, and again. If Edward wasn't with me, then it was the only escape I could find. And I knew without a doubt, I would do it...I knew it would kill Edward, it would hurt Alice, but I couldn't let James hurt me again. I couldn't be destroyed like that anymore.

I vowed then, that I would be strong. For them. I would fight before giving in. I would not let him have the satisfaction of haunting me forever. This was my life, and he shouldn't be able to have such a strong hold over me.

I came back to the present, and clutched at the card Dr Clinard had handed me.

"Thank you," I said sincerely, and smiled properly at her. She nodded at me, and told me I was free to go. After piling her numerous things into her hands, she hurried out of the room, and we were left alone again.

Carlisle was the first to speak.

"Come on, Bella, let's get you home. I'm sure you understand that we need to have a long talk."

I breathed out sharply, for some reason terrified about this conversation. I knew it needed to be said, I needed to get it out in the open; it was the only way he could help me. I found it strange that now I was happily accepting help from them, now that I realized how big my addiction was.

Addiction; that is what it was. I was addicted to harming myself. I needed out of the cycle, I needed a way to escape, _a healthier way to escape_, I thought wryly.

Edward stood up, and pulled me with him. He wrapped a protective arm around me, and I clung to him, still amazed at the feelings he made emerge in me. Safeness was something strange to me; it still felt weird, almost wrong in my mind. But I embraced the feeling. It warmed my heart, made me wonder how anything had ever happened before.

Alice stepped to walk in beside me, and she quickly started gabbing on about how we wouldn't be able to go to the club this week, but how we could go next week. I laughed at her, loving how she made me feel like a normal teenager. I needed that feeling back, so despite the slight terror that rumbled in the pit of my stomach; I agreed to go to the club, and to let her dress me up.

"Just as long as my arms are covered, and the shoes aren't high!" I exclaimed after her squealing had stopped. We had almost reached the car when three figures came sprinting towards us.

"Bella! Are you okay?" I was startled to hear this coming from Rose. She didn't look to me as the type who would care enough about someone, but obviously, I'd completely misjudged her. Sure, she was hard as nails around others, but she seemed to have softened around me. For which I was very, _very_ glad. I nodded at her, and she surprised me even more by coming forward and hugging me.

"I'm so sorry. If you ever need to talk about anything, I'll always be here, you know that right?" She pulled away, and I saw her eyes sparkle with tears.

"Gee, Rose, don't cry for me!" I chuckled slightly and she laughed too, before hugging me again. Emmett rubbed her back soothingly as we stood in the parking lot, arms around each other. Eventually, Edward spoke.

"I'd like my girlfriend back, thank you very much."

Rose let out a shaky laugh, and let go of me, wrapping her arms around Emmett instead now.

"Sorry for hogging her, Edward." She grinned at him, and he sniggered slightly. He pulled me towards Carlisle's car, and we were joined by him and Esme too. The others would go in Emmett's jeep.

Edward opened the door for me, and I climbed in, careful not to bump against anything, as my arms were still very tender. Edward sat next to me, and leaned forward to put some music on before his parents climbed in. I heard the same song he sang me to sleep with come on, and I turned to him, smiling.

"What is this song?"

"It's Nickelback, 'Never Gonna Be Alone'." He smiled at me, caressing my cheek. "I promise I won't ever leave you alone, Bella. I will always be there."

"You're never gonna be alone. From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go, I won't let you fall. You're never gonna be alone, I'll hold you until the hurt is gone." He sang softly, and I felt tears fill my eyes again. It was the perfect song.

He continued to sing to me, twiddling my hair with his fingers as we drove along, not seeming to notice the glances his parents kept giving us. They were beginning to make me uptight, but as soon as I decided I was going to say something, we reached the house. Edward jumped out quickly, and ran around to my side, opening my door before I had a chance to move at all. He helped me out, and just then, Emmett pulled up, so we waited for them to come join us.

They naturally seemed to form a protective shield around me as we walked into the house. Emmett was making me laugh at some joke about penguins when I saw her. Lauren was waiting in the hall, and she walked forward.

"Bella! I'm so glad you are okay!" she said, over exaggerating, and making everyone sure that she didn't mean a word.

"I mean, Edward must be so sick of you now that he knows what you do. Self harm is pretty disgusting, isn't it? I mean come on, how could anyone do that to themselves? I am so sorry if this breaks the two of you up. Can I see your arms?" Without waiting for an answer, she walked forward and grabbed my right arm tight, yanking it up and making me wince, then whimper in pain. Immediately, Edward was pulling me back and wrapping his arms around me.

"Oh, did that hurt?" she asked sweetly. Edward growled under his breath, but before he could say or do anything, Rose walked forward and in a flash, her hand flew through the air, and hit Lauren on the cheek with a loud crack, leaving a sharp, stinging red mark.

"Don't you dare!" Rose hissed at her. "Don't come near her again, you fucking bitch, or I _will_ kill you. She's does not need you ruining this for her. You _bitch_!" Rose pushed Lauren backwards, and she tripped, falling over her own feet.

"Oops," Rose said innocently, as she looked down at her. "I didn't realize that you liked crawling on the floor. Do you like getting dirty? _Fucking vermin,_" she hissed under her breath.

"That's enough, Rose," Carlisle spoke up. I sneaked a glance at him, and saw that he seemed somewhat..._proud_ of Rose. Rose help up her hands and walked away.

"Somebody needed to teach her a lesson."

Jasper suddenly whistled, and I laughed, loudly and freely, at the whole situation. Lauren on the floor, Rose's easy win, and the cheers that everyone let out.

But what shocked me was that Rose had done that...for _me_: stupid Bella Swan. She had slapped someone for _me_. I giggled at the thought, and Rose winked at me, grinning, and flicking her hair over her shoulder.

"Thanks," I mouthed at her.

"Anytime," she replied, saluting. I laughed again, and Edward pulled me closer, his eyes gleaming.

"I hate to break the mood, but Bella, we need to talk," Carlisle suddenly said. The room went silent.

Immediately, my good mood vanished, and I clung desperately to Edward.

"Can...C...Can Edward come with me?" I whispered.

"Of course, sweetheart," Carlisle told me, his expression soft. He placed a hand on my back and led me down the corridor. I took a deep shuddering breath, and walked into his office, ready to face my fate.

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**So, what did we think? Please review with all your thoughts!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey, long time no see, I know, I'm sorry....can I be forgived by this long ass chapter? haha....I think its the longest yet!!! I hope you enjoy...I like this chapter. You'll see why ;)**

**I'm posting this early, yeah...I should post on Thursay...but my fic wife needed cheering up *kisses Shawna* **

**Can I also just say a MASSIVE thank you to all my readers...we have reached over 100 reviews! I'm so happy!**

**Thank you to my beta Whitlocked who betaed this super fastly all on her own, whilst my other betas were busy. It was much appreciated!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight.  
**

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_If there's anything to say  
If there's anything to do  
I there's any other way  
I'd do anything for you_

_I was dressed in embarrassment  
I was dressed in white  
If you had a part of me  
Will you take your time  
Even if I come back  
Even if I die  
Is there some idea  
To replace my life_

_'For the Windows in Paradise' by the Sufjan Stevens_

**BPOV**

Inwardly, I froze, suddenly not wanting to do this. How could I tell them about what had happened to me? What if I freaked out again? Would any of them be able to stop if I was out of control?

I felt Edward's hand gently press against my elbow, guiding me to a seat, and sitting me down on a sofa that was pushed up along the wall. Carlisle and Esme came in behind us, and they pulled some chairs across till they sat in front of me. I saw Esme reach for a tape recorder, but then she glanced over at me.

"Do you mind? We may need to recorder it to give to..._people_" she asked politely, smiling comfortingly at me. I nervously shook my head, and she set up the tape to record our conversation. She pressed down the button, and the small, seemingly quiet 'click' it made, reverberated through the whole room. I flinched slightly, and Edward was in front of me immediately, kneeling before me. He took my face in his hands and leaned in close to me, so his breath blew lightly on my face, and I could smell his sweet scent. I focused on it, and closed my eyes, hoping it would relax me.

But jumping back at me was James. I let out a squeak, and I jumped, flying into Edward's arms, my eyes wide. I was shaking again, my breathing fast and heavy. Edward hugged me tight, whispering into my ear.

"Shhh, Bella, it's okay, it's alright. It's okay. You're safe here, no one can ever hurt you, I won't let them." He rubbed my back soothingly, his voice gradually calming me down. I didn't notice Carlisle and Esme looking at me in concern. All I saw was Edward.

"He was there again, Edward, he was there, watching me, just when I closed my eyes. I'm never going to escape him." My words came out fast and jumbled. He broke away, and took my face in his hands again.

"Baby, shhhh. It's going to be okay. Don't let him control you, love. I'll be here; I'll be with you all the way. I'll help you get through this, I promise."

His eyes were shining, and I collapsed my face against his shoulder, burying my face in his neck. His pain, more than anything, is what broke me.

"Please don't leave me, Edward, don't ever leave me." My voice cracked, and he pulled me back into his arms. He sat up on the seat, and cradled me in his lap.

"I promise, never, Bella. You and me forever. I won't leave you. I'll be here until you tell me to go. I won't ever go if you want me. I couldn't leave you. You're my whole fucking life now. I need you, and I'm never letting you go. I love you, Bella Swan; I love you with my whole goddamned heart."

I sobbed louder, clutching at his chest.

"You shouldn't," I whispered, my voice muffled against his. "You shouldn't."

That was when I heard Carlisle speak up, and I remembered the others in the room.

"Why, Bella? Why can't he love you?" he asked. I looked up at him, and his gaze was concerned, yet intrigued. He was leaning forward, his eyes narrowed slightly, examining me.

I let out another sob, and my voice cracked again. My head flopped forward, as I gave in and let them see the broken mess I was. I was nothing, nothing that could ever be whole again; I would always be broken.

"Because I was..." I looked up at Esme, and her kind gaze broke my heart. Even she couldn't love me after this. No one would be able to.

"Because I was raped," I whispered quietly, and I turned back to Edward, and let myself be encircled by him once more, letting his body surround me.

The room was silent, apart from my cries. Edward has gone quiet too, though he did not stop the relentless rubbing of my back. I put all my energy into focusing on the way his hands caressed my skin gently. I needed to stay in the present; I couldn't let myself go. _They wouldn't win, they wouldn't win_, I repeated in my head. Edward's hand moved to my hair, stroking it gently, and he tilted my head up to face him. He softly and silently wiped away my tears, and those that replaced the ones he wiped away. He kissed me on the nose, his lips soft against my wet skin. He kissed my eyelids, and miraculously, I felt the tears slowly begin to stop. He smiled at me.

"See, love, I'm here, it's all okay. You did it! You fought them, Bella, you're so so brave. I love you." He brought his lips to mine, and kissed me softly. My lips parted slightly, and I let out a little whimper. As soon as the sound was out my mouth, I broke the kiss, my cheeks turning bright red.

"Sorry," I whispered, burying my face back in Edward's chest.

Esme let out a sharp cry, my head shot up, and what I saw shocked me. She looked so sad, so upset. Her cheeks were streaked with tears and her hands were over mouth. She was shaking her head back and forth.

"I'm so so sorry, Bella," she blurted out. "No one should ever have to go through that."

I shook slightly, then I blinked and an image of James was there in a second. I flinched, and Edward grasped my hand, interlocking our fingers.

"It gets worse," he muttered to them, and I saw Esme's mouth fall open. I turned my face back to Edward, and started shaking slightly, not wanting to go on.

"I can't say it, Edward, I can't re-live it. Not again," I whispered against his chest. He nodded and looked at his father, his chest moving in the process. I continued to sit there in my foetal position, curled up against him, not looking at anyone. This for sure would show them how disgusting I really was, how even my own mother had hated me.

"What?" Carlisle asked him, his voice stunned.

"He did it to her," Edward announced, his voice hoarse. "James - the bastard that brought her here."

Esme let out another low whimper, and I shuddered in response. I tried to keep my eyes wide and open, but I had to blink, and every time I did so, his face would appear in front of me.

"Edward," I moaned, and he grasped my hand tightly. He looked at me, his eyes filled with emotion.

"Stay with me, Bella," he murmured. "Stay strong. Don't let him get you. You're better than that. I love you. Look at me, it's just us. He can't hurt you." He pressed his lips against mine again, his words and actions reassuring me that I was here, and that James wasn't.

"Would you like me to continue?" he whispered to me when we broke apart. I let out a low cry, and nodded, turning my face back into his chest.

"There's more?" Carlisle gaped. I let out a low breathy gasp.

"I'm sorry," I told them. "I'm sorry for everything."

"Isabella Swan!" Edward exclaimed. He pulled me back from him, and looked at me, his eyes flashing with something unrecognisable.

"There is nothing you need to apologize for. Nothing! You have done nothing wrong; it's those..._fucking bastards_ who will pay for this! Do not ever blame yourself, do you understand me?"

His eyes were blazing with passion, and I slowly nodded. His face gradually softened, and I saw his eyes fill with pain when he looked at me.

"Come here," he whispered, and I buried my face in his neck once more.

"Edward, go on," Carlisle eventually said, and I stiffened in Edward's embrace. He began moving his hand up and down my arm, and I focused on his touch. I couldn't give in. I'd stay strong for Edward.

"Since Bella was 5, she's been physically and verbally abused," he told them, ripping it off in one and letting it out. I let out another cry, gripping Edward tighter. "James appeared then, and his influence caused her mother to start hitting her. It's been happening ever since then, and it just got worse and worse," Edward continued, his voice strangely blank. "When she was 11, she found that by..._harming herself_-" Edward's voice cracked and he paused for a second, "-that by harming herself, she could escape the pain of living her life for a few moments. So she started doing it every day." He stopped and brought his hand up to stroke my cheek gently. A tear trickled down his cheek as I watched in shock as Edward broke down silently. He continued, his voice still cold and blank, but his eyes...It hurt to look at him. He looked like it physically hurt to speak about this. He looked like he was falling to pieces inside, as if his heart was breaking.

And I wasn't worth his pain. He shouldn't feel so sorry for me, I wasn't that important!

"Last week, the day before she arrived here," he continued, looking at me still. "He came to her bedroom at night...and raped her." His head dropped to his chest, and I flew off him.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I repeated over, and over again. I pulled my knees to my chest, burying my head down, repeating the words like a mantra, my voice fast and hurried, stumbling over the words.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I'm so sorry I'm not perfect. I'm so sorry that you won't be able to cope with me, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," I sobbed again and again.

Warmth surrounded me, and I relaxed slightly, without even meaning to. My cries quietened also, and I inhaled deeply, the smell of Edward filling all my senses.

Even as his arms wrapped around me, holding me tight, as if he never wanted to let go, even as he whispered in my ear, telling me that everything was alright, that he loved me, I knew it wasn't true. Nothing could change the fact that I was broken, that I was unlovable. I couldn't be loved.

"Oh God, Bella, please!" he cried, and my head shot up. "Please believe me. I can't hear you say that. I love you. You are everything to me, I love you," he stated. More tears fell down his cheeks, and he wiped them away angrily. "You are worth it, you are worth everything. I would fucking die for you, Bella. Please, believe me."

I wanted to believe him. I wanted to look at him, and tell him completely truthfully, that I knew he loved me, that I was worth something...But deep down, I knew it was a lie. I knew I was all wrong, I knew I was nothing. He could say it however much he wanted, but I couldn't believe him. I said nothing, just moved closer to him, and he let out a strangled sob, cradling me in his lap, pressing kisses against my forehead.

All of a sudden, a sharp pain shot through my head, and I sat bolt upright.

"Bella?" Edward asked cautiously, his hands holding me steady. I looked at him, my mouth half open, as another pain shot through my head, making me wince.

"My head, Edward...my head," I cried. Carlisle came forward, grabbing my face and forcing me to look at him. I felt my eyes closing, the energy growing in my head almost crippling me.

"Bella, breathe, okay?" he told me, his voice calming to me. I inhaled shakily, and cried out again, as another pain shot through my head. My body flopped forward, and I felt arms catch me around the waist, pulling me upwards again.

My head spun, and I heard Edward yell at Carlisle.

"Help her goddamn it! Help her! She's in fucking pain!" he screamed at him, his arms still holding me up.

That's when the pain exploded. A high pitched scream rang through the room as I crumpled, and the world disappeared in one last flash of color.

*****

"Bella," I heard a voice whisper close to my ear. "Bella, please wake up." His fingers gently stroked my cheek, caressing the soft skin there. My head seemed so heavy, my whole body did actually. It felt like I was weighed down by something.

I groaned, and struggled to open my eyes. When I did so, the lights were glaringly bright, blinding me almost, and I quickly shut them tight again. Cautiously this time, I slowly opened them again, squinting slightly in the light.

"Edward," I murmured when I saw his green eyes looking at me, filled with concern and worry. "What happened?" I tried to sit up, and Edward put an arm behind me, pulling me into a sitting position. I noticed Carlisle by my other side, his face worried. He studied me for a moment, and sighed, moving away slightly.

Edward handed me a glass of water, and I gulped it down gratefully.

"What happened?" I repeated, looking at first Edward, then Carlisle. Neither spoke, so I changed the question. "What's wrong with me?" I hung my head in shame as I felt their gazes examine me in horror.

"Bella! Please don't think like that," Edward pleaded. I felt something growing inside me, and I whimpered, knowing I was going to explode in a violent rage any second. The terror of losing him, of me being not good enough for him, was turning to anger. I knew something was wrong with me, I knew he was lying to me.

"Please, you are brilliant. I love you."

"NO!" I snapped, standing up quickly, and glaring at him. My body was shaking and more tears fell from my eyes.

"Stop lying to me. You can't love me, Edward. No one can! I'm fucking broken, I'm dead inside. They killed me! You can't love a dead person!" His face broke and I felt my heart twinge at the sight of him, but I continued anyway. "You're lying to me! I know there is something wrong with me! I'm crazy! I pass out, I get headaches; there _is_ something wrong with me. Stop trying to make me feel better. Just tell me the truth." My voice dropped to a whisper on the last sentence, as the sudden energy that had flowed through me, disappeared. I whimpered again, and sank onto the chair, my head held in my hands.

"God, Bella," he exclaimed. "I'm not lying, I could never lie to you, love. You're amazing, trust me. You're so strong. You've been through so much, and you've come out the other side. I couldn't love you more, trust me please. I know it's hard, but you have to trust me. I could never hurt you. It kills me to see you like this. I'll repeat it until I die, Bella, if I need to. I love you, and I'm not letting you go."

He finished his monologue, and I looked up at him through my wet lashes.

"But-" I started, however, I wasn't able to say anymore, as Edward pulled me to him, his lips moving over mine frantically.

"Fucking hell," he groaned when he ran his tongue along my lower lip. He hands moved up my arms, until they reached my shoulders. He pushed me back gently, and I fell back, gasping.

"Carlisle," I said shakily.

"Don't worry," he whispered, "they both left." He climbed onto the sofa with me, and hovered above me. He slowly leaned down, and pressed his lips against mine softly.

"More," I whimpered. "Please." His lips pressed harder against mine, and they parted. His tongue slipped into my mouth, and we both groaned. He put more of his weight on me, as he moved one arm over my body. I arched my back when he brushed against my breast, and he moaned as my hips met his groin.

"Fuck," he exhaled. His lips moved more frantically against mine. The kiss was different now. It was hungry, passionate, as if neither could get enough. I ran my hands into his hair, twisting my fingers into it. I tugged gently, unconsciously, and Edward groaned again.

"That's feels so good," he muttered under his breath. I smirked slightly, and he broke away to smile at me.

"See, Bella? This is how much I want you." He kissed me again, harder, faster. His hand continued journeying downward, and he grazed the skin of my hip, his fingers sending chills all over my body.

"Baby," he murmured. "We need to stop," he whispered. I let my head fall back, my breathing heavy, as he raised his body. "I'll go too far," he muttered. "I'll scare you. I can't hurt you, Bella. Not after what you've been through. You deserve to be loved, not just attacked by some stupid horny teenager. I'm sorry. But you needed to see how much I want you, how much I'll always want you. You are everything to me." He pushed his body off me, sitting up. His breathing was heavy as well, and I noticed how he shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

My curiosity eventually got the better of me, and I glanced down. I gasped quietly, shocked to see the straining of Edward's jeans.

He chuckled slightly, and I reddened, my gaze flying to his again.

"Sorry, love. I told you though, I want you too much. You're just so beautiful..." he sighed. He leaned in, and teased me lightly with his lips, pecking me all over my jaw. I giggled, and caught his hair, guiding him gently to my lips.

"Mmmm, feisty," he moaned into my mouth, his teeth grazing my bottom lip. I let out a breathy gasp, and he smirked. This time, he took my bottom lip between his teeth, tugging gently. I whimpered slightly, pulling him closer, wanting him on top of me again.

"Bella, seriously, not here, love, not here..."

We broke apart again, and I sighed, releasing him, and letting my head flop down to my chest.

"Oi," he exclaimed. His fingers pushed my chin up until I was looking into his eyes.

"Don't do that to me; don't go back into your shell. I like you horny." He winked at me, and I laughed, blushing slightly.

"There's my girl," he murmured, his face sinking into a warm smile. He sighed, and I saw his face fall slightly.

"We need to talk to Carlisle again. We need to talk about...therapy, and getting the police involved," Edward said quietly, his eyes narrowing to gauge my reaction better.

"I...I..."I couldn't speak. How could he involve the police? They would come back for me, I know they would. They'd fine me, and they'd kill me, just like they said they would.

Edward spoke up, as if sensing what I was thinking.

"We won't let them hurt you. They won't get near you, I promise. They'll have to kill me before I let you go."

"No, Edward, please. I'm not as important as you are. Please." My shoulders shook slightly, and he hugged me again, his lips pressed against my neck.

"Don't worry, Bella. They will never get near you again. I can promise you that."

I tried to believe him, but it was so hard. I knew they could do anything they wanted, and Edward wouldn't be able to stop them. My mind travelled to the other option Edward had mentioned...therapy.

"If I did go to...therapy," I muttered quietly. I didn't like therapists; it's where you sent people who were crazy. But if Edward thought it would help, if I knew it would end up making Edward like me more, then I'd do it for him. "Could you please come to? I don't think I could do it alone. You keep me strong."

"Of course, Bella. I won't leave until you ask me to." He pulled away after a few more minutes of silence, and stood up. He held out a hand, and I took it.

"We need to go face the music, I'm afraid," he whispered, and I nodded reluctantly. "We don't have to speak to Carlisle anymore today, if you wish," he told me. I nodded to that too.

"I don't think I can take anymore." I stumbled slightly, and Edward caught me. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asked. "Is your head still sore?"

I shook my head. "It's never sore after I pass out. It's just before. I'm always fine after."

"Carlisle will want to get that checked out too. I'm sorry, Bella, but we need to see what we can do to help you."

"I understand." I needed to get better; I needed them to fix me. Edward needed someone who wasn't broken. He deserved someone better. I had to try and get better, if only for him.

We walked out of the office, and followed the sound of laughter. My tummy rumbled, and I glanced at my watch, realizing it was lunch time.

"Hungry?" Edward asked lightly. I nodded, and he laughed.

"Come on then, my love. I'll feed you." He winked again, and I chuckled, squeezing his hand. His whole face seemed to brighten when I laughed, and I loved it. It made my heart soar to hear him laugh.

"I love you," I told him, before we entered the dining room.

"And I love you," he replied, leaning in to give me a chaste kiss, before putting an arm on the small of my back, and guiding me into the room.

When we walked in, the laughing in the room ceased slightly, and I dropped my gaze quickly to the floor, my hair falling forward to hide my face.

"Bella," I heard him say, only quiet enough for me to hear. "Please don't hide." His words seemed to give me strength, and I raised my gaze again. I heard Lauren sneer, and when I looked at her, she was glaring at me with such contempt it hurt me. I felt my eyes fill with more tears; I was far too emotional now. Too much had happened, and even the slightest things were going to set me off.

Edward led me to a seat, and pulled it out for me. I smiled gratefully at him, and he returned the smile. He sat next to me, and passed me over the plate of cheese on toast. I took one, murmuring a thank you, and bit into it. I stayed silent as I ate, and soon, a conversation down the opposite end of the table caught my attention, as no doubt the speakers had planned for it to.

"You know," I heard Lauren start, her eyes flashing to me, an evil glint lurking in them. "If I'd been _raped_," she continued, raising her voice to emphasize the word that made me flinch in my seat, the word that made my heart hurt and cause me to choke on my food, my throat seizing up. "I definitely would not be jumping into bed with the next guy I found."

Suddenly, I jumped in my seat as Rose slammed her fists on the table, standing up and glaring at Lauren.

"Shut the fuck up, you bitch! Leave her alone!"

Lauren just smirked in response, and casually ate a piece of her lunch. Rose growled, the sound and deep in her throat, and made to lunge at Lauren, but Esme put a hand on her arm, holding her back.

"Rose, sweetheart," she whispered. "Please calm down."

At the same time, Carlisle approached Lauren, and he too was glaring at her.

"My office, now," he told her sharply, his voice cold and cutting like a knife through the tension in the room. The smirk immediately fell from Lauren's face as she stood up. She held her head high as she left the room, closely followed by Carlisle, and then Esme. Rose slowly sank back into her seat, and I felt my heart fill with gratefulness. Rose may not have been the nicest person to me, but right now, I was more grateful to her than I could imagine.

"Thank you," I told her, and she smiled at me, her expression soft and kind. She reached across the table and placed a hand on my arm.

"If you ever need anyone to talk to, please Bella, come to me. I've been through it too, so maybe I can help?"

I stared at her in shock.

"You've been through it...too?" I asked, stunned. How could anyone hurt someone so beautiful and _caring_? I doubted Rose would be described as caring much, but now that I knew her, now that I saw the real person, the one behind the strong exterior, I knew how truly caring she was.

She nodded sadly.

"It was a while ago, but I still remember it like it was yesterday. Luckily, I had a number of people who helped me." She smiled around the table, her gaze lingering on Emmett. "I know what you're going through. Come and talk to me whenever you want," she concluded. I nodded, and murmured another thank you. She was being too kind to me, they all were. I didn't deserve their thoughtfulness. It shocked me to the core that they were doing this for me. I couldn't get my head around it.

I went back to eating my cheese on toast silently, ignoring the cautious looks the rest of the table were giving me. I finished quickly, and brushed my hands on my jeans. I wondered what had become of the clothes I'd worn..._yesterday_. They must have been pretty awful. I cringed in disgust as I played with the frayed edge of the bandage covering my left arm. I ran my fingers up and down it, and then pressed softly, wincing slightly when my tender skin throbbed.

I felt Edward tense beside me, and I let my hands fall back onto my thighs. I could feel his presence so close to me, and my whole body felt like it was drawn to him. I glanced over to him, keeping my gaze low, and I saw his hands sitting in his lap, with his legs outstretched underneath the table. Without meaning to, my fingers crept over towards his hand, and I slid my hand beneath his, interlocking our hands.

He glanced over at me, a breathtaking smile appearing on his face. He squeezed my hand, and I couldn't help but smile back at him, my heart soaring that it was _me_ that made him happy. It was _me_ that made him smile so widely. I couldn't understand it at all.

Everyone stood up, and Edward pulled me up with him.

"You wanna watch a film?" he asked. I nodded, relived that I wouldn't need to have any more big discussions today. After these past two days, I was exhausted. I just wanted to be in his arms.

"Shotgun the sofa!" Emmett yelled, running from the room. Edward jumped up after him.

"I want Rex!" He ran from the room too, and I laughed, blown away by the playfulness they were exuding.

"Are they always like this?" I giggled to Alice. She smiled sweetly at me.

"Not Edward. You've brought him to life." She linked arms with me, and we made our way to the living room. Emmett lay on the sofa, his big form taking up the whole seat. Rose smirked and went and lay next to him immediately. I watched as she snuggled up close to him, and I smiled. It was so different to see such a calm and loving Rose. It was like she completely changed when she was around her friends. Jasper strode into the room, and let out a cry when he saw Edward grinning at him.

"You took Rex? That's not fair!" My mouth fell open at Jasper's childish cries and Alice sniggered, covering her mouth with her hand. She pushed me slightly in Edward's direction and I walked cautiously toward him, not sure as to where I was going to sit. 'Rex' wasn't big, and it wouldn't fit me on it with him. He held out his arms though, and I climbed into them. He positioned me so my legs were up across him, and my head was on his chest. He held me tight and I sighed happily.

"Are you not uncomfortable?" I asked him.

"Not at all," he replied and I smiled against his chest.

"So guys," Alice began. "We have two choices, Cocktail, or Dirty Dancing? Some nice classics for today."

"COCKTAIL!" Emmett yelled, while Rose shouted the other. Jasper voted Cocktail, whilst Edward voted Dirty Dancing.

"You'll like that one," he whispered in my ear. "Choose it. You'll love it, trust me."

"Bella?" Alice asked brightly.

"Dirty Dancing..." I muttered hesitantly, and she beamed.

"Great choice!" She set it up quickly, before taking her place on the massive pile of bean bags on the floor, situating herself between Jasper's legs. The film title came up, and I felt my heart beat excitedly. It was stupid to get so worked up over a film, but I had rarely seen any in my life, and I couldn't help but feel elated at the chance to watch one.

I could hear an audible sigh emit from Rose and Alice when the actor came on. He was evidently a favourite of theirs.

I felt my body grow heavy as I lay in Edward's arms, and my eyes drifted closed. But no face jumped back at me, and I smiled, relaxing more into his arms. The fire that constantly burned in the pit of my stomach when I was in his arms was..._doing wonders_ it seemed. I couldn't see him. The power Edward held over me was keeping them out. He was keeping the nightmares away. I bit my lip, and I sank further in his lap, able to relax, knowing the nightmares I feared would never come. I was safe here. I wanted to stay here forever.

The next thing I knew, someone was gently shaking me awake. I was lying down properly, covers draped over me. I felt someone's arms around me, and warm breath on my neck.

"Bella," he breathed. I groaned, rolling around slightly. He chuckled and pulled me closer to him.

"Dinner is waiting on us," he said softly.

"What?" I asked, slightly confused. "It was just after lunch...we were watching a film?"

He chuckled again, brushing his fingers along my cheek, and stealing a small kiss.

"You fell asleep. I brought you up here, and lay with you. You were so peaceful; I didn't want to wake you up. You're beautiful when you sleep...you talk," he said, if possible his voice softening even more, until it was soaking right through my skin, warming my heart.

And then I realized what he'd said. I sat upright, my cheeks reddening.

"I talk?" I groaned. "What did I say?!"

He smiled at me, and leaned in to kiss me. He pressed his lips against mine once, twice, and keeping his lips on mine, he started to speak.

"You said you loved me, that I made you happy, and that you never wanted to let me go." His eyes twinkled at me, and he kissed me again, just a few pecks. I pouted when he backed away and he chuckled.

"Tonight, my love, tonight. For now, we have dinner plans." He picked me up, throwing me over his shoulder, and leaving the room. _His room_, I noticed, and I found myself feeling smug about that fact.

I squealed lightly, when he crashed down the stairs, my arms flailing.

"Edward! Put me down!" I hit my hands against his back and he laughed loudly. He walked casually into the dining room, as if having me over his shoulder was the most natural thing to do in the world. Alice laughed loudly at us, and she winked at me when Edward turned around. He put me down, and I winced slightly when my arms brushed roughly against his back.

His face immediately froze.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry, Bella, are you okay?"

I shrugged.

"I'm fine, don't worry," I told him. I took a breath, and leaned in, kissing him. I felt his lips merge into a smile against my skin.

"I love you," he murmured.

"And I you," I replied. We sat at the table, and it was silent apart from the sound of Emmett shovelling food into his mouth.

"Emmett," Rose snapped. "That's disgusting." He smiled sweetly at her, and then winked, before going back to throwing his food down his throat. I giggled a little, and he looked up and winked at me too. Edward just shook his head, chuckling quietly to himself.

We ate fairly quickly, but even so, by the time we were finished, my eyes were half closing again.

"You need to sleep," Edward announced, and he stood up from the table, clearing both mine and his plates away.

"No I don't," I mumbled, my voice drawling slightly. The whole table sniggered and I blushed. Edward helped me up, and got me to my room.

"Get changed," he ordered me. "Then come meet me in my room. I'm not letting you out of my arms." His eyes burned with such intensity, it blew my mind. Suddenly, I wasn't so tired. I slipped into my room, and went to pull on my usual pyjamas, sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt.

But this time, I remembered the clothes Alice had bought me. I cautiously walked over to the bags, and rummaged through them hesitantly. I pulled out a pair of pyjamas that seemed to be fairly acceptable from here. The shorts were an okay length, I guess, and the top was a little too tight, but at least it wasn't see-through like the other stuff she'd bought me.

I went along to the bathroom, brushing my teeth, and washing my face. I relieved myself, and then wandered along the corridor until I reached Edward's room.

I knocked lightly, and nervously, on his door. Sleeping willingly in the same bed as him seemed different from doing it unknowingly.

Edward immediately opened the door, beaming, and I watched as his face changed into one of astonishment, then awe, and then...lust? His eyes raked down my form, and I blushed, feeling the redness cover my face and move further down my neck until it reached my chest area. I heard Edward gulp, and then he motioned silently for me to come in, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. I stood, my hands shaking slightly, not quite sure what to do, in the middle of his room. I heard the door close, and then strong arms wrapped around my waist.

Edward's lips pressed against my bare shoulder and I shivered, goose bumps appearing right down my spine.

"You look...unbelievable," he muttered. He turned me around and fisted his hands in my hair, pulling my lips to his. His kiss was rough, his movements needy. I whimpered, and he tightened his hold. Carefully, he nudged my knees back until they hit the edge of the bed. I fell backwards and shifted until my head was lying on the pillows. He gazed at me hungrily, and then without warning, his lips were attacking me again.

"No one should ever look so tempting," he groaned. His hands roamed over my shoulders and the tops of my arms, setting my soul on fire. He was careful not to brush against my bandages.

"I love you so much," he whispered breathily, and I moaned in response. I felt his hands slide down my body, as his lips moved down my neck, sucking and licking on the skin there. He bit down gently, and I gasped, arching my back towards him. He groaned as my hips brushed against his groin, only two pieces of flimsy fabric between us.

I felt his hands gently skim my bare skin, in the gap between my shorts and t-shirt. My skin burned...I wanted, no _needed_, more. I shouldn't want this. I should be scared of this. But I wasn't.

All I could think about was the insane need to feel more of him, for his fingers to move faster over my skin. As if sensing my needs, he slipped his hand underneath the fabric of my skimpy top, and began his slow path upwards. Goosebumps followed his path and I whimpered again.

"Please...faster," I told him, but it seemed to come out more as a moan. I blushed, and he looked down at me, his eyes dark and hooded.

"Bella..." he groaned, and he kissed my lips again, passion flowing freely between us. As his tongue wove around mine, his hand rose further and further, until he reached my breast.

"Is this okay?" he whispered, and I nodded, drawing his face back to mine. My hands tugged at his hair, eliciting a delicious moan from him. He slowly and surely brushed his hand over my breast, and I moaned when his fingers moved over my nipple. He did it again, this time pressing slightly harder, and my hips bucked. I moaned loudly, and my hips rolled against his. He froze, his mouth open wide in shock, before he madly kissed me. His fingers rolled over my breast, teasing my nipple, causing me to make the loudest moans and whimpers. I bucked my hips again, desperately trying to find some friction between my aching legs. I felt a little wetness seep from me, and I blushed slightly again, hoping he wouldn't notice. Was it normal for girls to do that?

I found the friction I desired, his hardness seeming to fit perfectly between my thighs. I let out a small mew when he backed away, but it turned to a loud cry as he pressed hips against me, purposely rubbing the length along me. He ground into me again, and I watched, stunned, as his eyes rolled back in his head and he let out a small growl, from deep within his throat. The sound was low and gravely, and sent vibrations straight to my core.

I felt him rub his length against me again, and I moaned in response, his actions creating more of the friction that I longed for. As his deep kisses continued, so did the grinding. He kept rubbing himself against my clit, and I began to feel pressure growing and growing.

Edward began panting, his breathing heavy, and his movements grew faster and faster. I could feel the heat coming from him and it just increased the pleasure within me. I couldn't think straight as Edward's hips rolled against me one more time. Everything exploded then, and I vaguely heard someone scream some incoherent words. Shock wave after shock wave passed over my body, and I writhed underneath him, wrapping my legs around his body to hold him tight against me. I felt like I was flying. I didn't know what was happening, but I couldn't try and think and explain it. I just never wanted it to end. I wanted it to go on and on and on. I wanted him here, pressed against me, harder. I wanted so much more.

"Oh God, fuck, Bella," I heard Edward begin, before he groaned loudly, and threw his head back. I watched as Edward's face creased up, his mouth opening in a silent cry. He thrust one more time against me, and I whimpered. My body was still tender, and feeling his hardness again was getting me worked up all over again. My mind was still reeling, unable to process what had just happened. I felt dazed, and my body still shook with the after effects. I shuddered again, as Edward leaned back, rolling off me. I noticed a slight stickiness between my legs, and Edward looked sheepishly at me.

"Sorry, Bella," he mumbled. "I couldn't control myself. Seeing you like that....it...._blew my mind_," he whispered, his voice awe-filled.

"Not that it's all me, of course," he said, winking at me, and I blushed. Had my arousal been that obvious? Weren't girls not supposed to be that bad?

I shook my head, my mind still not working properly. I was at a standstill in time. I could only stare at Edward dreamily, relishing in how good it had felt to have him on top of me, how good it had felt to feel him against me properly. I wanted more of him. I wanted to feel like that again. I didn't realize that it could feel so good. I was scared though. I didn't know what to think: had he done it just to try and show me that someone wanted me, or did he really do it because he wanted me so much, he just had to do something about it? Were the two things even different? I shook my head. I couldn't think straight, not after that. I focused on not thinking about why I shouldn't have enjoyed. Lauren was right in that respect. I shouldn't be having so much fun, not after everything that has happened. I should be sitting, crying, not...grinding against Edward. I should be upset; I should be in so much pain. But, as much as I wanted to feel that again, to prove that I was still affected by James in my mind, it was impossible in Edward's presence. He made me too happy. With him around, I need never be scared or unhappy again. It was as if he was my other half. He fit me perfectly, both physically and emotionally.

I shifted slightly so I was on my side facing him. He shifted too, so he was facing across from me, in the same direction.

"So," he started. "Do I get your first orgasm? As well as your first _proper_ kiss?" I noticed he added the word 'proper' and that his face darkened slightly when he said it.

I nodded, and looked away. He pulled my face back to his though, and grinned at me.

"You look beautiful when you cum, Bella," he whispered in my ear. I shivered violently, and he chuckled.

"More," I whispered, longing to hear his voice like that again. It was low, sensual, and flew along every nerve-ending in my body, relighting them all again.

"Do you know what you do to me, Bella? Do you feel how much I want you? You blow my mind. There are no other words. Seeing you cum, it was like my deepest fantasy, playing out in the front of me. I can't believe it happened. You are...exquisite."

He gently nibbled on the bottom of my ear and I gasped.

He laughed silently, and pulled me to him. He wrapped his arms around me, and held me to his chest.

"It's time for you to sleep, my love."

I buried my face in his neck, inhaling the beautiful smell that was Edward and letting it calm me. I was still buzzing, and I needed to try and blank my mind, if I had any hope of getting to sleep.

"Good night, Edward," I told him. He reached across me, turning off his bedside lamp so the room plunged into darkness. "I love you," I said, the words coming from the bottom of heart. I couldn't stop loving him, not ever. He was like my own personal star, and everything I did revolved around him, every thought, every action. I loved him. I loved him so much it made my head hurt.

I felt his warm hands squeeze me gently, as I drifted off to sleep.

"I love you too, Bella, with all my heart. Forever."

* * *

**So....what did we think....Please review! **


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey all! I'm back! I'm sorry it took a while, but this chapter was like 13 000 words long, so its now split into three which you will hopefully enjoy at a weekly schedule...hopefully. I'll tease for the next chapter on Thursday over at the Writers Coffee Shop, so go check it out!**

**For now, we have some drama, then some...._fun_. Enjoy!  
**

**Thanks to my betas, thedarknessofthemoon, Whitlocked, and mycrookedsmile. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.  
**

* * *

_On candystripe legs the spiderman comes_  
_ Softly through the shadow of the evening sun_  
_ Stealing past the windows of the blissfully dead_  
_ Looking for the victim shivering in bed_  
_ Searching out fear in the gathering gloom and_  
_ Suddenly!_  
_ A movement in the corner of the room!_  
_ And there is nothing I can do_  
_ When I realise with fright_  
_ That the spiderman is having me for dinner tonight!_

_ Quietly he laughs and shaking his head_  
_ Creeps closer now_  
_ Closer to the foot of the bed_  
_ And softer than shadow and quicker than flies_  
_ His arms are all around me and his tongue in my eyes_  
_ "Be still be calm be quiet now my precious boy_  
_ Don't struggle like that or I will only love you more_  
_ For it's much too late to get away or turn on the light_  
_ The spiderman is having you for dinner tonight"_

_"Lullaby" by The Editors_

**BPOV**

As I slept, I rejoiced. My body and mind were at peace at last. I felt whole, and even in my deepest sleep, I was happy and calm. I knew that Edward was by my side, holding me in his arms.

But then it started going away; all the peace, the wholeness, everything was leaving me. I whimpered in my sleep as I felt the darkness returning. It was crying out in my mind with a desperate scream of glee. I clutched furiously for Edward, the one person who made the darkness go away, but no one was there beside me. With a cry, my eyes flew open as I sat upright, my eyes flitting around the dark room. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck rise. Someone was watching me. I shivered with fear, hugging my knees to my chest, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. And then I saw him.

James. He was here. He was standing by the door and despite the pitch-black room, I could still see the evil glint in his eyes. He'd found me, and it was going to happen all over again. I knew it.

I saw his eyes rake me over and I shuddered in disgust, pulling the covers around myself protectively.

"Edward," I whispered, pleading for him to come back and save me from James. I didn't know how James had gotten in, but I didn't care either. All I wanted was for it to stop. It couldn't happen again, not now. Edward would leave for sure when he saw me. This time would end it all. This time would make me unfixable, forever. Everything would be over.

James just laughed at my plea for Edward.

"There is no one here you save you," he told me in his deep, raspy voice. It grated along my nerves, sending little shocks of fear through my body.

And so it started. James began walking slowly towards me, step by step. I cowered back against the headboard of Edward's bed. My blood ran cold as he got closer and closer to me. I could see his clothes, his massive form, and he seemed to have so many shadows, all of them surrounding me.

"Please," I whispered. "Please don't." James just laughed darkly at me.

"Bella, don't be so stupid. I'm not giving up my fun. You deserve this, remember? You're a horrible girl who needs to be punished." He reached the bed and put one knee on it. I cried out, scrambling even further away from him, but he grabbed hold of my leg, yanking me towards him. I flopped back onto the mattress and I tried to kick his hand off me, but he just squeezed my leg tighter. I cried out, and I saw his eyes light up in pleasure. My pain caused him pleasure...I felt vomit in my throat at the thought. He quickly crawled up my body and his legs pinned me down so I couldn't move at all. He grabbed my hands and held them tightly above me. I thrashed about in a furious yet futile attempt to get him off me; he was too strong. As I began to scream, James growled.

"Shut the fuck up!" he yelled, and he slapped me across my face. My cheek burned from his hit as tears streamed down my cheeks. He just smiled even more, and I choked, terrified that he _liked_ causing me pain.

I screamed again, this time for Edward. James chuckled at me as his head moved closer and his lips brushed against mine. When I choked out another sob and spat at him, his eyes darkened.

"Mine, Isabella," he grunted as he ground his hips against my own. His hands moved down my body, and he ripped off my shorts. I let out a blood curdling scream again before he slammed his hand over my mouth. I clamped my eyes shut in an attempt to block it all out.

"Bella," I heard a voice call out from far away. I whimpered slightly as I felt James pull up my top and run his hands over my breasts.

"Please stop," I cried. I felt different hands, these ones warm and familiar, touch me and I thrashed about in despair.

"No! Please, no one else!" There were more of them. The thought made my breath catch in my throat.

"Bella, please stop fighting," I heard the same far away voice say. This voice was warm and soothing and...

"Edward!" I cried in relief. My eyes flew open and I was back in Edward's room. My eyes were wide and terrified, and I could feel tears running down my cheeks as I took in the scared expressions of everyone else in the room watching me: Alice, Rose, Jasper, Emmett, Esme, and Carlisle. But most of all, I noticed Edward. He was staring at me, his eyes full of concern. Except it couldn't be concern, it was something much more powerful than that. It tugged at my heart strings as I saw the worry lines all over his face, and all because of me.

"It was a dream, Bella, you're safe." I looked down at myself and let out a low cry of relief when I realized my shorts were still in place. I looked back up at Edward and saw he was backing away slowly.

"He...he was there again," I told him in a quiet whisper. "He pinned me down. He ripped my shorts off, and he was running his hands all over my body." My voice broke then, and I lunged suddenly for Edward. He caught me easily and my legs wrapped around his waist. I sobbed desperately into his neck, twisting my hands into his hair and pulling him as close as was humanly possible.

"Oh God, Edward, it was so real. He'd come back for me, and I thought you'd left me. I was so warm...and then I felt you go, and all the darkness came back and attacked me. I'm so sorry," I cried, my tears soaking his t-shirt.

"Bella, shhhh. You have nothing to apologise for, nothing! I'm the one who is sorry. I left you when you were vulnerable and alone. I never want to see you like that again. You were screaming," he said hoarsely. I moved back slightly to look at Edward, and I noticed from the corner of my eye that all the others made a hasty exit out of the room, the door closing with a quiet click behind them.

Edward was still terrified, I realized as I looked closely at him. He was holding me like his life depended on it.

"Please don't hurt because of me." I raised my hand and brushed it over his cheek, alarmed to see tears there. It was all my fault.

"I won't ever leave you," he murmured and I smiled. I leaned in to him and our lips moved in sync. We were like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. We were both broken, but together, we made everything perfect.

"I love you, Bella Swan," he told me, his voice brimming with emotion. "Don't you dare ever forget that." I smiled at him again, my heart soaring.

"I love you too, Edward, with all my heart. I'm sorry it isn't much, but it's all I have to give. Take my heart. You already own all of me. I love you so god damn much." I lowered myself to the floor, and he took my face in his hands.

"You are everything; I hate to see you so distraught." He began pushing me back gently until I sat on the edge of the bed. He knelt down in front of me and took my hands. He stared at me intently, although his eyes betrayed no clue as to what he was about to say. All I saw in them was love and complete adoration. I bit my lip, urging myself not to blurt out that I wasn't worthy of his love.

He looked deep into my eyes, and I could almost see him replaying our fast, short lives together. It was impossible to think that a little over a week ago, I hadn't known Edward, and I hadn't known that my life could be better. I could never go back to what it was before now.

"Bella," Edward eventually breathed. "Since you've came into my life, it's been a whirlwind. I feel like I've known you for years. I'm sorry if you think all of this is too fast, but I don't know what I'd do if we backed away now. Sometimes, it truly is love at first sight, and you just have to run with that. I don't care that it's too quick, and I don't care if that's what others say too. All I know is that I love you, and I will do anything for you." He dropped one of my hands and placed his palm flat against my chest, over my heart. "This," he whispered, and his voice filled with emotion. "This is the most precious thing in the world. You could give me nothing I want more. I love you." He cupped my face and our lips moved softly against the other's. Neither of us tried to deepen the kiss, but the love and devotion flowed between us like honey.

"Thank you," I whispered, my voice sounding strange to my ears. "I don't care if we're moving too fast. I just care about this." I pointed to the space between us and the tug I constantly felt to be closer to him. "I've never felt like this before, and I'm not going to give it all up now. You mean everything to me." He leaned closer until our foreheads were touching, until we were breathing in one another's air. The intimacy of the position chilled me and I shivered slightly, suddenly needing him more. He understood immediately.

I tugged him to me, meeting his lips hungrily. He groaned as my tongue licked along his bottom lip. He gave in, parting his lips to allow me access. He moaned loudly as I gripped his hair, and he pushed me back against the bed, crawling on top of me. I gasped wildly as his hips rolled against mine, reminding me of the incredible pleasure I had received last night. It had been unbelievable, and now I was insatiable. As I felt his hands pull my top up, his fingers massaging my skin in the most wonderful way. He lightly grazed over my breast, and all of a sudden, the door flew open. Carlisle stood, in the doorway, his eyes wide.

"Oh, fuck, sorry, I did it again," he muttered, stumbling over his words. He averted his eyes and I quickly pulled my top down, my cheeks now scarlet as Edward climbed off me.

"A little warning would be nice," Edward mumbled, and Carlisle looked back at us, chuckling.

"Sorry again. This seems to have become a regular occurrence. What I came to say was that if you get dressed, Bella, we can go to the hospital, give you a few scans, nothing serious," he added, although his eyes told a different story. I slid my hand into Edward's and grasped it tightly, holding on for dear life. There _was _something wrong with me, something very wrong.

"And then," Carlisle continued. "We could perhaps drop in at the police station?" he asked hesitantly. I froze instantly. If we told the police, they'd launch a search for James and Victoria; it would be on the radio, the internet, all over the news. They'd know I told someone. They would come back for me; James had promised that they would kill me if I told anyone.

"B...but," I managed to say as my breaths came in short shallow gasps.

"Bella, love, don't worry. I won't let them touch you. I promise," Edward told me, his face determined.

"No," I moaned. "What if they hurt you too? I can't have them hurt you. I can't live without you, Edward!"

"They won't hurt anyone," Carlisle spoke up. "I'll get police to monitor this house and follow you around. We won't leave you alone. We'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe and put those bast—I mean, put those _people_, behind bars. Trust me, Bella." I looked over at Edward once Carlisle had finished. He just brushed his fingers along my cheek.

"I will look after you, Bella, but they need to be punished for what they did to you." His eyes flashed with anger. "Please," he pleaded, and his words broke down all my defenses. I couldn't say no to him, not when he spoke like that. He sounded so powerless, and defenseless. He didn't know how to comfort or help me, and this was one of the only sure fire ways to help. I needed them behind bars, and he was going to help whether I liked it or not. My mind was quickly made up. _For you_, _only you_, I told him in my head as I sighed, and a tear escaped.

"Fine," I told them quietly, my head dropping. Edward pulled me to him, and held me tight, silently rejoicing.

"Thank you, Bella. I can't have you hurt and broken like you were when you arrived. I need to know that they will never be able to harm you again. I couldn't live if you were hurt like that anymore."

"Okay," Carlisle said softly, after a few minutes of silence. "Can you be ready in 30 minutes?" he asked us; we both nodded, and he left. Edward glanced down at me, and I could see his eyes filled with worry.

"I'll be there the whole way, okay Bella? I'm not going to let you go. I'll keep you safe. Just stay strong through today. Don't let them win."

I nodded, more tears filling my eyes. He smirked after a moment or two.

"Now, go get ready," he said, winking at me. He pulled me up, and hit me on the ass as I walked away from him.

"Edward!" I cried, shocked at his audacity, although why I was shocked, I wasn't quite sure. I blushed slightly, but he just laughed and winked at me again, before pulling his t-shirt up and over his head. I gawked openly as his 6-pack came into view and I nearly moaned when I saw the trail of hair leading downwards. My eyes followed the trail and I could visibly see Edward's bottoms stretch. I blushed again as he chuckled, his voice strained.

"Bella, please go now, or I'll never let you leave this room." His eyes were dark and gazing at me hungrily. This time it was my turn to laugh. I gave him a sweet, innocent smile before walking saucily out of the room, shaking my hips as I went.

"Women," I heard him grumble before I shut the door. Laughing, I went into my room, and rolled my eyes when I saw the clothes laid out for me on the bed, like I was a five year old.

"Alice," I muttered under my breath, before picking them up, grabbing a towel, and making my way to the shower.

I quickly showered, inhaling deeply at the scent of my strawberry shampoo. I dried myself off and dressed quickly, groaning when I pulled on the skimpy pieces of lace that Alice had the cheek to call underwear. She evidently thought Edward and I would be getting some action tonight. I rolled my eyes at my own thoughts, and then gazed out of the window for a moment, just imagining what kind of action we might have. His hands touching me....moving across my stomach, trailing lower...lower...lower. I let out a low, dreamy sigh, and once again wondered why Edward's hands all over me did not bother me at all. I couldn't come to any conclusions. I left the bathroom, walking back to my room and pulling on the shoes Alice had lain out. I grabbed my coat and rushed down the stairs to find Alice holding out a plate.

"Here you go!" she told me brightly, smiling widely. I grabbed the plate gratefully, and quickly ate the toast on it. As Edward rushed down the stairs a few seconds later, Alice held out another plate to him, before skipping off.

"Take care of her today, Edward," she yelled cheerily, not letting a dark tone grace her voice. "Oh, and you can both thank me for tonight," she said sneakily, winking at me. I blushed and Edward just looked at her confusedly.

"What?" he asked, through a mouthful of toast. Alice just grinned at me slyly.

"Oh, I'm sure you'll find out later tonight." She giggled cheekily, before swinging into the other room, and from the loud 'unf' that came from room, launching herself at Jasper. Edward and I both shared secretive glances.

"So," he started once he'd finished his mouthful. "What do we have to thank her for?"

I spluttered, and Edward hit me on the back lightly.

"N...nothing," I stammered, my cheeks reddening. "Just, some...uh...underwear." Edward's eyes widened with understanding

"Shit," he muttered under his breath. "What the fuck has she got you in?" he asked quietly, his eyes widening. He pulled me to him, and his hand ran over the hem of my t-shirt, before he quickly pulled me backwards, into a cupboard filled with coats. He locked the door, and flicked a switch, and a light came on, blinding us both momentarily.

His lips met mine hungrily as his hands slid back to my t-shirt hem, and yanked it up.

"I have to see this now," he muttered against my lips. I giggled softly, suddenly tremendously grateful to Alice if this was Edward _before_ he'd seen it. I liked this Edward...no, I fucking _loved_ this Edward. Edward's hands rose further, and he stiffened when his hands brushed against the lace.

"Holy shit," he whispered as his hands cupped my breasts, squeezing gently. I let out a low cry and his eyes flashed back to my face. He pulled my top up further, and he slowly lowered his gaze.

Edward let out a sort of strangled cry as his eyes grew even darker.

"Fuck, Bella, you look so sexy right now..." He turned us around, and sat down on a seat, pulling me until I was straddling him. His hands tenderly moved over as he watched with rapt fascination as my chest heaved under his touch. He pulled one of the cups down, exposing my hard, pink nipple, and he let out a quiet whimper.

All of a sudden, he moved forward, until his lips gently wrapped around my nipple and he rolled his tongue over it.

I let out a louder cry, and Edward raised a hand to cover my mouth.

"Shhh," he whispered, before releasing his hand, and bringing it back to my other breast. He lightly tugged on my nipple, and I let out a moan, my hips bucking in his lap.

"Edward," I groaned when he did it again. His tongue was sending delicious shivers through my body. I didn't think this could ever feel so good.

"FUCK!" I cried when his hand moved down and pressed against my center. All of a sudden, Edward sat up straight, and I heard loud laughter from outside.

"Emmett," Edward growled. He quickly sorted my bra and top and flung the door open to see Emmett rolling on the floor in laughter.

"What the fuck, man?" Edward yelled. I was crimson as I saw Esme giggling off to the side. I cringed inside at the thought of her hearing us. Carlisle came from the other room chuckling.

"Come on you two lovebirds, let's go." If it was possible, I turned even redder. Edward and I were nowhere near that step, not that I didn't want to...you know. But still, I would wait for him. We hadn't even done anything so that comment was completely untrue. I groaned and hit myself on the head when I realized what complete nonsense I was rambling on about in my head.

I picked up the coat from where it had dropped on the floor, and slid it on, comforted by the warmth. Edward grinned at me as he took my hand, and we followed Carlisle out of the door.

"Bye!" everyone squealed from inside, and I rolled my eyes before yelling goodbye back. My heart sank as I walked out the door. Today was going to be long.

* * *

**Do we like? Also, I left a few little clues for what is going to happen....anyone spot them? Please review! **


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey! I hope you enjoy the chapter! Slightly longer than the last! I'm hoping next chapter will be 1 and a half weeks? Maybe? **

**There is a few rough re-tellings in this...nothing to horrific...I think...Oh, and the needle escapade in this chapter? Yeah, thats a true story...I'm an ass, I swear. **

**Thanks to my betas Whitlocked, mycrookedsmile and thedarknessofthemoon, who has exams! And still found time to beta my chapter 3 Thank you so much, you make me readable. **

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I STILL don't own Twilight.  
**

_

* * *

_

_Can you help me out?  
Can you lend me a hand?  
It's safe to say that  
I'm stuck again_

_Trapped between this life and the light  
I just can't figure out  
How to make it right_

_A thousand times before  
I've wondered if there's something more  
Something more..._

_I feel it's gonna rain like this for days  
So let it rain down and wash everything away  
I hope that tomorrow the sun will shine  
With every tomorrow comes another life_

"_Rain" by Creed_

**BPOV**

As we walked to the car, the happiness that had suddenly appeared inside me quickly vanished. My heart started beating quicker, and as I strapped myself in next to Edward in the backseat, I found that I couldn't blink. I sat straight, eyes ahead, just staring at the chair in front of me as we drove. I couldn't seem to take in anything around me as my ears started ringing, everything started blurring as I forgot to breathe.

"Bella, breathe, god damn it!" I heard Edward say sharply, his hands running over my cheeks. Shuddering, I took in a ragged breath and my body slumped back in release as it got the much needed oxygen. I focused my gaze on Edward's comforting eyes and listened to his voice, which kept me calm. He played with my hair as we drove, talking randomly about things that would help distract me, and never breaking eye contact with me. Gradually, my breathing returned to normal, and my heart rate slowed again.

"Sorry," I whispered, once again embarrassed by my extreme antics. Edward just smiled.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I know how hard this must be for you." He gave my nose a light peck and sighed, glancing towards his father as the car pulled to a stop.

"We're here," he told me solemnly. He climbed out and walked quickly around to my side, holding the door open for me. I would never get tired of his gentlemanly actions. He held out his hand and pulled me out of the car, slamming the door behind me. He put a comforting arm on the small of my back and we followed his father as he walked ahead of us, leading us up a few flights of stairs to some unit that I couldn't pronounce. He led me to a small dark room, where a lady was standing setting up some machine.

"Bella," Carlisle began, turning to face me. "Would it be alright if we did a scan? We just want to see the levels of blood within different areas of your skull and the surrounding tissue. All you need to do is lie back on that table and close your eyes. It's nothing drastic, I promise." He smiled slightly at the end. I nodded carefully, and I made my way over to the table, jumping onto it and sliding backwards.

"I'm going to go stand behind this shield, is that okay, Bella?" Edward asked me.

"Yes," I answered meekly before squeezing my eyes shut.

_Please don't hurt, please don't hurt_, I repeated over and over in my head. There was a flash of light behind my closed eyelids, and then I heard Carlisle's voice again.

"Okay, Bella, you can sit up again." I opened my eyes, pulling my body upright. That was easier than I'd expected.

Edward came back to me, and helped me off the table. Carlisle motioned for us to follow him as he led us out of the room, and along a few corridors and down a staircase. We went into an office-like room, his office, I guessed. He had me sit down in a comfy chair as he started preparing what looked like several syringes.

"Now, Bella, I need to take some blood so we can do tests on it. I figured you would be more comfortable if I did it. Is that okay?"

I looked at Edward, my eyes wide. I was fucking terrified of needles.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked immediately.

"I...I hate needles. I just...can't do them," I whispered, my voice barely audible.

"I'll be here the whole time; close your eyes and just hold my arm tight," Edward told me.

"I'll put some numbing gel around the area so it won't feel as bad, Bella," Carlisle promised me. "Just relax your arm, and it will be fine."

"Relax my arm?" I muttered darkly. "You're about to stab something into my arm, how the hell am I supposed to relax?"

Edward burst out laughing, doubling over, and clutching his sides, even Carlisle cracked a smile.

"It'll be okay, Bella. Now take off your jacket." I put it next to me on the seat, and I was suddenly glad I was wearing a t-shirt, so I wouldn't have to take anything else off. Carlisle wiped something cold over the inside of my left elbow. My breathing quickened as soon as I felt him touch me, and I felt sick to my stomach.

"Shhh," Edward murmured, his fingers stroking my cheek. "It's okay." I closed my eyes tight and waited for it to be over.

"Bella, I need you to relax this arm for me," Carlisle said. "Tense the other one as much as you like, but let this one just flop."

I put all my strength into tightening my grip on Edward's arm, and loosening the tension in my other arm. All of a sudden, I felt something prick into my arm, and I could feel the needle sucking the blood out. I squeezed Edward's hand impossibly tight. It happened again and then finally for a third time.

My stomach was rolling as Carlisle handed me a cotton ball to hold to the needle mark. I looked around the room, and everything seemed to be spinning. I looked at Carlisle, then Edward, but I couldn't seem to hear what they were saying. The ringing in my ears was getting louder and louder, and I felt vomit creep up my throat. I put my head between my knees, trying to breathe deeply. I raised my head to look at Carlisle and Edward. Both were looking at me in concern.

"Shit, Bella, you look like a ghost," I saw Edward mouth to me. I tried to open my mouth to reply but I couldn't seem to make my muscles move. I shook my head, taking a deep breath, and tried to push the dizziness to the back of my mind.

Eventually, I managed to mutter the words, "I'm fine," and I stood up. But as soon as I stood, my legs collapsed beneath me, and my eyes rolled back in my head, the world disappearing.

When I opened my eyes again, I was lying on the couch and I groaned, the sickness returning as I remembered the needles.

Edward helped me sit up, and pushed my head between my knees, urging me to take deep breaths until I felt alright again. I put my head in my hands, focusing only on breathing in and out slowly, and on the comfort of Edward gently rubbing my back. After a few minutes had passed, I breathed a sigh of relief. It was over. I sat up slowly, having learned over time that sitting up quickly just makes the nausea and dizziness return. I held onto to Edward as I slowly stood up, wobbling slightly. I took a few deep breaths, then turned and smiled to Edward, and then Carlisle who was standing nervously to the side.

"I'm okay now. That's just a regular occurrence with needles, I probably should have warned you."

"I don't know," Edward muttered. "You still look death white."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Trust me, I'm fine. I'll be quite queasy for the next few hours, but nothing more than that."

Edward still looked like he didn't believe me.

"I'm fine, Edward, honestly!" I giggled slightly at the look he gave me in response, and I slid towards him, wrapping my arms around him. I saw his eyes gaze directly at my breasts...well they were in his face, so it was justified, I suppose.

"Eyes!" I exclaimed anyway, putting a finger under his chin and pulling his gaze to mine. He smirked slightly and I brushed a light kiss on his lips.

"You can look at those, later..." I said slyly, and his whole face lit up like a little boy on Christmas day. I rolled my eyes at him again and he stood up grinning like a Cheshire cat. Carlisle chuckled at our antics.

"You two are unbelievable," he murmured. We both just smiled at the other as our hands intertwined.

"Come on," Carlisle said cheerfully. "We have a lot to do today." My face fell and Carlisle noticed it. "I am sorry, Bella. But it will be better in the long run." I nodded, sighing.

He led us through more of the hospital and we reached a very friendly looking area, which read 'Counselling' in big bold letters. As if I needed a reminder. Carlisle led me to an office that said 'Dr Laurent Reid' on the door. The door opened, and as we walked in we were met by a friendly looking man. His skin was dark, and he had long dreadlocks. He was young, and he wore jeans and a hoodie. I knew this tactic. It was to "try and get the kids more comfortable". Inwardly, I laughed. He was handsome I suppose, if you liked that sort of thing. He had deep brown eyes, that were strangely probing, and already I could feel myself wanting to open up to him and tell him all my secrets.

I liked him. He seemed genuinely nice, concerned, and interested in my case. He listened carefully as Carlisle outlined my situation, leaving out the parts that might be difficult for me to hear. Laurent nodded, taking a few notes now and then, and eventually Carlisle stopped.

Laurent looked at me closely, his eyes seeming to peel back my skin and look inside. I shifted closer to Edward, not liking the attention he was giving me.

"I'd love to," he eventually said. Carlisle beamed in delight.

"Thank you, Laurent. That is a great honour. Would you mind if we discussed the possibility for a moment?"

"Why certainly, my good friend." Laurent stood up, smiled at me with his curious eyes, and left the room.

"Bella, that is Laurent Reid. He is a very respectable and high thought of counsellor for teenagers who've had a rough life. He's brilliant at his job. What do you say?"

"I like him," I said immediately. "He seemed friendly and nice, he looked like he could listen well...and I...I wanted to tell him things."

Carlisle laughed lightly. "Yes, he does have that sort of aura doesn't he?" I nodded in agreement.

"Would you like me to set up two sessions a week for you?"

I nodded immediately; I would do anything that would make me better, that would make me good enough for Edward.

Then a thought crossed my mind as I remembered the really kind doctor from before. Would she be able to help?

"What about that other doctor?" I asked. "The one who sorted me out..._before_."

"You mean Dr. Clinard?" Carlisle asked, and I nodded excitedly.

"She works in a different department," he said reluctantly, and my face immediately fell.

"But I'll see what I can do," he added quickly, his trained eyes gazing at me in concern and pity. I didn't want people to pity me. I needed people to look beyond that. I sighed.

"Thank you," I murmured quietly. Carlisle stood up and left the room to organize my sessions with Laurent, while Edward played with my hair absentmindedly.

"I don't like him," he suddenly announced. "He creeps me out. He seems too good to be true, if you get my drift. I'm not leaving you alone with him, ever."

"Edward, there was nothing wrong with the man! You can't judge people like that when you don't know them."

He chuckled at me. "Oh, Bella. The whole of our society is based on the few pre-conceptions we get of people. But don't worry, I won't say a word. Just make sure I'm there whenever you see him," and he held his hands up in a silent promise. I smiled at him.

"Thank you."

We both stood up as Carlisle and Laurent filed back through the door.

"It was a pleasure to meet you, Bella, and you too, Edward," Laurent told us, shaking both of our hands. His hands were so cold, and his grip slightly tight.

We all murmured a thank you before trooping out of the door. This time Carlisle led us out of the hospital and back to his car. I froze again. This would be the worst part. As soon as Edward saw my expression, he started rambling again, his green eyes never leaving mine and his lips distracting me momentarily. But then the car stopped too soon, and I had to climb out of the car, my legs suddenly shaky, and not holding up my body properly. Edward half carried me into the police station, as I dragged my feet behind me, almost fighting against his grip.

"I can't do it," I whispered. "They'll come back and find me. They'll kill me, or they'll kill you or someone else I love. Don't make me!" I whimpered in Edward's arms.

His velvet voice whispered sweet nothings in my ear as he continued to walk me into the police station. Carlisle motioned for us to sit while he went to talk to the receptionist. She glanced over at us, and I saw a look of sadness cross her face as Carlisle told her something. I pressed myself close to Edward, sitting on his knee and trying to wrap myself around as much of him as possible. I was still shaking, and Edward couldn't do anything about it.

A few moments later Carlisle returned, and with him came two women. Both wore police uniforms, and one carried a stack of paperwork in her arms.

"It's Bella, right?" one asked. She had long blonde hair, smiled warmly at me. "I'm Lieutenant Winters," she replied, "but you just call me Sophie. This is my colleague, Joan Byers. Would you mind coming with us and let us ask you a few questions?"

I glanced up nervously at Edward, and he smiled encouragingly at me.

"Okay," I agreed softly. Edward helped me stand, and still half supporting me, he helped me into a more comfortable room, with four seats around a table. Edward and I sat at two, while Carlisle stood up, one of his hands resting on each of our shoulders. The two women sat opposite us. One pressed record on a tape recorder that was sitting on the desk.

"Interview commenced at 11:43 am."

"So Bella," Officer Winters, or Sophie, started off. "How old are you?"

"I'm 17," I replied hesitantly. She smiled back at me.

"And could you please tell me your address?" I frowned; I didn't know the address of the home. Carlisle noticed my discomfort at this question, and he quickly rattled off the address.

The other one, Joan I think, was taking a few notes on the pile of paper she had in her arms.

"So, Bella, Carlisle told us, that from a young age, your parents have abused you? Was it physical, verbal, mental?"

"Um..." I looked to Edward for comfort, and he squeezed my hand tighter. "Physical and uh, verbal," I muttered, looking down at the ground.

"How old were you when it started?"

"I was 5."

"How did it start?" she asked me. I took a deep breath, and started telling her everything. I vowed that I wouldn't stop until everything was out on the table.

"One night, just after my fifth birthday, my mother, Victoria, came home with a new boyfriend. His name was James. On the outside, he seemed nice, friendly, and handsome. But, almost immediately, he seemed to hate me, and I hadn't done anything wrong. He took me aside that night, and told me that if I ever got in his way, then I was in for it. _He_ was the one who hit me first.

"I had spilled some milk on the counter, because I was too small to see properly, and he took my arm, and threw me against the cabinet. He slapped me across my cheek, and I burst into tears. Victoria came running, and she went crazy at him. She sent me to my room, and I could hear her yelling at him. There was silence after a little while, and when I was called down for a snack, everything seemed fine again.

"Then a week later, James came and spoke to me, and told me that my mother would no longer tolerate my misbehavior, and I would be punished severely for it. The next day, I hadn't made my bed properly in the morning, because I was running late, and it was the first time my mom hit me. Her nails dug right into my arm, and she whispered to me that I was a bitch who 'shouldn't be allowed out of the house because she had no proper manners.'

"The first few times it was like that, fairly easy to take. But as I got older, the punishments became more severe. There was one time when they pressed the sole of my foot against a burner on the stove. I could smell the flesh burning when James held it down." I shuddered in memory, whimpering slightly, and moving closer to Edward in an attempt to calm down.

"I couldn't walk for weeks, and I'm still extremely clumsy now. Then there was the time, not so long ago, when I accidently knocked a vase over, and James picked me up and threw me. I crashed into the wall, and my head cracked against it. He just started beating me. It felt like he was never going to stop. It was hell.

"Then...it was only last Friday, the day before I came to Seattle. I was sleeping, and James came in drunk. My mom yelled at him before she stormed off and went to her room. I thought it was over. But then my...my door opened!" I sobbed the last line.

"He...he came in," I gasped, tears running down my cheeks as I remembered what happened after that. "He...c...crawled on top of me, and forced me to kiss him. I tried to stop him, but he wouldn't. He tore my clothes off, and I tried so hard to fight him off, but I couldn't. Then...he...he forced himself inside me, and it hurt, but he didn't care. He just kept pushing and pushing, until I wasn't even in my body anymore. I felt like I was looking at myself from above, I couldn't feel anything anymore, but I could still hear it, see it, and smell it. It was sickening..."

With another sob, I curled into Edward's side, trying not to focus on how distraught his face was, and how his eyes were filled with unshed tears. I buried my face in his comforting chest, the familiar smell of him filling my nostrils and immediately calming me. It was unnatural how good he made me feel all the time. I was so terrified that it might disappear, that he might leave at any point. There was no doubt about it, that if he left, I would be more broken than before. He meant everything to me, and it would kill me to lose the one person I felt safe with.

"Could I please ask a few more questions about that night in specific?"

I nodded warily at h.

"Did he use any kind of threat or weapon or restraint during the event?"

"No."

"Was it just vaginal penetration? Was there any oral, anal?"

"No," I muttered, tensing slightly in Edward's arms.

"Did he use a condom?"

"No," I whispered. The officer's head shot up at this.

"Have you been tested for pregnancy? Or were you on birth control before that?"

"I was already on birth control. She called me a whore because of it. But...at school...they said about it when I was younger...about how it would help, just in case. When I went shopping for her one day, I went to the Doctors, and they gave me it. I was going to keep it a secret, but she found out. She let me stay on it...but she made me regret it every day." Another sob slipped from my clenched mouth.

"Had you previously had sex before the event?"

"No."

"Was there any bleeding during or after the act?"

"A little, but just what you'd expect," I replied. My voice was beginning to sound almost mechanical, and I recognised my body shutting itself down, closing itself off.

"Did the assailant ejaculate inside you, or was it elsewhere?"

"Inside," I said, and my voice had dropped back to a whisper.

"When was your last menstrual cycle?"

"Uh, about, a two weeks before he...did it," I muttered under my breath.

""I'm so sorry, Bella," Lieutenant Sophie murmured. "But thank you for being brave enough to tell us. We can start a search for him. Doctor Cullen, I am worried about how this will stand up in court, if it gets that far. We won't have any forensic evidence, and that is what would have sold this case, but we will do our best. Bella, we will need to have a few exams done, but I doubt there will be much to discover, however we have to do it anyway. I'm sorry; it will be rather uncomfortable."

"How do you mean uncomfortable?" I asked nervously, wringing my hands.

"Um...they will have to do a physical exam, which includes a pelvic examination."

"Could Edward be there with me?" I asked almost as soon as she had spoken.

"Of course, Bella," she replied, her lips forming a sad smile. She glanced at her watch. "Interview terminated at 12:26 pm." She switched off the tape recorder and stood up. "If you would like to stay here for a few moments, I will arrange for someone to bring you some food, and get someone to come and do the exam. Would that be okay?"

We all nodded gratefully at her, and she and the other officer took their leave. I relaxed instantly in Edward's arms, and he shifted slightly so I could climb into his lap. He stroked my hair as my sobs gradually grew quieter and quieter, until the only sound in the room was my occasional sniffle.

"I'm sorry, Bella," Carlisle suddenly said, and I looked up at him. His deep blue eyes were stained with fear, sadness, even love. "I swear, I will do everything I can to help catch them."

"But Carlisle," I whispered, my voice hoarse from all the crying. "He said he'd kill me, and I can't have anyone hurt." I stood up, moving away from Edward, and went and stood against the wall. Carlisle followed me, while Edward sat, staring at us curiously. I turned so I was facing away from Edward, not wanting him to see me so terrified.

"I...uh...I'll just go to the toilet," Edward muttered, and he fled the room. I gave a sigh of relief that he had taken the hint. I turned back to Carlisle, and he put a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"What is it, Bella? You can tell me anything."

"It's Edward," I whispered. "You know how James said he'd...kill me, if I told anyone?" Carlisle nodded his head darkly, his eyes flashing. "Edward said he would do anything to stop him..."

"We all would, Bella, we love you so much already."

"Don't," I stated. "Please, promise me, if he comes back, and Edward gets in the way, please promise me that you will save Edward first. Don't ever go for me. You have to save Edward," I pleaded. Carlisle's face darkened even more, and he frowned.

"Bella, I-"

"Please! I could never live knowing it was my fault that he'd died. Promise me...If there is one thing I need from you, let it be this. Save him, not me." Silent tears streaked down my cheeks as Carlisle and I stared at each other in silence. I could almost see the ten thousand thoughts running through his head.

"I don't know if I could do that. How could I just leave you to die? Bella, I would have to do my damndest to save you both."

"NO!" I screamed at him suddenly, the terror at Edward being murdered too unbearable to keep inside.

"For fuck's sake! Please! I'm not worth losing Edward over! Please save him, please! He is worth everything. I would be so willing to die to make sure he is okay. Carlisle, I'm begging you." My voice dropped to a whisper, and I sank to my knees, rocking back and forth.

"Please....Please," I kept repeating, my voice hollow and broken now, even to my own ears. I felt, rather than saw Carlisle bend down so he was sitting on the floor too. He pulled my chin up, and I saw his eyes glistening with tears.

"Okay, Bella. I promise." And then he wrapped his arms around me, as if he never wanted to let go.

*****

I was sitting quietly and subdued in my seat when Edward came back in. His face was blank but I saw him glance nervously at both his father and me. He sat down hesitantly in front of me, and my head immediately reached out to find the comfort of his grasp.

"Are you okay?" he asked me, his voice full of so much concern it hurt to hear. It was unreal how much he seemed to care about me.

I let out a low gasp of shock, my hands flying to my mouth. _It was unreal how much he seemed to care about me... It was unreal how much he seemed to care about me_. I kept repeating my realization in my head; it was a never-ending sentence. Edward Cullen cared about me. He cared so much about me, that even his voice showed it. He _loved _me. He...actually loved me. _Me_! I didn't know why, but I could suddenly comprehend that Edward loved me. It was as if a huge black shield had suddenly been pulled away, and I could see everything now. I knew I wasn't worthy of his love, but I knew that he loved me despite everything.

"You love me," I murmured as my face split into the hugest side splitting grin ever. He loved me. Someone..._loved_ me. Suddenly, it was as if nothing else mattered. All I knew was that it was true; everything he'd said was true.

* * *

**Awwwwwwww, how cute. **

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and read this and rec'ed by ass, I love you all! **

**Now, I know I don't normally do story recs on here, but this is too good an opportunity to miss. Please go read Use Me Up by Miracle1901. Its so freaking hot! Its over on TWCSL, so go check it out, right after you press that little review button!**

**As usual, teasers on The Fictionators and TWCS.  
**


	17. Chapter 17

**Nice long one for you! I have part of the next chapter written up, but I now have exams till end of May so I am VERY sorry if I don't get an update out before then. I hope you enjoy! Thank you to thedarknessofthemoon, mycrookedsmile and Whitlocked for betaing!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Twilight.  
**

_

* * *

Breathe in for luck.  
Breathe in so deep.  
This air is blessed, you share with me.  
This night is wild, so calm and dull.  
These hearts, they race, from self-control.  
Your legs are smooth, as they graze mine.  
We're doing fine.  
We're doing nothing at all._

_My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.  
So won't you kill me?  
So I die happy.  
My heart is yours to fill or burst,  
to break or bury, or wear as jewelry.  
Whichever you prefer._

_Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember.  
Always remember the sound of the stereo.  
The dim of the soft lights.  
The scent of your hair, that you twirled in your fingers.  
And the time on the clock, when we realized "It's so late!"  
And this walk that we share together.  
The streets were wet, and the gate was locked,  
So I jumped it, and let you in.  
And you stood at the door, with your hands on my waist.  
And you kissed me like you meant it.  
And I knew...that you meant it._

'_Hands Down' by Dashboard Confessional_

**EPOV**

My heart nearly burst with joy when I heard her utter those words. My heart thumped loudly in my chest as I pulled her closer to me.

"Of course I do, you beautiful girl!" She giggled from where her face was buried in my neck.

"I just...realized it...you actually love me!" She sounded astonished, and I grinned widely, completely forgetting the presence of my father in the room. She moved back slightly, and her face was beaming. She seemed to be almost glowing with happiness. Her smile was so wide I thought it might break me apart.

"Always, my love, always." I stroked her cheek gently.

Her voice, saddled with such adoration replied, "Forever." It was such a simple word, but it held such a deep meaning. I swear my heart skipped a few beats when I heard her say it. It meant everything to me.

I was so fucking glad she had finally realized the truth of my emotions. It had taken so long, and now, she believed it was true. It was like a dream. I pressed my lips against hers, my hands wrapping around her and holding her tight. I felt like only she would be able to keep me together, only she would be able to stop me from soaring off in delight. We broke away breathlessly, and I leaned my forehead against hers. I smiled at her, and her returning smile was soft and delicate. I ran my thumb along the shape of her lips, marvelling at how they parted slightly for me, and how the warm air they blew out gently caressed my skin like nothing else on earth.

"Amazing," I murmured, and her cheeks blushed a furious red. She averted her eyes, and I chuckled, immediately pulling her gaze back to mine.

"Never look away from me, Bella. I can't bear not seeing you."

Just then, there was a knock on the door to our room. We both turned to see Carlisle stride across and open it. I stood behind Bella, my arms wrapped around her waist, and my nose buried deep in her hair.

"Mmmm, food," I moaned when a lady carrying a big tray entered the room. Bella giggled again, and once again, my heart nearly stopped when I heard such a beautiful sound. It was the best sound in the world...apart from Bella moaning and groaning under me. I tensed slightly when the memories came back, and Bella's sudden shift in weight causing her ass to rub against me did not help matters in the least.

"Let's eat!" I announced as soon as the lady had gone, and I rushed to the table, grateful for the cover it provided. Bella looked curiously at me, but didn't press.

There was a random selection of sandwiches on the plate, some chocolate and some fruit. I poured Bella a glass of the water provided, and she murmured a thank you. Feeling generous, I then did the same for Carlisle. He sat down across from us, and we ate in a comfortable silence. Bella kept crossing then uncrossing her legs, and I wondered idly why she was fidgeting so much.

When we'd all finished, Carlisle piled our plates up and set them back on the tray, and we began to wait. Not five minutes later, Lieutenant Sophie, whatever her name was, came though smiling.

"Bella, would you and Edward mind coming with me. There is an onsite Doctor who will give you an examination."

All of a sudden, Bella tensed beside me, and I immediately moved so my lips were on her neck, whispering for her to breathe, that it would be okay. She relaxed minutely, but her body was still stiff. She stood up, her movements like a robot, and I hurried after her, taking her hand, and hoping to hell that she would calm down before we got there.

We were led to a fairly small room. Bella and I entered but Carlisle stood outside and shit the door after us. A short, blonde female was in the room, and she introduced herself as Carmen.

"Hey, Bella," she said brightly in an attempt to lift Bella's stoic face. But Bella didn't reply; she just stared off into space, her eyes blank. She was fucking shutting herself down. I took her face in my hands, and looked at her, trying to fill my expression with as much love as I could muster.

"Bella, please don't do this now. You've done so well. Stay with us, stay with _me_."

Ever so slowly, Bella returned back to life, her eyes blinking rapidly several times.

"I don't know if I can do this, Edward," she whispered, her voice so quiet it was almost impossible to hear.

"You can. Trust me; I know that you are more than strong enough to be able to cope with this. I'll be with you the whole way."

She closed her eyes, and took a few deep breaths before nodding.

"Well done."

I nudged her in the direction of the Doctor who asked her if she was comfortable changing in front of me, and when Bella nodded, told her to please strip off her trousers and underwear. Bella glanced nervously in my direction, and to try and cheer her up, I put a hand over my eyes.

"I won't peek," I sang playfully, and to my relief, Bella laughed. I removed my hand, and she got on with it much more quickly. The Doctor sat her down on a bed, and I stood near her head, keeping my playful promise to her. I wanted her to choose when to be naked in front of me...this was her being forced. I know that sounded crazy, but it made sense in my messed up brain.

The Doctor switched off the lights, and moved a UV light over Bella's crotch and began examining it. She seemed to look externally first, for which I was grateful for.

"How long have you had this?" the Doctor asked her, and I looked down to see a series of dark bruises on her thigh...they were like finger marks.

My blood boiled and I felt my hands clench into fists at the thought of someone harming Bella like that.

"That...they have been there since...since it happened. But I'm clumsy, it could have been that?"

"Bella," I said lowly. "Those marks are fucking finger marks!" I hissed out. The Doctor agreed with me.

"I think they are," she told us before getting a camera and taking a few shots of the bruises from different angles. Next, she got out a few instruments, none of which I knew anything about.

"This may be uncomfortable," she warned, and Bella squirmed in her seat. I gently massaged her neck and shoulders in an attempt to relax her while the Doctor continued.

Bella shifted a few more times and she grimaced on occasion, but not once did she make a sound. I continued my massage, accompanying it with whispers in her ear. When the doctor finished, Bella breathed a sigh of relief as the woman removed whatever fucking instrument she was poking into Bella. She disposed of the equipment, and her gloves, and wrote a few things down on a form at her desk.

"You can get dressed again now," the doctor told her, and Bella gratefully hopped off the exam table and quickly pulled her clothes back on. The Doctor came back over and got Bella to sit back down again.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to take a blood sample."

"What?!" I exclaimed angrily. "She's already given three samples at the hospital, and now you need one too? She's fucking terrified off them; she passed out and everything! You can't put her through that too!"

Dr. Carmen just stared stonily back at me.

"I'm sorry, but this is my job. I need a blood sample to go with the rape kit. It's standard procedure."

"Edward, just leave it," Bella said quietly. I turned to her, and she was pale white again.

"I'll get it over with as quickly as possible," Dr. Carmen said before wiping Bella's arm with something, and quickly stabbing in the needle and drawing the syringe back. I watched it fill with red liquid quickly, as Bella swayed slightly on her seat.

"Shit," I muttered, just as the Doctor stepped back, releasing the needle from Bella's skin. I went to her quickly.

"Bella? Bella?" I asked, my fingers rubbing her pale cheeks, hoping to help get the circulation going again.

"Edward," she moaned, as she swayed again, and this time, her body fell forward, lifeless in my arms.

"Thanks for that," I snapped at the doctor.

"I'm sorry, it's my job, Edward. Here, put this on her forehead, and lie her down. Check her pulse."

"I know what to do," I replied angrily, before sighing. What the fuck was wrong with me today? "I'm sorry," I quickly said. "It's been a rough few days." The doctor nodded in understanding.

"Don't worry about it." She handed me some smelling salts and I waved them under Bella's nose. Her eyes fluttered open and I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding.

"You have to stop scaring me like this, Bella...it's becoming a regular occurrence." I smirked down at her, and she rolled her eyes at me. I helped her sit up, and she winced slightly when she tensed her arm.

"Gee, having four needles stuck into you throughout the day really makes your arm hurt," she said loudly and sarcastically. Both the doctor and I burst out laughing at her, and she grinned back. I felt my smile grow as I stared at her longer: my Bella was back. The feisty Bella, who was funny and confident and not scared of everything, was back.

"That should be all for now," Dr. Carmen announced suddenly, having spent the last five minutes putting samples of random stuff collected from Bella into various bags, labelling each one. I helped Bella up, and she was able to stand fairly well without wobbling. With a sigh, she made her way back through the door and Carlisle was right outside.

"Bella!" he announced immediately. "Do you have a picture of James and your mother? For identification purposes, and then for news broadcasts etcetera?"

"Uh yeah," Bella mumbled. "I have one back at the house."

"Thank you." It was then I noticed that the police woman was still standing there. "Carlisle, would you mind dropping it off either tonight or tomorrow? The quicker we get this case publicized, the quicker we'll be able to catch them." She smiled at Bella once more, before walking off and leaving us.

"Is that all?" Bella asked numbly and I frowned, not liking the tone of her voice.

"Hey, baby," I murmured, pulling her to face me. "Please smile," I whispered, using my thumbs to pull her lips into a smile.

She half heartedly smiled at me, and I pouted. This got the response I wanted, and she giggled at me.

"Stop being such a girl, Edward," she laughed, hitting me lightly on the arm.

"I am not!" I exclaimed, smirking at her.

"Children, behave," Carlisle told us sarcastically. "In answer to your question, Bella, yes that is all. We can go home now."

Both Bella and I sighed gratefully. Today must have been so hard on her, I hated knowing that she'd had to relive it all....and after that awful experience this morning when she'd thought James had come back for her. I shuddered at the memory. She had been so terrified, shaking in the bed. I'd only gone to the toilet, but when I came back, she'd been tearing at the covers, alternating between whimpering and screaming. She'd spoken as well. "Please...stop," I heard her quiet, timid voice. It killed me to see her like that. I would do anything to stop her from being hurt.

We made our way out, and as soon as we got in the car, Bella fell against me.

"I'm so tired," she murmured. I stroked her hair, kissing the top of her head.

"You've had a very exhausting day."

"Bella," Carlisle suddenly spoke up. "I was wondering whether it would be easier for you if you were home-schooled? That way you wouldn't have to be around Lauren or Mike. We could do the same for Alice too, if you'd like."

I saw Bella's eyes brighten at the thought, but then they darkened again.

"I couldn't ask you to do that. It's too much."

"Bella, don't be ridiculous," Carlisle replied. "It's not too much at all. I'll work it out over the weekend, and hopefully, I'll be able to get the two of you sorted out soon enough."

"Carlisle?" I asked, suddenly curious. "What did you say to Lauren when you sent her to your office?"

"Edward," he warned me. I held up my hands innocently.

"I was just wondering!"

"If you must know, I told her that if myself or anybody else in the building complained of her harassing Bella again, whether verbally or physically, then we would find another place for her to stay. She isn't the queen of the castle, and she seems to think she rules the place." He snorted, and Bella giggled again. He smiled back at her through the mirror.

"Thank you," she told him, and I could hear in her voice how extraordinarily loved and happy she felt right now.

This was where I belonged; with Bella.

When we reached the house, Bella asked for some time alone, and she wandered upstairs. I didn't follow, but I knew she would be okay. She'd seemed to cope well, and I could tell that she only wanted some time alone to think about it all. She wouldn't do anything stupid...I trusted her not to, not so soon after the last time.

I saw Carlisle walk into his office, and I followed him quickly. He motioned for me to have a seat. I knew I put on a hard front, but deep down, I hated that my father and I were so formal with each other. Until Bella arrived, we were so distant. I was unbelievably grateful to her that she seemed to have helped mend the rift between my parents and me.

"When will Bella's tests get back?" I asked almost as soon as he sat down. Carlisle ran a hand through his hair. I smirked, knowing that I did the exact same thing.

"It should be around a week; I've put her down as a priority case."

"Okay...and what did she tell you today? When I left the room?"

Carlisle didn't answer immediately, and I snorted.

"It's that bad, huh?"

He shook his head. "Not exactly. What she asked, it was something she knew you wouldn't like...If I tell you, can you please promise not to get angry at either me or Bella? I did what she wanted, not what you would have wanted, so do not get angry."

I waved my hand nonchalantly.

"Sure, just tell me what she asked."

"She spoke about the fact that you had said that if her mother and James came back to kill her, you would do anything to save her. She asked me to promise that I would save you, if you got in the way, and to leave her. I told her I wouldn't be able to do that; that I would try hard to save you both. But then she broke down, saying I had to save you, that her life had no point without you there, and that she loved you so much that she would willingly die if it meant you would be saved. Then she asked me again..." he trailed off. I'm sure my mouth was hanging open in shock. It hadn't occurred to me that Bella would have such a problem with that. But the more I thought about it, the more reasonable it became. I didn't want her harmed; she would feel the exact same way.

"What did you say?" I asked him...If he had yes...I didn't know what I'd do, but it made my blood boil just to think about leaving her to die.

"I agreed." It was just two words that brought down my world.

"You said what?" I whispered, too stunned to yell at him. I stood up, and stumbled away from him. "So you would be happy just to leave her in their presence to die?"

"Edward, of course not!" he replied angrily, standing up and facing me also. "You know perfectly well that I could never do that. I would go back for her. I would try and save you both. But you didn't see her. She completely broke down, it was the least I could do for her!"

"You think this is going to fucking _help_ her? How do you think it makes her feel that you would just fucking leave her to die?" I screamed at him, my hands clenched tight into fists at my side. If they moved at all, I knew I would not be able to control my temper. My mother burst through the door then.

"What is going on?" she cried, her hands on her hips, glaring at us both.

"He just told me that he promised Bella he would leave her to fucking DIE!" I let out a growl of frustration, and stormed out of the room, crashing straight into Bella. Her hands reached out to me, and I saw tears there.

"Edward, I'm sorry," she whispered. "I had to ask him." I ran upstairs with her, and as soon as we reached my room, I wrapped my arms tight around her, sobbing into her hair.

"I can't lose you. I won't lose you. I won't lose you. I fucking love you, Bella, how could you think that I would let Carlisle stop me? You are the most important person on the planet, and I can't see you get hurt. It would kill me. I need to know that you are safe. I need to know that you will always be okay. Please try and see it from my point of view. Let me protect you. Please, I'm begging you, Bella. I want to keep you safe. I _will_ keep you safe."

We made our way to my bed, and she curled up in a ball next to me. I scattered kisses all over her face.

"I'll try, Edward...but every time I even think about it, I think that you might get hurt, and then what would happen to me?"

"I won't get hurt. I promise, okay?" I moved her gaze till she was facing me, and she slowly nodded.

"Okay," she whispered, her voice teary. I wrapped my arms around her tighter. I couldn't get close enough.

"I can't believe how much I love you," I told her. "Eres toda, Bella. Eres toda."

**BPOV**

I was exhausted. I could feel my eyes closing as I made my way upstairs. They were so heavy. But instead of doing the sensible thing and going to sleep, I made my way to Rose's room, and knocked on the door.

"Come in!" she yelled, and I nervously walked in. She was sitting on her stomach on her bed, flicking through a magazine.

"Hey Bella," she said warmly as I nudged my way forward. "Come sit on here." She sat up, crossing her legs, and I climbed onto her bed too, marvelling at how nice the silk sheets felt.

"I love the sheets."

She laughed at me, and nodded in agreement. "They are amazing." There were a few minutes of silence, before Rose spoke up again.

"Is there a specific reason you came here?" she asked kindly, reaching across to rub my knee comfortingly.

"I...I...I just need to talk," I muttered eventually. "I don't know how to feel about anything."

"Carry on," she said encouragingly, and I sighed, looking down at my hands.

"How do you cope with it? Without Edward around, it seems to always be on my mind, haunting me. And when I'm with Edward, I feel too guilty for not feeling like crap because it's too soon after it happened, and then it just gets too much. It's like Lauren said...I shouldn't be jumping into bed with a guy only a week after I was..." I couldn't finish the sentence.

"I can tell you now, it never goes away. I have days that I am so down, I'm just a complete mess. It happens. You have to learn to deal with it. Emmett helps me with it. Don't feel guilty about being happy with Edward. Sometimes, it helps to lean on the people around you, while other times, you might prefer to be on your own. You have to let it go where it takes you, and you can't be afraid of being happy. You are so lucky; you have a lot of people here behind you and ready to support you if you have a hard day. You need to accept that, and you should never feel guilty about it. You can't choose when you fall in love, it's something that happens; you had no control over it.

"When you're alone, you need to think of something that makes you forget. I think of the first time Emmett told me he loved me. It was in a forest, and there was sunlight streaming through trees at every angle. We'd just had the most amazing sex," she said, giggling lightly. "Well, it was one of the happiest days of my life, and I will never forget it. If I get too low, or think I might not be able to cope, I think of that, or other memories like that, and I think how lucky I am to have a good life now."

"It will be difficult; I'm not going to deny it. But I know how strong you are, and I know that you will go on to have an amazing life with Edward by your side. You deserve it." She held her arms open and hugged me tight.

"Thank you, Rose," I told her gratefully. Her words had filled me with hope and with happiness. She had survived, and I would too.

We wandered back downstairs together, and my feet froze when I heard Edward yelling.

"You think this is going to fucking _help_ her? How do you think it makes her feel that you would just fucking leave her to die?" he was shouting, and I felt my mouth drop open. How had he found out? Had Carlisle actually told him? He had to know that Edward would go crazy. Esme stormed past Rose and I, and she threw open the door to Carlisle's office.

"What is going on?" she yelled at them both, her stance showing how furious she was.

"He just told me that he promised Bella he would leave her to fucking DIE!" Edward growled, his voice low in his throat. I turned in horror to look at Rose, and she was staring at Carlisle in shock. Edward rushed quickly out the room, and he smashed straight into me.

"Edward, I'm sorry," I whispered. "I had to ask him." He pulled on my arm and we ran upstairs together. The minute we were alone, he squashed me to his chest. His shoulders were shaking, and my heart broke when I heard him sob.

"I can't lose you. I won't lose you. I won't lose you. I fucking love you, Bella, how could you think that I would let Carlisle stop me? You are the most important person on the planet, and I can't see you hurt. It would kill me. I need to know that you are safe. I need to know that you will always be okay. Please try and see it from my point of view. Let me protect you. Please, I'm begging you, Bella. I want to keep you safe. I _will_ keep you safe."

His words made my heart thud loudly in my chest. It felt like I was coming back to life, with every word that he uttered. His words melted my broken heart and glued me back together. I felt like I was worth something now, and I never wanted to let that feeling go. He loved me. Edward loved me. He was the only person I had ever known who loved me. I felt my heart soar again just thinking about that fact. I was loved...It was inconceivable to believe, but somehow, I knew it was true.

Edward moved to _our_ bed, and I curled up next to him, snuggling right under his arm. He pressed little kisses all over my face. I smiled against his chest feeling completely content as we lay there. I took a deep breath, before replying to his previous outburst.

"I'll try, Edward...but every time I even think about it, I think that you might get hurt, and then what would happen to me?" I know I often felt like I could not be broken anymore, but if Edward got hurt, I knew my world would end.

"I won't get hurt. I promise, okay?" He tilted my head upwards till I was looking at him, and even though I knew that he couldn't promise that, I nodded, desperate to believe.

"Okay," I whispered, and I could hear the tears and sadness in my voice. Edward held me tighter to him. I wanted to be closer though.

"I can't believe how much I love you," he said after a few minutes of silence. "Eres toda, Bella. Eres toda."

"What does that mean?" I asked curiously.

"It means 'You are everything' in Spanish."

"You speak Spanish?" I asked, shocked, although I didn't know why I was so surprised. He chuckled at me.

"Yes, I speak Spanish. Not very well, but a little. A woman who used to work here taught me."

I hummed against his chest.

"Do you know how sexy that is?" I murmured to him, and I saw his eyes darken playfully.

"Do you realize how fucking sexy your voice sounded just then?" he whispered in my ear. He spun me over until I was on my back, and he was on top of me. His lips left a trail of fire in their wake as he moved them down my neck, and over my jaw.

"EW!" I heard someone yell loudly. Edward groaned and rolled off me. We both sat up and Emmett was there, his face scrunched up in disgust. When he saw us move apart, he took a running leap, and jumped onto the bed.

I squealed loudly, as Emmett's huge form pushed me to the edge.

"EMMETT!" I yelled, laughing slightly. "Get off our bed!" I shoved him away, and then froze. Did I just say..._our_ bed? Edward froze also, and he turned slowly to look at me.

"Our bed?" he asked wondrously. I cringed, muttering an apology, and sliding off the bed. Emmett made a hasty exit and I quickly made to follow. But, before I could go anywhere, Edward grabbed hold of my wrist, turning me back to him.

"Where are you going, you silly girl?"

"Away," I mumbled, too afraid to look at him.

"Don't...stay with me...in our bed."

I glanced up at him in shock, and he was smiling down at me.

"Our bed," he whispered again. "I like the sound of that. I like the sound of it very much, Bella. I love it. I love you."

Before we could make it back to our bed, Alice bounced in.

"Bella, come on! It's dinner time! You can dry hump Edward later." She winked at me, and I blushed scarlet. Edward just laughed.

"Yeah, come on. I can have you for desert," he murmured in my ear, sniggering softly. I pouted in embarrassment, and Alice laughed, taking my hand and pulling me down the stairs.

Everyone sat down for dinner. It was Sunday, and the cook, the _other _Edward, had made a big roast chicken for everyone. Our group sat at one end, with the adults in the middle. Lauren and the rest were down the other end, eating rather cautiously under Carlisle's watchful eye.

"Bella, we managed to organize a tutor to come for you and Alice, starting on Tuesday. You'll only have tomorrow with no work to do, I'm afraid," Esme told me.

"Thank you," I murmured, more grateful than I could ever imagine for them trying to make me more comfortable. I found it rather strange that I saw Carlisle and Esme more than I saw Elizabeth. Although, I suppose she would be very busy if she was the manager of this place.

"We're going to have so much fun!" Alice squealed, and everyone cringed away from her.

"Alice, fucking dogs can hear you," Edward muttered. I snorted under my breath and Edward grinned at me. Alice huffed in her seat, and Jasper kissed her on the cheek. Immediately, her face brightened again. I laughed out loud at her, and I noticed that Esme was beaming at me in delight. I blushed slightly under her bright smile, and I watched as her face softened even more.

She was looking at me with such motherly love, it was almost unbelievable. Never before had my Mom looked at me like, at least not that I could remember. My heart twinged, thinking about what my Mom had done to me. I didn't know if it was James that had changed her, or if she actually grew to like it. Sometimes, I noticed her looking at me, a strange expression on her face, almost pained. But, as soon as I caught her gaze, the look would vanish, and she would once more glare and yell at me.

I'd never wondered who my real father was. Most of my first few memories have James in them, so he was always around, acting as 'Dad'. I thought that everyone's parents were like mine, until I went to school. The teachers asked where I got the bruises from, and I lied, telling them I'd fallen over on the way to school. They always seemed to know though. I remember one day, when I was about ten, a strange man came to the door. I answered it, and he looked at me in shock. When Victoria had come to see who it was, her whole face had tightened, and she'd forced me away from the door, and telling me to go upstairs. I did as she said, slowly though.

"What the fuck, Vicky? You were fucking pregnant when you left me? And you didn't even contact me to say I had a fucking child?" I heard the man say to her.

"I have nothing to say to you," Victoria replied, her voice cold, even colder than when she spoke to me. I remember thinking over the words as I sat at the top of the stairs, and then jumped up with a start. It was my Dad at the door.

"DADDY!" I yelled, and raced down the stairs. I leapt into his arms, but somehow, he just threw me down again. "Daddy?" I whispered, my voice hurt. He just stared impassively at me. Victoria pulled me off the ground, her nails tight around my arm, and I whimpered.

"Help me, Daddy, please!" I pleaded with the man. He just looked at me, something floating into his eyes, but leaving just as quickly.

"I'm sorry," he replied. "Bye Vicky. Next time you have a kid, you'd be better telling the father." With that, her turned and left. I remember watching, my eyes stinging, as my one chance at escape walked away and left me.

And that story just backed up my theory. I couldn't be loved. Even my own father had walked away from me. Everyone walked away from me, everyone except Edward. I smiled secretly to myself. Just thinking his name made my heart fill with joy. It was unreal how much he had turned my world around. Without him, I would still be an empty shell of a girl, with nothing to give to the world. But with him, I felt hope.

The meal finished quickly, and Edward and I helped wash the dishes. By the time we'd finished, it was nearly half past seven. Edward cornered me, just as I was bending down to put the last plate away. I felt his groin against my ass, his hands on my hips, and his fingers lightly stroking the revealed skin there.

"As much as I think we should spend some time with the family right now," he began as I straightened up, my face flushed at the contact between us. "I'd much rather take you upstairs and um...visit my old friends," he whispered in my ear, his hand running up my side to lightly graze over the swell of my breast. I inhaled sharply and he chuckled.

"Well?" he asked, and his breath blew hot swirls against my neck. "What do you think?"

"I...uh...upstairs, definitely upstairs," I stuttered, turning to face him, and staggering back when his lips grazed mine. They sent shock wave after shock wave through my body. It never ceased to amaze me how my body seemed to sing for him. Every touch, every caress, every kiss, set my soul alight.

After glancing around to check that no one was watching, we hurried up the stairs. We didn't touch and somehow, that made it all the more enticing, all the more electric. I felt my heart thump wildly in my chest as the electricity tingled in my fingertips, the need to touch him almost unbearable. I could hear Edward pant lightly beside me, and his hand twitched slightly, brushing against mine ever so suddenly.

I couldn't take it anymore. Everything inside me seemed to explode as I threw myself at him, my legs wrapping around his waist and my lips going straight to his. His fingers twisted into my hair and he tugged lightly at it as he fell backwards against the wall, the force of my jump pushing him backwards.

"Fuck," he groaned as his hand fumbled with the door handle. I continued to kiss him, my lips travelling along his jaw. I gently nibbled on his ear, and he cried out my name. Just at that moment, we fell into his room. He slammed the door shut, somehow managing to twist the lock shut in the process. His lips crashed back to mine as his hands frantically pulled at my top. I lifted my arms up, and he yanked it off me, throwing it to the ground. Edward groaned and I looked at up at him, dropping lithely to the floor. His hooded gaze was staring in awe at my breasts, pushed forward as they were in my thin scrap of black lace Alice deemed underwear.

"God, Bella," he whispered, running his fingers up the sides of my pale stomach. Slowly, ever so slowly, we walked in unison until my knees reached the bed. I slid on it and he pushed me up until my head was resting on the soft pillows. His hands once more trailed up my body. The paleness of my skin contrasted heavily with the black lace. Edward seemed almost entranced.

"You are so beautiful, Bella," he murmured, his velvet voice bringing my soul to breaking point. His hands slid over the swell of my breasts, and my head fell back against the pillow.

"More," I whispered desperately. I reached up, pulling his t-shirt up. He let me take it off him before stretching out over me. I whimpered when I felt our bare skin make contact. It set every nerve ending in my body on fire. I was panting now, as his hands skimmed over my skin, moving under my back, and unclasping my bra. He pulled it off me, throwing it down to join the rest of our clothing.

He opened his mouth to say something, but no words left his lips. His hands drew circles over my skin, drawing closer and closer and closer, until finally, he grazed over my nipple. My hips bucked up to meet his at the sudden contact, and I groaned loudly.

"More," I whimpered. "Please, Edward."

His breath caught in his throat, and he slowly slid down my body. His lips left a wet trail behind them, down my neck and across my collarbone. Anticipation filled my body as his deep green eyes looked glanced up at me. His eyes seemed to flare when he saw my expression, and he lowered his gaze once more, dipping his head to take one of my nipples in his mouth.

"Edward!" I cried as his tongue flicked over the hard tip. My head was spinning. It was almost impossible to comprehend what was happening. Everything was so much more intensified, so much needier. The fire between us seemed to grow with every passing second. I felt his hand trail down my stomach as he released my nipple, and moved to pay the same attention to the other. I felt his hands brush tentatively over the button of my jeans. My hips bucked in response.

I couldn't think straight, Edward's mouth and fingers too much to take in.

"Tell me to stop whenever, Bella. If it gets too much, just tell me to stop," he whispered, his lips still pressed against my skin. I moaned wildly in response. I wanted him so badly in that moment; it was all I could think of. I felt his smile in response against my skin. His fingers unbuttoned my jeans, and then he crawled down my body, his fingers hooking over my jeans, and gradually pulling them down.

I saw his eyes darken even further as he gazed up at me, completely naked apart from the thong, again courtesy of Alice.

"Holy fuck, Bella," he groaned. I shifted under his gaze, feeling the wetness seep onto my panties. His eyes watched as his fingers tugged at the thong, pulling it off me until I was bare before him. His eyes widened, and a shot of fear filled my heart. _What if I wasn't good enough for him?_

"You are beautiful, Bella, so beautiful." His words cured that fear though. They were filled with such wonder it was hard to disbelieve them. His fingers slid up my legs, over my thighs and spread my legs before him. I shuddered slightly, the feelings overwhelming me completely.

All of a sudden, he ran a finger up my slit, and I cried out loudly, not expecting the action at all.

"Oh God, again, please!" I begged, my hips bucking in my need. He repeated the action, and I cried out again. I didn't know that it could feel this good.

"Edward," I moaned, my eyes drifting shut as I focused solely on the sensations around me. I felt something wet on my left hipbone, and I shivered when I realized it was his tongue. He sensually began licking a trail across my stomach, with each movement growing closer and closer to where I wanted him most.

What seemed like hours later, but must have only been minutes, if that, his tongue slowly circled around my clit, and my body cried out to him in response.

I'm sure all of words were nonsense, but in that moment, I didn't care. I just wanted more. He slowly licked up my clit, before I felt his tongue slide into me.

"Fuck, Edward!" I groaned, as my body writhed on the bed.

'_Holy shit, Edward was fucking me with his tongue...what the fuck?' _were the only thoughts running through my head. That and the unbelievable sensations he was creating through my body. He caught my clit in his mouth and sucked on it gently, holding my hips down with one hand, whilst the other moved between my legs.

He gently nudged one finger into my entrance, and I pleaded with him to continue.

"More," I begged, not caring about anything else. "Please." He slowly pushed his finger in further, and I groaned, all of the feelings in my body suddenly multiplying tenfold.

"Bella," he whispered, his voice filled with awe. He added another finger, moving them both in and out of me faster and faster. The tension in my body was too much. I could feel myself tighten around his fingers, and by his whimper, I knew he could too.

"Cum for me, please, Bella," he said hoarsely, before lowering his lips back to my centre, and flicking his tongue quickly across my clit.

"Oh, God, Edward!" I screamed, as everything exploded around me, wave after wave of pleasure rolling over me again and again. In some vague sense, I could still feel his fingers moving in me, his tongue on me, but I couldn't focus. Everything a mess to my eyes. My back arched off the bed; I couldn't control anything.

With another low cry, I came back down from my high, the world slowly returning to normal. I felt Edward pull his fingers out, and move back up my body. He captured my lips in his and he groaned, knowing I could taste myself on him.

"Fucking hell, that was the most beautiful sight I've ever seen. You are fucking exquisite when you cum," he murmured in my ear, his lips pecking over my jaw. "I love you," he finished, and he held me in his arms, pulling the covers over us both, so we didn't lose our body heat.

"Sleep now, love. You are so tired, baby." I felt his arms squeeze around me gently, and I buried my head closer to him, wrapping my legs over his, trying to get as close to him as possible.

"What about you, Edward?" I asked, my voice mumbling and stumbling over the words.

"It was enough just to see you like that...now sleep. Please, just sleep, Bella." I felt him smile into my hair.

"I love you," I yawned at him, and he chuckled, brushing my hair out of my face as I settled back down, wrapped around him.

"And I you." My eyes drifted close, thoughts of Edward and his amazing lips filling my head. My heart was so happy I thought I could burst....Everything was perfect in that moment. I wanted to stay here, forever.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed it. There will be drama next chapter...just to warn you. Thanks for reading; please review!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hey everyone. Sorry for the long wait. My betas have been super busy AND I my laptop failed. So fail its dead and I thought I'd lost all my data. Luckily, I have it back, but no laptop, so I'm having to use someone else's computer. Sorry again. I also apologise for any mistakes in here. I'm have to update now, as I am not sure when I will have access to another computer, so this has only gone through one beta.  
**

**Thank you to my betas thedarknessofthemoon, mycrookedsmile and Whitlocked. **

**I hope you enjoy...The drama is back.  
**

_

* * *

Don't turn away  
(Don't give in to the pain)  
Don't try to hide  
(Though they're screaming your name)  
Don't close your eyes  
(God knows what lies behind them)  
Don't turn out the light  
(Never sleep never die)_

_I'm frightened by what I see  
But somehow I know  
That there's much more to come  
Immobilized by my fear  
And soon to be  
Blinded by tears  
I can stop the pain  
If I will it all away_

_Fallen angels at my feet  
Whispered voices at my ear  
Death before my eyes  
Lying next to me I fear  
She beckons me  
Shall I give in  
Upon my end shall I begin  
Forsaking all I've fallen for  
I rise to meet the end_

'_Whisper' by Evanescence_

BPOV

I sighed, the warm fuzzy feeling I felt deep in my chest still there. I buried myself deeper in the warmth, in Edward, and I felt his arms tighten around me. He nuzzled his face in my hair, twisting his fingers through it. My legs were wrapped around him, but when I shifted, I felt something against my leg. Something hard. I stiffened, and Edward did too.

"Shit, Bella, I'm sorry—" he started, but I cut him off by hitching my leg higher around him and rubbing my core against him. Edward cursed again, this time for an entirely different reason. I rolled my hips against his and moaned in his ear. In a second, he was on top of me, his lips on mine.

"Stop playing, you little minx," he muttered as his lips moved to nibble on my ear. A shiver of delight shot through me.

"I must still be delirious..." I trailed off as Edward began kissing his way down my neck. My hands wound into his hair and I felt his hands slip down my body, much like last night. Immediately, guilt shot through me. I sat up, and he raised his head, pouting.

"But I was just getting to the good part," he moaned, licking his lips as his eyes drank me in.

"Uh...tonight, sorry, I just realized I...uh...haven't showered...yet?" I cringed at the awfulness of my answer. But I had to get away. I needed to talk to Rose and Alice as soon as possible. I stood up...

"Or..." I said slyly. "You could just wait for me here in our bed...I won't be long." I winked at him, and he grinned.

"I most definitely will be waiting. Now go shower quick so I can kiss you again," he told me, eyeing me hungrily. I laughed, and bit my bottom lip, and his eyes grew dark. Fuck, horny Edward was unbelievable.

"Okay, I'm going," I muttered hoarsely, quickly making my way out of the room. Instead of going to my room, I knocked on the door to Alice's and she jumped and threw it open.

"Bella!" she cried ecstatically, taking my arm and dragging me into the room. It was unnatural that she should be so alive this early in the morning. She bounced over to the bed, and I noticed Rose lounging there too, looking perfectly groomed in a pair of jeans and a smart blouse. I wish I could look that good for Edward. I sighed heavily, crossing my arms in front of my chest awkwardly. Alice patted the bed next to her, indicating I should sit next to her.

"What can we do for you?" she asked cheerfully as I slid onto to the bed beside them. Rose looked up, smiling at me, and I smiled back. I never thought Rose would be smiling at _me_. I glanced away as my reason for coming to them flew back into my head.

"Well, I um..." I stammered nervously, my cheeks reddening. "Edward and I have...uh...well, I don't know how to...um...please him..." I whispered the last part quietly.

"You mean you wanna give him a little fun but don't know how to?" Rose asked bluntly. "Has he done anything to you?" I nodded in response and Alice's wide eyes twinkled in delight.

"What did he do?" she squealed. "Fingers? Tongue? Oh my god, did you do it?" She bounced across the bed to wear I sat, smiling brightly and looking completely entranced by what I was saying.

"Uh...no, we haven't done it. We sorta...uh, with clothes and stuff, um...rubbed?"

"You dry humped?" Alice screeched and I glared at her.

"Alice, the whole house will hear you! But uh...yeah, he's also kinda used um...both..." I finished lamely, my cheeks flaming.

"Bella!" Alice exclaimed loudly. "You little minx! When did this happen? And why are you only telling me now?" she whined.

"Just the past few days. But he started to do it again this morning, and I felt really bad that I couldn't do anything in return."

"Never say can't. You can. It's simple really; you just gotta know the basics." Rosalie nodded in agreement.

"Trust us, Bella, it's easy. First you gotta tease him a little; think what you like him to do, and most likely, he will like it too."

"Jasper really likes it when I nibble on his nipples," Alice interjected.

"Alice!" I protested, blushing scarlet as Alice laughed.

"Don't be so embarrassed!" she giggled.

"Do Carlisle and Esme know you and Jasper...do it? I mean you're underage still..."

"Yeah they know, but it isn't that big a deal. They know we love each other, and that's all that matters."

"Anyway," Rose continued, "start by running your fingers down him, then it's easy. Just sort of hold it with your hand and pump up and down." She demonstrated the action with her hand.

"Not too hard though! Guys hate it when you grip their prize too hard," Alice added with a little laugh.

"With blowjobs, you have to relax," Rose began. "You have to be relaxed. It's much easier not to gag then. Lick the head first, circle your tongue around it, guys love that."

"Take him in slowly," Alice continued. "Let yourself adjust before moving faster."

"Oh my god!" Rose yelled, jumping off of the bed and rushing to Alice's closet. "I have the perfect idea!" Alice's small giggle signified she knew exactly what Rose was looking for. "You can practice on this, Bella," Rose's voice told me, muffled from inside the closet. Seconds later, she turned back, smiling triumphantly and holding a pink dildo up proudly. I jumped up instantly.

"No, no, no! No way, Rose!"

"You wanna be good for Edward?" she asked slyly, winking at me.

"Don't pull that! I'm leaving!" I stammered, backing my way quickly out of their room. I shut the door tight, listening to them laughing hysterically. I felt arms wrap around me and I turned to see Edward, his eyes playful.

"I thought you were going in the shower? I came to look for you." His fingers played idly with the strap of my skimpy nightwear.

"I...umm...was just going..." My voice trailed off.

"May I join you?" he asked, his face suddenly brightening.

"Edward! Your parents are here." He rolled his eyes at me.

"My parents are always here."

"Okay, join me then," I told him, winking. His eyebrows shot up and I laughed.

"I'll be five minutes, I promise," I said. He kissed me softly, his fingers brushing my cheek gently.

"Five minutes," he murmured. "I'll be waiting."

I showered quickly and dressed in more of Alice's purchases. I even dared to put on some of the more...raunchy underwear. This was a dark midnight blue, and I matched it with a silk shirt of the same colour, and a short skirt. Alice came and 'approved' by outfit, telling me Edward would go wild. With the mention of his name, I rushed out of the room and into his.

He was sitting on the bed with only a pair of jeans on. The muscles in his taut stomach rippled as he shifted on the bed. I tore my eyes away from his chest reluctantly, and dragged it up his torso and to his face. I shivered as his eyes drank all of me in. Before I knew it, he was in front of me, pushing me back against the wall. His hands wrapped around my body, crushing me to his chest while his lips pressed hungrily against me.

"It should be a crime to look as good as you do right now, Bella. You are fucking stunning."

I felt the blush spreading over me, and Edward groaned loudly, our lips smashing together again. He lifted me up, and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he pushed me against the wall again. I let out loud moan, feeling him pressing against me in the perfect place.

"Fucking hell, Edward."

His lips continued their assault down my neck, and he nibbled at the skin there before lightly sucking on it. The noise that came from me was unrecognisable. It wasn't audible; not a groan, moan, scream. It was just noise.

I was going to have a hickey the size of Jupiter...I smiled at the thought. It felt like he was marking me as his. I liked feeling like that. It made me feel wanted.

"I love you," I murmured, my voice breathy and uncontrollable. Edward grunted, rolling his hips against mine in response. My head hit the wall as it fell back.

"Ow!"

Edward burst out laughing, and I rolled my eyes and huffed as he put me down to clutch at his sides.

"Sorry, Bella...But one second you were moaning, and the next, all there is is this 'ow'." I moved away from him, and wandered out of the room.

"I'll be with Alice after you've finished laughing at me!" All I could hear was him laughing in response.

* * *

It was the day of our trip to the club, or as Alice kept calling it, 'Mission: Get Bella Some Alcohol'. I was not impressed.

"Edward, stop monopolising her!" Alice cried, huffing as she stood before us. Edward and I both smirked, neither making any move to let go of the other. My legs were hooked over the arm of the chair whilst he cradled me. I giggled when his hand snaked down and pinched my ass.

"Ew," Alice said in a disgusted tone, covering her eyes. "Look, Bella," she continued, her eyes still shielded. "I'm gonna make you look hot for tonight and we need to start getting ready."

"She looks hot already," Edward growled playfully, nibbling my ear.

"Nice, real nice. But grope her later, now is my time with her. You've had her all week."

"Alice, you've been with her and your tutor all week," Edward stated, still not relenting his hold on me. I buried my head close to him, my fingers climbing up his chest and tangling in his hair. I pulled his face to mine and ran my tongue over his bottom lip. He let out a quiet moan before letting me kiss him. He shifted me on the seat, his hands guiding my hips till I was straddling him.

"Okay, gross. That's my brother, Bella!" Both of us ignored Alice's incessant whining in our ears as Edward deepened our kiss. I heard Alice groan.

"Fine! You give me no choice. Force is going to have to be used. Emmett!" she yelled. Immediately, we heard Emmett bound into the room.

All of a sudden, I was being yanked backwards. My feet hit the floor with a thud as strong arms pulled me back. The shock of the thump ricocheted through my body, and then the memories were there again. I felt the room closing, my brain telling me _they_ were back. The ringing in my ears overpowered every other sound. I let out a quiet whimper, trying to pull at the arms holding me. My breathing grew faster, my cries louder. I began to kick my feet frantically, desperate to get away. _No, no, no, no_, was an almost never-ending chant in my brain. I forced my eyes open when I heard Edward speak...but my lids trembled with the strength it took to keep them open.

"Emmett, let her go," Edward whispered, his eyes wide, staring at me in shock. "Emmett, now!" he repeated, his tone now frantic and desperate. I felt myself fall to the floor, but I couldn't find the energy to get back up. I squeezed my eyes back shut and the darkness flooded my senses. I felt my body curl into a small ball, my face protected from view as I waited for the beatings I was certain would follow. They always did. The longer the beatings didn't come, the tighter I curled up, the faster my breathing became, the greater the pain. All of a sudden, I felt hands on me and I let out an involuntary scream.

"Please! No!" I begged. Instantly, the hands disappeared and I was left alone, once more enveloped in the darkness, sobbing my heart out. And like I'd thought, he came. I could see him standing before me again. His eyes were menacing, and I trembled. I tried to squeeze my eyes shut tighter in an attempt to make him disappear.

"Oh, Bella, so beautiful." I choked on bile as the words echoed in my head.

_So beautiful, oh Bella, beautiful, Bella, oh so beautiful, oh Bella, so beautiful. _

Another ragged scream tore through my body. I felt my nails tear at the skin of my arms, of my cheeks, of anything in an attempt to distract myself from his voice.

_Oh, Bella, so beautiful..._Another scream.

But then...something happened. Warmth...There was warmth near me. It pulled me. I needed more. With the warmth came...love, protection. I drew my arms out to the warmth, reaching to pull it to me. I grasped something hard, and suddenly the warmth was surrounding me.

"Bella," a voice I recognised crooned. "Oh, my Bella. I'm so sorry." The voice was soft, velvet to my ears, like an angel. Then I heard it let out a quiet sob. My angel was crying. Somehow, I forced my mouth to open, and though it grated right down my spine, I spoke.

"Please don't cry."

The angel stopped. I could feel the angel's breath on my cheek, his lips against my skin, caressing me, comforting me.

That's when I remembered. My eyes flew open and I threw my arms around Edward.

He was there, standing over me. He kept telling me I was beautiful. He just kept repeating it, over and over and over."I'm so sorry." Edward held me tight until I stopped crying. "I thought you were my angel," I whispered, releasing him from my death grip. His whole face softened in wonder.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," a voice murmured from above me. I looked up, and there was Emmett, his eyes downcast, his whole frame seeming much smaller than usual.

"It's okay," I told him. "It happens."

"No it isn't okay. I should've known not to do that."

"Emmett, don't worry." I stood up, ignoring the tug of my heart that was aching already to go back to Edward. I hesitantly moved towards Emmett, and taking a deep breath, I put my arms around him, squeezing him tight. His head dropped against the top of mine and he hugged me tight.

"Thank you."

I smiled at him, hoping it would reassure him. I stepped back. The ache in my heart that only Edward could heal was growing too painful to ignore. He opened his arms to me and I gratefully wrapped myself around him, his mere touch calming me.

"Are you okay?" he whispered. I nodded.

"I am now."

* * *

I was sitting in Alice's room, my mood lifting immensely, the longer I was with her and Rose. Alice has this insane ability to bring so much joy to those around her; it was incredible to watch. I was still slightly shaken after my 'panic attack' as Carlisle called it. But, after examining me in his office, he deemed me okay to still go out tonight, if I still wanted to.

I agreed; Alice happy, made me happy, and that seemed to make Edward happy, which was all that mattered. I sat at the top of the bed as Alice and Rose mixed and matched my clothes across the bottom of the bed, seeing what paired best together. I realized now why they needed so long to get ready.

Rose was already changed, needing no help deciding, she wore a backless red dress. It fell to mid thigh, and with her hair in thick curls, she looked stunning. Alice had changed moments ago into a pair of lace leggings and a low cut long, black vest top. She too looked amazing. She had her hair mused all over the place; apparently she was going for the 'rocker' look, as I had been informed. They were now arguing over what I was to wear. Rosalie was insistently pointing at a lacy top and shorts, whilst Alice was arguing that a low cut navy blue shirt and skirt was better. I sighed, and reluctantly pulled myself into the argument.

"How about I wear the shirt, with the shorts? Compromise? I need the long sleeves." Rose and Alice stared at me, then hummed and hawed as they mulled over my suggestion. Then, at the same time, Rose admitted, "It'll look great," and Alice cried "It's perfect!"

I sighed again as they ordered me to get changed. Blushing, I complied, idly wondering what shoes they were going to force me into. I looked up when I heard Rose sigh dreamily.

"You have a figure to die for." I blushed again, shaking my head.

"I don't. My boobs are too small, you can see my ribs and I look like I've been on the street for years. I don't look good," I finished darkly.

"Nothing a bit of weight won't change. Just eat more!" Rose joked, trying to break the tension I had brought into the room with my words. I smiled.

"Bring out the chocolate then. I hate being like this!"

"Edward seems to like you how you are..." Rose winked at me. I shook my head, a sad smile gracing my face.

"He doesn't. There is nothing to hold, nothing to fucking love," I spat, angry at myself, angry at my mother, angry at the world for making me worthless.

"Bella, you're beautiful," Alice whispered. I shook my head, pressing my lips into a tight line.

"Can we just get on with this? I wanna see the finished product." I laughed lamely, and Alice and Rose dutifully smiled and carried on. Alice worked on my hair, twisting it in her fingers to form small waves. Rose did my make-up at the same time. Neither would let me look in a mirror until they had finished.

What seemed like hours later, they look stepped back, looking almost awed. I could feel myself reddening under their gaze, and I shifted uncomfortably. Alice passed me a pair of high black peep toe shoes.

"You can't be serious? These will kill me. I'm already in god knows what crap." Alice just smiled and motioned for me to put them on. Reluctantly, I pulled them on and hobbled towards her.

"I'm actually supposed to walk in these?" I asked sarcastically. Alice just rolled her eyes at me.

"Evidently, Bella. It's not that hard. Now come on, let's go see what darling Edward says about your little outfit."

"Alice, I look like a hooker, he is going to hate it," I moaned. For the second time, she rolled her eyes and linked arms with me as I stumbled to the door.

We wandered along to Jasper's room, where we could hear the boys talking loudly. Rose knocked on the door, and you could hear Emmett bound over to fling it open. His jaw dropped as he stared at us.

"Wow, you all look hot!" he said dumbly. Rose patted his head and strode past him into the room. Alice ran to Jasper and he picked her up, whispering something that made her blush. Edward made his way towards me, his gaze very controlled and calm. I felt my heart sink to the floor, and my shoulders dropped in defeat.

"Why so sad, love?" He lifted my chin and smiled down at me.

"You look...unbelievable. I'm just scared of all the guys who will be staring at you all night." I scoffed at his words and rolled my eyes, but before he could say a reply, Alice was yelling at us to 'get our asses down to the car before she kicked us'. We hurried off, well I hobbled off, and we all squeezed into Emmett's giant Jeep.

"Alice, you driving back?" Edward asked.

She nodded. "I figured since Bella can't drive, and all you guys will likely be wasted, that it would be me." Edward chuckled darkly, and looked slyly at me.

"Bella, get ready to taste some alcohol."

"But I'm not old enough," I stated. He just chuckled in response. Hell, this night would sure be interesting.

* * *

"Edward, I'll be fine," I insisted, my voice slightly slurred. I'd never had alcohol before, so even the small amount I'd had tonight was making me a tad tipsy...more than a tad if I was being honest with myself. I let go of Edward's hand, reassuring him with my eyes as I backed away. I made my way through the dark club, making sure none of the other bodies swamped in the small room touched mine. I was suddenly upset that I hadn't told Edward to come with me.

As I made my way through the dark corridor, I tried not to look as a group of men stared at me for longer than they should have. They made me nervous, and I quickly walked past them, my eyes on the ground, refusing to let the fear overtake my body. I took a deep breath of fresh air when I reached the ladies room, and glanced ruefully at myself in the mirror. My hair was completely mused up from where Edward's hands had tugged at it, and I smiled, remembering the way he'd pressed his body close against mine, capturing my mouth in a heated kiss. I shook my head, trying to snap out of my daze. I quickly relieved myself and washed my hands, splashing a little water onto my cheeks. Giggling a little, like a school girl, I stumbled my way out of the toilets and began to make my way back down the corridor to the club.

"Hello, pretty lady!" someone called, and I looked around to see a man with dark brown hair leaning against an exit door on my left. He was leering at me, and I noticed his pupils were dilated beyond belief. A slight shiver of fear swept down my spine, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I made to move on, but the man stopped me, grabbing my arm tightly.

"Where you going, pretty lady? I wasn't finished talking to you!" His eyes raked down my figure and I cringed away. Another jolt of fear went through me, stronger than before, and I could feel my breathing pick up, my terror quickly becoming clearer.

"Please let me go," I whispered, trying to sound strong, but instead I just sounded like the old me; the broken, weak me.

"Now why would I do that?" the man asked before he spun me around, slamming me against the wall. He pressed close to me, and I whimpered, struggling against his hold.

"Please," I repeated, tears beginning to fall, and my body shuddering with terror. I felt bile in the back of my throat, and I spluttered, choking it back down.

"Not a chance," the man whispered, bending his head, his lips pressing against my neck. He pinned both of my wrists above by head with one hand while the other snaked down my body, slipping underneath my shirt.

"No!" I sobbed. "Not again. Please not again." The man just grinned at me, his glee evident. I tried to struggle harder and I managed to raise my knee between our bodies. I pushed him backwards, and he grunted, my knee hitting his groin.

"Bitch," he snarled, and pressed against me even harder than before. He lowered his lips back to my neck, and bit down, making me cry out in pain. My desperate struggles were weakening...it was no use...Just like before.

"Hold her," he suddenly grunted, and I looked up in terror as more men surrounded me, each one taking hold of me, their grip make me unable to move. I was at their mercy. A whimper of pain fell from my lips as I felt the cuts on my arms re-open, the men's nails digging in too hard.

I let out a scream, knowing that no one would hear me, but having to try anyway...Edward would want me to try, whatever it took. I fought harder against them, but to no avail. They had hold of my legs and arms, meaning I was stuck.

The man shoved his mouth against mine, cutting off my screams. His hands frantically tore at my shirt, ripping it open. He forced his tongue down my throat and I gagged in horror. His hands grabbed my breasts squeezing, and another cry of pain left my throat, this time muffled by his mouth.

"Shut up," he growled, biting hard on my lip. I tasted blood in my mouth, and I choked. The man's hand tore down my shorts and they fell to the floor. I felt my brain go numb, shutting everything off. I couldn't do this again...I couldn't. I would never survive. I struggled, adrenaline coursing through my blood, but I still wasn't strong enough. I heard the zip on the man's trousers fall and I screamed again.

"Edward! Help!" My voice cracked, and my head fell forward in defeat. There was no one to help me. I was alone again...and about to be ruined. I vaguely felt the man push my panties aside, and I felt the wetness of his pre-cum as he stroked the head of his cock against my entrance. More bile came up my throat, and yet again, I choked it back down. My eyes closed tight and I waited for it to happen, completely giving in.

But, suddenly I was falling. I smashed down on the floor, and my eyes flew open. Edward had slammed into the man, pushing him backwards. I scrambled away, yanking my shorts up, whimpering.

"Edward," I whispered, terror filling my body as the other men swamped around him.

"No!" I cried, and one of the men turned towards me. My stomach went cold as the man licked his lips. I staggered up, looking around frantically and sobbing with relief when I saw the door. I rushed through the exit door into the cold dark night. I ran.

I don't know how far I went, but the rain started and I pulled my ripped shirt tighter around me. I sobbed as I ran, unable to stop. The whole scene was on repeat in my mind. I couldn't stop re-living it. The rain fell heavier and very soon, I was completely soaked through. I didn't care. I caught my heel, and I fell to the ground, my ankle twisting in pain. I didn't have the energy to get back up, so I crawled to the wall, leaning against it. I curled into a ball, shivers raking through my body. The rain continued to fall as I sat and waited for the nightmare to end. I shuddered. My eyes closed. I let my body shut down.

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**Pour on the hate...I know...Please review! **

**FGB Info: I'm putting myself up for auction in the FGB2 event! I'm offering two oneshots/outtakes, which will become multi-chaptered if bidding reaches over $100 (I think) so get your thinking caps on! I'm also offering a number of banners! So if any writers out there want one...there ya go! x  
**


	19. Chapter 19

**Hello again. I apologise profusely for the apalling wait for this chapter. A multitude of reasons that would take too long to list overtook my life, and I struggled to get back on top of things, and still am. I have no idea when I will get a chance to write the next chapter. But it will be much sooner than this one came to you. I am so sorry again sor this wait.**

**To sum up what happened last chapter, as a reminder, Bella and co went to the club. Bella was almost raped, and when Edward attacked the would be rapist, she ran off into cold wet rain. That's, basically, what happened last. **

**Enjoy this chapter.**

**Thanks to all of my readers for waiting so patiently for this chapter, I hope you are still with us ;)  
**

**Big thanks to Shell, Lacie, Shawna, Shae and Annelies who got me through the past few months. I owe you guys big time.**

**Thanks to mycrookedsmile for betaing. :)**

**Disclaimer: Anything Twilight related is not mine. Plot is mine though, please do not steal.  
**

* * *

_Their words mostly noises  
Ghosts with just voices  
Your words in my memory  
Are like music to me  
_  
_I'm miles from where you are,  
I lay down on the cold ground  
I, I pray that something picks me up  
And sets me down in your warm arms_

_After I have travelled so far_ _  
We'd set the fire to the third bar  
We'd share each other like an island  
Until exhausted, close our eyelids  
And dreaming, pick up from  
The last place we left off  
Your soft skin is weeping  
A joy you can't keep in_

_'Set Fire To The Third Bar' by Snow Patrol_

I watched Bella's back as she walked away from me into the crowd of grinding, sweaty people. She was soon swallowed by the mass and disappeared from my sight. I sighed and turned back to the bar, resting my elbows on the grubby surface.

"Man, you have it baaaad," Jasper drawled from beside me as he took a large swig of his drink.

"Shut up," I muttered under my breath and gulped down the rest of my own drink. I glanced at my watch and sighed heavily.

"Edward, man up! She's been gone two minutes, at the most."

He shook his head at me.

"You are already lost. Good luck." He snorted at me.

"And wouldn't you say you're already lost too?" I asked, eyeing his girlfriend pointedly, who was currently waving her finger at him from the middle of the dance floor.

"Never said I wasn't." He winked at me, and left, hurrying across the floor to where Alice was twirling, her hair sparkling from the lights of the club.

I ordered another drink; Esme would be pleased I wasn't using my fake ID too much tonight. I didn't want to be too drunk by the end of tonight. My body wasn't as used to the alcohol now as it had been. I sighed and glanced down at my watch again. It had been five minutes; still a reasonable amount of time for a girl to visit the restroom. I looked over wistfully at the door leading to the restrooms.

"Hi," a voice to my left suddenly said. I looked around and smiled to myself. A very shy, blonde girl was standing there, biting her lip and staring anywhere but at me. She looked young. I supposed she was pretty. Her eyes were wide though, and gave her face a rather babyish look. I glanced up and saw a group of giggling girls not far away, pointing at us.

"Hi," I replied. The girl looked like she was about to explode in surprise that I'd answered her. It was clear she didn't approach guys often. Her stumbling shyness was cute, and it drew me to her, though she had nothing on my Bella.

"Um…I'm Emily," she said quietly, looking at me in the eye then quickly looking away.

"I'm Edward." I held out my hand, trying to be friendly and she blushed a deep shade of red. I chuckled silently at how similar she seemed to Bella; just a younger, blonde version.

"Umm, I was wondering if you would maybe like to dance with me? Please?" Emily finally managed to stutter out.

I smiled at her.

"I'm sorry, Emily, but I'm actually waiting for my girlfriend right now." The girl's face dropped at my words.

"I figured you'd have someone," she muttered. She made to leave but I stopped her. I didn't like the way she seemed so downtrodden and upset that I'd turned her down. She was innocent, yet already seemed to not believe in herself. This struck something inside me.

"Hey, it was nice to meet you." I leaned forward and kissed her cheek, feeling the heat that rose there under her skin.

She stumbled off, her eyes wide and I chuckled aloud this time. The young ones were always the funniest. I heard loud squeals of delight coming from the group of girls as Emily returned to them and I smiled. At least I had put a smile on some faces tonight.

My eyes slid back to the door leading to the hallway and I glanced at my watch again. 15 minutes. She'd been gone too long. I slid off the stool, and quickly made my way through the crowd, passing Jasper who gazed curiously at me but said nothing. I opened the door to the corridor and squinted. The lights were no longer bright and flashy, but rather dim, making it much more difficult to see. I made my way down the corridor, and as I turned a corner, what I saw made my blood boil. I couldn't stop what happened next; it was pure protective, animalistic instinct.

I didn't stop to think. I just ran. I charged headfirst into the man holding my Bella against the wall. We both fell to the floor, and I immediately started hitting every inch of him I could reach.

I felt arms grasp at me, and feet and hands pummel into me, but I didn't notice the pain. All I could focus on was hurting the man in front of me. _He would pay for this_. I couldn't get the image of him pressed against Bella, her face filled with so much fear it broke my heart, out of my head.

"Edward!" I heard someone yell, and there were a few girly screams. Strong arms suddenly gripped my arms, yanking me backwards while someone pulled the man away from me. He was bleeding profusely and I hoped I had broken his nose at least. I snarled viciously at him, fighting with all my might to get away from the arms that held me back. A short girl stood in front of me and slapped me. I started back in shock, and for an instant stopped my fighting.

"Edward, stop it," she hissed and I suddenly recognised the girl as Alice. I stopped at once when I saw how worried she looked; I let my gaze fall on the crowd who had gathered instead.

A short dark haired man was staring at the sight before him in horror; I guessed he was the owner.

"What is the meaning of this?" his little voice hissed in anger.

"That man tried to rape my girlfriend," I growled. Saying this aloud caused me to start my fight against the arms that held me again.

"Edward, calm the fuck down," I heard Emmett mutter to me, and I relaxed instantly, knowing it was him holding me; if I calmed, he would let me go, and I would be able to hurt that man again. My thoughts were consumed with rage, so much so I was shaking as I stood there.

The club owner instantly changed his demeanour.

"Take him to the office and keep him there. Better take his mates over there too," he grunted, pointing over his shoulder to where the other men, the ones who had held my Bella down, stood. "Someone get the police over here. You!" he yelled as he turned back to me. "Where is your girlfriend?"

Emmett let me go as I turned around to where Bella had fallen onto the floor when I crashed into the man. There was no one there; instead, the emergency exit door was wide open. As the realization hit me, I noticed the cold wind blowing into the corridor, and the shattering sound of rain on the roof.

"Fuck." I turned and ran outside.

"Bella!" I yelled as loud as I could, but my voice made no headway over the pounding sound of the rain.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," I chanted as I ran back inside.

"She must have run out to escape."

Emmett shook my shoulders, trying to get me to calm, but it didn't work. "We need to get people looking for her now!" I yelled at them all.

Alice sighed. "He's right," she agreed. "Rose and I will stay here and wait for the police, and see if Bella returns here. Edward you go back to where the car is and wait there. That is the most likely place she would go. Jasper you take right outside the club, Emmett left, and search as far as you feel able to. I'll phone Mom and Dad to inform them, and I will send them to you, Edward. Edward, do you hear me?" She snapped her fingers in front of my face and I jumped.

"Yes, yes, alright, I've got it, let's go." The club owner didn't look too pleased but Alice went over to him and explained the situation. I gave her a grateful smile before Jasper, Emmett and I all ran out into the night, heading in different directions. I searched the streets, calling and calling for Bella on route to the parking lot. But no one responded. I reached the car park in ten minutes, heading straight for the car and looking around it, my heart racing. _She wasn't here_. Words couldn't explain how I felt. It was impossible. The despair was enveloping me in its cover. The rain poured and I just stood there, paralysed by the darkness and the sensation the loss of hope provided. It was over.

"No," I heard myself grounding out. I would not give in. With that, the mind-numbing, hopeless search began.

I yelled continually into the pitch black night that was gnawing at the edges of my vision. I could see barely a foot in front of me, but still I searched around the parking lot. It was the least I could do. I wanted to be out there, actively searching for Bella around the city. I hated being stuck in one place, having nowhere to look, but yet I did. Every car in the lot had been examined by me at least three times now. The rain continued to batter down on me. I couldn't even feel the cold now. My body had grown numb under the harsh pelts of water, and they melted coolly into my skin, freezing me right to my core. My tight, heavy jeans weighed me down as my feet crashed onto the concrete of the road, my eyes narrowed in an attempt to keep the rain out of my eyes.

Nothing. I glanced down at my watch. It had been an hour now. An hour of standing, running around this lot and trying not to panic. I yelled her name again, my hands clenched into fists at the thought of something happening to her. She was lost, cold, and frightened. And there was nothing I could do to help. I felt so weak and powerless. I was Edward, her knight in shining armor. I was supposed to save her. I was supposed to keep her from the darkness, and to scare the darkness away. I was supposed to keep her safe.

I had failed her.

A loud sob tore through me and I collapsed onto my knees, not even noticing the dull pain of the hard concrete on bone. I clutched my face in my hands, desperately pulling at my hair.

"God, Bella, where are you?" I sobbed to myself. I needed her, I needed her to breathe. The not-knowing was killing me.

Tires screeched along the road; I didn't look up. They screeched to a stop behind me; I didn't look up. A horn honked harshly and loudly; I didn't look up. I threw my head back, my bronze hair falling back and hanging limp on my shoulders.

"Bella," I whispered.

It was quiet again suddenly. The car's engine was switched off. Doors slammed, and footsteps came running.

"Edward? Edward, oh god, what happened?" My mother knelt down beside me, wrapping her arms around me. I clutched frantically at her, striving for the little comfort she was able to give.

"She's gone, Mom, Bella's gone." My heart shattered into one fucking million tiny pieces as I admitted it aloud. Every piece stabbed through my skin in one painful epiphany. I couldn't control the loud wail of anguish that I let out. I was powerless to stop the raw, animalistic sobbing that was escaping from me. My Bella was gone. She was gone.

I whimpered, a shudder accompanying the sound. My mother's arms tightened around me.

"We're going to find her, Edward. I promise," she whispered, her voice hollow and worried. I glanced up at my father, who was worriedly pacing beside me, a phone grasped tightly in his hand and pressed against his ear. His agitation as he spoke was passed to me. I sprang up instantly, ignoring the tears that still fell and the shudders that still racked my body. I began my search of the car park again, the pattern driven into my head with each heart-wrenching footstep.

There was still nothing. I walked out into the street, the dim gold from the street lights shining on the rain and making it seem almost magical. But there was noting magical about this. This was hell. It was an illusion, masking the horror of the night that only my family was a part of.

This was my fault. I wanted her to come with me, to have some fun. I let her go to the bathroom on her own. I gave her alcohol. It was all me. An involuntary shudder ran through my body, and as if on cue, my mother came up to me and passed me a warm coat.

"No," I simply said, turning away from her, refusing to see the blame in her eyes.

"Edward…" she began.

"No, Mom. If she's out in this weather, I am going to live in it too." I walked off, repeating another search of the parking lot. I unconsciously made my way back onto the road. The rain no longer seemed magical; the drops seemed to glint, like a silver shining knife cutting away at my skin…just like Bella. This pain was worse than any physical pain she could achieve. This pain was hell. It marked the ending of my life. If I couldn't find Bella…my life no longer mattered.

I heard more tires skidding along the road, and once again did not bother to look up. My Bella would not come here in a car.

"Edward," Carlisle called out. I did not turn. "Edward, the police are here. They want to talk to you."

At this I looked up. I slowly turned, and blankly stared at the man standing opposite my father. He was tall, taller than me, with thick blonde hair. He was bulky, and this was enhanced by the heavy uniform he wore.

I walked over, my steps unhurried, never taking my eyes off the man, and never showing any of the pain I felt deep in my heart.

"Hello, Mr Cullen, I am Detective Stanley."

I nodded coolly at him, still refusing to speak.

He carried on.

"I believe you were at the club tonight when Miss Swan was attacked. Could you please tell me the details of what happened tonight?"

I thought for a few seconds, while watching the rain soak into the clothes he wore.

"She just went to the bathroom," I finally said, my head dropping. I couldn't look at them and feel the pain and guilt and blame they would put on me. I had enough of my own already.

"I was going to accompany her, but she told me not to. It must have been ten minutes or so after that I went to check. Those guys were there, holding her against the wall. One had his fucking cock out."

I stopped, unable to go on for a moment. Esme reached over and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. After a few deep breaths, I continued.

"I didn't think. I charged the bastard and he let go of Bella. They all swarmed me instantly, trying to get a hit, but I didn't feel any of it. I could only focus on hurting the man in my grip. Emmett grabbed me soon after, and the owner of the club came and split us up. I explained what happened and I looked around to see where Bella had gone…but she wasn't there. The emergency exit was wide open and my fucking heart just dropped." My voice was barely heard over the rain when I finished.

I wanted to punch something. I wanted to hurt, I needed to. I dropped to my knees, pounding my fists into the stony concrete ground.

"It's all my fucking fault!"

For the second time that evening I felt strong arms grip mine and pull me backwards. I crashed back, landing on my ass, my father squatting down and glaring at me.

"Don't start that, Edward," he warned, his gaze icy.

"Why shouldn't I?" I countered. "You all think it. I can fucking tell." I hissed at him, and he didn't reply, just narrowed his eyes further. I fought against the Detective's grasp and he eventually let me go. I stood up, glaring at them both.

"Just fuck off." I stormed off, unnatural sobs ripping through me again.

I stood on the road, glancing in each direction every second, the tears mixing with the rain. I didn't want to hope, but it was still there. As long as I looked for her, there was hope.

No one came to see if I was okay. I head the police car go away after a little while, and then my father's voice was heard going down the road. His calls for my girl gradually faded.

I don't know how long I stood there. But after what must have been an hour of frantic glances down the road at the slightest noise, I heard footsteps. Real footsteps, not just figments of my imagination. There was someone there.

My eyes narrowed in an attempt to see who it was. My heart leapt with terror and hope.

The shadows down the road were thick with fog, and I could barely see. But out of the darkness came a figure; Jasper. And in his arms was my broken girl.

As soon as I recognised the limp figure in Jasper's arms, I cried "Bella!"

I ran faster than I'd ever run before.

"Bella, oh fuck, Bella." I skidded to a stop in front of Jasper, my arms outstretched; my mother was quickly behind me. Jasper stumbled forward, passing Bella to me, and I cradled her in my arms, desperately trying to shelter her from the thundering rain.

I walked as fast as I could back to the car, Jasper and Esme quick on my heels. Esme already had her phone out, calling Carlisle. I spoke to Jasper.

"Where was she?"

Jasper looked pained as he answered.

"She was about three, four blocks from the club. The first time I looked I didn't see her, but on my way back, I spotted her. She was just lying on the ground, not moving a muscle, all curled up." Jasper's voice cracked and I looked round to see his face creased with pain and terror at the memory. "I thought…she was dead. But when I picked her up she mumbled something. I tried to get her back here as quickly as I could. She was so cold."

He opened the door, and I stooped to climb into the car and lay Bella down.

"Jasper, get the blankets from the trunk," I heard Esme order. "Edward, get her out of the wet clothes, and take yours off too. She needs body heat."

I quickly stripped away the clothes, and wrapped the warm fleece blankets from Jasper around her thin, fragile frame. Her body shuddered, and her eyes remained closed. Her breathing was quick and shallow, and her hair was stuck to her face like wet strands of glue.

I threw my t-shirt onto the floor of the car and sat down, holding Bella close to me. I rubbed her face, then her hands, and finally her feet, trying to get some warmth back in her body. Esme switched on the heating and the car steamed up. No more than five minutes later, Carlisle jumped in the car.

"Jasper, go get the others. I will send Esme with a car in ten minutes." He and my mother climbed into the car, and sped off quickly through the night.

I whispered to Bella, trying to get her to wake up, but there was no reaction.

"Is she going to be okay?" I asked Carlisle numbly.

"Let's hope so," was all he said.

We were back at the house in no time. I ran out with Bella in my arms, once again sheltering her from the torrential rain. We made it inside and my father directed us to my room. I laid her down on the bed and shut the door, glaring at the couple of heads that were staring curiously at our frantic group.

Esme left, to get the rest of my family, and Carlisle ordered me to get his first aid kit and to run a warm bath. I did as he said, returning to see him examining the bruises on Bella's arms. A protective growl slipped through my tightly pursed lips when I saw them, the fingerprints marking her in deep purple.

"They are going to fucking pay," I ground out. Carlisle glanced up at me, and ignored the curse.

"This is not the time."

I shut my mouth, instead keeping my murderous thoughts to myself.

Carlisle took away the blankets and I gasped in shock before my blood boiled in my veins. The bruises decorating her torso, her fucking thighs, were so much worse than the ones on her arms.

"Fuck!" I screamed and turned around, smashing my fists into the wardrobe behind me. The wood splintered under my punch and embedded in my skin.

"Edward!" Carlisle yelled, grapping my shoulders and shaking me. "Stop it! Bella needs you."

With fury bubbling in my eyes, I turned back to Bella, and at once all my anger melted away. I stumbled over to the bed, and gently reached out for one of her hands.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered. "This is all my fault."

"Edward, carry her to the bathroom, she needs to warm up. Her temperature is still low." I covered her with a blanket and did as he said. I stepped into the bath, not complaining about how the water clogged my jeans even more. I sat down, and held Bella against me, letting the water warm her body. I ran my fingers through her hair, soothingly tugging the tangles from her hair. When Carlisle was satisfied, we climbed out of the tub, my arms still wrapped around her, hoping my presence could provide some comfort.

I dressed her in an oversized sweater, and a pair of warm leggings that someone passed me; I don't know who. I lay down next to her and pulled her close.

"Tell me when she wakes up," Carlisle ordered and left the room, shutting off the light.

I linked my fingers with Bella's and squeezed her hand. She sighed and unconsciously moved over to bury her head in my chest. I let out a small sigh of relief. She was still in there. My Bella was still there.

* * *

I woke up to soft, whimpering yelps of fear. I blinked heavily, rolling over to look at Bella. Her hands were tugging her hair repeatedly and her closed eyes were fluttering furiously.

"Bella," I reached out a hand and gently shook her. She whimpered louder, cringing away from me. A pang shot through me, but I ignored it, and tried again.

"Bella," I said, raising my voice slightly. She started awake, and held my gaze for just a few seconds. Her eyes held fear and panic as she stared at me. I opened my mouth to say something, but my throat froze closed as her eyes grew hollow and empty. It was like she just died as she stared at me. She turned away, rolling onto her side, keeping a gap between us that seemed to be endless.

My throat was too clogged with the oncoming tears to try and speak. I dropped back onto the bed, laying my head on the pillow and tried not to think about what her reaction had meant.

"I love you," I whispered when I thought my voice was up to speaking again.

I got no response.

**

* * *

**

I woke up first. Bella was curled in a ball as far from me as she could get. I looked around my room; the shattered wood of the wardrobe, the still wet clothes of last night. I sighed and stretched before climbing out of bed. I made my way downstairs and put some food on a tray to take up to Bella.

I sat and watched her as she slept, her chest moving up and down with every quick breath. Only ten minutes later she began to stir. She rubbed her eyes as she sat up, staring around the room, her gaze finally reaching me.

"I brought you breakfast," I murmured, holding her gaze. I passed the tray to her and she took it without complaint.

Her eyes were still as empty as they were last night.

I watched her closely as she ate. She scooped the cereal up calmly and didn't seem to take any notice of me. When she was finished, she passed the tray back to me and just sat there. She didn't move a muscle, only blinking and staring straight ahead.

"Bella?"

She tilted her head slowly to face me, and seemed almost shocked that I was still here.

"Would you like a shower?" I asked her cautiously, putting the tray down on the desk beside my bed.

She looked blankly at me, and I frowned. I walked slowly over to her and held out my hand.

She placed hers in it, almost like a child, and obediently followed me to the bathroom, her face still holding no emotion.

"Here, you can have shower and then just go get dressed okay? If you need anyone, call me."

She didn't answer, so I quickly left the room, sighing in relief when I heard the sound of the shower starting up.

I made my way downstairs to Carlisle, and motioned him over to talk.

"She's not speaking. At all. She looks at me like she doesn't know me, and does nothing unless I suggest or tell her to do it. She woke up last night, a nightmare or something, and just turned away from me. What do I?" I explained it as well as I could in a few words and Carlisle seemed to contemplate this.

"It's to be expected, Edward. She's had a traumatic experience, and may not think much of herself right now. She's probably pulling away from you because she thinks she doesn't deserve you."

"Remind me why you weren't a therapist?" I smirked but at the lack of response from him, I sighed. "What do I do?"

"Stay with her. Show her you still care, that you still love her and just be there for her. Show her how special she is."

Carlisle gripped my arm in thanks.

"I'm sorry, Edward. It was too soon after everything she's been through. She shouldn't have gone. I should have stopped her." He shook his head sadly, and wandered over to Esme. She glanced up at me and gave me a small smile. I made to leave the room but bumped into Jasper. He looked drawn and tired. His eyes seemed heavy and his whole body looked like it was drooping forward.

I stared in shock.

"Are you okay?" I asked. He looked up at me, and shook his head, running a hand through his messy hair.

"I…I just can't stop…Never mind," he groaned. He suddenly strode away from me, quickly followed by a worried looking Alice. I walked away from them and made my way back upstairs. I entered Bella's room and pulled some clothes from her wardrobe; a simple t-shirt and slacks.

I wandered back to my own room, quietly putting on some music. I lay on the bed, my hands held above my head and thought.

If Carlisle was right, and he usually was, it would take time for Bella to become used to me again, and being loved. I vowed to show her though. She deserved so much more than me, but I would do all I could to show her how amazing and brilliant and beautiful she was. If she needed love, I would give it to her, even if she didn't respond.

It hurt though. My heart seemed like it was being stabbed every time she looked at me with those blank, dead eyes. Even anger, or hate, was better than nothing. It was like I didn't mean anything to her at all, I was simply there.

But I knew that wasn't right, it _couldn't_ be.

I gazed off into space, imagining what life would be like if last night hadn't happened. Bella would probably grow more and more, she'd be more confident, she'd feel loved and happy. But now that was impossible, at least at the moment. I would work towards that goal. I would make my Bella smile and laugh with such joy that she might float away with it. I would bring her back. I would bring back the Bella we all knew; this scared, dead girl would disappear. I would help her live again.

With a start, I glanced over at the clock and cursed. It had been almost an hour since I left Bella in the shower. The bathroom door was still closed, and the shower was still on. I opened the door cautiously and the sight I saw made my heart break.

Bella was sitting in the shower, her knees pulled tight to her chest. She had her head buried in her knees and her shoulders shook with sobs. I listened closely and over the noise of the shower I could just hear the soft cries of my girl. I shut the door, and made my way to her, the heat from the steam warming and dampening my body. She didn't look up when I opened the shower door, or when I climbed in. The water burned me and I cursed inwardly while reaching up to turn down the temperature. I sat beside her, the showerhead soaking me, and pulled her close. She turned to me, and her head nuzzled into me, her sobs growing louder and echoing darkly around the small enclosed space.

"Oh Bella," I whispered, holding her tight. "I'm so sorry."

"I wanted to burn it away," she told me, her voice quiet. "I don't want to feel so dirty. I thought I could burn it away." She shook as more tears overwhelmed her. She let out a quiet scream and smashed her fists against me.

"Why me, Edward? Why?" There was so much pain and suffering in her hysterical cries, in the redness of her skin from the hot water, the way her eyes were full of hurt and pain. The redness of her skin seemed to illuminate the white scars on her arms, another mark of the constant pain she was in.

I did nothing but hold her.

"I love you," I whispered again and again as her sobs quieted. "I love you so much, my Bella."

She now leaned against me limply. I held her and struggled to stand up, my arms still wrapped around her in comfort. I swung her legs up and stumbled out of the shower. I quickly made my way back to the room, ignoring the shocked worry on Carlisle's face as he came up the stairs to see Bella in such a state in my arms. I warned him not to come into my room.

I helped her dry herself and get into her clothes. She flopped down onto the bed, and I gasped when I saw the blank look back on her face again.

My heart fell and I sadly went and sat beside her. She made no move to come closer to me or that she wanted any comfort so I simply reached out my hand and linked our fingers.

"Don't worry, Bella. I will love you _forever_," I whispered under my breath. She let out a small sigh and my eyes widened at this small response, but there was nothing else from her.

We sat in silence for longer than I could imagine.

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**So I don't think it was too hard to read, was it? :S I worry. Please review with any thoughts, death threats, etc etc. Thanks for reading guys. **


	20. Chapter 20

**Hi guys...Yeah it's been a while. I deeply apologise. My life got crazy. It still is incredibly hectic, however, the next chapter is almost done! So it will be out soon!**

**Big thanks to mycrookedsmile for betaing so quickly! 3**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

**CATCH UP: In the last chapter, Edward searched for Bella everywhere, had a little freak out. Then Jasper found her! Woo! But, when they got back to the home, Bella had closed up and wouldn't talk to anyone. Hope that explains everything.**

**Enjoy the chapter! Excuse the time gaps and the load of dialogue that is involved in this chapter. It's a bit of a filler.  
**

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_She could be a statue of liberty_  
_ She could be Joan of Arc_  
_ But he's scared of the light that's inside of her_  
_ So he keeps her in the dark_

_ Oh she used to be a pearl_  
_ Oh yeah she used to rule the world_  
_ Oh cant believe she's become a shell of herself_  
_ Cause she used to be a pearl_

_"Pearl" by Katy Perry  
_

BELLA

"Good afternoon, Bella. It is lovely to see you again." Bella sat there, no; _I_ sat there, but I still couldn't speak. Something had taken over my body, trapping me inside my mind. I had no control over my reactions and however much I tried to fight the blocks, I couldn't get out. And so my body stayed quiet. It was on autopilot. It would eat. It would shower. It would do the necessary motions of everyday life. But it wasn't me. There were times when I'd fought so hard I thought I'd breached the walls around me, but seconds later, they would be back, stronger than before. I guess this was my mind's way of coping with the pain. My body was making sure I didn't get hurt again.

I tried to focus back on the present, and Dr. Laurent appeared in my eyesight, talking again, but it wasn't him I was concerned with. I cared about the person sat next to me, the person who held my lifeless hand tight in his, the person who loved me: my Edward.

If being trapped in my own mind had one positive, it was that I saw how much Edward truly loved me. It was strange, seeing the world continue but doing nothing; it was almost like watching a movie of your life. But through it, I saw how much he cared: his every action, every word, every look, screamed his love for me. It was like I was seeing the world in a different light, like seeing it through an outsider's point of view. I wanted back in, though. I wanted to be able to move my hand and squeeze his tighter. I wanted to be able to hug him close. I wanted to be able to move closer to him during the night. I wanted to start again. The pain, everything I'd felt before my body trapped me had gone. I couldn't feel it anymore. All I could feel was my intense need to fight for Edward, and to show him who I truly was. I was worth it. If Edward thought I was worth it, then I was. I wanted to show how strong I could be. But this self-made prison wouldn't let me go. Edward turned and glanced at me and I felt him squeeze my hand. Internally, I wanted to cry. His expression was so hopeless, so fearful, so helpless. It killed me to see him so, but I couldn't change it. I tried, I did. I forced all of my energy into smashing that barrier around me, but the harder I pushed, the stronger it got, just like before.

"Bella, can you hear me, love?"

Nothing. I didn't move. I continued to stare blankly in front of me. Inside I was screaming. Yes! I can hear you! I can! My heart dropped when no words came out.

Dr. Laurent asked Carlisle and Edward some more questions about me, but I didn't hear much. All my attention was on Edward. He answered the questions in depth, glancing at me from time to time. His grip on my hand never wavered.

My body stood up when we went to leave. Edward's hand guided my body to the door. Alice and Rose were outside waiting for me. They both gave me a smile that I didn't return. They pulled me over to a seat and sat me down. Edward knelt before me.

"Dr. Laurent wants to talk to Carlisle and I. I'll be back in just a second." He kissed my forehead and went back into the unwelcoming room we'd just left. I felt myself closing in further by the second and my resolve faltered as I saw the door shut behind him. My doors were closing. It seemed like there was almost no hope left for me.

EDWARD. 

I anxiously glanced back at Bella as I went back into Dr Laurent's room. In the last month there had been no improvement in Bella's behaviour. She still hadn't spoken. Or smiled. Or even looked at me with anything other than that blank stare. She looked dead. I still tried my hardest to bring her back to us, but even I was losing hope. Dr. Laurent had asked Carlisle and I back today to discuss things he thought would help her, and I was willing to try anything to get her back.

But I didn't even know if she wanted to be back. I had no idea what was going on in her mind. Did she see how worried I was? Did she care? Was she choosing not to speak? Or was it forced upon her? Carlisle suspected it was her body's way of coping with the pain, that this was her method of protection. I wasn't so sure.

Dr. Laurent had us sit down and stared as us seriously.

"It is quite clear to me, and I'm sure to both of you as well, that Bella has not improved in the last month."

"No shit, Sherlock," I snapped at him. Stating the obvious wouldn't help matters. I still wasn't sure of this guy. I didn't like him. The way he stared at Bella like she was some sort of animal pissed me off.

"Edward," Carlisle warned, placing a hand on my arm to control me. I shrugged it off angrily. Dr. Laurent smiled at me, but it didn't reach his eyes. They were still the cold, calculating brown they always were.

"Edward, I know you are worried, but reacting through anger is not a healthy manner of expressing your emotions."

"Don't fucking analyse me!" I yelled, my anger bursting out of me. "We're here for Bella, and Bella only. She is the one that matters here. So get on with it!"

"Stop it," Carlisle muttered through clenched teeth. I shrugged my shoulders helplessly at him, sinking back in the seat and glaring at the doctor in front of me. "I'm very sorry about his behaviour, Doctor. He hasn't taken this well as you can imagine."

Dr. Laurent nodded, his eyes full of false sympathy.

"Shall I move onto our young Isabella then?" Carlisle nodded at his words and Laurent sat forward, clasping his hands in front of him.

"I know this may come as a shock to suggest, but have you considered finding Bella a more...permanent home?" My mind started spinning. I blinked and he was still staring at us, his face thoughtful. He wanted Bella to move? Away from us? Away from me?

"What the fuck, you sick bastard! This is the only place Bella has ever felt at home! How could you even suggest she be taken from us!" I hissed at him, standing up and moving towards him angrily.

Carlisle jumped up, grabbing my arms and forcing me back down. "Edward, control yourself or I will make you leave," he said, letting go of my arms at a nod of my head. He returned to his seat and faced Laurent.

"I admit, I had considered the idea."

"What? Carlisle?"

"Edward, calm down. It makes sense. Bella is clearly not healing well, and the constantly changing atmosphere can't be helping her at all. She needs something more stable, something we can't give her."

"I can give her that! I'm fucking there for her constantly! I make sure she gets everything she needs! I comfort her in the night! I do fucking everything for her! I won't let you take her away from me!"

"We aren't suggesting we take her away from you. Dr. Laurent was merely suggesting that we consider finding some good people to look after Bella. Just to give her a little time to heal. She'd still be able to see you of course, and Alice, and everyone else. She just wouldn't have to keep up with young people moving in and out and in and out, like at the home. She'd be able to relax, and focus on healing. She'd have people to look out solely for her. Esme and I can't put all of our focus on her, as much as we want to. We have to look out for the others too. It makes sense."

"No it bloody doesn't make sense! This is Bella we are talking about! She can't cope with that! She just settled here, and now she's being moved again!"

"Edward," Dr. Laurent interrupted. "I'm sure you're smart. Even you must see that the environment within the home is not suitable and is not helping Bella in the least. We need to try other things. I think this would be extremely helpful, for both Bella and for your relationship with her. We can't have her becoming too dependent on you, which from your description, it seems could happen. It will be safer for Bella to recover her true self if she is away from mess and wildness of the home. I have no doubt that you and that young Alice do your best, but it isn't helping. You must see that. Bella needs change."

"I...I..." I stuttered, my blood boiling inside me. I needed her. I needed Bella. She needed me too, I was sure of it. I stood up slamming my chair into the ground as I did so.

"No, no! I won't let it happen." I stormed out, the door slamming into the wall as I did. Alice and Rose jumped at the noise, but Bella merely stared at me. I grabbed her hand, pulling her to me and wrapping my arms around her.

"I love you, I won't let them take you from me," I whispered. Alice and Rose looked at me in concern. I just shook my head.

"They want to take her from me." I shook my head harder, holding her tighter to me. "They want to put her with someone more stable." My eyes filled with angry tears. "I can't let them, I need her, I need to protect her."

Alice opened her mouth to speak but Carlisle came upon us and looked at each of us before placing a comforting hand on my arm.

"I think it's time to go home."

When we got home, Emmett instantly knew something was wrong.

"What's happening?" he asked quickly, sitting up from the sofa where he lay. He looked from me to Carlisle and back again.

"Carlisle," I spat the name out, "wants to move Bella out, to take her away from us and put her somewhere she can fucking heal, without us."

"Dad? Is that true?" Alice asked in a timid voice. "Bella's safe here. She loves Edward, I'm sure he's helping her, it just takes time. Isn't that a bit of a drastic measure to take?"

I smiled gratefully at Alice. She always was the voice of reason.

"I'm not saying it's definite, just that we need to consider it. There has been no change in Bella in a month. It's time to face the fact that we aren't helping her. She needs a place that will. Putting her with a family who can give her a more stable environment can only help. But it is not final. I need to discuss this with Esme, and the rest of you, in full. Now is not the time though."

Emmett stared at him in shock. He looked at Bella, the girl he considered his little sister and stood up, moving next to me.

"I agree with Edward. She's safe here."

Carlisle sighed. "I said now is not the time to discuss this. Now, Edward, please take Bella upstairs, do what you do. I need to find your mother."

Alice accompanied Bella and me upstairs.

"You should play for her," she suggested in her lilting voice. "She loved when you played, maybe that would help?"

"Thank you for trying, Alice, but I've already played for her and nothing. Not even a small smile."

"I know, but please just try. It feels like the right thing to do. Trust me." I sighed at her words, leading her and Bella into my room.

"Fine."

Alice and Bella sat on the bed. Alice crossed her legs and leaned her elbows on her knees expectantly, whilst Bella merely sat there primly, her eyes still wide and blank and staring into nothingness.

I took out my guitar, not expecting anything. I sat on the floor in front of them, and Alice glanced between Bella and me quickly as I started playing. I played the songs I had the first time she heard me play. The songs I played before our first kiss.

I looked at Bella the whole time, hoping to show her all my worry, all my love and all my hope that she'd come back to me. I looked back at my guitar when her blank stare became too hard to face. I just couldn't look at her. The helplessness I felt would overpower me if I looked at her any longer.

A gasp from Alice brought my head shooting up as I finished off my song. She was staring at Bella in wonder and hope. I studied Bella closely and my mouth fell open as the light shone off the tears that were trickling down her cheeks. I jumped up, throwing down the guitar and scooted over to her. I took her face in my hands, stroking her cheeks gently.

"Bella, are you there? I love you, Bella, so so much. Please answer me." I stroked her hair, and I felt her hands shakily come to life and wrap around me. Her head dropped onto my shoulder and she sobbed like her life was ending.

I held her there as she cried. Alice has left as soon as she saw Bella throw herself at me. When Bella stopped shaking, I sat us up on the bed, preparing to speak to her. When I looked at her, my heart dropped.

The mask was back. My Bella was no longer there. I looked deep in her eyes, searching for...something. My eyes widened when I saw the struggle there, the blankness almost completely hiding the fight going on inside her head.

"I know you can do this, love. I know you're there somewhere. Fight for me," I whispered, wrapping her in my arms again.

A soft knock on the door brought me back to my senses, and I let go of Bella, walking silently to the door. Alice was in my arms as soon as she saw my face.

"What happened?" she asked softly, running her hands through my hair.

"I don't know. One minute she was crying, the next the mask was back. But I can see through it, Alice! I know she's in there somewhere, I just know it."

Alice smiled sadly at me.

"I know she is, Edward. But if she doesn't get out soon, dad will have her taken away. We need to help somehow. But I'm running out of ideas." Alice paced erratically in front of me, her hands gesturing wildly. "I mean, we've tried everything. We've taken her significant places, we've shown her things, we've talked about everything, therapy won't work, and I just don't know what else to do."

"Shhh," I whispered, pulling her towards me for another hug. "We'll find something, we'll get her back to us, I promise. I won't let them take her away." Alice tightened her grip on me, and I glanced back at the bed. Bella was lying down, on her back, fast asleep. I smiled softly as I looked at her.

She was still my girl, still my Bella, even if she had hidden herself from the world.

Carlisle sat at the head of the table, with Esme looking nervous beside him. Alice and Emmett were next to me, whilst Rose and Jasper were opposite us. Elizabeth and Renee were there too, standing as a protective front next to Carlisle and Esme.

"I'm guessing you all know why you're here," Carlisle began. "Dr. Laurent, the psychologist Bella is seeing, suggested something that might help Bella heal, something that I have been considering myself. Renee here has been looking into it as well and has found a variety of suitable places. We think it would be wise if Bella was placed with a proper family, if only for the time being." The uproar started almost instantly. Emmett was yelling, slamming his fists on the table. Alice was waving her hands wildly as she tried to reason out of this, while Rose was screaming at Carlisle, her face red. Only Jasper and I remained silent.

"Be quiet!" Esme cried, and the nose stopped at once. Carlisle gave her a grateful glance and turned back to us.

"Bella needs stability. You guys know as much as I do that she isn't healing here. She needs somewhere safe to go, somewhere calm, without the constant change of this place."

"But, Dad!" Alice protested. "Edward is getting there! Just upstairs, he was playing for her, and she cried, and she hugged him!"

"But she retreated back into herself. She still has to protect herself here. She can't deal with all the emotions she feels while with us. Sure, we might have taken a step forward, but we instantly go two steps back."

"You can't take her," Rose snarled. "Not after what she's been through. She needs us to help!"

"She would still be able to see you," Carlisle explained. I stared down at the table, tapping my fingers angrily. "She would be given visit times, obviously Edward would get first priority, but she would still be able to see you, at least once or twice a week. She isn't going away forever, just to give her time to heal. You won't notice the difference. She'll get into a routine, something she needs to bring herself out of her mind."

My fingers tapping were the only sound in the otherwise silent room. I began tapping them harder and faster, trying to reign in the anger I felt. They were taking her from me. I had always promised to protect her and be there for her. They were making me break my promise. A few more minutes passed with no one saying anything.

"Edward, for the love of God! Stop the fucking tapping!" Rose suddenly yelled.

The tight hold I had on my anger snapped. I stood up, baring my teeth at her.

"No, I won't fucking stop. You aren't having the love of your life taken away from you! You aren't breaking every promise you made to her if you let this happen! You aren't constantly worrying so much and trying to do something to help but always fucking failing! You don't have to see your love look dead and you don't have to feel helpless every fucking second of every day! You have no idea how I feel right now, so don't you dare fucking tell me to stop tapping!" I growled, slamming my hands on table and turning to leave. I kicked the chair as I went and it slammed into Emmett's. The door slammed harshly behind me, as I left in one sweeping wave of rage.

I stormed into my room and saw Bella was still asleep. My anger left quickly, dissipating into nothing as I looked at her. She looked peaceful in sleep. But if you looked closely, you could see the signs of illness. I tried not to notice the hollows beneath her eyes, or how pale her skin was, or the weight she had lost since this started. I sighed deeply, and wandered to the bed. I lay down next to her and closed my eyes.

"I love you, Bella. I know you're in there. Please come back to me, before they take you away. I love you so much. I promised to always be there and I'm not going to break that promise, I won't!" I clenched my eyes shut to stop the frustrated tears that had appeared from falling.

A soft knock was heard, but I made no move to speak to the person outside.

"Edward?" I heard Rose's voice and I sat up in surprise. I had expected Alice, or even Esme, but not Rose.

"Yeah?" I answered back quietly. The door opened and a humble looking Rose entered.

"I'm sorry about earlier, I shouldn't have yelled at you. I was...I just...I care for Bella. A great deal. I hate seeing her like this, and it was getting to me too. But I shouldn't have taken that out on you." It was a strange sight to see Rose so apologetic. It was a rare occurrence indeed to hear her say sorry. I didn't take it lightly.

"I'm sorry too. I overreacted completely. Come here." I held my arms out and drew her into them, rubbing her back comfortingly. "She's going to be okay. I know it. She's fighting this, and she's going to win." Rose said nothing, which was fine by me. Silence was fast becoming something I craved.

"So, what happened after I left? Do I want to know?"

Rose shook her head sadly. "Renee is bringing a couple to meet Bella next week. Their names are Charlie and Sue. They're both in their late thirties, and can't have kids. They've previously looked after teenagers so they have good experience at least. Dr Laurent was one of their references apparently. They live not too far away, just 8 blocks Renee said. You'll be able to get to her easily."

I broke our embrace and stared sadly at her.

"Not easily enough." I ran a finger over Bella's soft cheek, still slightly damp from her tears earlier.

"It will be okay. Everyone can see you're meant to be together. It will work out, I know it will."

"Thank you, Rose. It means a lot." I smiled at her and she returned it, her usual glow returning with it.

"Now come on! Get your ass up! We're having a table tennis tournament."

"Oh fuck no! No way am I getting involved! Remember what happened last time?"

Rose laughed loudly. "So what? Sure, Emmett broke the table, and you smashed a window, but you'll be fine this time! Esme is going to watch us to make sure nothing happens. Come on, we haven't seen much of you lately." She pouted, and I sighed, holding my hands up in defeat.

"Fine, you got me. Let's go." I stood up and quickly put a blanket over Bella to keep her warm. "I'm going to kick your ass! Get ready to be beaten!"

Rose laughed and ran down the stairs. I chased after her and quickly caught her, sliding in front of her and into the room.

Alice smiled at me, her eyes lighting up when she saw me truly laughing for once.

"So, whose ass am I kicking first?" I asked cheerfully. Rose had certainly made me happier. Maybe things would be okay after all.

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**So, I know it's a little shorter than the others, but I thought you'd prefer a shorter chapter now, rather than a really long one in a few weeks time.**

**Please review! I hope it was okay! Any comments are welcome.  
**


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